Pure Drivel

by Steve Martin

'A mix of urbane wit and surreal extrapolations - Douglas Adams meets Flann O'Brien' IndependentWho else but Steve Martin could combine irrefutable evidence that Mars is populated by kittens with a treatise on sledgehammers In this brilliantly witty collection of pieces Steve Martin takes a subversive glimpse at the world and a sideways swipe at the conventional. From memory tips for the over-fifties to his insightful exposition of 'Wittgenstein's Banana', never has 'pure drivel' been so entertaining.

Genres: Humor, Comedy, Fiction, Essays, Short Stories, Audiobook, Collections

144 pages, Paperback

First published September 16, 1998

About the author

Stephen Glenn "Steve" Martin is an American actor, comedian, writer, playwright, producer, musician, and composer. He was raised in Southern California in a Baptist family, where his early influences were working at Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm and working magic and comedy acts at these and other smaller venues in the area. His ascent to fame picked up when he became a writer for the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, and later became a frequent guest on the Tonight Show.

In the 1970s, Martin performed his offbeat, absurdist comedy routines before packed houses on national tours. In the 1980s, having branched away from stand-up comedy, he became a successful actor, playwright, and juggler, and eventually earned Emmy, Grammy, and American Comedy awards.

Reviews

[Roy Lotz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Product not as described. Contains trace amounts of wit and seven parts per million of satire.

[Tricia Bateman · Rating 5 out of 5]

if you've been wondering how bill murray managed to stage a comedic comeback but not steve martin, then you're just not looking in the right place. martin's humor is still sharp as ever. it's just been in written form for the last decade. my favorite essay in this one is "times new roman announces a shortage of periods." it's written with only one period over 3 pages and cracks me up every time i read it.

[Melki · Rating 2 out of 5]

Martin has always been rather hit or miss for me. I loved The Pleasure of My Company, but was very "meh" on Shopgirl. This one is even a step below "meh." I guess that means putting it in the "blech" category.

At least it's aptly titled.

[Mark Rayner · Rating 4 out of 5]

It baffles me how this got in the non-fiction category, but at its heart, Pure Drivel is a selection of absurd short stories, some of them verging on flash fiction. I particularly enjoyed the closing pieces about the shortage of periods in Times New Roman (the most loathed font ever), "Bad Dog" and "Side Effects."

I listened to this one, rather than read it, and I feel like it was the right banana.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish Steve Martin would read to me every day....

[Raghav · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pure Drivel is my go to book for all occasions. A collection of quirky shorts by actor/author Steve Martin the book is a wonderful addition to any collection. Martin's humour shines in the stories and while everyone might not get his humour or enjoy it, for me this book is the ultimate in comic writing.

[Glen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Back in the 70's, Steve Martin was really funny, but like so many comedians, at some point, he pretty much lost it. Now he's known for family friendly movies that nobody really likes.

This is a collection of humorous essays, written while he took a break from movies. Some of them are amusing. Unfortunately, his 70's books are much better.

[Julietta · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Pure Drivel" has assisted me in my current reading funny things adventure. If I had to put a name to these snippets, I'd categorize them as flash comedy, stealing the title from flash fiction. They are mini bursts of semi stand-up as should be expected from Steve Martin.

The lower end rating of 2 stars is due to the hit or miss nature of these few page riffs.

Nevertheless, there were some fall down laughing sections here. I highly recommend "Mars Probe Finds Kittens" both for the ridiculous premise AND the execution! When scientists studied these kittens in a test chamber, it was hilarious.

P.23...
6am: Kitten appears to sleep.
7:02am: Kitten wakes, darts from one end of cage to another for no apparent reason.
7:14am: Kitten runs up wall of cage, leaps onto another kitten for no apparent reason.
7:22am: Kitten lies on back and punches another kitten for no apparent reason.
7:30am: Kitten leaps, stops, days left, stops abruptly, climbs wall, clings for 2 seconds, falls on head, darts right for no apparent reason.
7:51am: Kitten parses first sentence of lead editorial in daily newspaper, which is at the bottom of the chamber.

Last behavior turns out to be an anomaly. YA THINK?

As previously mentioned in my progress update, the following tidbit also grabbed my funny bone and wouldn't release it. "Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods" It's the punctuation nerd's delight when Martin produces an entire piece with no periods til the end!

First paragraph for your enjoyment... Then read the rest for yourself!

P.30 "Representatives of the popular Times Roman font, who recently announced a shortage of periods, have offered other substitutes- inverted commas, exclamation marks, and semi-colons until the period crisis is able to be overcome by people such as yourself, who, through creative management of surplus punctuation, can perhaps allay the constant demand for periods, whose heavy usage in the last ten years, not only in English but in virtually every language in the world, is creating a burden on writers everywhere, thus generating a litany of comments such as: What the hell am I supposed to do without my periods? How am I going to write? Isn't this a terrible disaster? Are they crazy? Won't this just create misuse of other, less interesting punctuation???

I'm harkening back to my recent noble attempt to enrich myself culturally by reading "Swann's Way" by Marcel Proust. Unfortunately, I didn't have the fortitude to continue spelunking for diamonds buried within page long passages no matter how beautiful and poetic the prose. Perhaps there was a shortage of periods back then as well??? Much admiration for those able to forge through Proust's entire "Remembrance of Time Past".

I hear that Steve Martin has a new book out, so I'll try to get my hands on a copy!

[Chy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t even know where to start. Plot is not a factor. This is a collection of pure drivel, for certain. It’s tidbit thoughts and ramblings and short story pieces. It’s wrought with Steve Martinism.

Whatever do you mean, Chy? you ask.

“Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol,” Martin says, near the beginning. I was hooked. I loved it. I poured myself a mix drink, shoved my own writing projects aside, and dove in. Martin went on such a meandering and varied trail that I was never bored. Especially since each entry is so very short. There were some times when I wanted to slap Martin and say, “Dude, the joke is over and it was never that good anyway. Move on,” but it wasn’t too bad. And the funnier parts made up for it.

Pure drivel it is, pure drivel it spouts, and pure drivel totally cleaned my mental palette and set it up for whatever I’d lay across it next. A great “oh, stop taking it all so seriously” read for a reader.


And I’ll tell you what I really think:

Scenery/Setting: I know every story is different, but the introduction to it all and the closing actually gave a sense of being cohesive—of all being in the same world. That’s pretty cool. The closing was probably my favorite. It’s “A Word from the Words” and it’s written from the point of view of the words. They go over their importance and how much they enjoyed being a part of this collection. They even implore the reader to crack the book once in awhile just to let them breathe, even if the reader doesn’t read anything. That, to me, makes the setting of the whole thing. A word from the words.

As for scenery, I suppose it’s pretty good. I have a vivid memory of one character’s drive back to his childhood home. When I can remember the sense I had of trees and distance, I have to praise the author for giving that to me. Mainly because the story would have been fine without it, but he gave me that sense anyway.

Characters: Okay, they’re Steve Martin characters. They’re going to be quirky and just a little sad. The problems is, they’re all quirky and just a little sad. Some are more than just a little sad. While I appreciate the style of it, I like to be thrown a curve ball now and then.

Or, maybe it is better to say that when the author is throwing curve ball after curve ball, I like to be thrown a straight pitch now and then.

Enough baseball metaphors. Enough sports metaphors, period. Where did that come from, anyway?

Plot: Some were good, but most of the time I’d reach the end and go, “What? Why?” Maybe that’s me, maybe there’s something I didn’t get. I may be a pompous ass, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think I did get them just fine, I just wasn’t interested in the way Martin presented those things.

Other stories, though, did have good arc. And all of them had Martin’s personality and style. That’s good and bad. Good, because Martin is an engaging man and enough of an enigma that you never quite draw a bead on him. Bad, because Martin is an enigma and you can’t ever seem to draw a bead on him.

Overall: I liked it. It’s short and all the items within are short, so it’s perfect for the short attention spans of today. I don’t think I got much out of it, but that’s mainly my fault. I like to be engaged. I like to settle into a story and really feel out the characters—something that few authors let me do these days. If I’m lucky, I’ll get one character I can really get to know. One. But we’re not talking general stuff; we’re talking Drivel.

Martin’s snapshots didn’t let me sink into anything and didn’t ever let me really connect to any character. But that’s okay, because sometimes you need a gulp-and-toss book.

[TraceyL · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Not nearly as funny as Steve Martin's other stuff.

[Mom · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is better than the first one but it still didn't click with me.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a huge fan of Steve Martin so these essays were bound to deliver. I think my favorite was Lolita in her later years.

[Bruce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Going to the library to find Mark Twain's travel books, I was directed to the humor section. There I came across the three thin volumes that form the basis of this triple review. Generally speaking, it's probably not fair to the authors to compare their respective works, but I'll exercise the prerogative anyway because these are all so similar (and who's gonna stop me). Each of these books weighs in at a squidge over 100 pages, with about 20 short essays that achieve absurdity mostly by putting banal material in exotic contexts, or vice-versa.

Here's my ranking and synopsis of each of these books:

Steve Martin's Pure Drivel is the funniest. Martin writes mostly as his Jerk character, a hyper-arrogant naïf whose self-assurance is wholly unjustified by his intelligence. So the first three chapters are (1) A Public Apology, about a politician prepping for his latest campaign by publicly acknowledging his past gaffes (a list that gets increasingly more ridiculous)… from prison; (2) Writing is Easy!, a hack's quid erat demonstrandum; and (3) Yes, in My Own Backyard, in which the author explains how he came to conclude that his birdbath was in fact a heretofore undiscovered sculpture by Raphael.

Drivel is driven by wordplay, exhibiting Martin's appreciation of language for the sheer joy of its sound and also for its function as a logic machine. As to the former, there's a delightful chapter dedicated to introducing the sledgehammer to the beginning tool user. "The novice sledgehammerer (from the German sledgehammeramalamadingdong) must be familiar with a few terms," he writes at page 47, and then goes on to define "thunk," "clanker," stuff," "wang," and "smithereens," all to hilarious effect. The logic machine is deployed throughout. There's Writing is Easy!, of course, to which Martin adds a chapter from the vantage point of a pinched writer during a shortage forced to conserve his periods, along with the closing essay, a sort of salutation from the very words of the book as dictated by the spokesword "Underpants." ("Greetings. I'm scummy, and I'd like to mention that you are a lowlife.")

Martin's distinct voice permeates his work, but anyone acquainted with the title essay of Ian Frazier's Coyote v. Acme knows him to be a gifted mimic. Most of Frazier's chapters spin off established conventions: (1) Coyote presents the plaintiff's product liability complaint against the Acme company for "personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering" suffered in the course of Wile E.'s work as a predator; (2) Line 46a is the IRS FAQ sheet explaining the newly-implemented regulation requiring taxpayers to choose between death and life as an assassin (inspired by the tagline to an action movie); and (3) Have You Ever is a standard questionnaire issued to prospective policyholders of an insurer who exclusively services soap opera characters (with item 6 under 'PERSONAL HEALTH' being, "Did you ever emerge from a coma as Tab Hunter?") Coyote's level of funny is up there with Martin, but the strength of its mimicry is also its primary flaw. At some point, reading stonefaced rip-offs of tedious genres grows tiresome. (That said, I can't end without quoting one of Frazier's literal takes on the comment, "she had a laugh that was like brandy by firelight" at page 28: "Slivovitz Old Plum. Lit match in the stuff between subway rails. 'A-hilk a-hilk a har har har hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk hilk.'" Ever so classy.)

Woody Allen comes up last and, surprisingly, very much least in this nontrilogy. As a devotee of Side Effects, Without Feathers, and Woody Allen's standup routines (especially that bit about the moose), I found myself extremely disappointed with the look-at-me narcissism displayed in Mere Anarchy. Not unlike Martin (and what's with these first name comic surnames, Allen, Martin, Frazier?) Allen is a big fan of wordplay, only in Woody's case his love of vocabulary seems to be more about proving his erudition than indulging the joy of neologism or a well-turned phrase. So, in an otherwise rich fish-out-of-water scenario (a nebbish shopping for a high-tech suit), the cavalcade of increasingly ridiculous fabrics is constantly interrupted by obfuscating, unnatural banter such as: "Now, you come home and the ball and chain perceives the subtlest trace of Quelques Fleurs on your tattersall vest. Starting to have the epiphany? Next thing you know, either you're sweating to keep out of alimony jail or the immortal beloved goes ballistic and you wind up like one of those old Weegee photos with a suppurating excavation between the orbs." (page 31)

This is not to criticize fine, fast-talking characters as humorous devices. Snake oil salespeople are a comedic staple; Monty Python loved them (think Eric Idle or John Cleese in various roles), but the joke is reliant in no small part on a foil who finds the patter every bit as confusing as the audience, if not more so. Yet when the rube's utterances are equally purple, as in page 27's "His invidious comparison with the clown's attire lodged in my bosom like a scorpion's tail, and I resolved to invest in a bespoke ensemble the moment my frequent-flier miles swelled to underwrite a trip abroad," then the florid language detracts rather than contributes to the jollity. The verbal tics permeate nearly every paragraph of the book, irrespective of who is speaking… at least up to page 63, at which point I quit on Allen. Nonsense is great when conveyed with a facsimile of sense; it leads to a Lewis Carroll kind of logical satire that pervades so much of Woody's other work. That's the sort of intellectual play I love to read, but here Woody's so busy filtering it all through his Thesaurus that the juice is lost.

Woody Allen's entire output is proof that he could (like Ian Frazier) hysterically render an account book entry if he so chose. I just get the sense that he fails most often when he lets his ego gets in his way. Were he to leaven his work with even a smidge of Steve Martin's delicious humility, there'd be few kinks in his ouerve. After all, a cornerstone rule of comedy has it to get others to laugh, you must first be able to laugh at yourself.

I mean, seriously.

[Neil · Rating 3 out of 5]

I grabbed this book from a free giveaway shelf a long time ago, and a recent conversation with some of my students about humor writing made me finally open it up. Very few of the 23 short chapters hold together as complete, start-to-finish funny pieces. But in amidst essays that don’t quite work (and several that don't work at all) are turns of phrase that made me nearly fall off my chair laughing. Martin is best when he’s absurd, and worst when he’s trying to maintain an extended bit of satire. A few favorite examples:

I would like to apologize to my family, who have stood by me, and especially to my wife Karen. A wiser and more loyal spouse could not be found. (1)

Many very fine writers are intimidated when they have to write the way people really talk. Actually it’s quite easy. Simply lower your IQ by fifty and start typing! (10)

Last week in Los Angeles, I realized that the birdbath in my garden is by Raphael. (13)

Many people are surprised to find out that the sledgehammer has only one moving part: it. (48)

In the last ten years, the sledgehammer has come into its own, finally recognized for what it is: a tool, a thing, and a heavy object. (50)

Well, those examples don’t seem very funny out of context. But on the page, surrounded by more mundane lines, they did make me laugh.

Martin’s persona on these pages is intentionally insensitive and offensive, and in the years since publication, even much of what wasn’t intended to be insensitive and offensive has now become so. Some of the laughs come because of the cringing; other moments are just cringe, no laughs.

A quick read, some laughter, some supposed-to-be-funny-but-isn't, and now the book will be returned to a free giveaway shelf.

[Murphy C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only remember laughing and loving it.

[Peter Landau · Rating 3 out of 5]

Who knew Steve Martin was funny?

[A.L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

In many ways Steve Martin could be considered a comedian for my parents' generation. By the time I started watching SNL in High School and college he had long since left the show (Norm MacDonald, Phil Hartman, and then eventually Tracy Morgan, Tina Fey, and Jimmy Fallon were the stars when I was watching it most.) Also, I haven't seen that many of his movies. I was born in the '80's, so I missed most of his comedies when they first came out. The movies I recall seeing with him in the cast are films like, "The Pink Panther," and "The Father of the Bride."

All of that doesn't really matter for this book though. It's just plain funny. Steve Martin is a hysterically funny man.

Pure Drivel was published in 1998 by Hyperion. It's a small book that contains over 20 short stories and short essays. Many of them were first printed in "The New Yorker" or in "The New York Times Magazine". I assume the others were new when this book released. It's the type of book you could read in one sitting, but is probably best enjoyed in little chunks over the course of a week or two. I read three or four entries at a time, usually before going to bed. I often ended up laughing so hard that my wife would put her book down and say something like, "Okay, read it out loud already."

Martin's humor is what I would call non sequitur comedy. It's the type of humor that's so over the top is stupidly funny. Here are the titles of some of my favorite essays, perhaps they'll explain what I mean better than I can:

Mars Probe Finds Kittens
Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods
The Sledgehammer: How it Works
Artist Lost to Zoloft

A note to the writers and authors reading this: At least three of the essays are about writing and writing-related humor is laced through the rest of them. As a wannabe author I know that writers like to read about other writers. I loved that Martin made writing the subject of so many of his jokes.

This book was loaned to me by a friend at work (a guy at least 10 years older than me) who was moving his office. This particular friend is someone I regularly chat with about pop culture. In the process of cleaning his old office he found this book and said I had to read it. I'm so glad he did.

One last note about this book, it's not too crass. I know that every time I write something like that it may make me sound like a real prude, but to be honest, I hate reading over the top cussing or sexual references in books. There's something about reading that makes that type of content hit me harder than when I see it in a movie. Though I think some of Martin's standup comedy contains a lot of that, this book wasn't too bad. For those of you looking for a rating I guessed I'd say it is a PG-13 book. It's cleaner than your average episode of SNL.

Highly recommended for those (like me) who get a real kick out of the totally ridiculous.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first foray into reading anything written by Steve Martin, and I must admit I am now on the hunt down for some more fiction as this book was fabulous.

Overall this is a laugh out loud book of 23 short (some pieces are so short they could well be considered flash fiction) stories, and all of them without exception could well be considered literature of the absurd, i.e. "The Sledgehammer: How It Works"- which is exactly what the title suggests, and so much more. Another favorite piece was the closing number, "A Word From the Words," wherein the words, letters, and even the question mark get the last "word" in as it were. Most of the tales are so absurd that they could truly be considered sublime.

If you are a fan of Steve Martin's stand-up routines than grab this book post haste, as it lives on the same street as the best of his stand-up comedy, and loses nothing in being captured on the page- the genius of Steve Martin truly knows no bounds which this book proves over and over again (at least 23 times).

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 stars

There's no way I would've finished this had it been by any other author. I'm a big fan of Steve Martin (I could watch Planes, Trains & Automobiles over and over and over) and I figured this would be an enjoyable, humorous audiobook to listen to on my commute to work since he also narrates it. I don't know how to explain it but it just wasn't funny to me. I might've snorted in derision a couple of times but that was more in sarcastic solidarity when Martin was especially snarky. Several of the short stories/pieces were so focused on being ironic for irony's sake (like for art, man, don't you get it?) that it was just ridiculous. I've always thought that part of the art scene was beyond stupid and a waste of everyone's time so I definitely don't want to read stories about it. This just wasn't my cup of tea. Shopgirl was alright (I gave it 3 stars) and I still plan on reading some other work of Martin's, so I won't give up hope on his writing yet.

[Eric Wallace · Rating 3 out of 5]

This collection of short stories is not his best work (The Pleasure of My Company would be hard to top), but nevertheless each piece is thoroughly in line with his delightful brand of "anti-humor". To give you an idea: several hours after reading the title story, it struck me as a far more thoughtful (and amusing) commentary on his own work than I had imagined while reading it.

[Troy Blackford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a funny collection of essays and short pieces by Steve Martin. Everything from writing tips (on dialog: 'just dumb yourself down by 50 IQ points, and type') to imaginary medication warnings ('may contain bungee cords'), this book was pleasantly all-over-the-place in topics, but always amusing. From the shortage of periods that Times New Roman is currently experiencing, to a piece recommending sledgehammers to those who are afraid of new technology, I was laughing at all of the stuff in this short but intelligent work.

[Mary Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this on CD, read by Steve Martin. I can see how some people would have trouble getting into this, since you really need to be in the right frame of mind to "get" Steve's humor in this one. Hearing him read it made a huge difference, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it as much if I read it myself.

[Teri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Witty, dry, ridiculousness of the talented Steve Martin! His observations of the banal life continues in all his works, with a last second intelligent uppercut, to drive in his point. He's definitely an original!

[Margie · Rating 3 out of 5]

These shorts come across almost like scripts for a Steve Martin comedy routine. They're very funny, but need to be read over the course of quite a length of time; too much at once lessens the humor.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is funny! But, then again, I love Steve Martin. My favorite bit is "Sledgehammer."

[SarahTheUnready · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably the most inspirational work of satire I have yet to read.

[Whitney Borup · Rating 4 out of 5]

Steve Martin is my favorite comedian. He has the best mix of Nabokov jokes and underpants jokes.

[James Tingle · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was at University, quite a while ago sadly, they held a little book sale now and then in one of the buildings; just a few tables with boxes full of second hand books to peruse and I saw this and had a flick through it. I was surprised at first as I only knew of Steve Martin as an actor and so I immediately decided I'd buy it, as I was intrigued to find out what his writing was like and so quickly caught a bus back to my hall of residence and began reading...It only took a few pages to know I'd really enjoy this little collection of humourous essays and I immediately warmed to his irreverent light tone and breezy style. Each little piece is pretty short and totally varied in subject matter and I think they were first published as separate pieces in some American newspaper, but they work as a collection very nicely and flow from one to the next seamlessly. Some brought a smile and a few made me chuckle and he does have his own peculiar little brand of humour that I really felt akin to in some way- quite wry and a little dry maybe and sometimes slightly surreal as well in places and it just feels very Steve Martin, which is what you essentially want of course...
I think this would be a great reading choice if you feel a bit blue and need a cheer up, as it has that great comfort factor to it, as well as being amusing and almost has a sunny, warm, Los Angeles glow, emanating from the pages...lovely stuff!

[Em · Rating 1 out of 5]

Good title for this book because it is a ton of drivel, and it went into my donation box as soon as I finished it. I jokingly told Dave his drivel is much more Ivory-soap-pure compared with this. Really most the pieces weren’t even amusing, let alone profound or funny. Unlike the plays of Martin I read recently I’ve had this volume for years (it’s a 1st Edition) and I think I tried to read this before and gave up after a few essays. But I’m glad I now finished it because the best piece was the last ‘A Word from the Words’ – it was witty and mostly intelligent but still not as good any one of the pieces in Sara Vowell’s books. I’ve always like Steve Martin’s screenplays and really liked ‘Shopgirl’ but after suffering through these last two tomes I don’t think I’ll pick up his latest novel though I’ve heard it’s good. If it were anything like ‘Mars Probe Finds Kittens’ or ‘Taping my Friends’ or ‘In Search of Willie Filipeno’ I’d hate it. Or if like ‘Bad Dog’ which started off promising and went… well ‘bad’ I’d be entirely disappointed. I’ll leave off Martin for now.

[Sharon Ouderkirk · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nobody moves from serious to silly and back again with the quicksilver grace of Steve Martin. You expect it if you know his work, and he still manages to surprise you. This collection of essays, mostly written for the New Yorker magazine and New York Times Magazine in the 1990s represent Martin's attempts to get back in touch with his original love of comedy after decades of hard work and success. He was on a self-imposed hiatus to recharge, but ended up producing a substantial body of work in that time.
A few of the essays are dated, in the you-had-to-be-there category, some made me smile and some made me laugh out loud, but I think my personal reaction should not be used as a guide for anyone else because Martin's work will strike everyone differently, at different times, like touching different keys on a piano. Sometimes the silly hits you in the right place, sometimes his irony makes you think and sometimes he just makes you feel happy to be alive, and watching him dance with Lily Tomlin. Pure Drivel is happy and thoughtful and sarcastic and a delight, just like the man who wrote it.