You Shouldn't Have to Say Goodbye

by Patricia Hermes

Thirteen-year-old Sarah Morrow doesn't think much of the fact that her mother winced a little when she hugged her. In fact, that first small indication of something wrong escapes the whole family. Three weeks later though there can be no escape. Sarah's mother has been diagnosed with incurable cancer and the love this family shares becomes a desperate clinging.But Sarah's mother has a gift. A gift for reaffirming life. And even as she leaves that gift, another one, a letter, will help bring Sarah through the most painful and trying time she has ever had.One of the most honest portraits of death, courage, and, most especially, love can now be shared again with a new generation of children."Hermes, author of this . . . uncompromisingly candid story makes the reader aware of life's priceless moments and the need for courage."-Publishers Weekly"A vivid, painful believability."-The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books"A sensitive, touching account." -Instructor Magazine"This book is by far the best liked book in my reading class. We have read this book in my fifth grade class for the last eight years. The book gives us an opportunity to discuss many issues confronted by young kids while growing up. It also provides an opportunity to discuss death and the loss of a loved one. The students and I have had many heart wrenching talks while reading this book. Many tears have been shed by my students while reading and discussing this book. This is my all time favorite book to read in class." -Online review

Genres: Young Adult, Fiction, Childrens, Death, Realistic Fiction, Novels, Juvenile

117 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1982

Reviews

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read You Shouldn't Have to Say Good-bye in the fourth grade as an ESL student, struggling to learn English. A novel about a young woman's cancerous dying mother probably wasn't the best book for the purpose, but I remember how even then, with my limited grasp of the English language, I was completely moved by this book.

In the novel, teenager Sarah Marrow and her mother share a deep and cherished bond -- a bond that was tested and proved unshakable when her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Sarah progresses through the stages of grief and her mother's health continually worsens. They both struggle to cope, sometimes pushing away from each other only to find what they need most is each other. Eventually, both are forced to confront the inevitable.

The novel is mostly painful. But that has nothing to do with the cancer itself, or even the macabre description of the mother's moment of death (and boy was Hermes descriptive.) The most heartwrenching moments were when the mother and daughter pleaded with each other -- mother pleaded with Sarah to come to grips, and Sarah pleaded with her mother to stop, even though both are at the mercy of something greater -- death.

Though the novel is quite short, it packs a wallop. There are a few points in the novel that just made me break down and cry, while most of the book kept me misty-eyed. The description of the death itself is very picturesque and disturbed me for quite some time as a child. Also, the message of the novel was ambiguous and lacked focus. Nevertheless, I strongly recommend this book to teenagers and adults alike.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

My daughter has a reading assignment for school in which an adult recommends a book, and both the adult and child read the book an reflect on their thoughts. I've held onto this old yellowed paperback for years because it held sentimental value to me. This was the first book that ever made me cry.

Re-reading this as an adult (and decades after it was written) it's interesting that while some elements are timeless (the pain of losing a parent), other parts of the book are very dated (making fun of an overweight classmate, for example).

This is a book written for middle grades, so it's unfair to judge it by adult standards. What resonated strongly with me in 5th grade, seems clunky and unemotional now. My daughter and I haven't had the book discussion yet, but in quickly asking her about it, the book didn't move her as much as it did for me when I was her age.

[Carin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a favorite book of my childhood. I couldn't remember the title for years, and I finally ran across it in a Sourcebooks catalog as they rereleased it a couple of years ago. Like a lot of old favorites I worried it wouldn't hold up. I worried it would be really dated, lightweight, and maudlin. Luckily, this is another book that held up. (Boy, the cover artwork has changed!)

Sarah's a pretty ordinary girl. She's 13, does gymnastics, hangs out with her best friend Robyn, and goes to school. Her Mom is really cool. In fact, when she was a kid, all the children on the block voted and her mom was the favorite. One day she gives her Mom a hug, and her Mom winces in pain. Sarah doesn't think much of it at the time, but the next day her Mom goes to the hospital for some tests, and stays for quite a while. Well, you may have guessed it, but this book (spoiler alert) is another one of those books where the mother dies.

Meanwhile, all along Robin has had some issues. She never wants to be at home, and she's a bit of a risk taker. Once Sarah's mother gets sick, Robin feels like she can confide in Sarah that her own mother is sick too. She has agoraphobia and severe depression.
It is near the holidays, and Sarah's mother's illness is progressing rapidly. Sarah's trying to be strong for both her parents, but she's also still a kid.

For me one of the most significant moments in the book was when, after her gymnastics routine, her Mom questioned Sarah. She'd noticed a moment of hesitation. Turns out Sarah had been contemplating doing something dangerous. Sarah tries to avoid the conversation but her mother won't let it go. She finally admits it, and her mother talks to her about how sometimes when we have troubles, we do wild things. "It's as though we were tempting the Fates. It's a form of running away, thinking it's easier to face the dangers outside than the ones we feel threatened by inside." When Sarah realizes why she was considering doing that, you can tell it's not necessary for her to do it anymore. She also realizes that's why Robin is sometimes wild. This last bit of advice from her mother probably is the most significant moment in the book. You can just tell it's advice that will change the future of Sarah's life.

I just bawled at the end. I thought I wouldn't. After all, I knew what was coming, I'd read it before, I am an adult now, but this story is drawn with such delicacy and care that you are drawn in without noticing. Sarah's Mom is a fully drawn and unique character - not just a trope or a cliche. Sarah's a nice, ordinary girl. She's not perfect but she tries to be a good kid. The book is touching, tender, hopeful, and honest. I'm going to save this one, for my nieces when they're old enough. It's a beautiful story.

[Najila · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another Patricia Hermes book I read and reread. She wrote a lot about sad situations for younger kids. I liked them because they kind of sober you up and teaches humility. Little kids might be spoiled sometimes so these books are really down to earth and reminds us that we should be blessed for what good we do have.

[Soup_lover · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for my school's summer reading. I could choose this from many other books, but what caught my attention was the title.

Unlike any other books in English available for my country, this one really stands out: it's deep and relatable while maintaining its simplicity in vocabulary, which is something other books fail to do.

This encapsulates how a thirteen-year-old REALLY deals with stressful situations. The author can show the gut-wrenching feeling of a child's world falling apart. Because it is, your mom, the person who has been with you every single moment of your life, is now saying goodbye, and it's not fair. Why now? Why me?

Not only from Sarah's perspective. Robin also sees as her mother is sick and cannot do anything but cope. And unfortunately, what most teenagers would do is try impossible tasks, or dangerous ones, trying to feel a sense of control (the gymnastics show chapter) Which is a realistic coping mechanism.

I loved the ending. Although there were chapters that felt empty, nothing much really happens, I could skip a chapter and most likely understand the following ones. And the unnecessary fatphobia Julia receives? It adds nothing to the story.

I will enjoy reviewing this book to my teacher as I have more things to say! :)

[Veronica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I needed one more book to reach my reading goal for 2019 and this is an old favorite. A young reader book of a 13-year-old whose mother is dying of cancer. Told from her perspective, it is engaging, but this edition is from 1982 and dated. I wonder if the book has been updated to take out the fat-shaming and bullying. Other than that, it holds up as a book that makes me weep.

[Tara Dwyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my very favorite book growing up. I have no idea how many times I read this, but it's probably been 30 plus years since I've read it and I still remember many parts of this book. I'd love to read it again and see how I feel about it now.

Edit: I just finished rereading this book and I loved it just as much as I remember. Yes, there are things in this book that wouldn't be ok today. But I still just adore this book and think it's a beautiful story about a young girl and how she's deals with her mother's illness and death. It still made me cry so hard. I will absolutely read it again someday.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I felt compelled to order a copy from Amazon and re-read it, and...well, it was good. The protag was believable, the characters felt subtle and natural, and the writing was mature for a YA book. The bad thing is, the ending was pretty depressing. Not for the reasons you might think, though.

I actually expected Sarah's mother to die somewhere near the middle, and the rest of the book to be about her and her dad moving on and dealing with their grief. When she didn't, I thought the book would end with her mother alive but the knowledge that it wasn't going to last.

She died in the second to last chapter, during Christmas Eve, and Sarah was just barely beginning to heal at the end. I dunno, somehow that didn't sit right with me. :/

Still, it was a nice enough book. I liked the more lighthearted moments and the fact that Robin and Sarah were friends with Julia the Fat Girl despite teasing her all the time. And Reuben Sandwiches. This book is actually how I first found out they existed.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Teen me: 5 stars
Adult me: 5 stars

*For the first book in a "child/teen/middlegrade/nostalgic" book, I am going with the rating younger me would have gone with, then if I read on in the series, I will rate the books what adult me believes it should be rated. If the book is a stand alone, I will go with whatever rating I feel most comfortable giving the book. Please note, I do not really think books should have an age limit. People should read what they want to regardless of the intended age group, except for kids reading erotica or something, of course.*

--

Heartbreaking. I read it as a young teen and remember it really hit me hard. As an adult, the subject would still hit me hard. I plan on reading this again really soon.

[Brandy]

I read this book in the 4th grade and ended up losing a parent a couple of years later. I reread this book many times during that rough period of my life and it helped to think that I wasn't alone. It is incredibly sad but an amazing read for young people who may need this to cope.

[Dawn Tessman · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story of a thirteen-year-old girl who discovers her mother is dying. I have been trying to locate a book I read as a child on a similar subject and, while this was not the book I was searching for, it would likely have been just as impactful had I read it at that same age. Hermes’ approach and perspective on this difficult topic were fairly realistic at the time she wrote the novel, but there are probably better books available now.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in elementary school, and LOVED it. I wasn't much of a re-reader then, so I think I only read it twice, but it holds the spot in my heart as the first book that made me set it aside so I could ugly cry. I'm not going to reread it now, because I don't want to spoil the magic, so I will give it the rating that my 4th grade self would have.

[Lilly dv · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book called You shouldn't have to say goodbye. Through out the whole book it talks about a girl and her family. This Girl named Sarah finds out that something is wrong with her mom. This is a very sad book so if you don't like sad books I would not recomend it.

[F · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've weirdly been trying to remember this book for AGES. I read it in the library when I was younger and now I realize that I have always been obsessed with writing down the books that I've read and so I've always had the title.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read. Not a fav, but pretty good. If I was in a different mindset while reading, I think I might’ve enjoyed it more. I did think the ending was rather weird. Abrupt might be the right word although I have a feeling that it was purposefully done portray how a death might feel- sudden, abrupt.

[Eden · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the last two chapters, I almost CRIED! It is so sentimental and sweet.

[Daisy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven't read this since I was a kid, and I expected it to be glurge, but it was surprisingly moving. I won't say I cried, but I almost did.

[may · Rating 5 out of 5]

read this when i was a kid and felt nostalgic, so read it again and still a good one to read when thinking about family.

[Bethea Scovic · Rating 5 out of 5]

A childhood favorite that made me cry every time.

[Cee Becks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly sad and beautiful story. This book stuck with me since middle school

[Brina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ich hatte mal wieder große Lust auf ein englischsprachiges Buch und habe dabei "You Shouldn't Have To Say Goodbye" von Patricia Hermes empfohlen kommen. Da mich das Cover und die Kurzbeschreibung direkt angesprochen haben, wollte ich dem Buch eine Chance geben.

Zuallererst sollte gesagt werden, dass dieses Buch auch bestens für Einsteiger gedacht ist, die vielleicht Probleme mit der englischen Sprache haben, bzw. nicht zu oft auf Englisch lesen. Von daher kann das Buch besonders für jüngere Leser sehr geeignet sein.

Patricia Hermes hat mit "You Shouldn't Have To Say Goodbye" eine melancholische Geschichte geschrieben, die mich stellenweise sehr berührt hat. Obwohl die Geschichte einfühlsam erzählt wird, gab es allerdings auch Momente, in denen ich oftmals den Kopf schütteln musste, denn ausgerechnet Hauptfigur Sarah hat bei mir für Ungereimtheiten gesorgt, denn ihr Verhalten war oftmals nicht ihrem Alter entsprechend. Allerdings werden ihre Gedanken und Gefühle gut auf Papier gebracht, sodass ich mich an vielen Stellen in sie hineinversetzen konnte und mich oftmals gefragt habe, wie ich wohl an ihrer Stelle reagiert hätte.

Allerdings erschien sie mir auch an vielen Stellen sehr unreif. Sie ist 13 Jahre alt, in diesem Sinne ein Teenager, der mitten in der Pubertät steckt, jedoch benahm sie sich oftmals nicht so. Wenn ich ihr Alter nicht gewusst hätte, hätte sie ehrlich gesagt auf 6-8 Jahre geschätzt. So wartet sie u.a. jeden Abend in ihrem Bett auf den Gute-Nacht-Kuss von ihrem Eltern, bevor sie tatsächlich einschlafen kann. Dies klingt zwar sehr süß, aber in meinen Augen dann doch ein wenig realitätsfern. So etwas gibt es in diesem Alter sicherlich noch, allerdings wollte dies so gar nicht zu ihren anderen Wesenszügen passen. Auch ihr Verhalten zu ihrer Mutter ist enorm kindisch gewesen und ich wüsste nicht, ob ich mir das an Stelle ihrer Mutter so hätte gefallen lassen.

Ihre Mutter wird krank und wenig später wird bei ihr Krebs festgestellt, der nicht mehr behandelt werden kann. Anstatt ihrer Mutter beizustehen, lehnt sie alles ab und behauptet stellenweise sogar, ihre Mutter für die Krankheit zu hassen. Natürlich ist man traurig, machtlos und wütend, wenn man von so einer Diagnose erfährt, aber sollte man nicht lieber für die Mutter da sein und deren Ratschläge und Tipps annehmen? Ich hätte mir so sehr gewünscht, dass Sarah einfach ein wenig reifer und vernünftiger reagiert hätte, doch dies war leider nicht so und somit auch ein Grund für mich, sie immer weniger zu verstehen.
Ihre Eltern selbst haben mir dagegen sehr gut gefallen. Ihr Verhältnis untereinander hat mich sehr berührt und stellenweise auch zum Nachdenken angeregt. Die Krankheit hat beide nur noch fester zusammengeschweißt und sie wollen die letzte Zeit, die ihnen noch bleibt, in vollen Zügen genießen.

Obwohl die Geschichte sehr gut geschrieben ist und besonders durch ihre Melancholie auffällt, hat mir dennoch das gewisse Etwas gefehlt. Der Plot ist interessant und auch die Figuren sind zum Teil gut ausgearbeitet, aber dennoch war mir die Geschichte viel zu ruhig und mir ist trotz der bedrückenden Thematik einfach zu wenig passiert.

Das Cover gefällt mir dagegen sehr. Die melancholische Stimmung ist gut aufgefangen und der Steg ist als Symbol sehr schön ausgewählt. Auch die Kurzbeschreibung weiß zu überzeugen und hat mich direkt zum Kauf animiert.

"You Shouldn't Have To Say Goodbye" ist sicherlich eine traurige Geschichte, die berührt und zum Nachdenken anregen kann, allerdings hat mir das gewisse Etwas gefehlt, um mich voll und ganz auf die Geschichte einlassen zu können. Wäre die Protagonistin ein wenig reifer erschienen, hätte ich mich vermutlich besser mit ihr identifizieren können. So ist "You Shouldn't Have To Say Goodbye" zwar ein nettes und trauriges Buch, aber kein Werk, das ich auf Dauer im Gedächtnis behalten werde.

[Christina C.x · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like this book very much, because I like to read sad stories and I like the language it used. My favorite character in this book is Robin, I think she's a nice person. Even she kind of laughed julia a little, but she was just kidding and Julia knows that. The part where I started to like her is when she was saying nice things like: your mom will get better, to encourage sarah,cat his is a very nice book, I enjoyed it a lot. Sarah changed from reflex to nervous when her mother went to the hospital for the second time. Because she know that there are some very serious problems with her mother by that time. Sarah became weaker and needed more caring in the period that her mom went to the hospital for the second time until the time she died. Also I believe that Sarah became stronger after her mother died. The way that the author used crafted the book, it sounded like to me that Sarah is in a medium class. Not too high and not to low. The reason why I'm saying they are in medium class is because I didn't see Sarah or her family saying that they don't have enough money to pay the medical care for her mother, and the way Sarah described her house, it's not that big, but not that small too. This story talked about how her mother discovered her sickness and the things that happen from that time until her death. I believe that in the future Sarah might volunteer for helping those children that maybe their parents died or divorced, because she knew how they feel and she might can help them. I think that she will be a great mother, because she understands how important mothers are to children. Also I think that maybe her father won't get marry to other women, because I think that her parents really love each other, I hope Sarah can have a great life, and I know that she's a good girl. I believe that robin's mother will get better and robin will be very happy.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried so much while reading this book.

[Yijoo Choi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and this book was so sad. When I imagined that I am a main character, I felt so sad:( Also when I read a part Sarah's feeling changed, I feel so sad. She looked like she is Okay, but when her mom went to hospital she wasn't okay. I think it was change. Author showed feeling of Sarah and her mom really well. It didn't write such as Sarah is said, happy or angry, but I could know her feelings from her thought, talking and other things.
Anyway, I enjoyed this book and it gave me lots of lessons. It was my first time of read You shouldn't have to say goodbye. So I think I read this book on child's perspective. But when I am an adult, I want to read on adult's perspective. I think it will be give me other lessons for me.

[Suin Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like how the story went on. This story is about Sarah's mother having a cancer that no doctor can cure and she has to stay in hospital for such as a long time. I saw change in character named Sarah. When her mom came back from hospital for the first time, she felt relieved, Sarah thought her mom's illness was cured completely and everything was going to turn out in good ways. But when Sarah's mom went back to hospital, she felt so terrible and felt Great Depression. Author made us feel that Sarah was such a poor character, because author wrote a lot of parts that is describing Sarah's loneliness. By putting lots of part where Sarah is alone and have nowhere to go. Also, by making some others around Sarah pitiful, it made Sarah to be more sadder.

[Cheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this one and I have to say I cried for at least the last three chapters. I was a little disappointed to find something missing from the author bio, because she either has a vivid imagination or she's lived this experience.

Having lost a parent as a child, I could identify with the anger, denial and loss the main character went through. But now, as a mother myself, I also identified with the parents as they struggled to come to terms with the twist their lives had taken.

I don't know, maybe a book has to make me cry to get 5 stars. But this one certainly appealed to me on an emotional level. I'd recommend it.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember getting this book in Elementary School at the book fair, That was about 20 + years ago and it has stuck with me ever since..It was one of those books that I read over and over again. It was very sad but those kind of books have always been my kind of thing..I remember reading in the book about how the mother was teaching her girl how to do the laundry because when she was gone she would have to know how to do it..I remember growing up in my own home my Mom showing me and I instantly thought to myself she was going to die, thats why she had to teach me...Pretty powerful stuff right there

[Veronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book in about 4th or 5th grade and loved it. I would draw a bath and grab this book and reread it, crying, laughing, and crying some more. I loved it so much that I put it on our class/community library for others to discover and love. Of course, someone didn't bring it back and it took me years to find my own copy again. But in the meantime I would check it out from the library over and over, even into my 20s.

This is a children's book that features a young girl dealing with her mother's cancer and eventual death.

[Dan Rogers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Predictable yet still enjoyable story of a 13 year old who struggles to come to grips with the idea that her mother has terminal cancer. As one might expect, this is a very difficult challenge for a young teen. The main thing that keeps her going is school and gymnastics. I expected what I began reading that there would be a time when I would have to break out the tissues. In this I wasn't disappointed. A good selection for middle grade readers unless they have lost a parent, then probably not one for them to choose.

[Joanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book nearly had me in tears at least twice. I can hardly believe that this little book can deal with such heavy subject matter. The fact that a girl of thirteen has to lose her mom to cancer is sad enough in itself despite some of the sequences in this book. I wish that the ending was a bit more positive, but I'd definitely keep this in my junior high classroom. Very good book.