Die Grauen Bastarde

The Lot Lands #1

by Jonathan French

Lebe im Sattel. Stirb auf dem Keiler. Jackal und seine Halbork-Rotte patrouillieren durch die karge Wüste der Geteilten Lande und vergießen ihr Blut, um die Sicherheit ihres Volkes zu gewährleisten. Sie mögen ein Haufen hartgesottener, schweinezüchtender Hurensöhne sein, aber die Grauen Bastarde sind Jackals eingeschworene Brüder, die an seiner Seite in einem Land kämpfen, in dem es keinen Platz für Weichlinge gibt. Doch sobald es Jackal gelingt, den tyrannischen Anführer der Bastarde aus dem Weg zu räumen, werden sich die Dinge ändern. Und zwar zum Besseren. Zumindest war das der Plan, bis die Konsequenzen eines tödlichen Streits Jackal dazu bringen, selbst ein paar Nachforschungen in den Geteilten Landen anzustellen. Auf seiner Suche nach Antworten, muss sich Jackal gegen eindringende Orks, wütende Zentauren und menschliche Verschwörer behaupten - und gegen eine dunkle Magie, die so furchterregend ist, dass sie selbst den hartgesottensten Bastard verzagen lässt. Mit einem deutlichen Augenzwinkern Richtung Sons of Anarchy, einem raffinierten Worldbuilding und einer Menge unflätigem Charme ist Die Grauen Bastarde ein bissiges, schmutziges und im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes saumäßiges Meisterwerk, das man in dieser Form noch nie gelesen hat.

Genres: Fantasy, Fiction, High Fantasy, Dark Fantasy, Epic Fantasy, Audiobook, Adult

609 pages, Paperback

First published October 16, 2015

About the author

Jonathan French is the author of the Autumn’s Fall Saga and The Grey Bastards. His debut novel, The Exiled Heir, was nominated for Best First Novel at the Georgia Author of the Year Awards in 2012. His second book, The Errantry of Bantam Flyn, rose to #6 on the Kindle Norse/Viking Fantasy bestseller list, proudly sharing the top ten with Neil Gaiman. His newest work, The Grey Bastards, is best described as “Sons of Anarchy…with half-orcs” and is poised to be his biggest seller to date. The book is currently a finalist in The Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off #SPFBO. An outspoken advocate on the merits and future of independent publishing, Jonathan has led panel discussions at conventions such as DragonCon, TimeGate, and CONjuration. Recently, Jonathan had the pleasure of being featured in an episode of the web-series Retroblasting as a consultant on the cultural impact of the Dungeons & Dragons franchise. You can find out more at www.jonathanfrenchbooks.com.


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Reviews

[Mark Lawrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book got a major publishing deal during the home run of the SPFBO contest. It has the highest score recorded in the 7 years of the contest out of over 2,000 books entered.

http://mark---lawrence.blogspot.com/2...

So this is without question the filthiest fantasy book I've read, beating the former title holder The Grim Company by a factor of ten ... possibly a hundred.

The book has elements in common with Jeff Salyard's Scourge of the Betrayer in that much of it concerns the interplay between a small band of fighters.

But really if you've seen Sons of Anarchy on TV, then that's the perfect parallel. This is a book about a biker gang. Only the bikers are half orcs. And the hogs they ride are actual hogs. The sort that make bacon.



The story starts, and for a long time remains, very small scale. The focus is on the fewer than a dozen half-orcs in our biker gang hoof, and on their squabbles with small numbers of fairly low key antagonists. Some posturing leads to a fight, the fight to a death, the death to the hoof having to pay for prostitutes rather than get freebies ... it's entertaining but not epic.

We discover that the half-orcs have as neighbours all the D&D races with the notable absence of dwarves. But we do see elves, centaurs, orcs, and halflings. If I had been told this in advance it would have put me off reading the book, but fortunately I wasn't and French's take on these guys is sufficiently novel &/or grimy to stop it feeling like discount Tolkien.

Anyway, the plot spirals slowly outwards and turns out to be a complex thing of many moving parts that eventually encompasses two nations and a vast square mileage. The heart of it all though is always the hoof and the tight but complex friendships therein.

If you look past the towering mounds of vulgarity this is actually a book with a lot of heart and no real evidence of the morally grey &/or nihilistic slant often called grimdark. The main half-orc characters are loyal, good-hearted, and as inclined to do the right thing as many a fairy-tale prince, only with bags of very crude sexual innuendo (no, in your endo #Scrubs #TheTodd).

It's a well written book that captures characters well, contains great description, and keeps the pace varied but entertaining. I spotted a grand total of 2 typos and a dozen or so lines I would have scrubbed the purple out of, which now that the book has a major publishing deal should mean that the editors have very little work to do.

I really enjoyed this book. It has charisma. It's very entertaining, it builds to an exciting finish, and left me ready for more.

You know you want to read about a dozen orcs on giant pigs charging into massed centaurs while screaming insults and waving their genitals. Or ... you might not know it ... and be surprised to find that you like it!

++++++++++

Out of the 300 fantasy books that entered my self-published fantasy book contest #SPFBO for 2016 this book was the runaway winner!!

Check out the contest results here, there are other great titles clamoring for your attention.

http://mark---lawrence.blogspot.co.uk...



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[Petrik · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5 stars

Filthily fantastic. I never cared about pigs this much, and I’m not talking about bacon.

The Grey Bastards was the champion of SPFBO (Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off) 2016 and in my opinion, it totally deserved the winning crown and all the praises. This review is based on my experience of reading the indie edition which I stumbled upon in my good friend’s shared kindle library. For those of you who don’t know, the self-published edition of The Grey Bastards has been removed from sale as of June 1st, 2017, and will be re-released by Penguin Random House on June 19th, 2018. I hope the cover will remain the same because man, that’s Raymond Swanland’s art! But enough about that, let’s get on with the review of the book.

The Grey Bastards can be described as Lord of the Rings meet Sons of Anarchy. Instead of motorcycles, the characters rode hogs (called barbarians), and instead of humans, the characters are half-orcs. The book can be filthy to read at times, with a lot of sex jokes, foul language, and plenty of violence, Out of all the books I’ve read, The Grey Bastard's filth level is comparable only to Fletcher’s Manifest Delusions. Simply to say, Jonathan French pulls no punches and if that suits your reading preferences, then this is the book for you.

The Grey Bastards has plenty of great action scenes, but like all the books I’ve read, characters' personality and development is the most important factor. The plot revolves around Jackal, a cunning and ambitious half-orc who is one of the members of the Grey Bastards. The Grey Bastards is a brotherhood of half-orcs who patrol their country to make sure their lands are safe from full-blooded orcs. The main highlights of the book for me were definitely Jack’s relationship with his two best friends, Oats and Fetching. It was truly a delightful experience to read their crude banter and well-written relationship development. However, it’s not only the main characters that were great; the side characters received proper backgrounds and the relationship between the hogs and their riders was a huge plus for me.

Live in the saddle. Die on the hog.

I am a huge lover of human-animal friendships in literature. Fantasy books usually have the bond between human and dogs/wolves to satisfy their readers, but this was something totally different. It’s the first time I've read about a bond between a half-orc and a hog and I really think it was refreshing. Jackal’s and Oats’s hog, named Hearth and Ugfuck, managed to steal the spotlights in every scene with their appearance.

The world-building is also intricate; the Lot Lands has a rich history and although it’s not really grand yet in scope, I loved reading this take on half-orcs protecting humans rather than the usual trope of humans protecting themselves from those with orc blood.

Although the book wasn’t an immersive experience for me at first—mostly because I had to get used to French’s prose—everything changed when the novel neared its halfway point. That was when the book turned from okay to amazing for me. There were quite a lot of typos, however. Although they didn’t distract my reading experience, I hope these will be fixed in the rerelease of the book.

I’ve read both the runner-up and the third place of SPFBO 2016, The Path of Flames and Paternus: Rise of Gods respectively. Both are great in their own way, but The Grey Bastards is slightly a superior in comparison and it totally deserved to win the crown. I look forward to the re-release of the book because I need to have this book in physical form. The Grey Bastards is simply an exhilarating book filled with great characters and awesome action scenes. Highly recommended.

You can find this and the rest of my Adult Epic/High Fantasy & Sci-Fi reviews at BookNest

[Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hell yes!! This went to my favorites list and thanks to Netgalley I have the next one to read!! Although, I’m afraid!! My nerves for my favorites in this book!! And Hearth 😫 Anyhoo, fanfreakingtastic!



Happy Reading!

Mel 🖤🐶🐺🐾

Amazon Review:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/0...

[Jeffrey Keeten · Rating 5 out of 5]

”The first Grey Bastards were potters, named not for our skin, but from the dry clay which covered it. We knew fire and heat and mud, until the day we rode into battle on the backs of hogs that knew only the yoke of a supply wagon. That day we became warriors. We were carving a path to freedom, though we didn’t know it then. Carving it with swords fallen from the hands of our fleeing masters, carving it through the flesh of our orc fathers.”

The Lot Lands, a Mad Max zone that lies between the Orcs (Thicks), the Centaurs (Horse-Cocks), and the Frails (humans), is defended by bands of Half Orcs who are the only thing standing between the Frails and imminent invasion of Thicks. In the last great Orc invasion, the Half Orcs were pulled from the mines, the fields, the blazing kitchens, and given swords and war hogs. They threw them into the front lines, but the Frails knew that their slaves were not going to be enough.

They developed a plague.

They purposely infected hundreds.

Only a handful of Thrice Orcs survived the infection, but these contagious survivors, on the verge of madness from the disease, became the deadliest weapon against the Thicks. They were the smallpox contaminated blankets to end the war.

By the time Jackal joins the Hoof along with his best friends Oats and Fetching, the times have changed. All but one of the contagious Orcs have died, many by madness induced suicide, but one still remains.

The Claymaster.

He is the leader of the Grey Bastards, and needless to say, for a young, aggressive, impatient Half Orc like Jackal, he has had enough of the addled directions of the pus dripping, mummy wrapped, corpse asshole smelling presence of his leader.

He is ready to make his move.

The Half Orcs are all bastards. They are the result of rape between a Thick and a Frail. No Human woman in her right mind would bed down with an Orc by consent. They are ugly, cruel, dimwitted creatures that make even a caveman look like a civilized man of elegant culture. Once born, these half breeds are sent to the Lot Lands where the very best of them will be molded into warriors to join up and become sworn members of one of the bands of Lot Lands protectors. Even though the Frails need them, they still look down upon the Half Orcs as an abomination.

Naturally, there is a lot of rage lurking in the hearts of those less than a generation away from being raised under the lash.

Jackal has only a limited understanding of the history of The Lot Lands. He has been too worried about surviving and achieving his most precious goal, to become a member of The Grey Bastards. The moment life seems to be on a trajectory upward, something usually explodes out of nowhere to send everything sideways. A shit storm of unfortunate events has Jackal dealing with a series of crisis situations, each one more dire than the last. Jackal finds himself outlawed from all that he loves, including his friends.

His friend Fetching is one of the most interesting characters in the book. She is the only woman to be allowed to join The Grey Bastards, and frankly she only makes it because Jackal and Oats insist on her capabilities. It doesn’t take long for her to prove to everyone that she more than deserves a position with the band. She has a talent for killing. She is gorgeous, which keeps all the boys in a steady state of arousal. She is frustrated that being good enough to be a Grey Bastard is not enough without the help of Jackal. I think a lot of women can certainly identify with that frustration.

She will prove pivotal as the final chess pieces move on the board.

Betrayal, conniving sorcerers, whorehouse treachery, magical arm bones, swamp land slugs the size of refrigerators, conspiracies, madness, moon mad Centaurs, halfling zealots, kidnapped elves, and let’s not forget a 40,000 member Orc army about to descend on The Lot Lands. The fight scenes are incredibly vivid. What’s not to love? This is an absolutely filthy book with absolutely nothing held sacred, so if you are PC sensitive, you might keep that in mind when considering reading this book. Half Orcs will be Half Orcs. There is never a good spot to stop reading this book. The plot is so riveting I was compelled to read large chunks every time I curled up next to a war hog and immersed myself in the blistering, unforgiving Lot Lands. If you enjoy Mark Lawrence’s books, you will be thrilled to find another writer who will add some pulpy, blood spilling, sword swaggering, whore shagging, Orc splitting goodness to your reading entertainment.

Live in the saddle. DIE ON THE HOG.

I want to thank Kathleen Quinlan and Crown Publishing for sending me a free copy in exchange for a gore splattered, honest review.

If you wish to see more of my most recent book and movie reviews, visit http://www.jeffreykeeten.com
I also have a Facebook blogger page at: https://www.facebook.com/JeffreyKeeten

[James Tivendale · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advanced reader copy of The Grey Bastards in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to Orbit Books and Jonathan French.

In French's debut release, readers follow Jackal, an attractive half-orc who is a key member of his gang which is known here as a hoof. The hoof is called The Grey Bastards and they operate in similar fashion to how a biker gang might, offering protection to local businesses, riding around their turf, and getting into skirmishes with rival factions but instead of motorcycles, they travel on giant and vicious war hogs. The war hogs are more than just vehicles, they are closer to pets and are incredibly loyal and a huge asset in any conflicts with fully fledged Orcs. One of the hogs is lovingly called Ugfuck!

Alongside Jackal, the standout additions are - Oats, a giant thrice-blood who is Jackal's banter-buddy and loyal best friend, and Fetch, who is fierce, amazing with a bow and arrow and also the only female member of the hoof. The camaraderie and banter of the Bastards' is top quality throughout and reminiscent of the crews in Malazan or The First Law. Orcs are often presented in fantasy as brainless brutes but with half human emotions thrown into the equation as presented here they often extremely likable and relatable. The majority of the characters are fully fleshed out and each have detailed motives and opinions. Another notable mention goes to the Half-Orc Wizard Crafty.

The worldbuilding is excellent throughout with the environments and its inhabitants brimming with details and intricacies. Although The Grey Bastards includes a fair amount of fantasy tropes including wizards, elves, orcs, halflings - it is crafted in such a way that combined everything feels new, fresh, exciting and original. There are many different nations, races, and factions each with their own religions, hierarchies, and histories which are all well-crafted, however, I still believe we've only just touched the surface of what The Lot Lands trilogy has to offer. A moment that stood out as a highlight to me was when information regarding the half-orcs' pasts and how they came to be placed where they are in this worlds current hierarchy was revealed.

This novel is filthy, dirty, and gritty but in the best possible way. It is dark fantasy done right. The Grey Bastards is extremely adult in nature featuring certain moments of vulgarity and also the swearing count is high from the very first page. There are a plethora of standout scenes dotted throughout this sharp brilliant debut. Ambushes, swamp-battles, and an assault made by beasts straight out of mythology are but a handful of occasions that spring to mind. There are many exquisite and dramatic confrontations but a scene that stood out the most to me was a conflict battled with wits and words rather than javelins and swords. The character dialogue throughout is unbelievable tight, not just for a debut novel but for any top fantasy novel. In The Grey Bastards, just when I thought I knew what was going to happen next I was blindsided and then the chaos, twists, drama, and unpredictability gave me an Orc-powered punch to the gut! French has composed a stunning opening chapter to his trilogy that is well worthy of the hype that has been garnering. If you have been living under a rock and haven't heard about this book yet then I'd definitely recommend putting it on your radar.

[Matt's Fantasy Book Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Check out my YouTube channel where I show my instant reactions upon finishing reading fantasy books.

A dark, gritty tale with a wonderful atmosphere and a story that takes quite a while to get moving along.

Over time I've realized that in general, the darker the fantasy story - the more I am going to like it. So when I saw The Grey Bastards recommended to me and read what people were saying about it, I was very interested in picking this one up.

This is a story of half-orcs living in a barren wasteland trying to survive caught between humans to the north and full orcs to the south. It's a dark world with no good people living in it, and really makes you feel like you are right there with the characters. The setting and worldbuilding here are extremely well done, and are ultimately the main reason I will be continuing on with this series.

The story took a while to get moving unfortunately, and it wasn't until the tail end of the story that I became really invested with the plot and the characters. Ultimately I think this book was one big setup for the rest of the series, and while I don't love it when books do that - it is a common strategy that fantasy authors do to get their series on the right track.

I look forward to reading the next one in this series to see if that setup was worth it. But it remains to be seen.

[✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) · Rating 1 out of 5]

💀 DNF at 58%.

Yes, I dared DNF and award 1 pathetically miserable little star to a book with a 4.15-star average rating. Not to mention that I had the audacity to write a negative review about it, too. Goes to show that I’ve lost nothing of my legendary despicability, despite all evidence to the contrary. So go me and stuff.



Sooooo, this would have been a delightful little tale about a bunch of gleeful, fun-loving, pacifist half-orcs (they were shortlisted for the Nobel Peace Prize a few years ago, from what I’m told), had the women in it not been portrayed in a quite very slightly infuriating manner. Which might or might not have possibly made me felt like unleashing my murderous children on the author quite a few times as I was reading the book.

And what would call for such an uncharacteristic bout of violence on my part, you ask? Well maybe the fact that the female characters in this story—charmingly and most elegantly referred to as “cunnies” and “cunts” and “pussies” and “slashes” and “quims” and other similarly enchanting monikers, because this is a world of manly macho males who are super manly and macho and stuff, and therefore have to show zero bloody shrimping respect for things with “slits” women—are either whores or broodmares barely good enough to raise and feed children. Okay okay, let’s not be too harsh here. It is true that some women in the book do have greater callings. Like being raped. And beaten the crap out of. And enslaved. And generally abused. So yay and stuff.



But hey, it’s not ALL bad. Take Fetching’s character for example. (Let’s put aside the fact that she earned this lovely nickname because, as a woman, her two only missions in life are “fucking and fetching,” shall we?) Now there’s a strong, kickass chick! Okay, so she’s Slightly Very Unlikeable (SVU™), but what woman isn’t, I ask you? And it just so happens that she pretends to be gay to better fit in with her Manly Macho Men (M³) colleagues, but there’s nothing really wrong with that, IS THERE? I mean, she's trying Super Extra Hard to be one of the guys, so it would make sense for her to play lesbian, RIGHT? Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that all gay women are masculine as fish and act like men, RIGHT? Besides, it makes sense that Mr French would choose to give dear Fetch all the attributes of masculinity. I mean, it’s not like feminine women who act and dress womanly can be badasses. Of course they can’t. Don’t be silly now. This is a scientifically proven fact that has been scientifically proven numerous times. Most recently by my very good friend Lovely Henry. She’s quite the figurative male, my Henry. It pleases me greatly.



Now, the great thing is, not only is this book a highly progressive feminist pamphlet, it also comes fully equipped with truckloads of refined, exquisite lingo reminiscent of The Heresy Within. (I’m beginning to think Messrs French and Hayes are fourth cousins thrice removed or something.) At no extra charge! Imagine that! Ah, the non-stop, crude, lame banter! Ah, the constant sexual references and pathetic dick “cod” puns and jokes and pranks and stuff! Such gloriously bad taste all around! What joy and glee this brings me!



Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, I ain’t ♫ too proud to beg ♫ one of those clean-reading prudes *shudders* who instantly self-combust in the presence of sexual innuendo and boorish manners. And yes, I understand that this unsavoury display of unsavoury expressions is supposed to be a reflection of what a Neanderthal-like Brutally Brutal Clique (BBC™) the half-orcs are. But does that mean every single distasteful line of every single distasteful dialogue needs to be about sex and/or about women as sex objects to be debased and used? Not unless you’re writing for a bunch of horny, sex-deprived teenage boys, it doesn’t.

➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): this book could have been an entertaining, gritty, violent, deliciously dark fest. Only that it wasn’t. Because putting more focus on your ridiculously sex-obsessed, misogynistic, flat characters than on your plot and world-building does not a good book make. So QED and stuff.

P.S. I’m unleashing both Lady and her great great grandma Mist on this book. Just so that the supposed hardasses in this charming little story get an idea of what Real Badass Chicks (RBC™) are capable of. I see lots of severed little half-orc heads in this book’s future. Fun times.



P.P.S. Want to read a Slightly Very Good (SVG™) SPFBO winner with a strong, empowering female character? Read my girlfriend Amra's adventures. You're welcome.



[Pre-review nonsense]

Why DNF such a highly rated book, you ask? Because a) everyone but me has I have Despicable Book Taste (DBT™), b) feminism committed suicide way too many times while I was reading this delightful piece of crap literature and I'm ever so slightly pissed off as a result, c) it kinda sorta reminded me of The Colour of Vengeance *shudders* and d) reasons. Ergo, out of here I am.



➽ Review to come and stuff.

[Niki Hawkes - The Obsessive Bookseller · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fun, irreverent read!

I’ve had Grey Bastards on my radar since before it was picked up by a publisher (I went to buy it and had a freak out because it wasn’t available anymore). Lately I’ve been really enjoying this type of story – where the characters don’t take themselves too seriously and even manage to give me a few laughs while they’re doing awful things. It falls perfectly in line with that cheeky dark fantasy I’ve been craving.

Grey Bastards had a unique concept that piqued my interest right away: human/orc half breeds on the edge of society who protect the lands from full-blood orcs. The tale wasn’t terribly complex, but it did surprise me how many good character dynamics and twists it provided. My favorite scenes were anything to do with the conflicts within the council of the Grey Bastards, which I feel took a decent story to the next level.

The characters are easily the selling point of this book (with overall concept a close second). This is going to sound an odd comparison, but it reminded me a bit of the dynamics between characters and their handling of certain situation in Firefly. You know what I mean – the same irreverent humor and causal ass-kicking that made that series so memorable. Obviously all context is different, but chances are if you liked the “spirit” of that show, you’ll enjoy this book.

Series status: where the hell is the second one? I need it yesterday.

Recommendations: if you like cheeky fantasy with a fun plot and loads of debauchery, look no further! Grey Bastards is easily one of the most entertaining books I’ve read this year and I think a lot of fantasy readers will have fun with it (if they haven’t already).

Via The Obsessive Bookseller at www.NikiHawkes.com

Other books you might like:

[Samir · Rating 4 out of 5]

19.06.2018. Update:

The Grey Bastards ride today!

And they have a new cover:



Too bad the original cover didn't stick. I'm not saying this one is bad but the original was badass AF.

Actual rating: 4.5 stars.

I’m sure a lot of you are aware of the following fact but I’ll remind you anyway; The Grey Bastards is the winner of the SPFBO 2016 and the worthy winner it sure is!

I was lucky to grab the indie version before the book and its forthcoming sequel were sold to Penguin/Random House, because as of June 1, 2017. the book was no longer available for purchase.

The new edition will be released in 2018. and I can only hope it will have a cover that will rival the badassery of this one:


As you can see from the picture above, the stars of this book are half-orcs which was an instant like for me because I wanted to read a fantasy book where the humans aren’t in the spotlight for a very long time. However, the human characters are present as well as are orcs, elves, halflings and centaurs so if you look for diversity in your fantasy, look no further.

As I mentioned, the half-orcs are the main characters and if you have ever encountered those kinds of characters in video games or other books, I’m sure you’ve noticed they don’t recite poetry in their free time and when they speak, they certainly don’t sound like this: “I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.” or “The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril.” What I’m trying to say here is; there is a lot of swearing and vulgar vocabulary present so if you’re triggered by that and if you cringe when various synonyms of vagina and penis are mentioned, then this isn’t a book for you.

It’s hard to say something about the story or the characters without revealing the crucial plot twists so I’ll refrain myself from doing so. I will however compare this book to a TV show which was in my mind the entire time I spent reading this and the name of the show is Sons of Anarchy. I was a big fan of SoA with the exception of the last two seasons which were crap and if you’ve never heard about it, it was a show about biker gangs. This book is basically about biker gangs only they are called hoofs and they ride hogs. Just like in the show, the characters are grey (pun intended), there are scheming, betrayals and past events which are affecting the present story and character’s actions. If you were a fan of the show or if you’re a fan of biker gang culture in general, I think you’ll enjoy reading this adventure.

The strongest point of the book for me was the pacing. There is no slow build up here; the action starts from the get go and pulls you right away. The story just keeps on moving fast forward until the end and you’ll have trouble putting this book down. The action scenes are gripping, violent and graphic so if you enjoy when blood is spurting and limbs are flying, you're guaranteed to have a great time.

To sum up, I had a blast! The characters were charismatic, the story was compelling and exciting, and both were interwoven in the rich and vivid world of the Lot Lands. I can’t wait to be back in this world and will eagerly await news of the sequel.

"Live in the saddle. Die on the hog."

[Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 astonishing stars to The Grey Bastards! 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

When I was contacted by Crown Publishing to read and review two fantasy genre books, I jumped at the chance. Not because this is my typical genre; not at all. That’s not because I don’t like fantasy because I do. For whatever reason, I don’t pick up fantasy books regularly. But I am drawn to these types of TV shows and films, and The Grey Bastards is ready for the screen.

Another thing that is ironic to me is that, while I’m no puritan, the title of this book contains a word I don’t use in my regular vernacular, and here I am typing the word repeatedly. Lol

As I was reading, I instantly thought that The Grey Bastards would appeal to fans of Game of Thrones. It’s brash, graphic in every way, and an epic adventure. It’s been compared to Lord of the Rings, and I can definitely see that comparison, too.

Jackal is a half-orc and a member of a brotherhood of same. Sadly, half-orcs are not accepted into human society, so they are forced live a hard-wrought life in the Lots. The brotherhood is called the Grey Bastards, and they are responsible for protecting the fragile human civilization from the extremely violent full-orcs; kind of intermediary between the humans and the full-orcs.

As with any great story, there are secrets, deep, dark secrets of which Jackal is unaware, and there is a secret that belies the peace between humans and half-orcs. An invasion occurs on the cusp of Jackal learning this news, and it leaves him questioning everything he thought was true.

This book completely transported me to the land of the half-orcs. I could see Jackal and all his compatriots as if it were a movie inside my head. This book is gritty, dark, gruesome, gruff, tough, and wild!

I can see why fantasy fans are eating this book up! It’s fast-paced, transporting, full of action, and an absolute thrill.

Thank you to Kathleen at Crown and Jonathan French for hours of pure entertainment! The Grey Bastards will be published on June 19, 2018.

My reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Live in the saddle
Die on the hog!

Kerching! This is the fantasy payload! All the stars for this highly original, foul mouthed story! I was surprised by various twists and turns in the plot. I loved the world of half-orcs, orcs (thicks), centaurs (horse-cocks) , elves, halflings, humans (frails), magicians and sludge demons- yes you read correctly- sludge! I loved the hogs that the Grey Bastards ride. I loved the main characters Jackal, Oats and Fetching.
The pace is fast, the action is varied- the world promises details and history yet to be told. Plenty of room for sequels.
This is everything fantasy should be! The last 20% was so exciting.
Recommended!

[Mogsy · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 of 5 stars at The BiblioSanctum https://bibliosanctum.com/2017/02/20/...

I fucking loved this book. The Grey Bastards went down like a shot of good top-shelf tequila: warm and smooth, but with one hell of a spicy kick. If SPFBO has taught me any lessons, it’s that you never know what you’re going to get when you pick up a self-published novel, but many stars aligned to make this one work immensely well for me. It happened to perfectly fit my tastes, for one. With a title and cover like that, you can be sure this dark epic fantasy will have plenty of grit and violence. Throw in some breakneck pacing and a dash of that crude and vulgar brand of humor, then you’ve got yourself a recipe for a good time.

The story follows a half-orc named Jackal who is sworn to the The Grey Bastards hoof, one of the eight brotherhoods of former slaves that now live on the land known as the Lots. Shunned by humans but also hostile to the orcs, the mongrel bands are all that’s left standing between the city of Hispartha and the forces that want to see it fall.

Life among the hoofs has its own trials, however. Long has Jackal wanted to challenge their warchief Claymaster for leadership of The Grey Bastards, but because a failed bid can mean his own death, our protagonist is prepared to wait until he has more support beyond that of his good friends, Oats and Fetch.

Still, that was before their so-called allies started turning against them, or before the Claymaster started sparing their orc enemies instead of swiftly dispatching them, and certainly before before a wily wizard named Crafty managed to weasel his way into the warchief’s good graces. More and more, Jackal is noticing erratic behavior in their gnarled and plague-ridden leader, reaffirming his beliefs that the old half-orc should be deposed. The final straw finally comes in the form of an elf girl named Starling, whom Jackal rescues from a terrible fate. Vehemently disagreeing with the Claymaster on their next course of action, Jackal feels he has no choice but to throw down his ax—thus declaring his challenge and sealing his fate for the inevitable course of turmoil to come.

So yeah, I liked this book. I liked it a lot. And thing is, there isn’t any one aspect of the story that I can single out and claim that I liked the most, since it was the culmination of all of its parts—and all at once—that made The Grey Bastards such a memorable and spectacularly good read. I enjoyed how the plot started small before snowballing to become something much bigger, and at no point did it take a step back or even pause for a breather; there was only aggressive forward motion, constantly driving forward.

I’ll also admit a love for reading dark fantasy featuring raw, gritty, foul-mouthed and violence-seeking characters—call me old softie, but I reserve a special place in my heart for these kinds of anti-heroes. However, an author can wind up with a whole cast of virtually indistinguishable characters if they’re not careful, which is a common pitfall for books in this genre. Fortunately though, French manages to avoid this problem in The Grey Bastards, giving all his half-orc characters their own unique and individual personalities. Jackal is our main protagonist, with his lofty ambitions which can sometimes blind him to other perspectives around him. In part, this book is the story of how he finally opens his eyes to see the big picture, but the journey to get there is a tough one indeed. Lucky for Jackal, he has his friends to back him up. Oats is a thrice (so called because they are three-quarters orc, making them physically larger than their half-orc brethren) who is as loyal as they come, and rounding out the inseparable trio is Fetch, the only female in the Grey Bastards who had to fight tooth and nail for her position in the hoof. Like all friendships, the three of them have their ups and downs, but the well-developed relationships between them made these dynamics very convincing.

In terms of story, The Grey Bastards was a book that pulled me in straight away. It’s fun and exciting, full of unexpected twists and turns, though I feel I have to warn prospective readers that this is not one for the faint of heart. If you are easily turned off by brutal graphic violence or crude and offensive language, then this is probably not for you. French pulls no punches in this vicious and no-holds-barred world full of orcs, humans, elves, halflings, and even centaurs all fighting one and another, with scenes of skirmishing and great battles punctuating the narrative every few chapters. This sets a very fast and readable pace with rich world-building that is not so much inserted as it is integrated into the story, often done in a seamless way that is in context with the events playing out on the page. This has got to be one of the most interesting and fleshed-out fantasy worlds I have ever read, and the author made it all seem so effortless.

In case you couldn’t tell, I am beyond impressed with The Grey Bastards. In reading it I got to experience a strikingly vivid world come to life before my eyes, populated by characters who are at once wild and wonderful. Jonathan French is a fantastic writer and talented storyteller who has created a very special gem here, and the story even ends with potential for our characters to engage in more future adventures. Here’s hoping Jackal and his fellow Bastards will get a sequel soon, because you can bet I’ll be all over that.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Winner of the 2016 SPFBO, The Grey Bastards introduces us to Jackal, half-orc and all round badass hog rider. Him and his fellow half-orc brothers form one of the hoofs that reside in the Lots, the lands between human held territories and those of the full blood Orcs, the thicks, who are straight out of Tolkein and really aren’t at all nice. The hoofs work protection on multiple levels, ridding the Lots of Orc bands who dare to test the boundaries of Ul-wundulas, as well as in the more racketeering sense, providing assistance in exchange for cash to businesses such as Sancho’s oft-visited local brothel. An unfortunate murder at said establishment throws Jackal head first into the kind of world-threatening plots of which he’d been blissfuly unaware.

So I’m going to get the ranting out of the way first because if you can’t get through this paragraph, the rest of the review won’t matter, and this book is definitely not for you. It is, as so many others have mentioned, the sheer amount of (unnecessary) sexual commentary and action. It reads like a teen boy’s wet dream and while there are going to be some who love it, there are also going to be some people offended by all the cobs and cunny, and I just found it tiresome. Perhaps it’s supposed to be earthy, with the half-orcs rutting like pigs (or hogs), but it repeatedly takes you out of the story. Whatever is occurring, and I mean WHATEVER, it gets interrupted by seemingly overwhelming thoughts about having sex or actually having sex or thinking about this woman or that woman or swapping derogatory comments about dicks and/or women. I’m pretty convinced Jonathan French is obsessed with his own anatomy as he can get a dick into any scene, often more than once, and good for him, but some of us occasionally need a bit of a break. Those without dicks, otherwise called ‘female characters’, are mothers, whores, rape victims, or rare one-of-a-kind individuals who get to play in the male arena by being exactly like men. It’s fair to say that female empowerment is pretty limited, though the book’s finale offers some positive avenues for the next offering.

Despite this, it’s worth reading because it’s fun. And because around 75% in, French stops whipping cocks out and writes some of the most exciting fantasy around. Under the light of the Betrayer Moon blood-crazed Centaurs descend towards Strava, a town Jackal is sworn to protect, an oath exchanged for the healing that saved his life. The brutal battle that follows is tightly written, tense and exhilarating in equal measure, and represents only the beginning of connected action sequences that hid hard right to the end. It’s this point when the author’s narrative feints become proper shocks, taking you in directions you never saw coming. This is especially the case with Jackal himself. Suffice it to say that at the beginning, he is far from as cunning as his moniker suggests, except perhaps in the midst of battle where his careless confidence looks like bravery- when it works, of course. He develops as an individual as his understanding of the world around him evolves- his initial shallow thinking leads him into situations where knowledge is forced upon him, clashing with what he believed was true. Each time he has to consider new information, motivations or consequences, he genuinely learns, and as a result, finally becomes the kind of leader he already thought himself to be.

Whatever the chatter says, this definitely isn’t grimdark. Just because it has violence and bad language doesn’t make it so, and if anything, Jackal is more of a classic hero. He saves people, and is saved in turn by his friends and allies. The relationship between him and his hoof is epitomised by close friendships, loyalty, and a striving to do what’s best for the group. They care about their hogs, they care each other, with wonderfully developed friendships like the one between Jackal and Oats that is genuinely moving as well as funny, and they even care about the frails, the humans with whom they hardly have a positive relationship. Despite the backstabbing and political machinations that underlie the main plot, the overarching themes are of brotherhood, compassion, connections over differences, and faithfulness. It would have been much easier to take the novel down the darker path, but it’s the emotion of it that raises it above the bar, giving the reader a group to root for, to laugh with, and to love. I can’t wait for the rest of the journey, just a little less of the cob and quim, if you please.

ARC via Netgalley

[Sean Barrs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jonathan French has done something totally epic here; he has created an original fantasy world and delivered it with mud, grit and lots of energy.

Writing today is so exceptionally hard. And becoming a known writer is even harder. The problem with writing, and writing fantasy especially, is that almost everything has been done before. Creating something completely new is next to impossible.

The main influence on The Grey Bastards is the television show Sons of Anarchy. Biker culture clearly influenced a large part of the story and factions here. And it was great to see in a fantasy setting such as this (with motorcycles replaced with Hogs and men replaced with Orcs.) It works so ridiculously well. For me this is largely because of the language, language that captured a culture in such vivid harshness.

Warrior bikers

One thing I must say here though, not by way of criticism but merely pointing it out, this book is very male driven. The male orcs think with their dicks and as such constantly comment on female characters in a way that may offend some people. That being said though, here it is merely a matter of perspective. When a group of blood crazed male warriors get together it is only natural they would talk about the opposite sex. They are comrades. They are brothers. They are men. So, I include this paragraph by way of warning if you find that kind of chatter offensive. The warriors are misogynistic. It is their culture. I’m not justifying it but commenting on the fact that this is the type of warrior band represented here: it felt authentic.

I also want to talk a little bit about characters, enemies, and plot. Not everything is straight cut. And this is the strongest element of the book. The world building is great, and the language used to capture it is exceptional, but what makes the story so compelling is the believable motives that drive the characters. I cannot expand on that too much because I do not want to giveaway spoilers, but I did not expect the plot to go in the direction that it did. Fantasy rarely surprises me anymore, but I was pleasantly surprised here.

Is it really Grimdark though?

This certainly has some Grimdark elements, but the protagonist is far too good for it to fit neatly into the genre. Some of his foes are far more complex individuals who face real life dilemmas. I found him a little vanilla compared to some of the other characters though, ultimately, I'm very glad of the outcome of the plot. It was completely necessary for this to continue as a series.

For a long time, I was reluctant to read this because of the hype surrounding it. I often find that hyped books are a major let down, but this one delivered everything it promised to.

So, I will happily say, believe the hype and the reviewers because this one is absolute gold. Go read it.

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[Holly Hearts Books · Rating 2 out of 5]

I adored the setup, world building and the overall idea of this book but I have to be honest, a fellow book reviewer of mine read this (Grimdark_Dad) and found it to be.. REALLY problematic. I went into it with that at the back of my mind. I didn’t it want it to mess with how I felt just in case I personally didn’t see these problems.
So here it is. Races, sexualities, and even women in general are very much made fun of here. Tons of occurrences where the men are accusing characters of getting “backy”. Every single female character is a whore/bed warmer and the one female character who is part of the horde is named Fetching because she’s good at fetching things for the men. This book made me feel pretty uncomfortable. So please just keep these things in mind going into it.

[Mary ~Ravager of Tomes~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actual Rating: 4.5 Stars

The Grey Bastards is a wild, gritty romp across the unforgiving lands of orcs, centaurs, and elves. Our main character, Jackal, is amongst the "hoofs" of half orcs that prowl the borderlands, unofficially tasked with protecting the human kingdom of Hispartha from outside threats.

Their mantra: "Live in the saddle. Die on the hog."

The Grey Bastards first crossed my radar as the winner of Mark Lawrence's 2016 Self Published Fantasy Blog Off Competition. It has since been picked up by Crown Publishing, which is a subsidiary of Random House.

Having judged in SPFBO 2017, I have no trouble at all seeing how this book was a standout submission that ended up taking home the prize when the dust settled.

From the very first page, this story hits the ground running & doesn't let up. It's savage, full of off-color language & abounding with jokes about male genitalia.

Vulgarity to this degree can be a fine line to walk, as I feel it can easily turn into overkill. When I get the notion a book's primary goal is to shock its audience instead of tell an interesting story, I can't help but disengage.

I'm happy to report this is not at all the case with The Grey Bastards.

Any foulness or obscenity ends up serving the novel's dark & hilarious tone, blending seamlessly with author Jonathan French's assorted characterizations.

Even with such crude subject matter, the writing style is classic & smooth. From believable, diverse fight scenes to fantastic, lush descriptions to distinct & believable dialogue, French's writing reads like the perfectly spiced dish with all the right ingredients.

Specifically, I really enjoy how scenes are crafted to highlight tension & create anticipation. At times I felt myself flying through the pages, desperate to see how the action would unfold. I had to consciously stop myself from flipping ahead to the end of each chapter!

The plot of this one certainly didn't develop in the way I expected, & it was a refreshing feeling to be caught off guard. I've read quite a lot of Fantasy & that usually means noticing certain common patterns. But I was constantly guessing about who to trust, what would happen, and whose intentions were pure vs. whose weren't.

That unpredictable element makes for an exciting experience, regardless of whether you're a new or experienced Fantasy reader.

This is a super entertaining first novel in the Lot Lands series & I can't wait to see what more is in store. I consider myself someone who is rather hesitant when it comes to Grimdark Fantasy, but I'm here to tell you this one is worth giving a shot!

This review and other reviews of mine can be found on Book Nest!

***I received a copy of The Grey Bastards from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Special thank you to Jonathan French & Crown Publishing for this opportunity!***

Publication Date: June 19th, 2018

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Grey Bastards (The Lot Lands #1) by Jonathan French is a powerful, deeply moving, gritty, emotionally powered book that thrilled my every being! I felt I needed to shower off sweat, blood, hog hair, and grime when finished with this amazing book! It was the best book I have read in soooo long!
So rich in world building in every facet..just so detailed yet told without pointing out details, if that makes sense. The multiple species and the differences in their life habits and habitats.. WOW. Elven, Orcs, Half-Orcs, and Wizards, and of course humans. The story is about a group of Half-Orcs and their group called the Grey Bastards. The history of these, and all the fighting Half-Orcs, is so emotionally charged and thrilling...I wanted to get on a hog too!
After reading this book I tried to read several books and I couldn't! I felt I was reading children's books compared to The Grey Bastards. This book spoiled me! I tried a cozy mystery, a fun fantasy, and a few others and decided I shouldn't read for a day or two and then read. I had to just let the story marinate in my head and then read something else. I am still thinking about the book a few days later. I finally picked up another book but nothing compares to this. I bought his other books now. I hope it lasts until book two comes out! I am addicted to his rich, gritty, wild but wonderful writing!
I requested this book and the review is voluntary. I received an arc copy of the new edition.

[TS Chan · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars.

The Grey Bastards is a worthy winner of last year’s Self-Published Fantasy Blog Off. An original tale of valour, loyalty and friendship told from the perspective of half-breeds between humans and orcs, it was well-written and entertaining with loads of vulgarity.

I am not entirely convinced that this book should be termed grimdark though. Sure, there was a lot of crude language in this story that is set mainly within the forsaken badlands of Ul-wundulas, the home of the half-orcs whose society and culture are largely misogynistic. However, aside from a few less savoury personalities, the main protagonist and key supporting characters do have strong moral values. While this in itself does not define the sub-genre, the numerous fighting and action scenes were also far from being gory and visceral.

The story follows the third person perspective of Jackal, a young, ambitious and sometimes carelessly confident member of the Grey Bastards, who had set his eyes on removing and replacing its current leader, the Claymaster. A leader whom Jackal viewed as being past his time and had not been making the right decisions for the future of the hoof, one of the brotherhoods that patrolled Ul-wundulas against the threat of orcs. The narrative started off on a relatively small scale and the worldbuilding gradually revealed accordingly. Instead of bombarding the reader with loads of info-dumping, the author managed to weave the exposition of the world The Grey Bastards was set in, its history and inhabitants, throughout the progressive unveiling of the plot. What this achieved was an even pacing of the story with just some acceptable meandering at times into the history of the Ul-wundulas and Hispartha, wherein the humans reside.

This land was forgiven and forgiving, resting imperiously above its oft-raped sister. Ul-wundulas had no more tears, for itself or its people, it was used up, and bitter with the knowledge that its hideous, sun-scorched surface would not save it from another assault. Yet noble Hispartha was flush and unspoiled, content to ignore the ravages of time and invasion so long as the dusty thighs of Ul-wundulas lay spread between it and Dhar’gest.

Oppression of the minority is hardly something new. The originality of this tale came from the approach that author took to integrate this theme from the point-of-view of a traditionally less-favoured race, albeit these are only half-orcs, and not their full-blooded savage relatives. Aside from humans and orcs being inhabitants of this world, we also have elves which retain the fantasy convention of mystery, grace and beauty, a dwarven-like race called halflings and a reclusive and violent version of centaurs (which are known by a most unflattering but hilariously vulgar name among the half-orcs).

The character development of Jackal was executed skilfully as the sequence of ever-escalating problems forces his maturity. His relationships with his best friends, Oats and Fetching, made the story more compelling. However, my absolute favourite aspect of the characterization of these half-breeds was the connection between the riders and their battle hogs, more affectionately known as barbarians. For their seemingly brutish facade, these riders truly love their hogs; the loyalty and care demonstrated was truly heart-warming. In fact, Jackal’s Hearth and Oats’ Ugfuck (guess what it is short for) are two of my favourite characters in this book - swine with personalities. The supporting characters were also fully fleshed-out, each and every one of them have distinct personalities which are relatable and realistic.

The antagonists were also well-portrayed with believable motivations that I can empathise with. In fact, it is difficult to tag anyone as a villain per se. Even the creepy Sludge Man was not exactly evil in its truest sense. Speaking of which, I really love the worldbuilding element of a skin-crawling eerie bog called the Old Maiden protected by inky sludge creatures and its master; a land and its occupants transformed through the corruption of conflicting magical energies.

Seek potent allies and you shall find the most grievous of your future foes.

Plot-wise, The Grey Bastards deviates from standard predictable fantasy fare. Allies and foes are not immediately identifiable. And just when I thought I might have an inkling of what might transpire, I was proven wrong most of the times. Something that I really liked in my books as it kept me on my toes and the pages turning. The last quarter of the book was hard to put down with a really exciting climax. To cap it all off, the ending wrapped up the plot nicely, leaving just enough of a teaser for the next book.

The prose was fluid with occasional purple tendencies, which did feel a bit out of place at times. The vulgarity was off the charts. While it was highly entertaining and I admit to laughing out loud many times, there were a few instances of rather unpleasant sexist remarks. As such, as much as I enjoyed reading this remarkable story, I will not readily recommend this to anyone who may be offended by the language in this book. However, if you live for an entertaining read filled with filthy dialogue, as well as a well-plotted story with heart and great action scenes, The Grey Bastards will be right up your alley.

The self-published edition of The Grey Bastards has been removed from sale as of 1st June and will be re-released in 2018 with a major publishing house. Hopefully, this will address the intermittent typos throughout the narrative. It will also be most useful to have a cartographer create a map; a must-have in fantasy books set in different worlds.

This review can also be found at Booknest

[Ceki · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dear Jonathan French,

I am writing to tell you that you should get laid.

This book had great potential and refreshing premise but you decided to write it with your cock-driven urges.
I must admit that I enjoyed the crude banters and a few plot twists, but what I was looking forward to most was definitely the development of characters and the refreshing change of the usual fantasy trope in which orcs tend to be the bad guys. I was looking forward to seeing them finally humanized, though still very ugly in appearance, but still more human in behavior than sparkly elves and humans.
And no, Jonathan, I'm not some sensitive female who can't take a few cock jokes. But you kinda embarrassed yourself by the way you depicted sex scenes - as if you finally got the chance to relive your wet dreams.

But what did I get?

I got an abundance of cocks, quims, cunts, more cocks and pussies... and the terrible image of huge orcs raping small humans and elves... forever stuck in my head.

So why did you do it Jonathan? Why did you end up dehumanizing these half-orcs when it is obvious that you wanted to show the opposite? For example, I really liked the part in which Jackal was playing with the kids from the orphanage, but then you go and make him fuck almost every female character in the book.

Jonathan, there are four types of women in this book:
1. only one female warrior.
2. only one foster mom (who luckily doesn't get fucked by the main characters).
3. only one elf girl who is a slave.
3. whores aka 'bedwarmers'.

Such a diversity.

I just can't give more than 2 stars to a book that chooses its main audience to be a bunch of horny high school students, because I can't see a mature person liking the main character who is only good at being hard and horny 100% of time. Seriously, even the supporting characters are calling him blind and dumb, it's not only me.

It's a pity, Jonathan. And we could have been friends.

Sincerely,
Ceki

[Anthony Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantasy take on Sons of Anarchy might seem an unlikely starting point for an excellent novel, but Jonathan French manages it with considerable aplomb. The ‘spot the influence’ game is fun for the first few chapters but soon fades away as the adventures of half-orc Jackal and his foul-mouthed, hog-riding hoof-mates become ever more absorbing. French’s clean, elegant prose works as a pleasing counterpoint to the obscenity-laden dialogue of his characters and even that retains a certain rhythmic cadence that makes all the sweariness almost poetic. The plotting is pacy and never dull, with twists and betrayals aplenty as the cast of mongrels face an ever more deadly struggle to defend the badlands they call home from their full-blood orc enemies. As full of tropes as any high fantasy you’re likely to find but instead of coming across as well-worn cliches, here the various demons, wizards, elves, and halflings are refashioned into something both vibrant and highly entertaining.

[J.L. Sutton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jonathan French’s The Grey Bastards is an entertaining, immersive and page-turning adventure! Our heroes are crass, foul-mouthed and brave. This is what you might expect from a half orc, but we don’t generally see half orcs (or ‘monsters’ of any sort) as our heroes. And not half orcs who ride into battle mounted on pigs! Their motto, “Live in the Saddle. Die on the Hog” resonates through the book. In the context of the world French has created, this all makes sense and as protectors of a buffer zone no one else much wants, our half orcs are compelling. Moreover, their society and their codes aren’t just interesting asides. They’re integral to how the story progresses. Terrific writing, great pacing, and memorable heroes!

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

4.25 to 4.5 stars.

[C.T. Phipps · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Live in the saddle, die on the hog."

THE GREY BASTARDS have been on my list of things to review for quite some time but I've been distracted a lot from my reading due to a tidal wave of other good books. Still, I never lost my desire to read about half-orc calvary fighting against full-blooded orcs along the borderlands. The excellent art on its front intrigued me as well. Which goes to show you you can judge a book by its cover.

The premise. as mentioned, is half-orcs are the unloved former slaves of humanity who have been bequeathed the wretched badlands between their territory (Hispathia) and full-blooded orcs (called "thicks"). The half-orcs, who live in nomadic clans called hooves, take pride in their role as humanity's defenders. Jackal is a prostitute-loving young warrior who kills a human nobleman at the start of the book and, after hooking up with a mute elf and a obese half-orc wizard, finds himself neck deep in a conspiracy against the crown.

Jackal is a great protagonist as he has qualities which are rare in fantasy heroes. Specifically, Jackal is easily fooled and aggressively ignorant. I don't mean to say he's drooling imbecile but he's deeply unobservant and takes virtually every character by their word or his own cultural prejudices. Given orcs have a mythology that exalts them and looks down on everyone else, it means his worldview is both believable for him to have as well as incredibly skewed. He's easily taken in by anyone who lies to him (and a lot of characters do).

This adds a level to the narrative as every scene is told from his perspective but the reader is often left to make their own judgements which may or may not disagree with Jackal's own. As far as Jackal is concerned: humanity only exists because of the small orc clans on the border, half-orcs are all honorable warriors, women are to be dismissed (except for his closest friend), gods are for fools, halflings are the biggest fools of them all, elves are purity-obsessed psychopaths, magic is inferior to swordsmanship, and thicks are to be exterminated to the last. Needless to say, his views take a few lumps along the wall.

Part of what makes the Stark family entertaining protagonists in A Song of Ice and Fire is, they, too, are deeply conservative "honorable" warriors who were very often ignorant because of their worldview. Jackal's worldview is a bit less noble, especially as he and his brothers are constantly spewing anachronistic curses and slang (particularly against women). The narrative doesn't agree with Jackal or his fellows as they end up in a lot of trouble because of their beliefs.

Still, if the "c-word", "f-word", or "quim" bothers you then be forewarned. Rape is also implied and shown to be (off camera) how the vast majority of half-orcs are created. Local women may lie with half-orcs but regular orcs only propagate through war crimes. Half-orcs, themselves, are sterile and I think that was missed opportunity there. The Grey Bastards "hoof" is homophobic but not aggressively so as they're more put-off by bisexual newcomer "Crafty" than angered.

Despite this, or perhaps in part because, The Grey Bastards is an intelligently-written fantasy drama about warrior cultures and their traditions. A lot of what Jackal believes is the product of his elders feeling them a line of hog-poo in order to make them proud of who they are as well as cover up past sins. When Jackal shows compassion to the women around him, very often he unwittingly condescends to them with his friend Fetch irritated by his actions more than pleased. Indeed, when Fetch backpedals on an action she took earlier in the book, I felt it was dishonest as I fully understood why she "betrayed" Jackal.

Jonathan French has created a very evocative world which I "believed" in. Part of what drew me to grimdark was the presentation of fantasy worlds which were ugly, grimy, and sweat-filled places where you could believe people lived. That certainly was the case in his setting and all of the nasty behavior on display made it feel like actual soldiers and warrior culture (with all the problems thereof) versus the theme park version where everyone is well-behaved. As one history teacher of mine put it, "Chivalry and honor were primarily covers for the fact knights were killers-for-hire."

Are there places I think the book could have benefited from some revision? I think so. I would have loved the perspective of full-blooded orcs on their halfbreed offspring. Humans are complete garbage in this book so I'm not sure why the half-orcs feel defending them is worthwhile. I also found Fetch's characterization a bit unbelievable and preferred her when she was actively hostile to Jackal rather than his secret supporter. Oh well, maybe next book.

In conclusion, I strongly recommend this book and while it's presently out-of-print, it'll be returning to in a few months. It's definitely a book which earns its grimdark status, though, and is more The Hound and Bronn than Ser Barriston Semly. I'm very glad to have gotten a chance to read the original version and believe this is the kind of book which deserved to be re-released.

9/10

[Sadie Forsythe · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book has a really interesting germ of an idea, great mechanical writing and likable characters. But I'd not recommend it to anyone and I would suggest women run for the hills, rather than read it. My problem isn't just the distinct lack of women with agency in the book. After all, epic fantasy has had a dearth of women since forever. (With one token and problematic exception, which I'll address, every single one of them is a whore, a "bedwarmer," or a rape victim. We're explicitly told women can't stay at The Kiln unless they're bedwarmers. There are NO other options presented for women.)

It's not even the fact that I don't think the word woman is used even once in the book. Every time a female is referred to she is a gash, a slash, cunny, cunt, pussy, coin purse, quims, slit, (and those are just the ones I remember) even in distinctly nonsexual context. Women are denied their humanity from the first page to the last. (And yes, I get that they're not all human, but you take my point.)

Additionally, rape is an everyday reality of the book. Every half-orc, the whole race the book is about, is the get of orcs raping human woman. No woman is ever shown to have an opinion on who has sex with her and it's understood that half-orcs rape on a pretty regular basis. Even the hero has a rather protracted rape fantasy about a helpless elf-girl (who's already been repeatedly raped by a group of 7ft orcs, a sludge djinn and at least one soldier/slaver, though I'd assume he shared with his men too) and thinks, "This is the sort of man The Grey Bastards need, one who takes what he wants." He doesn't get around to doing it, but he also isn't remorseless at his thoughts.

It's all this plus the fact that the males constantly make dick jokes and tease each other about sex (usually at the expense of the woman involved), AND how often it's dropped into conversation: "It's not like we'll be sitting there eating grapes and letting virgins suck our cocks." Is a paraphrased example (since I didn't mark it) of how one character describes whether their group will achieve something. Virgins sucking cocks isn't necessary to make the point.

Even worse, the single token exception to the place of women is Fetching. So named because women are  only good for two things, "fucking and fetching," (direct quote). She's a warrior, sure, but she's constantly reminded by the leader and his followers that she wasn't wanted and verbally harrassed with things like, "If you're tounge's not around my cock, I have no use for it." (This when she asked a question.) This was in addition to the good-natured sexual teasing of her friends that might have been funny if it didn't feel so much like just more of the same, when considered with everything else. Worse, she had to pretend to be a lesbian to fill this role. She had to metaphorically remove herself from the ranks of women to be allowed to be anything but a walking pussy (or ass, apparently whores love it up the ass). Because if she was sexually available to anyone, she'd apparently have to be available to everyone. So the logic apparently goes. Thus, she had to be defrocked of male-female sexuality entirely to be anything but a whore (by any name).

This isn't a romance. It's not a book about lust or sex. In fact, all references to sex could be removed without changing the plot a single iota. But it is so pervasive in the book that it takes over. And as a female reader, who is given no place in the book, no one to relate to, it started to feel like a slap in the face. Would I be a gash, you think, or a coin purse? Maybe I'd be lucky enough to be chosen as someone's bedwarmer, the most I could aspire to. Because apparently I couldn't EVER be anything else.

And sure an author can construct their world anyway they like, it's artistic and creative license. But writing a world in which women are wholly subjugated and reduced to nothing but their sex (and it belonging to men), isn't creative or imaginative. It's trite and boring. It's been done and done and done. It's frankly either lazy or that author's juvenile wank fodder.

The sad thing is that if a lot of it had been tempered, such that I didn't almost feel freaking attacked as a female reader, I'd have loved the crude humor and rough language. I liked the Grey Bastards. I liked the political intrigue. I liked the plot. Hell, if it had all the sexual innuendo it has, but women weren't presented as existing solely as holes to be fucked but as equal participants, I'd still have probably loved it. But call me a snowflake, I (the universal I of womanhood) don't want to be the butt of ever single joke, probably rape jokes at that. It totally ruined an otherwise awesome fantasy.

As an aside, I just love how many reviews refer to the book as "gritty and realistic." Can we cue appellations from men who hold the same mindset of women as sexual objects as the author? Unless of course they mean the marauding centaurs or war-hog riding half-orcs as realistic.

All in all, I don't recommend this book to anyone. I hate to say it, but it's true. And I especially don't recommend it to women. I honestly think it takes its sexist streak so far as to be harmful.

[Melanie A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book 1: 5 STARS
Book 2: 4.5 STARS
Book 3: 5 STARS

5 STARS!

"Live in the saddle . . . Die on the hog!"

A completely entertaining, rip-roaring adventure. :D

So when I read at the end of the book in the Acknowledgments that it was inspired by Sons of Anarchy, Middle-earth, spaghetti westerns, and the history of Reconquista-era Spain, I was like YES! EXACTLY!

I had such a great time reading this one. Really, there wasn't anything that I didn't like about it.

I'm not going to attempt to explain the plot, but just know that for high fantasy, I thought it was very easy-to-follow. There was no information dump, but both the characters and the world they inhabit were vibrant and fully fleshed out. It takes a skilled writer to develop so many characters who are unique and easily identifiable.

But be warned: if you're looking for romance or political correctness, you won't find it here. The narrative was wonderfully crude and irreverent, filled with sexual innuendo and insults between the members of the hoof.

This was a great change of pace for me - loved it!!

[Nils | nilsreviewsit · Rating 4 out of 5]

“No-one can fight forever, Jackal. You’ll discover that when you’re old and done.”
“You’re wrong. You fight forever if you fight to the end.”
⚔️
The Grey Bastards by Jonathan French has to be one of the most unique fantasy books I’ve read in quite a while. I mean this had half orcs riding hogs as main characters, then we had armies of centaurs; blood lusty centaurs, fully blooded vicious orcs, and then elves thrown in too! Sounds bonkers I know, but for me personally, it really worked!
⚔️
The story focuses on Jackal; a member of The Grey Bastards hoof, as he tries to save the Lot Lands, his beloved home. The plot becomes something far more complex than this though. To be honest I found at times there was too much going on all at once. It does all come together at the end, but during the middle there was a lot of plots to keep up with. Jackal was never truly sure which path was the right one to take, and rarely knew who he could trust. We follow him through his discovery of the truth, and I have to say never have I rooted for an orc in the way I did for Jackal!
⚔️
What I most loved about this book was how much FUN it was! There was so much banter, such close friendships; I adored the one between Jackal, Oats and Fetch. Even the bond between hogs and their riders was pretty special too. Plus there was a good dose of filthy humour! Sometimes it’s nice to just let a book entertain you, and make you continuously laugh and this one delivered on that score. The character Oats provided much of the humour for me; his blunt crude way of speaking was brilliant, and the way he teased Jackal and the only female member of The Grey Bastards, Fetch, made him truly awesome. He’s definitely a new favourite of mine.
⚔️
I’m really looking forward to more foul-mouthed filthy fun from this series, and I’d love to see more elves and centaurs featured. I’m hoping it’s not too long until I can see where Jackal and the other members of the hoof end up next in the sequel!

[Laura Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have a bone to pick with you, Jonathan French, aka. author of The Grey Bastards. You, sir, owe me a great many hours of sleep; hours that were spent avidly following the grim adventures of Jackal and co.

Mr. French, the pacing of your novel is truly brilliant. Starting with a ‘bang’ and then racing from conflicts and schemes to plot twists and battles, Bastards is what one might call a ‘rip-roaring adventure’: brutal, brave, and utterly fearless. The chapters are long, yet each end in a way that compels you to continue reading. Not since Dyrk Ashton’s Paternus have I devoured a SPFBO book so eagerly.

Electing to tell the entire story through Jackal’s PoV is another engaging piece of trickery. As you’re clearly well aware, Mr French, keeping the reader invested in one character not only raises the stakes whenever he is in danger but also makes the book a journey of discovery for both protagonist and reader. In a genre dominated by sprawling, multiple-pov sagas, Bastards’ singular focus on one part of the world (and your protagonist’s place within it) is refreshing and exciting. Bravo, sir!

However: in some ways The Grey Bastards is an uncomfortable read. Did you know, Mr. French, that the word ‘fuck’ appears in your novel a total of 230 times? And ‘shit’, 69 times? 'Why is she even mentioning this?' you might be wondering; after all, Hughes is usually the last person to be offended over a bit of bad language! My fellow swear-brother T. O. Munro observed not too long ago that ‘cussing and expletives are a fact of real-life and fantasy reading and writing should reflect that’. I happen to whole-heartedly agree. But I suspect that in this case, Mr French, there will be many others who don’t. Here’s why.

The word ‘quim’ appears 19 times. The word ‘cunt’, 12, and ‘cunny’, 6. Those under the impression that misogyny is exclusively the domain of men will no doubt label this phenomenon simply as ‘testosterone’. But even considering that 80-90% of the characters are male (or swine…), this is a whopping amount of misogyny (and vulgarity) for one book. And yes, even I took exception to it at first.

However, as the story went on and I became inured to the language I realised with a jolt that perhaps this is what you were trying to do all along. By involving the reader so thoroughly in the half-orcs’ vernacular that it becomes natural to us you make us unwittingly complicit in their worldview. And the moment we realise this, the more we come to understand the ‘mongrels’ and to notice that some characters use these terms less broadly than others. While many wield the word ‘quim’ about as naturally as an elderly person uses casual racism (by which I mean as a harmful yet unconscious product of their upbringing), others use it much more aggressively, either as an insult or as a way to deliberately demean certain individuals. Either way, such ingrained chauvinism is shocking . . . but it also tells us a lot about the nature of certain characters. And the rare moments of its absence also happen to be an excellent way of highlighting honourable actions that would otherwise have gone unnoticed by us.

The fact is, Mr French, your half-orcs have entirely different values to your readers. In many cases, these differences will be irreconcilable, and no doubt many a reader will criticise the book for its rampant and unforgiveable misogyny. To these readers I would simply say: well, what on earth did you expect? But I’d also encourage them to read on; to read between the lines, and to reserve judgement until the story is done. Because while the bigger picture changes very little, the ways in which it has changed are crucial. Subtle, even.

I’ll admit that ‘subtle’ is the last word I’d expect to see used when referring to a book featuring a hog-riding half-orc on the cover and emblazoned with the title The Grey Bastards. A book that, even for me, felt like entering some exclusive boys’ club, one where I wasn’t forbidden but neither was I welcomed. A book that is saturated with derogatory terms for women, and with characters who view women as little more than ‘walking genitalia’ (as Adrian aptly pointed out in their review on Bibliotropic). However, the initial sense of being ostracised vanishes within just a few pages. I daresay that no reader can refuse Jackal’s honest charm, or that of his companions Oats and Fetching. And the Kiln wasn’t built in a day; likewise, reform – of any kind – takes time, and every step is a step in the right direction.

To sum up then, Mr. French: I envy and admire you for this story you’ve crafted. Bastards is brutal. Bastards is brave. Bastards is utterly fearless and unashamed of being what it is. I greedily await more from Jackal and co., and fully intend to hound you for news about the hoof - a truer set of bastards you’ll never meet. I notice that you have a couple of other books available for purchase and I look forward to sampling these while I wait impatiently for you to take me back to the Lots.

For now, though, I’d like to raise a floppy tankard to The Grey Bastards’ brilliance. It’s the least I can do after such a satisfying ride, and I’m confident I won’t be the only SPFBO judge who does so.

[Dyrk Ashton · Rating 5 out of 5]

A rip-roaring Spaghetti western crossed with 1001 Arabian Nights with humor to spare? Sierra Madre with orcs and elves and Hobbity folks relying on half-orcs riding the range on giant tusked hogs to keep the peace? Might sound impossible, but French makes it happen. A highly polished, fast-paced, action-packed fantasy not to be missed. Beware the squeamish or meek, there's a heap of swearing and dick-jokes galore, but if you can take it, then definitely do. I had a hell of a good time beginning to end.

[Anton · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars (to be frank)

I definitely enjoyed this book. Much more than I originally expected. Struggled to put it down over the final 30-25% stretch. This is a great story for the heroic fantasy fans...and I am still stunned that this is an independent title - really good quality work here.

Why should you pick up this book?
- great setting and worldbuilding. Is it tropey? Yes. But in a good sense. It feels more familiar than derivative.

- engaging story with a good cast of characters. Again, some tend to fall into usual archetypes a la 'daredevil trickster', 'loyal brute with a big heart', 'femme fatale' etc. But again, the execution is very good and you care more and more as the story unfolds. The plot also makes a couple of delightful twists to keep you intrigued.

- camaraderie, banter, 'bigger than life' heroics and general 'feel good' mood fantasy as a genre is usually known for. Gray Bastards delivers on all those points splendidly

Any issues to be aware of?
- language and swearing. Make sure to keep this book away from your child

- overuse of sex references. It is just too much...to the point that there is a 'jibe' somewhere in the book to offend pretty much any group of people. I am not overly sensitive to the things like that - but again, it was just too much of it. I reckon it would have been weeded out by a good editor...but since this is indie - no such luck

- messy main conflict resolution. Great build-up but the resolution itself turned out to be a massive kerfuffle of characters all in the same spot. It didn't feel satisfying. Again, better editing would probably have helped here as well.

Verdict?
If one or more applies to you - I trust you may enjoy this book a lot!
a/ you are an adult old time fan of heroic fantasy
b/ you have really enjoyed Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames
c/ you are D&D / fantasy tabletop RPG player
d/ you enjoy WoW or other fantasy MMORPG

[Kitty G Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a solid read from start to end, and I enjoyed it even more because the narrator of the audiobook did a great job with the characters. I have been meaning to get to the previous SPFBO winners for a while, since I started judging the competition, and this seemed like a solid start point as it was so good that it got a publishing deal, but I wasn't too sure if this would be as good as the hype, I am happy to report it's a fun read throughout.

The book follows Jackal, a young half-orc who is part of the Grey Bastards. He and his fellows defend the surrounding area from Orcs as they (riding on their war hogs) are some of the few who can take on the giants and win. Orcs are a big problem in the land, and the grey Bastards have got away with a lot for protecting people from them, however when we join the story the fate of the band is starting to shift a little and it looks like the cause of the problem could be their leader. Jackal is a keen friend and he wants to look out for all of the people who he calls his brothers. He is determined to get to the top and help to lead, but of course it's not that easy and along the way there are quite a few obstacles to pass.
Alongside Jackal we have some other characters of note, namely Fetching and Oats. These are Jackal's most staunch friends and they would support him through anything (or so he believes) but when a wizard comes to the Grey Bastards their loyalties are tested and strife develops. There is a lot to like about these two characters as Fetch is the only lady in the Grey Bastards, a right she has earned though many still look down on her, and Oats is the meanest and most powerful fighter of the group. Together they are a solid group, but when fears creep in they may begin to drift apart.

The world of the Orcs and half-Orcs includes all sorts of other beasts like the Tine (an elven culture), Mages (wizards), Kings and more. There are Sludge men and creepy beasties tucked in all the areas of the world, and people have to look out for themselves and their own kind. It's a rough, grimdark way to live, but the camaraderie of the Grey Bastards keeps the story light and fun too.

The pacing of the book felt good and I ended up reading almost the whole thing in a day. It was easy to listen to and fun to follow and I think that there is a good pace set throughout. It definitely doesn't surprise me that once this book got the attention it deserved it was picked up by a larger publisher. 4*s overall, recommended for those who like grimdark and humour all together.

[Deborah Obida · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buddy read with Tiana my June tbr twin.

Weirdly and unpredictably awesome.

“Live in the saddle!”
“Die on the hog!” the Grey Bastards responded as one.”

The Grey Bastards is so unlike most of the fantasy books that I have ever read, it does not follow the usual fantasy pattern.

This book is set in a world where the half orcs also known as the Bastards live in the Lot Lands, the half orcs are all a product of rape, their fathers are orcs who raped human women, most of the women abandon the children, the children are cared for by older half orcs. I think they accept the children because the male half orcs are sterile, just some of the half orc women are fertile, they can either get impregnated by human or orc male.

The half orcs live in villages known as hoof lead by a chief, they have nine hoods in total. Each hoof have their own territory and fortifications against attack. The lot lands is all but a desert wasteland but it’s home to the half orcs, they share border with the humans, elves and some weird humanoid creatures.

The world building is amazing, not only is it comprehensive and easy to picture in one’s mind, it’s also unique, which I love. The book is written in third person POV of Jackal the protagonist, though the book is written solely from his POV, the author still made the book inclusive and very explicit.

The book follows Jackal who is a warrior in his hood, he is the leader of his group of friends/ warrior. Oats and Fetching have been his friends all his life and they are always together. Jackal and his friends found more than they could chew on a mission. This book is action filled with well depicted fight scenes, revelations on all corners, and no it wasn’t info dump.

Jackal is a great well written character, despite being a warrior he has moral ethics which I admire, he is ambitious but very loyal to his friends.

“Jackal likened religion to madness. He had heard that in the north, in the great cities of Hispartha, there were more temples than well-fed children, that a hundred faceless gods received the wealth of the nobles and the fearful pleas of the peasants.”

Fetching is the only female character and I love how the author wrote her character. Despite her tough behavior, she is kind hearted and will do anything for her people.

Oats is a thrice blood, which means third quarter orc, he is huge and tall, but very emotional, he is loyal to Jackal, he’s with Jackal whatever he says. Hope to get more of him in the other books.

Starling is another admirable character I’d like more in the other books. Same goes for Beryl, Warboar, Mead and Wily.