When Children Ask About God: A Guide for Parents Who Don't Always Have All the Answers

by Harold S. Kushner

Who made God? Can God hear my prayers? Why does God let people die? The author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People helps parents understand their children's fears and fantasies, and offers advice on answering their questions about religion, the Bible, illness, and bereavement.

Genres: Judaism, Nonfiction, Childrens, Parenting, Religion

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1971

About the author

Harold S. Kushner is rabbi laureate of Temple Israel in the Boston suburb of Natick, Massachusetts. A native of Brooklyn, New York, he is the author of more than a dozen books on coping with life’s challenges, including, most recently, the best-selling Conquering Fear and Overcoming Life’s Disappointments.

Reviews

[Alva · Rating 1 out of 5]

1⭐️ As a Christian, a believer in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I do not agree with what Kushner is saying in this book. He is a Jewish Rabbi so our beliefs are going to be different but I’m surprised at his take nonetheless. It’s almost as if he is agnostic and knows there is a higher power but discourages people from thinking of God as a person- That God has no body and is an intangible being. I think I understand what he’s trying to say but at the same time man has been made in the image of God and that is so important to why there is such an attack on being male/female. The devil is trying to get us to reject God’s creation because of the way in which we were made- in the image and likeness of God.

He says that the stories in the Bible are “mythological, or embroidered by well-meaning imagination” (p32) and that couldn’t be further from the truth. The Bible is a difficult book to read and there are many things that my mind does not fully comprehend but that does not stop me from believing that the Bible is the word of God. I don’t believe it to be just a well told, embellished story as he suggests to encourage moral behavior. He also said that he believes children need heroes to emulate, not only from the Bible but from Greek mythology and American television. That did not sit well with me. He’s lumping them altogether as if they are all made up heroes and are comparable.

The way he talks of God is too abstract and not relatable. The Bible gives us so many comparisons to what God is like and I will take that over anything Kushner has to say about it. God is our loving Heavenly Father and we are his children. He says that God doesn’t have feelings the way people do. But reading the Bible I know that’s not true. He feels anger, jealousy, love, compassion, joy, grief.

Nothing I can do in will change the goodness of God. If I don’t believe in Him, God doesn’t cease to exist. And if I fill the world with goodness and love, that does not change or add to God’s goodness. God is not dependent on me in any way, shape or form.

I was starting to appreciate his approach in the section where children have questions about death and dying until he spoke of heaven as a made up place “where souls went after death” (p 92). In the Bible it clearly says in John 14: 2 that Jesus said “In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?” Also in Philippians 3:20, “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Instead of encouraging a child to get into the habit of daily prayer, he suggests “a nightime thought about “the nicest thing that happened to me today,” not necessarily every night, unless the child enjoys it” (p175). I could partially agree with him in the section about prayers for healing that “God “answers” such a cry, not by sending miraculous recovery, but by giving the one who cries out enough strength to bear his burden, however, heavy it may become” (p103). Prayer will bring us closer to God and change our hearts. I agree with him that praying isn’t going to change God’s mind or his will but it’s still important to do because it draws us near to Him.

This was a difficult book to get through because I disagreed with him on almost everything he shared. But at the same time, I’m happy to have the foundation in my own faith where I can use the wisdom God has given me and use discernment to know that this is not Biblical. “Then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.” Proverbs 2:9–11

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book took forever. I read it twice, the second time physically highlighting the interesting parts. There was some really great stuff, but it was written in such a wordy, convoluted way that I had to force myself to go digging and editing on my own. However, I do feel much better equipped to discuss the concept of God than I did before reading this book, and I found myself in agreement with much of the author’s theology.

[Joe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found it not only a book for children, but directed to parents. It raises questions most adults are STILL asking: "Who made God?" "Can God hear my prayers?" "Why does God let people die?" "How do I know there IS a God?" These questions and many more. Although written by a Jewish Rabbi, Harold Kushner, the book is worth reading by Christians, Muslims etc. It is still a very relevant read.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional, stellar book.

[Emilia P · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am pretty sure my parents read this in their preparation for our religious but reasonably rational/worldly upbringing (though you may take issue with that, I'm pretty sure I can hold the idea that biblical stories are at once true and non-literal in my head, and that counts for something) .. it's a really good argument for why we need the idea of God in our lives as children and adults, and not in a fairy-tale or moral code-y way, but as an expression of the complexity and potential goodness of the human heart. Or something like that? Since Kushner is coming at it from a reconstructionist Jewish perspective there is just a bit too much "we make God" and not quite enough "God makes us", but keeping that in mind, it's still quite excellent, and would work as well for adults seeking some understanding of how someone can believe in God and not be a wacko -- or even, gasp, for people seeking religious understanding of their own. It's so possible! I think I need to read it often -- it's good, useful stuff. Thanks Harold.

[Abby Lyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book choice for certain types of parents and Kushner's writing is focused and helpful in many ways. I was hoping for a book that could help answer my toddler's questions about God in a way that is acceptable to both her Jewish father and Christian mother, but unfortunately in my eyes this fell short. There are sparks of brilliance here. Kushner's explanation of how God is real yet unseen, the way wind and love and anger are real, was perfect. But in other ways, his suggestions are only appropriate for those adhering to a liberal Jewish philosophy - his chapter on heaven, which he seems to suggest doesn't exist (or at the very least, shouldn't be a concern of those of us living here on earth) is a clear example here. There just aren't easy ways to get around the theological differences, and I probably expected too much from Kushner on that front.

[Jacqueline · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read almost all of Harold Kushner's books. They always challenge me intellectually and spiritually. This one contains more wisdom than spiritual comfort. Kushner provides a convincing argument against
thinking of God as some kind of Master Puppeteer or Santa Claus who can grant wishes.

p. 159 "One of the reasons we pray, in placid times as well as in times of difficulty, is to express the fact that there are things we need for our lives which we cannot get through our own efforts. We must rely on that beneficent force in the universe which makes our living fully human. Prayer is the recognition and expression of that dependence more than it is a way of influencing that force to do something additional for us."

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, Kushner gives the reader some thoughts to consider when children ask questions about God, death, and other weighty topics that often confound and confuse parents wishing to provide just the right answer. This isn't a question and answer type of book in the sense that Kushner doesn't list a question (i.e. "can God see me all the time?") followed by THE answer, but rather gives a perspective from which to frame one's own answers. I found myself wishing this wasn't a library book because there were many places that I wanted to highlight (hence the reason this is on my Wish List now). This is a book to refer to as one's children and their understanding (and ours) grows. ”

[Eugenia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay--well it is hard to say that "I really liked it" but I got a lot out of it. It is written by a rabbi and so there is a small portion of it that is not so relevant for us; but as a person who struggles with answering these questions for myself, not to mention my kids, and who teaches sunday school, but has trouble with 'faith'; I found it refreshing and useful. I really liked his approach to these questions and felt like I could have these discussions without sounding like a fundamentalist--which we are not.

[Hilary Ryder · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Harold Kushner and his "When bad things..." Revolutionized my personal theology. However, as has been said before, this book offers some wisdom, but in the wine would be better titled "how to tell children about MY God". The book focuses more on his liberal "good orderly direction" God than how to answer kids questions. As someone who believes in a God who cares about me, and who believes that prayer works, this book left me feeling sad for those whose perception of God is as dilute and distant as Kushner's.

[Deirdre K]

I hadn't finished this when the library demanded it back last year...but even just the intro was brilliant.

I remember being influenced by his ideas about not describing God as a father or "in our image" to children...and as not being "invisible" because God does not have a body...but as a loving "being."

So we had been describing God as a "being" to Aidan and then at Easter, as he sat eating his jelly beans, he looked up and asked, "So exactly what kind of bean is God?"

Classic.

[Shallee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that I "borrowed" from church that has been on my nightstand for two years. I keep going back to it. It is by the wise Jewish rabbi who wrote about When Bad Things Happen to Good People. My boys have had some tough questions. This book doesn't provide a list of answers for the children, but a framework to think about God, deal with kids' misconceptions and frame discussions with kids.

[Kristen-Marie Freeman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed hearing his opinions, but was repeatedly frustrated in that what he defined as God, was, to me, human consciousness and morality and would be better served defined and talked about as such.

As I continued to read, I decided to up my review a bit, as I found his section on talking to children about death heartening and practical.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love most of what he has to say; however since he is Jewish and thus obviously doesn't hold the same views I do about Jesus and redemption, my views about some things -- primarily the concept of Heaven -- varied from his. But it was still a great read.

[Martine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Harold Kushner presents logical answers to an ineffable concept kids will want to know answers about.

[Kshappert]

For a child who accepts Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy without question, my daughter can come up with some theological zingers. This book was very though provoking and has good insight.

[Peter Javsicas · Rating 5 out of 5]

What could we possibly mean by "God"? This is not just for or about children.