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The River of Forgetting: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse
Using creative arts to access her strength and aliveness, the author reconciles with both her parents' love and their betrayal. This deeply personal memoir invites the reader behind the closed doors of a therapist's office and into the author's journal and her very body. Full description
- GenresMemoirNonfictionAbuse
270 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 2010
15 people are currently reading
413 people want to read
About the author
Jane Rowan
3 books31 followersJane Rowan is a New England poet and writer. After teaching science for three decades in a private college, she retired to pursue the creative life. Her new memoir, The River of Forgetting: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse, has been called “brave and inspirational” by Ellen Bass. Jane has published numerous articles and the self-help booklet Caring for the Child Within—A Manual for Grownups, available through her website and through Amazon (Kindle). An excerpt from The River of Forgetting appeared in Women Reinvented: True Stories of Empowerment and Change.
Visit Jane at www.janerowan.com and find out more about her memoir at www.riverofforgetting.com .
Visit Jane at www.janerowan.com and find out more about her memoir at www.riverofforgetting.com .
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
July 7, 2011
In this brave and touching memoir, Jane Rowan shares her journey through the healing process of recovering from childhood sexual abuse; a past she knew nothing about until vague, foggy memories began invading her mind.
The River of Forgetting: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse opens with a moving Prologue and Introduction that set the scene for all that is to come. A successful scientist and professor, she was unprepared for the memories to come flooding back, not able to reconcile the past she was discovering to what she had grown up believing about her family.
When the first memory appears during a therapy session, her therapist assures her, "People don’t make up things like that for fun." This first memory puts Rowan on a journey to come to terms with her past, using Inner Child work, journal writing, painting, and dancing.
The River of Forgetting is an intense story. The reader spends time with Rowan in the therapist's office, the studio, in group sessions, at home and at family events. This well-written, powerful memoir dives deeply into those years when the past collided with the present. While I was uncomfortable with Rowan's intimate relationship with her therapist, these women tackled some tough issues together, and it was important for Rowan to feel her therapist's love and support throughout the entire process.
The River of Forgetting inspires with poetry, journal writing, and a poignant narrative. As readers follow Rowan's transformation, they too will be encouraged to find the peace and joy they deserve.
The River of Forgetting: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse opens with a moving Prologue and Introduction that set the scene for all that is to come. A successful scientist and professor, she was unprepared for the memories to come flooding back, not able to reconcile the past she was discovering to what she had grown up believing about her family.
When the first memory appears during a therapy session, her therapist assures her, "People don’t make up things like that for fun." This first memory puts Rowan on a journey to come to terms with her past, using Inner Child work, journal writing, painting, and dancing.
The River of Forgetting is an intense story. The reader spends time with Rowan in the therapist's office, the studio, in group sessions, at home and at family events. This well-written, powerful memoir dives deeply into those years when the past collided with the present. While I was uncomfortable with Rowan's intimate relationship with her therapist, these women tackled some tough issues together, and it was important for Rowan to feel her therapist's love and support throughout the entire process.
The River of Forgetting inspires with poetry, journal writing, and a poignant narrative. As readers follow Rowan's transformation, they too will be encouraged to find the peace and joy they deserve.
May 2, 2011
This deeply moving memoir of surviving sexual abuse is poetically crafted by a formidable scientist who throughout her life, relied upon reason and supportive evidence to form her world view and her place within it.
Forced to face a monolithic fog-bank of overwhelming feelings when traumatic childhood memories begin to surface after her charismatic father’s death, Jane confronts the foundation of lies that formed and sustained her family’s mythological façade of normalcy.
In comprehending the magnitude of her father’s deviant crimes, Jane’s increasing rage conflicts with the loving attention required of her by Myra, the aging mother whose life-long passivity provided a dark cloak of secrecy and covert complicity for her husband, Jack. The reader grows to understand the complex family dynamic that allows sexual abuse to manifest, and learns how love can coexist with pain.
Swept into a powerfully descriptive journey of recovery and healing, we follow a creative path that is neither easy nor swift. The author’s resilient spirit finds supportive strength in the presence of Sarah, the therapist who guides her gently, patiently, steadily toward the relieving liberation that comes with finding and speaking her truth.
Forced to face a monolithic fog-bank of overwhelming feelings when traumatic childhood memories begin to surface after her charismatic father’s death, Jane confronts the foundation of lies that formed and sustained her family’s mythological façade of normalcy.
In comprehending the magnitude of her father’s deviant crimes, Jane’s increasing rage conflicts with the loving attention required of her by Myra, the aging mother whose life-long passivity provided a dark cloak of secrecy and covert complicity for her husband, Jack. The reader grows to understand the complex family dynamic that allows sexual abuse to manifest, and learns how love can coexist with pain.
Swept into a powerfully descriptive journey of recovery and healing, we follow a creative path that is neither easy nor swift. The author’s resilient spirit finds supportive strength in the presence of Sarah, the therapist who guides her gently, patiently, steadily toward the relieving liberation that comes with finding and speaking her truth.
January 13, 2022
How I discovered this book was an online search for a memoir about someone who had repressed memoirs of sexual abuse. I wanted to understand their journey of recovering those memories. My interest in this subject matter relates to a future memoir I’m working on, “Where Predators Sleep”.
As I’ve been going through my journals from 20 years ago and piecing therapy sessions together with my personal journal entries, I was curious as to how my journey compared to someone else’s. In what ways it might be similar.
And I did find a lot of similarities and connections while reading this book.
The author was 52 years old at the time when she suddenly woke up to the possibility of long-ago abuse. I was in my late 30s. But the common thread is that our fathers had died the previous year. Coincidence or not?
She did not often have clear recollections of the abuse. Only fragments of body memories. My clues came forth in drawing, writing, and dreams.
This book is about the inner journey of self knowledge, and learning to trust yourself.
Wrestling with doubt. Learning to listen to that child part. Being stuck in foggy or dark places. Going through confusing periods. Struggling with doubt and the question of can this possibly be real.
We both shared those experiences.
This journey will be different for each person.
For the author, she got to that inner place working with pastels and scribbling dark, angry pages full of red and black. She had body memories and reactions where she took to the dance studio to act them out. Having been previously involved in Authentic Movement. An expressive free form of dance that was started by Mary Starks Whitehouse in the 1950s based on Jungian principles of active imagination.
In therapy she worked with subpersonalities, as did I.
Subpersonalities are various parts of ourselves. Patterns of behaviour we developed in childhood. For instance, I had one part The Little Girl who was shy and afraid of everything. Another part was The Angry One. The angry part hated the weakness of the little girl. The little girl was afraid of the angry one.
Subpersonalities come in parts of opposites. And it was during therapy that I eventually got these two parts to learn to accept each other by seeing the benefit of working together.
So, the next time you have a critical voice in your head, or another strong reaction to something, it’s probably one of your subpersonalities.
You can then let that personality speak. You can give it a name. You can dialogue with it. Ask questions about why it feels the way it does. Get to know that part of yourself.
It is estimated we all have about twelve subpersonalities.
There is also another therapy called IFS (Internal Family Systems) developed by psychologist Richard Schwartz, Ph. D.
Again, it works with our multiple subpersonalities or “parts”.
Creativity is a great way to get in touch with sub-personalities,
Be it free-writing. Letting words flow on paper without censorship, Drawing/doodling, letting lines form freely without conscious thought or direction.
Or in the authors case Authentic Movement.
It is all a matter of finding what works best for you. About getting to know and understand yourself better.
Another, coincidence or not? Many, many years ago, in the late 1980s, early 1990s, before I had much knowledge of repressed in my life, I read a book by the Canadian author Sylvia Fraser, My Father’s House. I turned to reading this book several times, always around Christmastime.
Interestedly enough, I also began work on my future book Where Predators Sleep during Christmas.
In my early 40s, years after working as a visual artist and art instructor, I had a strong urge to start writing. I signed up for a local writing workshop and it was during the writing of a short story that a very distinctive child voice emerged. I took that summer off work to write my first memoir “Floating in Saltwater” where I got in touch with what life as a child for me was really like. By the end of that summer, after writing a first draft, I was suicidal. The critical voices in my head so strong that I entered therapy to make sure I stayed safe.
While reading this book, I could easily relate to how difficult it is to explore our past. But also, how vital it is for healing and moving beyond that pain.
There are many more connections and similarities between myself and the author journey. More than I noted here.
I leave you with a takeaway that her therapist told her, “People don’t make up these things up for fun.”
And a lot of people don’t have clear memories, but there are signs to the kind of man he was, which can tell you a lot about what he might do — his lack of boundaries, and what he could be capable of.
So if you have a personal connection to the question of sexual abuse, or you’d like to learn more about someone’s journey recalling repressed memories, this book is a great place to start. Through there were a few sections that I felt it was a little repetitive. But no one’s perfect.
I also recommend Sylvia Fraser’s book as a great source.
As I’ve been going through my journals from 20 years ago and piecing therapy sessions together with my personal journal entries, I was curious as to how my journey compared to someone else’s. In what ways it might be similar.
And I did find a lot of similarities and connections while reading this book.
The author was 52 years old at the time when she suddenly woke up to the possibility of long-ago abuse. I was in my late 30s. But the common thread is that our fathers had died the previous year. Coincidence or not?
She did not often have clear recollections of the abuse. Only fragments of body memories. My clues came forth in drawing, writing, and dreams.
This book is about the inner journey of self knowledge, and learning to trust yourself.
Wrestling with doubt. Learning to listen to that child part. Being stuck in foggy or dark places. Going through confusing periods. Struggling with doubt and the question of can this possibly be real.
We both shared those experiences.
This journey will be different for each person.
For the author, she got to that inner place working with pastels and scribbling dark, angry pages full of red and black. She had body memories and reactions where she took to the dance studio to act them out. Having been previously involved in Authentic Movement. An expressive free form of dance that was started by Mary Starks Whitehouse in the 1950s based on Jungian principles of active imagination.
In therapy she worked with subpersonalities, as did I.
Subpersonalities are various parts of ourselves. Patterns of behaviour we developed in childhood. For instance, I had one part The Little Girl who was shy and afraid of everything. Another part was The Angry One. The angry part hated the weakness of the little girl. The little girl was afraid of the angry one.
Subpersonalities come in parts of opposites. And it was during therapy that I eventually got these two parts to learn to accept each other by seeing the benefit of working together.
So, the next time you have a critical voice in your head, or another strong reaction to something, it’s probably one of your subpersonalities.
You can then let that personality speak. You can give it a name. You can dialogue with it. Ask questions about why it feels the way it does. Get to know that part of yourself.
It is estimated we all have about twelve subpersonalities.
There is also another therapy called IFS (Internal Family Systems) developed by psychologist Richard Schwartz, Ph. D.
Again, it works with our multiple subpersonalities or “parts”.
Creativity is a great way to get in touch with sub-personalities,
Be it free-writing. Letting words flow on paper without censorship, Drawing/doodling, letting lines form freely without conscious thought or direction.
Or in the authors case Authentic Movement.
It is all a matter of finding what works best for you. About getting to know and understand yourself better.
Another, coincidence or not? Many, many years ago, in the late 1980s, early 1990s, before I had much knowledge of repressed in my life, I read a book by the Canadian author Sylvia Fraser, My Father’s House. I turned to reading this book several times, always around Christmastime.
Interestedly enough, I also began work on my future book Where Predators Sleep during Christmas.
In my early 40s, years after working as a visual artist and art instructor, I had a strong urge to start writing. I signed up for a local writing workshop and it was during the writing of a short story that a very distinctive child voice emerged. I took that summer off work to write my first memoir “Floating in Saltwater” where I got in touch with what life as a child for me was really like. By the end of that summer, after writing a first draft, I was suicidal. The critical voices in my head so strong that I entered therapy to make sure I stayed safe.
While reading this book, I could easily relate to how difficult it is to explore our past. But also, how vital it is for healing and moving beyond that pain.
There are many more connections and similarities between myself and the author journey. More than I noted here.
I leave you with a takeaway that her therapist told her, “People don’t make up these things up for fun.”
And a lot of people don’t have clear memories, but there are signs to the kind of man he was, which can tell you a lot about what he might do — his lack of boundaries, and what he could be capable of.
So if you have a personal connection to the question of sexual abuse, or you’d like to learn more about someone’s journey recalling repressed memories, this book is a great place to start. Through there were a few sections that I felt it was a little repetitive. But no one’s perfect.
I also recommend Sylvia Fraser’s book as a great source.
June 10, 2011
The River Of Forgetting is a non-fiction memoir of one woman's journey to the truth surrounding her childhood sexual abuse.
Jane Rowan takes us on a path of excruciating pain and humiliation as her psyche awakens to reveal things from her past that she had left dormant and hidden. On the day of revealing she has a flashback to a time when she was just a wee lassie, going to the bathroom and her mother telling her she slipped in the tub. Jane has no knowledge of falling in the tub, however, she neither has any recollection at this point as to the true cause of her misery, except she feels almost certain it has something to do with her father.
Jane's therapist, Sarah, helps her to awaken those secret parts of her that her sub-conscious has protected for so long. Without any coaxing and only mild hypnosis, Jane begins to recall the horror of her childhood, bringing to her conscious all the horrible acts performed upon her. Believing her depression was caused by a suppressed memory of her older sister, Suzie, being sent to a home for "retarded" children, she finds that there are other things buried alongside it.
Without sharing too much more, I shall say that this memoir is poignant, heart-wrenching and almost poetic in its prose. Sharing with us the story through poetry, dreams and narration, we are taken upon a journey with a family that loves even though the horrors are long forgotten. As we all know, the truth always prevails and the strength and courage Jane Rowan shares with the reader will leave you heartbroken at times.
We watch as Jane struggles with her dying mother, Myra, and the forgiveness and acceptance of her life situation. We read as she comes to her forgiveness for not having any familial support when she needed it most, her acceptance that her family will never be what she needed it to be and her hopes and dreams for her future. It is a well-blended book that any survivor of childhood abuse should read.
Jane Rowan takes us on a path of excruciating pain and humiliation as her psyche awakens to reveal things from her past that she had left dormant and hidden. On the day of revealing she has a flashback to a time when she was just a wee lassie, going to the bathroom and her mother telling her she slipped in the tub. Jane has no knowledge of falling in the tub, however, she neither has any recollection at this point as to the true cause of her misery, except she feels almost certain it has something to do with her father.
Jane's therapist, Sarah, helps her to awaken those secret parts of her that her sub-conscious has protected for so long. Without any coaxing and only mild hypnosis, Jane begins to recall the horror of her childhood, bringing to her conscious all the horrible acts performed upon her. Believing her depression was caused by a suppressed memory of her older sister, Suzie, being sent to a home for "retarded" children, she finds that there are other things buried alongside it.
Without sharing too much more, I shall say that this memoir is poignant, heart-wrenching and almost poetic in its prose. Sharing with us the story through poetry, dreams and narration, we are taken upon a journey with a family that loves even though the horrors are long forgotten. As we all know, the truth always prevails and the strength and courage Jane Rowan shares with the reader will leave you heartbroken at times.
We watch as Jane struggles with her dying mother, Myra, and the forgiveness and acceptance of her life situation. We read as she comes to her forgiveness for not having any familial support when she needed it most, her acceptance that her family will never be what she needed it to be and her hopes and dreams for her future. It is a well-blended book that any survivor of childhood abuse should read.
June 23, 2011
My Review:
This is a difficult review to write. I want to tell you this book has touched my soul and psyche in ways that nothing else I've read on the subject has ever been able to. That makes it difficult to summarize for me.
Over the years, as all of us probably have, I've read numerous books sharing survival stories of alcohol, drug use, dysfunctional families, incest, child abuse and the like. Not until this book has any one of them had the same impact. I attribute alot of that to the fact that Jane Rowan is not whining and enlisting the sympathies of the reader...or even asking for the blame to be placed not only on the offending father or mother, but on the opposite parent or guardian.
Jane Rowan's book is not a matter-of-fact story, either, but a real and honest walk with her in discovery. It's as if we're on an excavation, an uncovering of an ancient ruin (an apt word) that has such power to harm that it's a cancer that's virtually inoperable unless it's painstakenly routed out. What a new concept! No crying and subcon-scious or conscious begging for "poor me" readers--just "here's what I uncovered, it was such a journey to get there!"
Ms Rowan writes her non-fiction book like a novel. It's a book so easy to read that one has nearly finished before it's realized. I had a hard time putting it down. The hours rushed by as I was caught up in her powerful and easy prose.
One of the most intriguing and significant books of its kind I've had the pleasure of reading and reviewing.
Please check out Jane's website at: http://www.janerowan.com and follow some of her places where you'll find interviews of her. I was so blown away when she noted that "a young Jack Nicolson" could be used to portray her father, and she could see "Sally Fields" playing her mother. It really put these parents in perspective...beautiful and charming people.
5 stars ~ a non-fiction book at its best
Deborah/TheBookishDame
This is a difficult review to write. I want to tell you this book has touched my soul and psyche in ways that nothing else I've read on the subject has ever been able to. That makes it difficult to summarize for me.
Over the years, as all of us probably have, I've read numerous books sharing survival stories of alcohol, drug use, dysfunctional families, incest, child abuse and the like. Not until this book has any one of them had the same impact. I attribute alot of that to the fact that Jane Rowan is not whining and enlisting the sympathies of the reader...or even asking for the blame to be placed not only on the offending father or mother, but on the opposite parent or guardian.
Jane Rowan's book is not a matter-of-fact story, either, but a real and honest walk with her in discovery. It's as if we're on an excavation, an uncovering of an ancient ruin (an apt word) that has such power to harm that it's a cancer that's virtually inoperable unless it's painstakenly routed out. What a new concept! No crying and subcon-scious or conscious begging for "poor me" readers--just "here's what I uncovered, it was such a journey to get there!"
Ms Rowan writes her non-fiction book like a novel. It's a book so easy to read that one has nearly finished before it's realized. I had a hard time putting it down. The hours rushed by as I was caught up in her powerful and easy prose.
One of the most intriguing and significant books of its kind I've had the pleasure of reading and reviewing.
Please check out Jane's website at: http://www.janerowan.com and follow some of her places where you'll find interviews of her. I was so blown away when she noted that "a young Jack Nicolson" could be used to portray her father, and she could see "Sally Fields" playing her mother. It really put these parents in perspective...beautiful and charming people.
5 stars ~ a non-fiction book at its best
Deborah/TheBookishDame
December 10, 2011
This was an extremely moving story that took me on a journey within my own heart and soul. I trusted Jane as she led the way into unspeakable darkness. Felt the same lump in my throat and my hands were bound at times while remembering some of my own torments.
What a powerful way to express and illustrate what it takes to find freedome and liberty in life. I'm speechless at how powerful this format was in telling her story. It made me smile, I felt held and accepted, I was angry with her, and I began to have compassion for my own Inner Child who struggles daily to speak her mind.
Anyone who has suffered abuses or neglect and seeks direction for a way out of living in torment will find resource within the pages of this beautiful memoir.
Thank you Jane. I will be sharing your story and reading it again with notepad in hand. You are a beautiful soul and I feel like we are kindred spirits...I'm comforted by your story. We are not alone indeed. We have each other!
What a powerful way to express and illustrate what it takes to find freedome and liberty in life. I'm speechless at how powerful this format was in telling her story. It made me smile, I felt held and accepted, I was angry with her, and I began to have compassion for my own Inner Child who struggles daily to speak her mind.
Anyone who has suffered abuses or neglect and seeks direction for a way out of living in torment will find resource within the pages of this beautiful memoir.
Thank you Jane. I will be sharing your story and reading it again with notepad in hand. You are a beautiful soul and I feel like we are kindred spirits...I'm comforted by your story. We are not alone indeed. We have each other!
January 20, 2011
The River of Forgetting is a brave and creative retelling of a healing process. I was captivated by the author's honesty, self-examination, and creative story-telling. It is a book that anyone who is going through, or has been through a process of healing from childhood trauma should read.
So many people have very fragmentary or little memory of their childhood traumas, and this book is important validation. It shows how healing is possible even without those "kodak moments." It brings into focus varied aspects of the healing process, and has some wonderful poems which provide further perspective on the author's inner process. It's a great book.
So many people have very fragmentary or little memory of their childhood traumas, and this book is important validation. It shows how healing is possible even without those "kodak moments." It brings into focus varied aspects of the healing process, and has some wonderful poems which provide further perspective on the author's inner process. It's a great book.
July 19, 2011
The story of an amazing journey to find the child lost inside the adult. The author was lucky to have the time, money and resources avaialable that she has.
July 29, 2011
I have to admit that I really struggled to finish this book. But that wasn't because the writing was bad or the story not touching. It's a personal thing. I just found that I couldn't connect. The author speaks alot about using movement/dance classes to express her inner emotions, talking out loud to the 'little girl' inside her, metaphorically 'hugging' that little girl, and a few other things of the same sort. I think that if that is what helped the author on her journey, more power to her & I'm really happy for her. But those techniques are not for eveyone, certainly not for me, & if they are not something you really understand you might find their discussion to be intrusive upon the story.
Otherwise, the book is well written & very bravely told. And I truly hope that Jane Rowan continues to find the peace in her life she is so obviously searching for.
Otherwise, the book is well written & very bravely told. And I truly hope that Jane Rowan continues to find the peace in her life she is so obviously searching for.
September 10, 2020
Some really interesting insights, but the structure and editing is weak ie it could have been more effectively put together.
March 4, 2013
About a young girl that was sexually abused by her father. She had fragmented memories and was unable to recall the entire visional memory; however, she experiences extreme body memories that alert her to what occurred. Her mother knew about it and kept it a secret. Her therapist uses several different therapies such as talk, art, authentic movement, group and mothering therapy. She also was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and had the symptoms consistent with the diagnosis. It was difficult to follow the story because of the fragmented memories because she talked about fog and colors and darkness a lot because she had no concrete visual memories to support what she thought happened with her father.
It was a good book to read because it just goes to show you that everyone with PTSD doesn't experience it in the same way.
I found the authentic movement therapy very interesting and would like to try it some time.
It was a good book to read because it just goes to show you that everyone with PTSD doesn't experience it in the same way.
I found the authentic movement therapy very interesting and would like to try it some time.
September 4, 2012
I highly recommend this book for anyone
FTC: I received a free copy of this book and was not reimbursed in any other way.
FTC: I received a free copy of this book and was not reimbursed in any other way.
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April 2, 2022❤️
October 12, 2025
Beautifully written by genuinely lovely human.
But a warning to sensitive readers: this is not for the faint of heart.
But a warning to sensitive readers: this is not for the faint of heart.
March 21, 2013
This memoir is written a little different than many I’ve read in the past. The author doesn’t dwell on the events that led her to the point of needing therapy; she talks about how it helped her and why.
Anyone who needs to come to terms with something that happened to them in the past would benefit from this book. Jane Rowan discusses the steps in her therapy, how she learned to express herself and how she reached inside to begin the healing process. I found the movement therapy particularly fascinating. It reminds me of a form of meditation where you block out what’s going on around you and concentrate on your inner emotions. It’s very intriguing and I’m sure others would benefit from it.
The author also includes some poetry she wrote, which opens the window to let the reader see inside her heart.
Well-written, interesting and brutally honest. This is a book that may be difficult for some to read, but it’s also an important story to understand the consequences of sexual assault on the victim. You really must read this one!
Anyone who needs to come to terms with something that happened to them in the past would benefit from this book. Jane Rowan discusses the steps in her therapy, how she learned to express herself and how she reached inside to begin the healing process. I found the movement therapy particularly fascinating. It reminds me of a form of meditation where you block out what’s going on around you and concentrate on your inner emotions. It’s very intriguing and I’m sure others would benefit from it.
The author also includes some poetry she wrote, which opens the window to let the reader see inside her heart.
Well-written, interesting and brutally honest. This is a book that may be difficult for some to read, but it’s also an important story to understand the consequences of sexual assault on the victim. You really must read this one!
November 23, 2012
This is a book about nothing. It's based on two or three vague recollections. It leaves the reader highly suspicious whether any abuse even occurred. I can't help but feel the most inappropriate relationship revealed was the one between the author and her psychiatrist. Filled with abstract ramblings and unintelligible "poems", it's a quick read - you're reading quickly hoping to get to something of substance. I'll save you the trouble, there's nothing here.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews