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The SantaLand Diaries and Season's Greetings
THE SANTALAND DIARIES is a brilliant evocation of what a slacker's Christmas must feel like. Out of work, our slacker decides to become a Macy's elf during the holiday crunch. At first the job is simply humiliating, but once the thousands of visitors start pouring through Santa's workshop, he becomes battle weary and bitter. Taking consolation in the fact that some of the other elves were television extras on One Life to Live, he grins and bears it, occasionally taking out his frustrations on the children and parents alike. The piece ends with yet another Santa being ushered into the workshop, but this one is different from the lecherous or drunken ones with whom he has had to work. This Santa actually seems to care about and love the children who come to see him, startling our hero into an uncharacteristic moment of goodwill just before his employment runs out. (1 man.)
SEASON'S GREETINGS. Another funny, touching and twisted monologue about the season. (1 woman.)
SEASON'S GREETINGS. Another funny, touching and twisted monologue about the season. (1 woman.)
54 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
December 26, 2019
I love this book, I read it every holiday season!
March 22, 2025
It’s late March and hardly the time to read a Christmas related story.
It’s been on my shelf for years, actually, and I came across it while looking for something “light” to read.
I thoroughly enjoyed The Santaland Diaries, and I truly do love David Sedaris.
Had this been just that story, I definitely would have given it five stars.
However, in spite of enjoying his wit and dark humor, I feel he went somewhere he shouldn’t have in Season’s Greetings, so I’m only going to review Santaland.
One year, while unemployed, David got a job as one of Santa’s elves at Macy’s in NYC.
His description of the costume he had to wear, his elf name (Crumpet), the other elves and the many Santas, coupled with the children and parents, many strange requests and everything else was a hilariously entertaining story.
I’m going to cite a couple of favorite parts (of which there were many):
Today I worked as an Exit Elf, telling people in a loud voice, “THIS WAY OUT OF SANTALAND.” A woman was standing at one of the cash registers paying for her pictures, while her son lay beneath her, kicking and heaving, having a tantrum. The woman said, “Riley, if you don’t start behaving yourself, Santa’s not going to bring you any of those toys you asked for.”
The child said, “He is too going to bring me the toys, liar, he already told me.”
The woman grabbed my arm and said, “You there, Elf, tell Riley here that if he doesn’t start behaving immediately, then Santa’s going to change his mind and bring him coal for Christmas.”
I said that Santa no longer traffics in coal. Instead, if you’re bad he comes to your house and steals things. I told Riley that if he didn’t behave himself, Santa was going to take away his TV and all his electrical appliances and leave him in the dark. “All your appliances, including the refrigerator. Your food is going to spoil and smell bad. It’s going to be so cold and dark where you are. Man, Riley, are you going to suffer. You’re going to wish you never heard the name Santa.”
The woman got a worried look on her face and said, “All right, that’s enough.”
I said, “He’s going to take your car and your furniture and all the towels and blankets and leave you with nothing.”
The woman said, “No, that’s enough, really.”
I got a new haircut today and a few people complimented me but it didn’t register. I spend all day lying to people, saying, “You look so pretty,” and, “Santa can’t wait to visit with you. You’re Santa’s favorite person in the entire tri-state area.”
Sometimes I lay it on real thick: “Aren’t you the princess of Rongovia? Santa said a beautiful Princess was coming here to visit him. He said she would be wearing a red dress and that she was very pretty, but not stuck up or two-faced. That’s you, isn’t it?” I lay it on and the parents mouth the words “Thank you“ and “Good job.”
To one child I said, “You’re a model, aren’t you?” The girl was maybe six years old and said, “Yes, I model, but I also act.
I just got a second call-back for a Fisher Price commercial.”
The girl’s mother said, “You may recognize Katelyn from the ‘My First Sony’ campaign. She’s on the box.” I said yes, of course.
All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments. I think I’m starting to lose it…..
It’s been on my shelf for years, actually, and I came across it while looking for something “light” to read.
I thoroughly enjoyed The Santaland Diaries, and I truly do love David Sedaris.
Had this been just that story, I definitely would have given it five stars.
However, in spite of enjoying his wit and dark humor, I feel he went somewhere he shouldn’t have in Season’s Greetings, so I’m only going to review Santaland.
One year, while unemployed, David got a job as one of Santa’s elves at Macy’s in NYC.
His description of the costume he had to wear, his elf name (Crumpet), the other elves and the many Santas, coupled with the children and parents, many strange requests and everything else was a hilariously entertaining story.
I’m going to cite a couple of favorite parts (of which there were many):
Today I worked as an Exit Elf, telling people in a loud voice, “THIS WAY OUT OF SANTALAND.” A woman was standing at one of the cash registers paying for her pictures, while her son lay beneath her, kicking and heaving, having a tantrum. The woman said, “Riley, if you don’t start behaving yourself, Santa’s not going to bring you any of those toys you asked for.”
The child said, “He is too going to bring me the toys, liar, he already told me.”
The woman grabbed my arm and said, “You there, Elf, tell Riley here that if he doesn’t start behaving immediately, then Santa’s going to change his mind and bring him coal for Christmas.”
I said that Santa no longer traffics in coal. Instead, if you’re bad he comes to your house and steals things. I told Riley that if he didn’t behave himself, Santa was going to take away his TV and all his electrical appliances and leave him in the dark. “All your appliances, including the refrigerator. Your food is going to spoil and smell bad. It’s going to be so cold and dark where you are. Man, Riley, are you going to suffer. You’re going to wish you never heard the name Santa.”
The woman got a worried look on her face and said, “All right, that’s enough.”
I said, “He’s going to take your car and your furniture and all the towels and blankets and leave you with nothing.”
The woman said, “No, that’s enough, really.”
I got a new haircut today and a few people complimented me but it didn’t register. I spend all day lying to people, saying, “You look so pretty,” and, “Santa can’t wait to visit with you. You’re Santa’s favorite person in the entire tri-state area.”
Sometimes I lay it on real thick: “Aren’t you the princess of Rongovia? Santa said a beautiful Princess was coming here to visit him. He said she would be wearing a red dress and that she was very pretty, but not stuck up or two-faced. That’s you, isn’t it?” I lay it on and the parents mouth the words “Thank you“ and “Good job.”
To one child I said, “You’re a model, aren’t you?” The girl was maybe six years old and said, “Yes, I model, but I also act.
I just got a second call-back for a Fisher Price commercial.”
The girl’s mother said, “You may recognize Katelyn from the ‘My First Sony’ campaign. She’s on the box.” I said yes, of course.
All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments. I think I’m starting to lose it…..
June 29, 2017
David Sedalia makes me laugh out loud. The second short story was a bit darker.
December 17, 2024
most exhausting read of my life for certain reasons but i fuck with it
December 24, 2018
If you ever see that a theater near you has this listed as an upcoming show, buy a ticket right then and there. You will not regret it.
February 18, 2018
Love The Santaland Diaries and always will...not the biggest fan of Season's Greetings...
April 16, 2018
A holiday tradition in my house!
January 3, 2019
Very funny stories...may now be a David Sedaris fan.
December 14, 2019
Everyone said I would laugh out loud and love this, but I only laughed when the little girl said “a potato?” The second story (admittedly read while breastfeeding my 5 month old) made me feel disgusted. Can’t tell if that was his aim...but I’m not sure if I can bring myself to read the other book of his I got from the library... I’m still feeling upset!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 1, 2023
This kind of ate. I really enjoyed the biting commentary and how Sedaris contrasted the "joy and magic" of Christmas with the elf's attitude. I liked it! It just went on for a while... there's no reason this needed to be 30 pdf pages long; I got the point in 5.
April 28, 2018
For the Christmas cynic in all of us.
January 9, 2022
Santaland Diaries was okay; didn't find Season's Greetings funny
December 1, 2023
This reminded me a stand-up comic with a bit that was just too long.
December 2, 2023
Hands down the funniest thing I read all year
December 31, 2023
An ode to the end of the season!
March 19, 2024
The SantaLand Diaries is absolutely brilliant and hilarious nonfiction comedy!
January 12, 2026
★★★★☆
The Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris
Adapted for the stage by Joe Mantello | Dramatic Publishing
This stage adaptation of The Santaland Diaries is sharp, funny, and delightfully unhinged in that way only David Sedaris can manage. Hearing Sedaris’s words shaped for performance—under Joe Mantello’s theatrical lens—adds a new layer of timing and tension that makes the piece feel alive and immediate.
My favorite character, hands down, is the Manager at the end of Santaland. That moment lands with such absurd authority and quiet menace that it perfectly crystallizes the madness of holiday retail. It’s one of those scenes where you laugh, then pause, then laugh again because it’s uncomfortably true.
I especially enjoyed imagining how different directors might stage this—how movement, pacing, and physical comedy could shift the tone from biting satire to outright chaos. The idea of Santaland Diaries as a stage play feels right; it begs for interpretation, timing, and an audience squirming together in shared recognition.
The inclusion of “Season’s Greetings” adds a darker edge—less jolly, more shadowed—which works thematically but won’t be everyone’s cup of eggnog. It leans into Sedaris’s sharper observations about family, obligation, and the weight we carry through the holidays.
A few standout lines that still sparkle:
“I have no interest in being one of those people who ruins someone else’s holiday.”
“Santa was a lot different than I’d imagined.”
“You’re a mean one, Mr. Sedaris… but we love you anyway.”
So where’s the fifth star? Simply put: Holidays on Ice is epic in comparison. That collection hits harder, deeper, and with more variety. Still, The Santaland Diaries remains a holiday classic—acerbic, theatrical, and endlessly re-readable, especially for anyone who’s ever survived retail in December.
The Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris
Adapted for the stage by Joe Mantello | Dramatic Publishing
This stage adaptation of The Santaland Diaries is sharp, funny, and delightfully unhinged in that way only David Sedaris can manage. Hearing Sedaris’s words shaped for performance—under Joe Mantello’s theatrical lens—adds a new layer of timing and tension that makes the piece feel alive and immediate.
My favorite character, hands down, is the Manager at the end of Santaland. That moment lands with such absurd authority and quiet menace that it perfectly crystallizes the madness of holiday retail. It’s one of those scenes where you laugh, then pause, then laugh again because it’s uncomfortably true.
I especially enjoyed imagining how different directors might stage this—how movement, pacing, and physical comedy could shift the tone from biting satire to outright chaos. The idea of Santaland Diaries as a stage play feels right; it begs for interpretation, timing, and an audience squirming together in shared recognition.
The inclusion of “Season’s Greetings” adds a darker edge—less jolly, more shadowed—which works thematically but won’t be everyone’s cup of eggnog. It leans into Sedaris’s sharper observations about family, obligation, and the weight we carry through the holidays.
A few standout lines that still sparkle:
“I have no interest in being one of those people who ruins someone else’s holiday.”
“Santa was a lot different than I’d imagined.”
“You’re a mean one, Mr. Sedaris… but we love you anyway.”
So where’s the fifth star? Simply put: Holidays on Ice is epic in comparison. That collection hits harder, deeper, and with more variety. Still, The Santaland Diaries remains a holiday classic—acerbic, theatrical, and endlessly re-readable, especially for anyone who’s ever survived retail in December.
October 10, 2017
This book was hilarious. I read it several times just to brighten my mood. I realize that some stories may have been exaggerated, but don't most people do that when they have an interesting tale to tell? He is entertaining his readers and that is what it is all about. HoHoHo
December 17, 2014
David Sedaris's world view is a bit dark and cynical for me. HIs stories are clever and engaging, but unsatisfiying. I think it would improve his writing if he could more often find something symathetic about the characters he satarizes. For example, the story about the prostitute his sister brings home for Thanksgiving dinner is far more appealling than the stories where he simply criticizes the upper middle class and priviledged for being upper middle class and privileged. He lampoons the prostitute for her trailer trash vocabulary and lifestyle, but conveys a fondness for her at the same time. That is the irony of the human condition, and Sedaris is a master at pointing out frailties in the human condition. A little more love for humanity would sweeten the entire collection.
July 11, 2012
This freaking book is hilarious. I was chuckling through the entire thing. David Sedaris is a wonderful writer. He is honest and uncensored, which I appreciate. He keeps in all of the details, right to the gross-out and wishing-it-wasn't-true. Anything he writes should be an excuse to have a party. "Hey, David Sedaris wrote a new book!" "Sweet, now we can celebrate with much merriment and heel-kicking!"
January 15, 2013
Laugh out loud funny, especially if you grew up in NYC and an annual visit to Santa land was on your parent's calendar; or if you now receive an annual Christmas letter from a friend or two. You know, those long letters with TMI about extended family members whom you've never met, tucked into a photo card for ID purposes.
March 28, 2011
Santaland Diaries is perfect, classic Sedaris. Tons of good laugh out loud moments. I can appreciate Seasons Greetings, which is clever too, but it doesn't even compare. I prefer his reflections from his personal life.
May 27, 2012
Classic David Sedaris. I had listened to this story on This American Life before, so it wasn't new, but that honestly added to the fun because I couldn't keep from reading the entire book in a David Sedaris voice.
December 8, 2014
I liked The Santaland Diaries which, for the most part, balanced out the acidic with the earnest and/or funny parts. The satire in Season's Greetings was a bit too much for me, though, sliding right across the line into offensive and unpleasant.
January 8, 2015
I read both I really like Santaland it is as funny and fun as you think it might be. With Dave Sedaris it is a great story about him.
My only problem was with Season's Greetings the story was interesting but because I know too much about things it in the end just made me mad.
My only problem was with Season's Greetings the story was interesting but because I know too much about things it in the end just made me mad.
March 2, 2007
A dark, funny look at the holiday season. The book is great, but the plays are even better on stage.
March 7, 2007
"Santa has a tumor. Maybe it will go away tomorrow, but I don't think so," will never ever ever stop being funny.
August 31, 2007
plays based on stories from David Sedaris' "Holidays on Ice"
October 30, 2007
ho ho ho. Season's Greetings is a little far-fetched.
November 17, 2007
This stage version of the book was hysterical and for anyone who is somewhat anti-Christmas. Very funny!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews