The Bible According to Spike Milligan

According to Spike Milligan

by Spike Milligan

"And God said, Let there be light; and there was light, but Eastern Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected."  There have been many interpretations of the Old Testament over the centuries but never one quite like this. Spike Milligan has rewritten, in his own inimitable style, many of the best-known stories of the Old Testament, featuring characters like King "my brain hurts" Solomon, the great oaf of a giant Goliath and the lesser-known crossword clue, Hushai the Archite. Believers and non-believers alike will enjoy this hilarious re-working, where the jokes, jests and jibes tumble over each other from Chapter One, Verse One until kingdom come.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Comedy, Audiobook, Religion

184 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1993

About the author

Terence Alan Patrick Seán Milligan, known as Spike, was a comedian, writer and musician. He was of Irish descent, but spent most of his childhood in India and lived most of his later life in England, moving to Australia after retirement. He is famous for his work in The Goon Show, children's poetry and a series of comical autobiographical novels about his experiences serving in the British Army in WWII. Spike Milligan suffered from bipolar disorder, which led to depression and frequent breakdowns, but he will be remembered as a comic genius. His tombstone reads 'I told you I was ill' in Gaelic.

Reviews

[Paul (Life In The Slow Lane) · Rating 3 out of 5]

And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were naked, and Adam said to Eve, "Stand back, I don't know how big this thing is going to get." When they knew they were naked, they sewed on fig leaves to cover themselves - one for Eve and one hundred and eighty for Adam.

Spike is a polarising bloke. You like him or you don't, but this time, I'm giving him 3 stars. Yep, a bit wishy washy middle-of-the-road, mainly because he just rehashes a lot of his previous one-liners and applies them to the Old Testament. I still had a lot of laughs and don't regret reading this, but it's just not his best work. I liked Puckoon better.

This is a book that hasn't aged well, but still is worth a read if you like Milligan's style of humour.

[Jacqueline Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well it took me a while to read this book as I kept needing a break from madness. It was like listening to my Dad; most of the time I learnt something in-between the jokes, as he too couldn’t be serious for a whole sentence either.

[Sheska · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't remember the last time I'd suffered from such an uncontrollable attack of laughter in public. What an absolutely joyous feeling, especially when others start to snicker along.

[Taylor Lidstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly one of the funniest books I have read.

I do believe I have amassed approximately a total of 150 odd dollars, in library late fees purely from this book. - it's just too good to take back.
Should have just kept it the first time and paid the $60 for a replacement.

[Toni · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sadly tedious. Having grown up listening to The Goons I was looking forward to this but I don't find sexist and racist humour funny and the small sparks of genuinely funny material did not make up for the rest of it.

[Mr. AJ Curtis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun, especially at the start, but descends into dullness about halfway and never really recovers.

A disappointing example of Milligan's otherwise brilliant humour.

[Hermien · Rating 1 out of 5]

Didn't amuse me.

[Louisa Hewitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Downloaded this as an audiobook and it was read by Spike Milligan. Very funny. Could imagine his facial expressions as he was reading it.

[Andrew · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Spike Milligan's comedic creativity and I don't think it would be too hyperbolic to say he was the definitive comedic genius to influence British humour for the second half of the 20th century. However, he was prone to misfires that proliferated late in his life, leading to work such as this book. Spike's take on the Old Testament is basically a series of jokes and puns, often heard before in his earlier works, and dare I say it also feels lazy. It's understandable that Spike, as he got older, was less willing and/or able to produce innovative comedy. Therefore when one reads 'The Bible...' it's a little unfair to expect it to be on a par with 'Puckoon'. There are moments where Spike's humour still evokes a good laugh or two, and his irascible, piss-taking sensibilities are ever present. It might be argued that his irreverent take on the Old Testament in this book is a solid example of his long term anti-religiosity. However, at it's most basic level, 'The Bible...according to Spike Milligan' is a tired rerun of the comedy genius's best tropes as part of an effort to sustain his publishing career and revenue stream.

[Penny · Rating 4 out of 5]

All this book suffers from are two things: 1. It suffers from the passage of time. What was once relevant and topical to the period it was written in, isn't necessarily anymore. 2. In a now PC world, it is very Un-PC. Not a problem if you install a timeless sense of humour. Humour is key here. This is not a biblical book in the spiritual sense. This is a biblical book in the satirical sense. We loved it. I read it aloud to my wife and there were moments we were in fits of laughter, especially as we both knew about the stories written within the Old Testament of the Bible. Yep, there were boring bits. Bits about begatting etc. They've always been the boring bits. Do I recommend reading this work? Only if you've got a satirical sense of humour and understand that this man was taking the piss. He did it and he meant to do it. If you can't handle that, then don't read it. Get it? Alright. Amen to that!

[Paul Calhoun · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very humorous take on biblical stories up until around Solomon, at which point he gives up. A short piece, and disappointing that he stopped so early on if only because it was going so well. The creation is especially good, and there are great moments throughout. Very entertaining, and an inspiration to many - or at least many inspirations to me!

I have the audiobook, and Spike himself goes a long way towards improving the book. Not all comic timing translates to the written word - though Spike has shown that he can when he wants to - and so when he reads it, he can pace it so the jokes work more effectively.

[yengyeng · Rating 3 out of 5]

“And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth grass and the Rastafarians smoked it.”

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very funny. I love the way he makes himself laugh when he’s reading.

[Jessica Rose Wilkinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a few laugh out loud jokes but for the most part I think a lot of the word plays and cultural jokes were a little dated for me to understand. Overall a fun read though.

[Seán · Rating 2 out of 5]

Last year I borrowed "Frankenstein according to Spike Milligan" from my friend Richard, and when I returned it he offered this one up too. It's been on the shelf for a while and I thought it would be a larf after the rather dour The Star Rover. It certainly elicited plenty of chuckles when I got going, and Milligan's peculiar humour works wonders with the deadly seriousness of Genesis.

Unfortunately, as the Old Testament grows increasingly dull so does this book. Milligan seems not to have been selective about which verses he imitated, and I imagined him with a bible open in front of him going through it verse by verse. All of the boring and inconsequential tales of the Old Testament are represented here, despite not having had no contribution to culture. I appreciate that may sound odd, as of course to religious people they could have plenty of meaning. But really we know that there are tentpole characters and stories that have lots of meaning (Noah, Lott, Moses, Abraham, David, Solomon), and there are those that even biblical scholars would struggle to find meaning in. Those whose names are mentioned once and never again, those whose story imparts no wisdom and leaves no impression. Milligan has doggedly recreated all of this in all its boring glory, with jokes sprinkled throughout. But why task yourself with trying to make such boring subject matter funny? How many jokes can you make about the prolific "begatting" of nearly every character? The well runs dry quite quickly, and reading this became so soporific that I could hardly stay awake.

And abruptly (mercifully) it ends. It might have been at the end of Leviticus, it might have been halfway through Numbers, there is nothing to indicate. Certainly as a reader there seems to be no rhyme or reason to stop there. There was certainly a lot more Old Testament left! The whole exercise seems rather arbitrary, as if Milligan wanted an easy project to fund a new conservatory. I'm reluctant to look negatively on the book though, since it was funnier than most.

[Gavin Felgate · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that sounds irreverent, and which feels irreverent at times, but I picked it up because I'd come across it and wanted to see what it was like.

So, this book parodies the Old Testament (at least as far as the book of Kings), mostly by introducing modern concepts into the Bible stories, although because this was written in the 1990s, some of the references feel a bit dated (for example, British companies that no longer exist).

After the first page seemed to be full of jokes about electric companies and power failures, I enjoyed this, although it occasionally felt repetitive (three jokes about hosepipe bans). The good thing about this book is that you don't need to have a detailed knowledge of the Bible, and the jokes come thick and fast, so if one doesn't have much of an impact, there will be another coming along almost right away.

It was a bit weird that some stories seemed to have been completely skipped (notably Joseph, Jonah and Daniel), but I was glad I read this.

[Miriam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the jokes are funny, others go too far to be respectful of the original text of the Bible. Spike Milligan seems to particularly love the words ‘smote’ and ‘smite’ in this book, neither of which actually appear that much in any version of the Bible I’ve read and which paint a picture of a much more vengeful God than the one I know. Oh and it was unnecessarily crude in places - a few too many mentions of women with large tits or men’s penises for my personal comedic preferences. Overall, this book is an interesting idea but the execution leaves something to be desired for me even though it has some amusing moments hence the three stars.

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to it as an audiobook. It was read by Spike and this was a definite benefit. It has dated somewhat and, like the old testament itself, has bits that were tedious and overlong. I liked the humour and punniness, which is typical Milligan, but suspect that to get the best out of it, you have to like Spike's works and also understand the source material. It provided me with some smiles, laughs and also some awkwardness as he typically pushes the envelope too far from time to time. It's not too long and definitely worth a listen to Goon fans

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This started off well; pretty funny inserts from Spike Milligan with a very British edge to the humour. However it really started to drag and I don't think it was really Spike's fault - he tried hard - but really the Bible just repeats and repeats, with God speaking to this person then that person, and x begat y and y begat z, and people being smote left right and centre! The humour was good but in then end it just seemed to stop with no conclusion, maybe like the Bible itself.

[Don Jimmy · Rating 1 out of 5]

(audiobook)
I hate giving one star to any book but I found this truly awful. the only reason I finished it was because it was short. Spike stumbling over the words in places was annoying. it had a slight reprieve at the half way point when I thought it might get better. I was wrong. I didn't really laugh once. avoid.

[Tumshy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always loved Spike Milligan since I was a kid in the U.K
Being Bi-Polar he had a very special quality which is hard for most to comprehend but there are thousands among us who are the same and can relate to Spikes view of the world.
He completely exposes the Bible for what it is.
Undoubtedly a genius within his realm.

[Crista · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is my first Spike Milligan book. I get this is satire but a lot of the jokes I missed (I think it would be funnier if I was either British or had lived in Britain for a time) and the Bible isn’t my thing so I grew bored quickly of the material. Sigh, I’ll try another one, hopefully I’ll get into it more.

[Tara Blais Davison · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.75/5 Clever play on words à la Spike Milligan such as: “Peace to you” “Well, piss on you too!” Amusing must not laugh out loud. “… not til she left her father’s house did she get off her ass (meaning donkey but implying she was lazy and sat around doing nothing). “Naomi was short on bread but had plenty of blintzes and sour cream. “

[Aidan Matthews · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fond memories of Spike and his humour and this book goes a long way in rekindling those memories. However the humour now seems dated and the narrative is repetitive and only mildly funny. Be that as it may I enjoyed the revisit to Spike's past glory.

[Sean Harding · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some laugh out loud moments amongst s9me crass humour in this book which does show a dated style and content.
Some moments when’re you think that would be funnier if I knew who he was referring to.
Dated but still with some wit and ability to make you laugh.
Not for the super sensitive.

[Susanne Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was my first experience of anything written by Spike Milligan. Where was this book during my religious studies degree!? Haha loved it, so many laugh out loud moments. The reviews seem to be quite mixed on this book but I thought it was brilliant!! Well worth a chuckle :)

[Rory Cannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t think a book could encapsulate the way I feel when my grandad starts ranting at me but this book did it perfectly. Sadly a real disappointment and maybe one of Spikes works that should be forgotten.

[Isabella · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started reading this at a friend's house and the first few pages were mildly amusing. Even a couple of laugh out loud lines. I am sure that it was funny at the time but the humour is out of date and turns out I am not interested in the Old Testament.

[Matt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny book as you’d expect from Spike Milligan. He starts a bit serious on each chapter/verse then it descends into chaotic but relatable madness. Learnt more of the bible this way than I ever did at school.

[Alexander · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is classic Spike Milligan. He does rehash a lot of the same jokes throughout this book so sometimes it just feels like he’s coasting along trying to get through. Some of the jokes are still very funny though.