For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men

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For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men

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What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man’s rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of...more What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man’s rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women’s eyes to what the men in their life—boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons—are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they’re afraid to “freak out” the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads. This book will guide women in how to provide the loving support that modern men want and need.

The Truth About His Inner Life He Desperately Wants You to Know

What's going on in there? Ever been totally confused by something your man has said or done? Want to understand his secret desires and fears, his daily battles that you know nothing about?

In a woman-to-woman conversation you’ll never forget, Shaunti Feldhahn takes you beneath the surface into the inner lives of men. This book is about the things we just don’t ‘get’ about guys. With findings from a groundbreaking national survey and personal interviews of over one thousand men, For Women Only is full of eye-opening revelations you need to not only understand the man in your life, but to support and love him in the way he needs to be loved. Grounded in biblical hope, you will discover how to love your man for who he really is—not who you think he is.

Story Behind the Book

I had no idea how clueless I was about men until I interviewed a bunch of them for my last novel. Initially, I just wanted a little insight so I could write my main (male) character. But pretty soon I found myself astonished, over and over again blurting out, “That’s what you’re thinking?” So I did more interviews. After the novel hit shelves, dozens of women told me they also had been astonished by what I included. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who needed more insight on this!

To lay the groundwork for this nonfiction book, I wrote out the half-dozen things from these interviews that had most surprised me—things that appeared to be universal to most men—that women desperately needed to know. I conducted a professional national survey of men to test my findings. Yep—the survey substantiated every single one. These findings are fascinating—and they have already changed my life and marriage. I can’t wait to share them!(less)

Hardcover, 208 pages

Published July 28th 2004 by Multnomah Books

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Nov 11, 2012 Jess rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: dating-relationships, nonfiction, womens-interest, borrowed

If I could give this 0 stars or 0.5 stars, I would.

I regret buying this on an impressive level. I honestly feel lied to since I didn't know this book was so heavily endorsed by Jesus. Every excerpt I read from this book and even the product description gave no hint as to the very Christian nature of this book. Normally, I can deal with that but it constantly asked me to seek guidance from a God I don't pray to. This book needs to do a better job of advertising its real nature.

Another reason I re...more If I could give this 0 stars or 0.5 stars, I would.

I regret buying this on an impressive level. I honestly feel lied to since I didn't know this book was so heavily endorsed by Jesus. Every excerpt I read from this book and even the product description gave no hint as to the very Christian nature of this book. Normally, I can deal with that but it constantly asked me to seek guidance from a God I don't pray to. This book needs to do a better job of advertising its real nature.

Another reason I really didn't like this book was that it felt like it was an updated version of the 1959 "Good Housewife Guide." So much of the advice felt antiquated or bias. I'm supposed to work hard to be thin and pretty for the man in my life and if I don't make an effort, it depresses him. I should just ignore the fact that I know men who complain about their physique and do absolutely nothing. It's really unsexy and depressing when we do but I'm supposed to pretend men don't to the exact same thing? If he won't try, don't expect me to bend over backward.

I'm also supposed to respect him all the time. If he's overloaded and I ask him to do something around the house and he says "I'll get to it eventually" I have to respect his "eventually." If I get someone else to do it or nag him about it, I'm saying I don't trust him to do it. I guess I'm supposed to ignore the fact that 'eventually' will become disrespectful to me and my schedule.

This book also oversimplifies the point. It spent 30 pages on how men need respect and what women are supposed to do to give it to them. By page 15 of that section I wanted to shout, "I get it already. I'm not that slow." I felt like I was being talked down to. Feldhahn should have kept it simple.

I'm sure the book had some real pearls of wisdom but they were few and far between and I was too busy wanting to rant at the book to notice them. I'm reading "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" at the same time as this. I honestly like it so much better. I feel it has much less of a bias than this book. It works better to hear both sides rather than making it all about what the man wants. And unlike this book, it also doesn't assume the man you have is a prize to begin with (which is not always the case). I would not recommend this book to anyone who is not a Christian and very happy with their relationship.(less)

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Oct 11, 2010 Alissa rated it 4 of 5 stars

I'm finally reading a book and getting to post! Jessica lent this to me to read after I got married. So far I really like this book. The author validates her survey findings by using multiple regression analysis, which I use for work sometimes. But don't worry about the statistics, that just struck my fancy. The book is not full of statistics, it is really more of a narrative of her findings. It has been a pretty easy read so far and has already helped me relate to and understand my husband bett...more

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Jul 09, 2007 Carly rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Christian women who don't know their husbands

Shelves: nonfiction

In a way, I suppose this really is a good book, but not for me. It was given to me at my wedding shower by a person who probably should have known better (my own sister!). This book is just an extremely dumbed-down version of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley. Having read that book, reading For Women Only was a waste of thirty minutes. Feldhahn's book is somewhat helped by a collection of survey results, which tell us exactly the same things that Harley's book does. Feldhahn's advice, ho...more

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Jan 22, 2009 Carolyn rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: self-help, non-ficiton, 2008

It's about the things that men wish we new about them, and how they really feel about us (as women), but more specifically their wives. Now as most of you out there may know, I am not a wife, yet (I still hold out hope), however, when I read books like this it's always with that expectation in mind, and more specifically, because I am an observer of people, I usually draw on past experiences and behavior that I have witnessed in order to understand why I do the things that I do, and feel the way...more It's about the things that men wish we new about them, and how they really feel about us (as women), but more specifically their wives. Now as most of you out there may know, I am not a wife, yet (I still hold out hope), however, when I read books like this it's always with that expectation in mind, and more specifically, because I am an observer of people, I usually draw on past experiences and behavior that I have witnessed in order to understand why I do the things that I do, and feel the way that I feel about certain things. It's a short read, only 9 chapters (if I had more time I could have probably finished it in a day, but then again I don't know if I would have gotten all that I did out of it), and those 9 chapters are chock full of things that most women don't know.

For better, or worse, I have been in the company of men for a good part of my life. They were always my closest friends growing up, I'm close with my Dad, I have 4 brothers (I am the only girl), and I was in the Navy for 5 years, so a lot of the information I had already been told, and was there for not new to me. What was new to me, and never dispensed in my direction, was HOW important some of these things are to men and how some of those aspects have affected my own life and the company I have kept with men.

The 9 chapters include the following:

1. Lightbulb On!,How I Woke Up to What I Didn’t Know About Men
2. Your Love Is Not Enough, Why Your Respect Means More to Him than Even Your Affection
3. The Performance of a Lifetime, Why Your Mr. Smooth Looks So Impressive but Feels Like an Impostor
4. The Loneliest Burden, How His Need to Provide Weighs Your Man Down, and Why He
Likes It That Way
5. Sex Changes Everything, Why Sex Unlocks a Man’s Emotions (Guess Who Holds the Key?)
6. Keeper of the Visual Rolodex, Why It’s So Natural for Him to Look and So Hard to Forget What He’s Seen
7. Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing, Why the Reluctant Clod You Know Really Does Want Romance
8. The Truth About the Way You Look, Why What’s on the Outside Matters to Him on the Inside
9. Words for Your Heart, What Your Man Most Wishes You Knew About Him

So I won't give a synopsis of what I thought about all the chapters, but chapters 2, 4, 7, and 8 resonated for me the most. Mostly because of the general lack of respect that I've seen women give to men, and all of those chapters set a tone for how we, as women choose to, and can show our respect to men. Reading it I could see how a great many things that my Dad did for me, like teaching me to play golf or how to understand football, and to enjoy fishing and camping, could be looked at as attempts to cultivate a sense of what men like to take part in so that I can share in those things with my future husband, and not just demand the typical "girly" type dates (although those will be nice too). But I truly do like to do those things and that sense of play, that chapter 7 talks about will be very important. As a matter of fact I know that it already is for me because any boyfriend that I've ever had, hasn't lasted very long if he didn't want to do anything. I love my Dad very much and I'm so glad that he is who he is, and has helped to make me into the person that I am today.

Anyway, I could continue to go on with my opinions on the topics of the book, however the bottom line is that I definitely recommend this book for all women no matter what their station is married, or single, or even if they just want to know a little bit more about what makes people, men in this instance, tick. True we'll never fully know or be able to understand them, but it's nice to at least break away a little of the barrier that exists between the sexes.
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Nov 29, 2008 Debbie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: christian, non-fiction

I read "For Women Only" very carefully several times. It takes things we've all heard before (like men need respect, sex, etc.) and really gets at the heart of what that means...more so than any other book I've read on the subject so far. I was a bit surprised by some of the things I read, but I carefully started applying what I learned in my relationship with my boyfriend.

I read "For Men Only" and marked how I would have answered the survey questions and underlined a few remarks that were espec...more

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May 05, 2013 Nicole Elliott rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013-read, own

When I got married I wanted so much to be a godly and great wife to my hubby! What I didn’t realize was that sometimes my female brain with its ways of thinking and showing my love to him and his male brain and the way it is wired meant that sometimes there were things that I was doing, or not doing, that were causing problems I didn’t even realize were there!

Thankfully through several different women giving me books and recommending blogs I caught on early on into our marriage (probably 2 1/2 y...more When I got married I wanted so much to be a godly and great wife to my hubby! What I didn’t realize was that sometimes my female brain with its ways of thinking and showing my love to him and his male brain and the way it is wired meant that sometimes there were things that I was doing, or not doing, that were causing problems I didn’t even realize were there!

Thankfully through several different women giving me books and recommending blogs I caught on early on into our marriage (probably 2 1/2 years) that there were several areas that needed work! I am so thankful that I was able to be enlightened to these things early on–and wish I had known sooner!!!! So now for every bridal shower that I attend my gift is three books: For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn; A Good Girls Guide to Great Sex by Shelia Wray Gregoire; and Created to Be His Helpmeet. I include a letter with the books explaining why and how each has shaped and changed my marriage for the better.

I first read For Women Only a few years after it was released in . A friend had actually given my Mom a copy and I read through it during one of my trips back home as we were talking about marriage and marriage books. There were so many “light bulb” moments I had from it! I went back home (I was on the trip home by myself) and after a few days my hubby remarked “I guess I should send you back home alone more often, you always come back more awesome than ever–what on earth is going on??!!” (it happens that a previous trip back home was when I was first introduced to Created To Be His Helpmeet as well–both me and my hubby are super thankful to the ladies back home, haha).

So when I saw that For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men was coming out I couldn’t wait to get a copy of it! As I re-read it I was struck again by many of the things that made me have “lightbulbs” the first time, and had other things make me go, “Oh!” that didn’t the first time-as with every marriage your husbands needs and your situation in life are constantly changing.

I loved the all-new chapter “The Thinker” One thing that has always baffled me to no end–and frustrated my husband to no end–is when we get into an in-depth discussion, especially when we have a difference of opinion, and I thoroughly and (in my mind) efficiently put forth my case and he just sits there and says nothing and when I really press him he says something along the lines of “I can’t explain it right now but that’s not what I think should/want to happen.” This chapter made several light bulbs go off as to this whole dynamic and why it does *not* work–and what I can begin to do instead!

One chapter that really made a huge difference the first time I read this book was the one on the importance of staying fit/taking care of the way you look. After we first got married I (unknowingly) put on about 30 pounds (if you’ve followed my slim and trim quest you already know about this). I read this book right around the time that I had realized that I had gone up so much in weight and it really smacked me at how unhappy Bob probably was about it but, like all good hubbies, he had never said a word! Sure enough now that I’m actively working out and trying my best to take care of the way I look, even post-two kids, he’s (very gingerly, when I brought it up) mentioned how hard that was on him!

This book really is everything your husband wishes you knew about him–but would die before telling you himself, or simply doesn’t “get” that you don’t “get”! As I said–this is one of only three books I’d call absolutely MUST HAVE marriage books! It’s a short, easy read but wow, what an amazing little book it is!(less)

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Apr 15, 2013 Karla Durán rated it 4 of 5 stars

Hubo varias cosas que me parecieron interesantes en este libro. La primera, que es un libro útil (independientemente de tus ideas sobre la espiritualidad y la religión). Expone cuestiones importantes sobre las necesidades internas y las características propias del género masculino y te ayuda a replantear seriamente si la manera de relacionarte con los hombres importantes en tu vida es efectiva de acuerdo a lo que ellos son y requieren. Antes de continuar, esto último que escribí es clave, y me l...more Hubo varias cosas que me parecieron interesantes en este libro. La primera, que es un libro útil (independientemente de tus ideas sobre la espiritualidad y la religión). Expone cuestiones importantes sobre las necesidades internas y las características propias del género masculino y te ayuda a replantear seriamente si la manera de relacionarte con los hombres importantes en tu vida es efectiva de acuerdo a lo que ellos son y requieren. Antes de continuar, esto último que escribí es clave, y me lleva inmediatamente a otra de las cosas interesantes que encontré: la autora da por sentado que la mujer está en un nivel de disposición que le permite conocer y ser capaz de entrar en una dinámica de relación donde no sólo está esperando recibir para cubrir sus necesidades, sino a dar, más allá de aquello que ella piensa y cree que es necesario, tomando en cuenta aquello que el hombre con el que se relaciona espera y necesita recibir. Es decir, la autora supone voluntad de reciprocidad, tanto en el hombre como en la mujer.

Es importante señalar que el libro está fundamentado en los resultados de una encuesta nacional, una encuesta complementaria y una serie de entrevistas, realizadas a hombres en Estados Unidos. Está tomando en cuenta generalidades puestas en la mesa por hombres mismos. Y esto es crucial para obtener del libro aquello que según tu criterio, te sea de utilidad. Lo que quiero decir con esto es que el libro puede ser igualmente útil para una mujer creyente o para una no creyente, gracias a que aunque está fundamentado en la perspectiva Cristiana de las relaciones, 1. Brinda datos duros sobre estas generalidades (los hombres encuestados y entrevistados abarcan un amplio abanico de particularidades: incluida la edad, grado de escolaridad, profesión, oficio, creencias religiosas, estado civil, etc.), y 2. Pone en la mesa elementos importantes para echar a andar una relación sana, profunda y de entendimiento con un hombre, partiendo del conocimiento y la comprensión de estas características particulares del género masculino.

Este último punto es importante y me lleva a otra de las características que me parece importante rescatar del libro: te sitúa en una posición de reto frente a la decisión de optar por ciertas decisiones y actitudes que requieren de cierto grado de madurez y que responden a hechos que no empatan precisamente a los que generalmente la mujer tiene registrados dentro de su paradigma del sexo opuesto. De esta manera puede ubicar en perspectiva, proponiéndole a la mujer una respuesta mucho más pro activa e inteligente de pensar y de actuar en sus relaciones.

De pronto pareciera que la autora pone más peso a la balanza del hombre, y más de una vez me encontré pensando "¿y qué hay de mis expectativas?". Sin embargo, entendiendo el hilo del libro, pienso que su propósito es precisamente ese,dar luz para entender un poco más a este género en específico(de hecho existe el libro For men only, donde seguramente “la balanza está inclinada al lado de las mujeres”), y creo que es desde esa perspectiva desde donde la lectora puede sacarle mejor provecho.

Por último hay dos cosas que llamaron mi atención en particular. La primera es sobre el respaldo o validación que me gusta le da el contexto del libro a los argumentos de la autora, y la segunda sobre el estilo y mi percepción sobre su intención. Primero, este es un libro que probablemente para la mujer feminista moderna, pudiera estar escrito por una mujer cristiana, conservadora y ama de casa, para quien la sumisión es un valor y una práctica común. Sin embargo estamos hablando de una mujer que ejerce su profesión de manera activa en el quehacer del análisis de la política pública, y ha estudiado y trabajado en algunas de las instituciones educativas y financieras más prestigiosas y representativas del sistema de los Estados Unidos. Lo segundo, Feldhahn pone un especial cuidado en la manera en la que el contenido, el ritmo y la secuencia de sus argumentos afecta a la lectora. Esto en mi parecer habla de una intención muy específica la cual puede alcanzarse solamente sin sacrificar ni la sanidad ni la autoestima de la mujer.

Lo recomiendo a todas las mujeres que conozco.
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Jan 30, 2013 Tonya rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013-reads

Tons of statistics, lots of polls taken. Very informative.

But I would caution the author when writing "grounded in biblical hope" to MAKE sure you have the book FIRMLY grounded in the Bible. I searched and searched for some mention of what GOD thinks about all of this. Man can think all they want. And to a certain extent, all these polls and what men think, are so helpful to us women. BUT be very careful when you say you are grounded in the Bible, and then not really mention it!

I really found a...more

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Nov 16, 2012 Aliya rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is supposed to be a Christian book but it's applicable to men in general and not just Christian men. I, as a traditional Muslim woman, found this surprisingly insightful in terms of explaining specific Islamic commandments directed at husbands/wives. The author unwittingly explained the logic behind the Islamic stance on marital relations and the standard for public conduct.

Th book covers 7 facts about men, which are outlined in the sample and thus my sharing them here, does not qualify as...more

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May 17, 2012 Paula rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: christian

A true eye-opener.

One of the best chapters for me was "Your love is NOT enough - why your respect means more to him than even your affection". This part is about honoring your husband both in private and in public, both when he is present and when he is not. It is about admiring him and believing in him. About motivating him by respect. In this way he can "bring home the prize he won just for you". It is about not teasing your man in public, also.

The chapter "Sex changes everything" explains t...more

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Mar 07, 2012 Taymara Jagmohan rated it 3 of 5 stars

I saw 192 pages, and I needed a very short read this Wednesday.
Shaunti kept repeating her points, but maybe she needed to instill the points very well. She did so. I knew these qualities of a guy, but she just helped me to remember them a little bit more, and also fathom them a little bit better.
You must respect a guy, or else suffer the dire ramifications.
APART from respecting a guy, A GIRL REQUIRES IT TOO. However, with the growing industries of make-up and self-praising clothes, the women of...more

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Dec 25, 2011 Serri rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction, christian-religious

Think of this book (and its companion) as a marriage enrichment-type book. I read both "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" as part of a book club that included both men and women partipants. The premise was for the women to read the "For Women Only" book first and the men to read the "For Men Only" book first, then go back and read the other book to see if you thought it accurately portrayed your sex.

So dutifully, I read the "For Women Only" book and found many great insights that ultimately I t...more

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Nov 28, 2011 Xaka rated it 4 of 5 stars

I liked this book. It's not that the information was necessarily new for me, since I have been studying men for decades, now. But, I am in a transitional point in my life. And, as I read this book, I finally understood that my mother raised me to be a man.

I think this happens a lot. We live in a society that downplays the contributions of women and allows women to be abused (including a judicial system that actually condones the abuse of women and protects the abusive men who harm them), so I t...more

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Nov 02, 2011 Abby rated it 4 of 5 stars

I just randomly picked this book up at the library and didn't expect anything too spectacular. I actually thought it was a pretty good little book, though. It's all about men and what they think but won't tell you.

For example, "I do love my wife and think she's great, but I would be so much happier if she lost 60 lbs and wore makeup again. I know we don't have enough money to buy gas or shoes, but I will happily spend $2000 on a personal trainer to get her in shape and I get depressed every tim...more

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Aug 04, 2011 Meghan rated it 3 of 5 stars

I got this book for my wedding almost two years ago (and Adam the "male" counterpart), and I'm only just now reading it. I feel like since we've been out of college and in the "real" world, our stresses and experiences and situations have a been a bit more "real" and "typical" marriage ones. So I thought I would pull this book down and see how the "experts" handle men.
Turns out, the experts were men - real men surveyed and interviewed by this woman - who is not a psychologist or relationship co...more

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Jul 28, 2011 Zack added it

I realized it is harder than I thought to explain why a guy would be reading this book. I had to see what Shaunti Feldhahn was telling women all over the country about the inner lives of men. Overall, she is pretty accurate. There will always be exceptions when you are forced to make generalizations the way this book does. However, the things that are discussed in this book will hit home with most men. For example, the desire to be respected in public and private...the internal drive to provide...more

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Feb 01, 2010 Rachelle rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is a relationship/marriage book so if you don't like those kind of books you won't like this. But I liked it.
First of all.. I like the Christian perspective. It begins with the assumption that your marriage is important to God and He wants us the be strong as a couple. The principles are taught with that as a foundation.
Second... I liked that the thoughts are general and applicable to many circumstances. I like the book "Surrendered Wife" as well but it was so specific in what you should...more

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Jun 23, 2009 Dani rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: june-reads

Adult (due to themes)

For Women Only is for women only for a reason - because everything it contains, guys already know inside and out. This is a book on the psychology of men, born from the research Shaunti set out to conduct for one of her fiction novels. Backed up by professional surveys and statistical data, this books presents How Guys Think 101 written especially for women.

First Impressions
Wow. When I walked into the bookstore, I had absolutely zero intention of walking out with yet-another...more Adult (due to themes)

For Women Only is for women only for a reason - because everything it contains, guys already know inside and out. This is a book on the psychology of men, born from the research Shaunti set out to conduct for one of her fiction novels. Backed up by professional surveys and statistical data, this books presents How Guys Think 101 written especially for women.

First Impressions
Wow. When I walked into the bookstore, I had absolutely zero intention of walking out with yet-another-book-on-relationships. But something about the cover of this one grabbed me, so I grabbed it - and flicking through the pages, I was immediately intrigued both by the author's clear, chatty voice, and the sheer wow-factor of the information she presents.

High Points
Er, everything? The book is broken down into six sections, touching on what Shaunti felt were the six most important attitudes and beliefs men have that women don't usually understand. It's a light, quick read in a chatty and informal style, but backed by rigourous statistical data at the same time. Shaunti provides contrasts and comparisons between male and female ways of thinking and approaching things that make it dead easy to comprehend.

Low Points
This is not a personal low point for me, but this is a Christian book. If you're not an easily-offended non-Christian, it should be fine: there's no theology, or prescriptive directives, or anything like that. Just the occasional mention, and an awareness that the writer herself is coming from a Christian point of view.

This is definitely a five-star book. Out of all the relationship books I've ever read - a lot, since my dad is big on them ;) - this is one of the top four.

Usefulness
In my reviews, non-fiction books get an extra rating - how useful they are to those of use writing fiction. This book gets a high usefulness rating - maybe 9 out of 10. Sure, I adore this book because of how much it resonates with me, but it is also the best resource I have so far come across to help women writers who struggle to get into the head of a male character. As an utter perfectionist, I would love to be able to write my characters so that readers couldn't tell whether I was male or female because both male and female characters were so real, so true, so convincing... And I believe this book is going to make a serious dent in the Things I Need To Learn in order to be able to write like that.(less)

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Sep 30, 2011 Heather rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: living-well, marriage-womanhood, favorites

Some women complain about this book, because of the generalizations. Well, I say that any book that sets out to shed light on an entire gender is bound to generalize somewhat. Why is this surprising?!

If you are going to read this fabulously helpful book how to love your husband well, be prepared for two things:
1) Your hubby has to really be honest. Some of what it says in here about men, he may not be super stoked about owning up to. This is where the generalizations come in. I realize they may...more

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Feb 03, 2012 Stephanie rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: any woman in a serious romantic relationship

Recommended to Stephanie by: Jen N.

Shelves: 2012, psychology, relationships, pre-marital-counseling

This book is little, but mighty.

I'm not usually a big fan of the whole "this book will answer all your questions about the opposite sex" premise, but this particular book came highly recommended by a good friend so I put my skepticism aside and gave it a go.

I can't promise it will do the same for you, but I can tell you that Shaunti Feldhahn did a FANTASTIC job of helping me understand my fiancé better. The title promises a revealing peek into the "inner lives" of men and the book does not dis...more This book is little, but mighty.

I'm not usually a big fan of the whole "this book will answer all your questions about the opposite sex" premise, but this particular book came highly recommended by a good friend so I put my skepticism aside and gave it a go.

I can't promise it will do the same for you, but I can tell you that Shaunti Feldhahn did a FANTASTIC job of helping me understand my fiancé better. The title promises a revealing peek into the "inner lives" of men and the book does not disappoint.

The chapters discuss things like why men have such a deep desire to be respected, why sex is so important to a healthy marriage and how a man's success in the workplace impacts how competent he feel at home as a husband/father. Most of the ideas presented in the book aren't new (ie: men will likely desire sex more often than their wife will ... REALLY? Who knew?! Haha) but the author backs things up with well-conducted research, provides clear statistical information and, best of all, uses snippets of her conversations with real husbands to illustrate each concept. In doing so, she takes things that many women already "know" about men and helps us actually understand it and make sense of it.

I found this book to be a wonderful asset in our pre-marital communication. Often, I'd read something and turn to my fiancé and ask "is this true?? Do you really feel that way?" Then we'd end up discussing it in detail, even digressing to areas the book hadn't touched on, and he helped me understand how the idea applied to him and our relationship specifically. If you're going to read this book and try to actively apply it to your relationship, then I'd highly recommend discussing its content with your man as you go along. By necessity, the author makes a lot of generalizations and while the information she's presenting likely applies to most men it might not apply to yours. If you take the book's ideas and information as guidelines for conversation starters with your man, not as absolute, definite fact, I think you'll get way more out of it.

Many of the other reviewers here have commented that this book is like a "dumbed down" version of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley Jr. I haven't read that one yet, so who knows ... my opinion of For Women Only may change once I do. For now, I say this book is an EXCELLENT resource for any woman in a serious relationship. I'll be giving a copy to each and every one of my girlfriends who becomes engaged. :)
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Jul 28, 2011 Adriane Devries rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: spirituality

Shaunti Feldhahn did the research; now women everywhere can test their own assumptions and knowledge of how the male mind works, especially in the areas that matter most to us: love and respect, providing for his family, how their spouses look (and other women, too), and of course, sex. The author, with humor and compassion, shows us that what God created when he created man is unique, “and he said his creation was good.” To understand how our men’s mind work is a step toward giving them the enc...more

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Apr 16, 2012 Emily rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was an informative little book. I think every wife should read it to help her understand her husband. I informally quizzed my husband on the survey in the book and found that, with a few exceptions, his opinions were in sync with the majority. But then, I couldn't get either my daughter or my daughter-in-law to take it very seriously, so I'm interested in what the book club gals will think. For me, it was very insightful. There were two things I found distracting, though: one was the little...more

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Mar 21, 2008 Dan added it

My wife asked me to read this book this morning and tell me if it is truth. I picked it up to get the gist of it and an hour and a half later I finished the book.

I think it is a good book for couples that have been married for a while to read and discuss. Not sure I would give it to a newly married couple. I liked the book but do not think all things in the book are normative to all men. Good book good read.

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Jul 23, 2009 Leah LaMontagne rated it 4 of 5 stars

I highly recommend this book for married and engaged women out there! It may contain a few things society already knows about men, but this book makes you UNDERSTAND those things, not just be aware of them Several points were knew to me and opened my eyes, which was cool. I do have to say that my man fell under THE EXCEPTION many of the times, as the author released statistical finds from some professional surveys they ran. I always knew my husband was special and unique, and this book confirmed...more

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Apr 27, 2008 Carrie rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: women in relationships, good or bad

Shelves: own-a-copy

Fabulous, seriously. She put into clear-to-me words so much of what my husband has tried to communicate, but which I just wasn't "getting." I really feel like now that I understand more about what he's thinking and feeling, I'm better able to be sympathetic and not try to mold him into the way I think he should behave or react. It's made me feel more compassionate toward him. I loved it.

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May 08, 2011 Letitia rated it 2 of 5 stars

Well-intentioned, but a little obvious, I would re-title this work "Traditional Gender Roles for Dummies." Many of the "surprising" revelations might be of real use to women who have little experience talking on a deeply relational level to men, and who want to affirm their men in traditional ways. I found that many of the things that were generalized about men were actually true of me, and many things that were supposedly unknown were just re-phrasings of pretty well established gender identiti...more

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Feb 26, 2011 Tryn rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: marriage

I picked this one up from the Valentine's display at the library and read it in a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. I like to read a marriage book once a year and this was a good one. It is a straightforward analysis of how men think and feel. I like the statistical, survey approach. I like the Christian perspective. Some of the writer's analogies and comparisons were helpful and memorable. This quick read is a good reminder about men's yearning for respect, their performance anxiety, the...more

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Nov 12, 2010 Liz rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: christian-influence

This is my second time reading this book. The first time many areas hit me like a slap in the face - total wake up call to "oh that's why!" The first time I asked my husband about several things which led to great conversation & relationship building. This second time I wasn't as blown away and could see how some would feel it's total "fluff." Lots of stuff that is very much common sense I feel. Lots of discussion potential if you are all comfortable as a group discussing personal relationsh...more

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Sep 14, 2009 Jeanne rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: own

When I entered to win this in the FirstReads contest, I didn't realize it was a Christian book. Not that I have anything against Christians (being one myself), but I often don't agree with the fundamentalist/born-again point of view. And there was definitely a "serve your husband" undercurrent to this book.

Wives are advised to change their points of view and actions to accommodate their husbands. I will be reading the "For Women Only" companion book that came with it next, and it will be intere...more

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Jul 09, 2008 Renee rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was a fun read. I read it in two evenings. It created interesting conversation between my husband and I. Either my husband is strange or the book stereotypes a bit, but he didn't agree with everything it said. I still gave it fours stars because I never would have thought to ask him about some of the subjects if I had not read the book.

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