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57th out of 411 books
—
428 voters
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Why are many of the most successful people plagued by feelings of emptiness and alienation? This wise and profound book has provided thousands of readers with an answer—and has helped them to apply it to their own lives.Far too many of us had to learn as children to hide our own feelings, needs, and memories skillfully in order to meet our parents’ expectations and win the...more
Paperback, 3rd edition, 144 pages
Published
December 24th 1996
by Basic Books
(first published 1979)
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for the people who seem to have it all yet hunger for so much.
this is not the psychopop of twelve-step, i-got-in-touch-with-my-anger-today, neurosis-no-more books. "gifted" here has nothing to do with what your school counselor/teacher told was gifted or talented. rather, the original german word refers to the ability to empathize and meet the needs of a parent figure--at the loss of your true self. while this gift might enable one to survive his/her childhood, the gifted person's unmet need to...more
this is not the psychopop of twelve-step, i-got-in-touch-with-my-anger-today, neurosis-no-more books. "gifted" here has nothing to do with what your school counselor/teacher told was gifted or talented. rather, the original german word refers to the ability to empathize and meet the needs of a parent figure--at the loss of your true self. while this gift might enable one to survive his/her childhood, the gifted person's unmet need to...more
I've read a lot a really helpful books that my therapist has recommended to me in the past six months or so. This book is amazing and straight to the point. I would recommend it for anyone that has issues w their parents that they want some perspective on or anyone concerned about possibly passing on the legacy of their own difficulties to their children, however inadvertently. I will read all of Alice Miller's books after reading this one.
Miller presents a solid theory with some difficult truths, but at time the narrowness of her idea turns into a sort of tunnel vision with sweeping generalizations that are far too much. She gets carried away with herself and disregards other influences, other options. I always bristle at any theory that attempts to explain everything with a single reason or cause, especially in the complicated matters of psychology or human emotion. Regardless, the clarity of her presentation makes this an easy...more
9 likes · like · see review
Just finished this quick little read. This is a specific kind of book for a specific type of person at a specific point in their specific lives. If the time or the person isn't a great fit, you might hate this book and think it is useless, but if the timing is right, then you might love it. It's about learning about yourself and where you came from. To a certain extent we are all trying to better understand who we are and where we came from. Some people do it more obviously then others. Even if...more
This is an excellent book for learning more about yourself, how you became the way you are, and also as a possible source of help regarding the causes and cure of any emotional difficulties you may have. It will also help you better understand the people around you and how they came to be the way they are. It is a good source of psychological knowledge. Alice Miller shows very clearly how the way our parents raised us when we are children formed us psychologically.
Alice Miller wrote her second b...more
Alice Miller wrote her second b...more
Tengo la firme creencia de que todos los libros que llegan a tu vida, lo hacen en el momento que más te van a enseñar/enriquecer. ‘El drama del niño dotado…’ llegó a mi vida cuando tuve la capacidad para ver las cosas en un nivel más profundo (al que solamente pude acceder después de estar en psicoanálisis) y tuve mucho tiempo para pensar lo que estaba leyendo.
Es un libro extremadamente fácil de leer, pero difícil de digerir si uno hace la introspectiva debida. Supongo que las ideas de Alice Mi...more
Es un libro extremadamente fácil de leer, pero difícil de digerir si uno hace la introspectiva debida. Supongo que las ideas de Alice Mi...more
Dec 03, 2012
Jesse
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
non-library-borrowings
I'm not entirely sure what to rate this. Rating it purely as a book, I'd probably give it three stars. Many of Miller's ideas are fascinating, though it's hard not to feel like her idealized version of parenting is something that couldn't possibly actually exist anywhere in this universe. People just aren't THAT flawlessly self-actualized, be they parents or otherwise. If EVERYTHING a parent does, EVER, seemingly constitutes manipulation of his or her child, then.....well, the world's just about...more
I read this in my mid-30s and at the time, I found this to be the most helpful book I had ever read. Narcissism is fully explained - though many may think that is just another word for self-centeredness - in its many complexities. The title is misleading and apparently renamed for marketing purposes. The child who is victimized by the Narcissist is gifted because they deal with such heavy challenges and become over-sensitive to others' needs, always eager to please, while suppressing their own s...more
In 1994 a friend of mind recommended this book to me. I was going through a rough patch -- divorce, change of residence/state, change of occupation, all those major stressors -- and this book was more than a help, it made me see myself and my personal struggle in a new light.
I can't and won't try to summarize this book in a few trite sentences. Suffice it to say that Dr. Alice Miller is a pioneering psychologist with great insight into the human problem. Dr. Miller states her objective, in the i...more
I can't and won't try to summarize this book in a few trite sentences. Suffice it to say that Dr. Alice Miller is a pioneering psychologist with great insight into the human problem. Dr. Miller states her objective, in the i...more
I liked this book better than I expected to. I had read good things about it; apparently the author's insights on childhood were important in developing psychological understanding in the 70's and later. But I was afraid it was going to be a sort of polemic against parents. Rather, it was more a warning for therapists -- she makes the point that therapists often go into the field because of unresolved issues in their own past and if they are not careful, ie, if they don't have therapy to work th...more
This book is both brilliant and full of schlock. I know people with the problems she described, people who were never going to be loved for who they were, so either buried themselves in achievement or cut off important parts of themselves. These childhood traumas have crippled them in adulthood. The thing about these people, though, is that their parents were fundamentally flawed and repeated these actions over and over again. Unlike in Miller's book, these were not one-off events.
I think it is...more
I think it is...more
1 like · like · see review
Alice Miller, a PhD in philosophy, psychology and sociology, and well-known researcher on childhood, is the author of 13 books, translated into thirty languages. Dr. Miller writes extensively on the psychological, emotional, and physical impact of childhood trauma, mistreatment, and abuse – something she reports to have endured herself. In this book, Dr. Miller uses “gifted” not in an academic sense, rather she means those “who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt eve...more
Ignore the title. This is a book for anyone struggling with their childhood. And not only those who were abused or not, it's basically anyone that had tough things happen in their childhood that weren't dealed with appropriately. I would think everyone would fall into this category. The book was written for therapists, but a lot of patients end up reading it.
The author believes that depression really comes from the separation of your real self with yourself...in other words, kids who grow up in...more
The author believes that depression really comes from the separation of your real self with yourself...in other words, kids who grow up in...more
This is the best book I have ever read. Do not be fooled by the title--the original title of the book was "Prisoners of Childhood," and I believe the publisher talked the author into changing the title so that proud parents would want to buy the book. As a marketing ploy, it worked. But it's really not about "gifted children" in the contemporary sense, which is often about ratings and education. It is about the most important issue of our time: raising children.
I've been hearing about this book for a while (mostly from Bill!) and wanted to give it a try. Some parts I liked a lot; I thought her points about how emotionally insecure and unstable parents raise children who are unable to fully access their emotions because their emotions have been blocked in order to accommodate their parents' needs were pretty insightful. I also thought she got it right when she wrote about how people's needs for achievement often stem from the feeling that their parents'...more
"The only defense we have against mental illness is the discovery of the truth of our childhood."
Should be required reading for every psychologist. I liked it even more when, in the third section of the book, the author used Hermann Hesse as an example! I learned something about my favorite author--and, more importantly, gained some highly valuable insights that I hope I can put into practice in integrating my own self.
(on loan: K. B.)
Should be required reading for every psychologist. I liked it even more when, in the third section of the book, the author used Hermann Hesse as an example! I learned something about my favorite author--and, more importantly, gained some highly valuable insights that I hope I can put into practice in integrating my own self.
(on loan: K. B.)
I picked this up after falling in love with Alison Bechdel's Are You My Mother? She cites this book throughout her memoir as having a strong impact on her life as well as on her writing. It was an interesting read. A lot of good insight on how your parents shape your emotional development. Some of it (particularly the first section) felt like it was heavily targeted at therapists and psychoanalysts (of which I am neither), so those parts interested me less than rest of the book. I thought that t...more
"It's a seminal work in my field," Dr. Paul Weston (HBO's "In Treatment") said in response to Frances, the daughter-diagnosed-narcissist, when Frances asked her therapist, Paul (the brooding Gabriel Byrne), if he's ever heard of, "The Drama of the Gifted Child."
Naturally, I downloaded the book the next day.
Self-help it is not. Well, not exactly; and I mean that in a good way. But it is a quick read, and only $5 on Kindle!
If you're even thinking of having kids, you must read it, or not, because...more
Naturally, I downloaded the book the next day.
Self-help it is not. Well, not exactly; and I mean that in a good way. But it is a quick read, and only $5 on Kindle!
If you're even thinking of having kids, you must read it, or not, because...more
I am skeptical of any psychological theory that purports to reduce all, or most all, human dysfunction to events in early childhood; although I have no doubt that these repressed or suppressed traumas play a role - for some, perhaps, a decisive role - in guiding a person's response to their existential predicament, it is becoming increasingly clear that many if not all of the commonly encountered patterns of psychopathology have a neurochemical basis, and that many are genetically determined. Ha...more
First things first, misleading title. "Prisonners of Childhood" is more accurate.
This book is an eye opener! I've read some of it a few years back and just now have gotten to reading it fully. The gist of it is that parents' expectations of their children can be projected in such a way on them, that it robs them from their "true feelings" and "true self", trying to become the "perfect" child that will meet their parents approval and gain their love.A lot of times, the children ignore/shut off/re...more
This book is an eye opener! I've read some of it a few years back and just now have gotten to reading it fully. The gist of it is that parents' expectations of their children can be projected in such a way on them, that it robs them from their "true feelings" and "true self", trying to become the "perfect" child that will meet their parents approval and gain their love.A lot of times, the children ignore/shut off/re...more
Okay, so technically I didn't read this book. I couldn't get past the first chapter. I'm sure it holds very valuable information for some, but for me it was just way too psychoanalytic. (it's a personal limitation of mine that I start to tune out and drift off when authors command me to escape my inner prison...)
Recommended, sort of, in Alison Bechdel's Are You My Mother? Perhaps because Bechdel already summarized much of the book's argument, it did not strike me with as much force as it apparently did for Bechdel. Nevertheless, I found much of it illuminating and, in a way, inspiring, laying out a sort of blueprint for how to act toward children--any children. It should be noted that the term "gifted" of the title (which is an accurate translation of "begabten") nevertheless has, in the book, less of a...more
Excellent insights into psychological accommodations that children make in order to please their parents, especially those who were intentionally or, more often, unintentionally abusive, and the two resulting and related forms of mental illness: grandiosity and depression.
Two concerns about the book. There was no mention of faith and the importance of humility. While searching for one's true self, one develops an understanding that the only approval one needs is not one's parents but God's. Als...more
Two concerns about the book. There was no mention of faith and the importance of humility. While searching for one's true self, one develops an understanding that the only approval one needs is not one's parents but God's. Als...more
I read this to better understand some of the material in Are You My Mother?. Interesting book about child psychology and how lives are shaped by narcissistic parents.
My dislike of this, and Miller's other book Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, has little to do with the content and message than the constant referrals she makes to her OWN books, and the general conceited air her writing style takes on.
Other than that, I found the book rambling, repetitive, and containing very few concrete examples of the concepts she's trying to get across.
I do believe that most of what she's saying has merit, but the way the book was written didn't give me much confidence...more
Other than that, I found the book rambling, repetitive, and containing very few concrete examples of the concepts she's trying to get across.
I do believe that most of what she's saying has merit, but the way the book was written didn't give me much confidence...more
Another self-help book that I read in my early-20s, and it was instrumental in helping me understand many of my problems. It didn't "heal" me or change me, but it was a major step in self-recognition.
This was a good start, but I need more guidance! I feel like the book could have been shorter, she spends way too much time making her case: depression and other psychological problems stem from having been mistreated as children, and as a result we're repressing our true feelings and it's manifesting as depression or grandiosity, etc. It also means that we're likely to mistreat our children in the same way, even if we make a conscious effort not to. She says that we need to discover the hidden...more
This is one of the best books ever written and one of the most powerful tools for one's self-discovery, to be free from narcissism. Miller has provided strong insights into this book, which encouraged and forced us to face the truth from our childhood, and why we hid our true selves as children.
We are all living in a narcissist society, and we have learned our narcissist traits to some degree. For us to get rid of these traits, we must seek to be free from the deadly emotional influences that sh...more
We are all living in a narcissist society, and we have learned our narcissist traits to some degree. For us to get rid of these traits, we must seek to be free from the deadly emotional influences that sh...more
Oct 30, 2012
Readingwilliam
added it
Powerful! Drama is an excellent complement to Will I Ever be Good Enough (Karyl McBride) and The Places that Scare You (Pema Chodron)which I had just completed. The book addresses the failed caregiving in our early lives (when the adults are still kids themselves) and the difficulties we have as adults.
We must learn to stay and be and sense our own experiences rather than continue to run, and idealize and displace. Chodron addresses the staying and being and toleration of discomfort, as does Mc...more
This book is highly controversial for me as the author seems to say that those who love unconditionally have serious mental issues.
Personally I find that it is not only children that need to be loved unconditional, but the child in all of us seeking to be understood and loved that needs to know that unconditional love is always there even if a person in authority doesn't neccessarily agree with a childs feeling states or actions.
In my experience to think that the love from a parent doesn't exi...more
Personally I find that it is not only children that need to be loved unconditional, but the child in all of us seeking to be understood and loved that needs to know that unconditional love is always there even if a person in authority doesn't neccessarily agree with a childs feeling states or actions.
In my experience to think that the love from a parent doesn't exi...more
| topics | posts | views | last activity | |
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| Drama of the Gifted Child | 9 | 33 | Sep 07, 2011 09:02pm |
Psychologist and world renowned author, who is noted for her books on child abuse, translated in several languages. In her books she departed from psychoanalysis charging it with being similar to the poisonous pedagogies, which she described in
For Your Own Good
.
Miller was born in Poland and as young woman lived in Warshaw where she survived World War II. In 1953 she gained her doctorate in phil...more
More about Alice Miller...
Miller was born in Poland and as young woman lived in Warshaw where she survived World War II. In 1953 she gained her doctorate in phil...more
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“The grandiose person is never really free; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail.”
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21 people liked it
“Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery and emotional acceptance of the truth in the individual and unique history of our childhood.”
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18 people liked it
More quotes…
May 07, 2013 08:09am