That Mean Old Yesterday: A Memoir

by Stacey Patton

A coming-of-age memoir by a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist who survived a tyrannical upbringing by her adoptive parents describes the fiercely religious belief system of her abusive mother, her determination to acquire an education as a means of escape, and the disadvantages that challenged her survival. 50,000 first printing.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Adoption, Abuse

320 pages, Hardcover

First published September 4, 2007

Reviews

[Cory · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this excellent and painful memoir of growing up with an intensely violent adoptive mother, an adoptive father who stood by idly, and then moving through the New Jersey foster care system I often thought of the title of Brandon Lacy Campos' book of poems "It Ain't Truth If It Doesn't Hurt". I'm not sure that's always right, but this book hurts, and it feels like the author's uncompromising truth. I also thought about what another reviewer on Goodreads wrote to describe That Mean Old Yesterday: "A hard life told by an amazing woman."

The weaving of Patton's story with the legacy of slavery, which we all live with every day, makes this a book that's challenging intellectually as well as emotionally, and a book that I'll now recommend to many who may be unaware of how the legacy of slavery continues to impact and intersect with our experiences of race, class, gender, sexuality, and family.

Sometimes when you finish reading a book you really feel like the author gave you a gift. This was one of those times.

People who have read the book might be interested to know the author has founded an organization called Spare the Kids, whose mission is "to provide Black parents, families and communities with a full range of alternatives to corporal punishment."

[Kim Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent Book! Very moving and inspirational. A particular quote from the book is now a part of my personal mantra, "Yesterday may have brought me to my knees, but it did not vanquish me. So from this day forward, I will never doubt myself or let anything else bring me to my knees. I will never let anyone or anything define me or my possibilities. I will shape my own destiny." This is the final analysis of a young woman who was abandoned by her biological mother, severely abused by her adoptive mother, then not only strongly discouraged from but even ridiculed for reaching for a better life by the women (I think nuns, but I'm not sure) who were charged with caring for her in her final years as a minor. An amazing story of personal strength and perseverance through a most demoralizing childhood. I was encouraged by Stacey's ability to see the truth of her current situation particularly her assessment of her biological family. I was disheartened by the reception Stacey got when she finally broke free from her abusive mother. You would have thought that this had occurred in a much earlier generation, certainly not the 1990's. It was a reminder for me that it is up to the black community as a whole to protect our children as we cannot count on officials and authorities to do what is right by our kids even in the face (pun intended) of uncontroverted evidence of abuse!

[1aquila · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I read this book, I constantly had to keep releasing tears.
This story was very emotional and touching. I often forgot that this story was the reality of one girl's life. I think that this book allowed alot of insight into the beliefs of many African American families as well as other races as well.
That mean old yesterday, is the story of Stacey Patton's life from a young child to a young adult entering college. Stacey Patton begins her journey by leaving her foster parents to move into a permanent home. As a young child living wit her foster parents she was exposed to abuse of alcohol, but she was never mistreated. Her new adoptive parents seemed to be loving and couple who really wanted the love of a child to call their own.
Over time Stacey began to realize that her adoptive parents were not as loving as they seemed to be. Stacey Patton soon began to get abused by her adoptive mother. Stacey endured beatings, verbal abuse, and every other sort of abuse there is for a child to endure. Being in this type of household filled her with alot of confusion. she knew this behavior was not right
Finally Stacey found a way out. She contacted a childrens help agency and once again was a part of the system. She lived in a group home for awhile. soon she heard about a boarding school. The Lawrenceville school. She applied and though the adults in the kids in her home thought she wouldnt get in, she did. she got a free ride to the school, and later she got a full ride to the university of Penn.

[Chrystal]

My library renewal had ended and I still had not yet had the opportunity to read this book. I checked it back in at the library and since there was no hold on it, I checked it back out. I left the book on my cedar chest, only to walk in and discovered that my 10 year old grandson had picked it up and started reading it. He turned to me and said "Nana, this book is good, have you read it?" I smiled and said "No, I haven't gotta around to reading it, I'm currently reading two other books and another is ahead of it in my reading que." He answered, "You should read it, its really good."

I have moved this book up in the reading que, and the first 5 pages have me convinced that my grandson was correct in that it is indeed a good book.

I will let you know...

[S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listening to this on audio books and I wish I had the written version, too. I am about half way through the book. I have learned so much about history, slavery, abuse, children, perserverence, the foster care and adoption systems. I don't know if she will cover her organization "Spare the Children" but anyone who works with children (teachers, parents, therapists, clergy,...) should become acquainted with the organization. Ms. Patton has unique insight and incredible intelligence, heart and sole that should be listened to and put in a position to effect change. Her strength has no match.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very powerful and well-written- I could feel the emotions and rage of the author. It was difficult at times to imagine someone would treat a child that way, especially one they went out of their way to adopt. In the end its enightening to see that she made such a success out of her life despite all odds.

[Sy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I deeply enjoyed this book. It was very well written and the story had my emotions all over the place. It was a roller coaster but so worth it. This book was a great read. The relationship between slavery and abuse today was amazing. I had never thought the two were so similar.

[Smithb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. You must read this.

[Kennice M · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hard life told by an amazing woman, I loved 'That Mean Old Yesterday' so much so that I actually had a chat with Stacy Patton herself. She's a lovely woman!

[Barbara Bales · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a memoir written by Stacey Patton, who was given up by her mother at a very young age, possibly as an infant. She was in a foster home until she was 5 years old, when she was adopted by a couple in New Jersey. Her adoptive mother beat her badly (blisters, scars, blood) for the next 8 years, when she ran away and almost by the force of her own will, never went back. She was accepted into a prestigious prep school on a full scholarship and is now a successful writer, activist, and advocate, primarily for children.

The chapters of the book alternate between autobiographical and sociological, as Patton traces the practice of corporal punishment in black families with the country's original sin, slavery. She makes an excellent case that these harmful practices, which were still commonplace in the 80's and 90's while she grew up (if not to this day), can be traced to survival mechanisms of slaves.

There are unanswered questions that I would love to know the answers to. Why did her mother give her up, how old was she when it happened, and why did her mother commit suicide 2 years later? What about her father? I wonder about her adoptive parents, did they read her book, was it revelatory for them?

At the end of the day regardless of intention, child abuse is child abuse. I hope Patton's book is being read by many parents, black, white, or otherwise, who may gain insight into why it is wrong.

[Leilani Davenberry · Rating 5 out of 5]

CW: racism, child abuse, adoption

I have been following Stacey Patton on social media for a while because she's doing great work to educate against against beating, whooping kids and corporal punishment. Her work disrupts internalized racism and oppression, and I love her confrontational style and humor.

I was very moved by her book and her courage. She made parallels about the legacy of slavery and racism that I'd never put together about child abuse and therefore my abuser, my adopted mother. My adopted mother said many of the same things as hers. I experienced so many of the same kinds of things: name calling, body inspections, violations, violence, never being good enough or doing anything right, being conditioned to be hit, ducking when people were mad for years later or expecting bad touches and the worst. Similarities in hardening myself, disassociating and finding good things in school, academics, teachers, and getting free eventually. Stacey is a blessing in the world, doing great things and I'm glad to have read her book. I feel it changing how I'm seeing my past as a mixed race adoptee.

[Harvey Cottrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this memoir as part of a graduate class at Montclair State University. I had ordered it in print and also through audiobook. I remember when I started to listen to it for the first time. I shared with the class that I was driving and needed to pull off the road. I was so thunderstruck by Dr. Pattons' recount of her life as a child in foster care and the abuse she sustained for all of her young life; that I needed to pull off the roadway because I had tears flowing my my eyes. I am a CPS social worker so I am not easily shocked by recounts of child abuse. However, when she began to weave the themes of slavery and assert that she as a child felt like a slave; was treated as property; I had to stop listening and start reading. I had to hold the book; connect with her. This memoir changed me as a human being in the world; but it also changed my social work practice. I cannot recommend this book enough. Profound, Powerful, Bold.

[Starshadow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written memoir of a successful escape from an abusive childhood by a woman who successfully escaped a bleak future laid out for her by an uncaring bureaucracy only interested in moving foster children from system to system, unfocused on the individual child and their success. Stacey crafted her own educational success and it’s shaped her own approach to teaching parents to raise happy successful children. A triumph!

[Brooke B · Rating 4 out of 5]

A horribly sad memoir, I wished it was fiction.

[Savanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

That Mean Old Yesterday, by Stacey Patton, is a memoir of Patton’s shocking and destructive past. She writes of growing up as an African American girl in an abusive adoptive home. Although Patton was gifted in athletics and appeared to live in a home filled with faith, on the inside she was shattered into a million pieces of anguish by the hatred and lies her mother directed at her. As she reveals stories a child should never face, she uses powerful diction and vivid imagery to convey her feelings. From whippings, to verbal attacks, to sexual assaults, the reader is left gasping at the horrors and connected to Patton on a personal level. Despite the heartache in her past, as she grows and matures, Patton always strives to succeed to the highest level possible. She aims to go to an Ivy League School, defies prejudice teachers, and pours her blood and sweat onto the basketball court. As the chapter’s progress, Patton intertwines paragraphs on historical facts about the history of African Americans. In this way, she appeals to the readers logos and helps them understand the importance of African Americans and their past in the United States. As the book continues, every event leads to Stacey Patton becoming an inspirational and motivated adult that is a role model for many to overcome your past and be proud to live your life as you are. Not only does she share her story, but she causes the reader to look at their own life. She does this by inserting rhetorical questions into her writing and descriptively reflecting on what she learned in her experiences. At times this book was difficult to swallow because of the raw emotions and events exposed to the reader. However, I would highly recommend this book to mature readers as it provides a valuable perspective of life, racism, abuse, and hope.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing story of survival in which a very smart and wise girl is raised in the foster care system and then adopted by parents who abuse her horribly. She deftly shares parallels between the world of slavery and that of abused children. The vivid descriptions of her horrific abuse may trigger some and her clear disdain for the practice of adoption - totally understandable given her experience - may be troubling to adoptive parents or children.
But if you choose to read it, hang in there, for what she manages to accomplish and the self-confident and brilliant person she grows up to be is amazing. Her sense of self and of the way things SHOULD be, which she had really never seen anywhere in her experience, is nothing short of miraculous.

In the beginning I just wanted to bring her home and love her and raise her gently. By the end I wanted to have coffee with her and soak up her words and wisdom.

This is the authors first book. I sincerely hope it is the first of many to come.

[Bobbi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Patton, a graduate student at Rutgers, was a baby when she entered New Jersey's foster care system. Five years later, she was placed with a middle-class New Jersey couple eager to adopt. Myrtle and her husband, G, were both African-American, like Patton, but also deeply committed Pentecostals. While G was laid-back, Myrtle was a mean woman who believed she needed to beat and whip Patton to make her submissive, to prepare her for the modern realities of being a little black girl growing up in America. All the black children Patton knew got whipped whenever, wherever, and with whatever. This was part of our identity as black children. Patton believes this behavior came from the slave experience: It was what their parents knew and what their parents' parents knew.

[Venessia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stacy Patton is a courageous woman. Her life story was inspiring and showed her true resilience and I think it would a beneficial read for children that have been orphaned or adopted. I really loved how she weaved history about slavery and how it correlates with the rearing of black children in America today and what it means to be a black woman or man in today's society. I feel that the story was long and drawn out tho......at times, I found myself more interested in the historical facts than her actual story. I feel like I forced myself to finish the story for the sake of my book club but overall, a combination of all of these things made this book miss the mark for me. It was an okay read.

[Spider the Doof Warrior · Rating 5 out of 5]

African Americans are still hurting from slavery.
This is an excellent book showing how the tradition of whuppin's is hurtful not just to black children but all of society. Stacey Patton is brave and courageous. She survived horrible abuse by her adoptive parents and an indifference system.
This book shows that-
The foster care system still needs reforms
Children, especially black children need to be treasured. No more of this slavery stuff. It's time to treat all children with compassion and respect and to not smack or strike them ever.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars on this one. I was little skeptical when I started this book, I wasn't sure how the author was going to tie the child abuse she suffered in a modern day African-American family to the horrors of slavery and Jim Crow. She makes a very compelling and interesting argument that really peels back the skin on some very troubling societal problems. I realized my skepticsim came more from my lack of experience and knowledge about African-American families and basically from just never having thought about slavery in this way. The evils of slavery run far and deep.

[Sheri]

At first I hated this book. However, it got better once it reached the point where she began climbing the ladder out of her situation & into success. The author spent a lot of time dwelling on the negative of her life, reporting her feelings and thoughts but not backing them up with stories and detailed scenarios. It came across as victim-mentality complaining instead of story-telling. She has accomplished a lot in her life but unfortunately it seems that her drive is motivated by anger and an 'I'll show them!' mentality.

[Wendy Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book about a month ago. I really enjoyed the book. To see the obstacles that people over come. The chapters relating back to slavery kept slowing the story down for me. I had to start skipping them and keep reading out her. Then I went back and read the historical chapters together. I am so proud of her accomplishments. Why do people adoption just to mistreat them? I will never understand it.

[Dilsa Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

The intensity lingers after reading this book as the author takes you through the journey of her life as a foster child. Her experience is nightmarish and on edge behind closed doors, and normal on the outside. It breaks your heart and makes you worry about parentless children. A child is vulnerable enough just being a child, but when no one really cares...survival is based on the luck of the draw. This book drives that home.

[Toni Mcconneaughey morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very good read and sad. I commend the strength Stacie endured especially having to go through the struggles she went through during her childhood. It saddens me to know that there are people out there that are doing this to helpless children and others who either see that there is nothing wrong or just look the other way. This is why we are having issues trying to discipline our youths today because of people like Myrtle that took it too far. Ugh!

[Ricardo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought it was an interesting way of comparing the foster care system with slavery. Could a foster child in the US ever make it and come out on top? Stacey is one of those people that shows us that it is possible albeit with lots of bruises. Has there been any discussion of reforms in the foster care system that we hear about in the news.....

[Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a great story of overcoming obstacles and not becoming a victim of your circumstances. I enjoyed listening to this story of Stacy's childhood and how when life dealt her a bad deal it didn't knock her down but only made her that much stronger. She had determination, intelligence and enough fight to show those around her that even as a child she would win.

[Kimberly Marksberry · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book should be right up my ally - a memoir about a difficult childhood- but something in the author's tone got to me. The fact that in every situation she writes of she was the lone person who was good and she always knew best and no one ever helped her and she was never ever in the wrong made me dislike her and made me skeptical about her as a person.

[Sunshine Jeremiah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really fascinating history. Basically describes how spanking became a central part of African American culture. Parents found spanking to be a way to keep white Americans from attacking their children for breaking rules of division. Well researched and handled.

[Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

I obviously live a sheltered life. I cannot imagine children being raised this way. It is sad to imagine that this kind of abuse is still happening.

Congrats to Ms Patton for being a survivor. It makes me look for more opportunities to be a positive roll model.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a remarkable woman! I love how Stacey interagated historical fact with her own personal story. I learned that some ofthe mistakes that we make within our families are generational. It opened my eyes to child abuse within the African American community.