Fat Assassins

Fat Adventure Series #1

by Marita Fowler

Southern style sweet potatoes Shasta and Ulyssa have stuck together through thick and thin since their escape from third grade fat camp. But on one dark day, they both find themselves unemployed. A hazardous job hunt sees them turn down egg harvesting, drug dealing and phone sex before they settle for an exterminator job. Confusing mafia lingo leaves the girls thinking they’re being interviewed to cope with a rodent infestation. Confident that they can handle the job, they oversell their skills and demand half payment up front to seal the deal. Skeptical at first, the mob boss decides to hire this unlikely pair when he mistakes their attitude for professional stoicism. The girls are shocked when presented with a target profile and an envelope full of cash. They want out, but it’s too late. The mob doesn’t allow do-overs. And certainly not when they’re whacking one of their own. The clock is ticking and when the body count is still zero after multiple attempts, the boss decides to bring in additional assassins to finish the job and tie up loose ends. And the girls just happen to be one of those loose ends.

Genres: Humor, Mystery, Fiction, Contemporary, Action, Comedy

302 pages, Paperback

First published December 3, 2011

About the author

Marita Fowler began her literary career writing a comedic action series, titled THE FAT ADVENTURE SERIES. She grew up in rural Tennessee and drew from her small town upbringing to craft FAT ASSASSINS and FAT BODYGUARDS. However, she has recently tapped into her darker muse and released the first book (titled ADDERWALD) in the ANAGENESIS SERIES - a steampunk, post-apocalyptic, zombie series.

You can read more about Marita and her series at http://www.maritafowler.com. She loves to hear from readers and you can reach her from her website or Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Fat-As...).

Reviews

[Mike (the Paladin) · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the country people used to take what they called a spring tonic...sulfur and molasses. Well before I give you the molasses here let me give out a tiny bit of sulfur. Not much as you see I gave the book 5 stars, something I don't often do.

The writer of this book (hello Ms. Fowler) is from Tennessee, as am I. I grew up in the Smokies, on a little farm about halfway between Kingsport and Johnson City. The Smokey Mountains are part of a chain called the "Appalachians". I grew up there, when the people who live there pronounce "Appalachia" the "a" after the "l" is pronounced short as in "ax" or "sad"...not long as in "ape" or "shade". People from the "north" who looked down on the people who lived there pronounced the "a" long.

I had the audio which was overall great...but the reader insisted on using the long "a". Drove me crazy.

BUT other than that I loved this book. Not to do a "poor me" but for information's sake, I struggle (somewhat) with depression. Anyone who does knows that this can come in waves and I've been dealing with some major depression lately. Now while it's possible to laugh and still be depressed, it still helps to have the mood lifted. Frequently this book gave me laugh out loud moments.

For those who would like a comparison Maybe we can say this book could be like the Stephanie Plum books were Stephanie from West Virginia instead of New Jersey...and frankly (sorry here Ms. Evanovich) if Janet Evanovich were as good a writer as Marita Fowler.

Shasta and Ulyssa are in some ways a little stereotypical as all the characters here are pretty much the way people would picture "Red Necks". That's cool. Even when Ms. Fowler plays up the stereotypes she does it so humorously it doesn't bother or annoy.

Now when Shasta and Ulyssa both end up unemployed at the same time (and the trailer payment is coming due) they turn to the internet (from the computer at the library as they don't own one) for help wanted ads. They occasionally misunderstand what the jobs these ads are advertising entail...like when they end up as phone sex operators.

Then they answer an ad for exterminators...for a guy from, up north.

There were times when the humor seemed to begin to wain only to pick back up and roar onward with plans coming to disaster and "fate", guardian angels or "someone (up there?) caring for them" coming into play.

I plan to get the next book and I see a third is in the offing. I hope I don't burn out on these (my wife liked the Plum books and I would "listen" to them when she was through but I did burn out on those). This particular book is laugh out loud funny, no not great literature, not deep and insightful but fall down laughing hilarious.

Recommended.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was raised in a small town in North Carolina, which despite having the word “North” in the title is very much part of the south. Perhaps it is my fondness for all things southern that led me to be completely in love with this book after having read only about 6 pages. Shasta and Ulyssa are two girls that I swear I must have met sometime in my life. They won me over with their language and the fact that they drink Michelob Light just like a southern girl should!

The story has these two ladies loosing their jobs and accidently ending up as assassins. How do a couple of girls accidentally become assassins? You will have to read it and see, but I believed it! Once they have accepted the job they realize that they are stuck between a rock and a hard place so to speak. The hijinks that these girls get up to is laugh out loud funny.

If I had to name something about the book that wasn’t perfect it would be that the girls are too similar. I really don’t have a good sense of them as individuals. The only thing that really kept me from mixing them up were the romances in the book. I did think that the men in the story were written pretty well and I liked them all!

There is a slapstick tone to the humor that I really loved. It was just the kind of brain candy I needed to read. I did not give the book a 5 because I did feel that the plot wandered a bit towards the end and I was in a rush to get back to the important stuff. I have to admit that even when it wandered, it was still funny and interesting.

When I finally read the last word I was smiling. That is exactly the kind of reaction I want to have when reading a book like this. I am excited to know that there will be another book about Ulyssa and Shasta called Fat Bodyguards. I know that this book might be a bit outside of the genres that a lot of you read but I am issuing you a challenge! Give this book a shot, especially if you are from the south! If it doesn’t make you laugh out loud at least once, then I am afraid your funny bone is fractured.

BOTTOM LINE: READ IT, LAUGH, ENJOY!

[Max · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a terrific book about 2 women in small town West Virginia that accidentally get hired by the mafia to take care of a "problem." They have to figure out a way to fulfill their contract while avoiding rival assassins and various types of law enforcement.

The story is a lot of fun, and there are plenty of parts that are genuinely laugh out loud funny. The characters are lively and likable. Overall, it's just a very pleasurable read. It's also a very quick read. I really recommend this book.

I received this book in a Goodreads Firstreads Giveaway.

[Aaron Bancroft · Rating 5 out of 5]

These girls aren't your normal everyday assassins. The author did an awesome job bringing the south out in this book. The humor and adventure created a good mix and the two heroins were very likable. At just over 300 pages the book was a quick read and I was hooked from the beginning to the end. Thanks for the invite to the book launch and I can't wait for book 2!

[Sandra Patton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit I am not a big reader of fiction. But, this book has changed my mind. Once, I started reading, it was hard to put it down ... what was going to happen next. Shasta & Ulysses are fabulous characters, and this was just plain fun to read. The intriguing ending has me anxiously waiting for the next book in the series - Fat Body Guards.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, we Fluffy Ladies have a pair of Heroines to relate with!! MUST READ!!!!
I Had SSSOooo Much fun reading this book! The Author was brilliant to send us on a comical Journey along with 2 Beautiful, thick, southern fried woman! Great job at keeping me in suspence and giggling! ! I CANT WAIT for FAT BODYGUARDS!!!!

[Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you enjoy Evanovich, then you will love this book! Two girls down on their luck find themselves in some extremely hilarious situations. I laughed so hard in several places I had to physically close the book to catch my breathe. My family looked at my like I had finally lost my mind...now my husband is reading it, laughing hysterically.

[Genine Franklin-Clark · Rating 1 out of 5]

Horrid; a typo, mispelling or grammatical error on almost every page of this ebook. The story might have been cute, light chick lit, but it was hard to get to it, through the appallingly bad editing. Or lack of editing. If the author was responsible for the errors, she should take a class or five in English. If not, she should refuse to deal with her editor ever again.

[Andrea Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG!
If you havent read this book yet, you dont know what your missing!
Its funny, its daring and my goodness ya'll, its got a golden cooeter CAT!!!!
If you like Stephanie Plum will LOVE LOVE LOVE this book.
I cant wait for
FAT BODYGUARDS!!!

[Emily Dunbar · Rating 4 out of 5]

great book? idk if i would say that. great fat representation? HELL YEAH BABY!!

lots of southernisms that i can’t necessarily speak to that took me out of the story a little. HOWEVER, the story overall is insane so suspending disbelief from the start is the only course of action.

most important to me is that these characters are fat, capable, unapologetic, sexy, desired (by many!), and i’ll say it again, fat!! will definitely be reading the sequel ;)

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, couldn't stop reading it. You need a good laugh this is a book to read, can't wait for her new one to come out "Fat Bodyguards"

[Melanie Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fat Assassins was self-published by Marita Fowler in 2011. It’s the story of two women in their early 20s who live in Nitro, West Virginia, and have been best friends since 3rd grade. To the best of my knowledge, Fat Assassins takes place around 2008. The heroines, Shasta and Ulyssa, share a mobile home. But one horrible day, both women are out of a job — one from Wal-Mart and the other from a construction company — for unjust reasons. They try to get new jobs in a town that has almost no work that isn’t shady when they read an add for an exterminator gig at a strip club. Shasta and Ulyssa are running out of money, so they decide to stretch the truth and say they have experience killing pests. A conversation in their car before the interview reveals how woefully naive, yet hilarious, they are:

“Yeah, I wonder if they have insurance in case one of the dancers gets bit? Imagine sitting there getting ready for the show wearing nothing but feathers and tassels,” Ulyssa said, twirling her fingers in circles by her boobs for emphasis, ” . . . and BAM! A squirrel bites a boob!”

We both shuddered thinking about a crazed squirrel swinging by the teeth from our boobs.

“Ouch! Don’t forget they carry diseases too? That would doubly suck! Getting a squirrel bite and a rabies shot in the boob! I hate squirrels!” I said.

“Yeah, me too. They’re evil, furry rats!”

“What if there are squirrels in the parking lot right now just waiting to attack us for our boob jerky? Maybe they’re circling the car looking for a way in . . .”

And through a misunderstanding of coded language, our heroines end up working for a gangster who wants a man killed. The rest of the book is their attempts to actually kill him, justifying their choice because he’s a bad person. And, well, it couldn’t be any worse than hitting a deer with your truck.

The world building of Nitro, West Virginia, is incredible. The things people say and the way they think reminded me of my own roots in central Michigan, but were taken to the extreme, because what is WV if not extreme? Readers are introduced to “tourist fishing,” which means there is a road that leads directly into a lake, but current GPS doesn’t note the lake. People from out of town drive right into the lake because they follow their GPS blindly, and the local tow truck/autogarage/used car business owner sits on a couch by the lake waiting for such people — and offers them a tow and to fix their vehicle.

There’s also the example familiar to Mid-westerners regarding deer season: there’s deer season, then there’s “don’t get caught season.” Of course, those who kill deer may not use a rifle or bow; they may just keep the deer they hit with their trucks.

While the book isn’t conservative, readers are reminded that everyone is a Republican when Ulyssa takes an oath:

“If I break this oath, I will suffer the justice of my Hillbilly ancestors and my trailer will fall off the blocks. And Shasta can put a Democrat sign in my front yard.”

Marita Fowler weaves the world building into the story itself, never pausing to info-dump on the reader and take them out of the story. Even some of the word choices, such as a guy who accidentally says “applediziacs” instead of “aphrodisiac,” reminds readers of they type of town in which Fat Assassins is set.

Furthermore, Fowler doesn’t make this novel about Shasta’s and Ulyssa’s fat bodies. The information is woven into the text. There are mentions of feeling “desperate” for Dairy Queen, wanting M&M’s because one is in a “salty-sweet mood,” feeling excited about doing dangerous work and thus wanting a “pint of New York Superfudge Chunk,” getting whipped cream on hot chocolate, ordering lattes at Starbucks without making them reduced cal/fat/sugar, or packing Little Debbie’s for a road trip. These food moments are ones we tend to see connected with shaming people, or the purchase of these types of food lead to immediate explanation and/or apology from the purchaser.

The world makes space for these fat characters, too. When Shasta feels nervous about a ride at the fair due to her size, an employee kindly tells her to take the seat on a certain part of the ride because it’s roomier. No apologies, no fat shaming. There are a few instances when other characters make remarks, but Fowler makes clear these are petty, mean people.

If you’re reading this, I hope you support the author. A Kindle copy of Fat Assassins is $0.99 right now on Amazon (and the same on Amazon U.K.). Fat Bodyguards, the next book, which I will read in March, is also $0.99. I cannot wait to read it! When I looked for Marita Fowler online to tell her how much I loved, laughed at, and appreciated Fat Assassins, I soon learned that her online presence dropped off in 2014, even though she had revealed a cover for a third book, Fat Spies! Where is Fat Spies, I wondered. It’s not for sale! Being a little unethical, I stalked around until I found one Marita Fowler on Facebook and messaged her. It was her, you guys! I told her how I felt about Fat Assassins, and she wrote back: “Your msg today made me smile and motivated me to get back to the keyboard.” Fat Spies, here we come?

[Lynn Mac · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved this book! It was Hilarious. Marita shows true talent in her characters. A fun, action packed sassy read. Can't wait for the next big adventure with Shasta and Ulyassa.

[C. Cornett · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars. I thought this would be a goofy, subversive romp of a comedy, and while it does get a few laughs, the vast majority of it comes from tired stereotypes and pop culture references. I get that it's set in the south, and all those stereotypes are just how people are down there, so points for accuracy, I guess, but that doesn't make it any less groan-inducing to read. On that note though, I did notice the only stereotype it managed to avoid for the most part was making jokes at the expense of fat people. The characters are fat, but they are accepted as such, and are generally not mocked for it, so I'll add a star for that. Unfortunately, that doesn't magically make up for the rest of the stereotypes in this book, which reads more or less like a Jeff Dunham show. Disappointing, but in a very mundane, expected way.

[Tabitha Ormiston-Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fat Assassins grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and didn't let go. As Shasta and Ulyssa, trailer trash divas, stumble their way from one disaster to the next, always dealing with something that just happened by accident, compounding their unwise choices with every fresh bad decision, I laughed more times than I could count. It's a tremendously funny book and the pace is maintained throughout. A really fine piece of work from a natural comic, and I look forward to seeing more.

I will say a word about the language. Peppered through the book are many errors of grammar and spelling, particularly spelling, which in a less funny book would have put me off severely. The fact I have still awarded four stars is a tribute to Fowler's comic gift, but I would hope to see in future work that she had employed an editor, or at the very least, spellcheck. Had this been the case with Fat Assassins, I could have given the full five stars, and it made me rather sad not to be able to.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should come with Depends or a Poise pad. I laughed,I cried, I snorted, I peed a little. Shasta and Ulyssa are the love children of Stephanie Plum and Serge A. Storms with Carl Haiasen as a fairy god-parent. The book is available from the author via her website, but I think that you should go to your local book store and demand that they start carrying this book and the subsequent books. This is too good too keep from the rest of the world. Shasta and Ulyssa are too funny, too gusty, and too Southern to ignore.

Thank Goddess for the deranged mind of Fowler,and may she have a long career!

[Richard Bunning · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a tongue-in-cheek fun read. Silly, silly, silly and just the job for chasing away the blues.
Loads of ridiculous characters who all have elements of people we really know.
Lots of things we really shouldn't joke about are given the works, but isn't that the point of humour.
The book reads a bit like a strip cartoon, and could almost run as a weekly chapter story in the media. The two central characters would make great fall girls for any number of humorous stories.
This isn't literature, this is a holiday paperback. That is all it aspires to be, and Fowler does the slap-stick well. As with stand-up comedy, you may see the joke coming but that doesn't stop the funnies.

[Cat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny book with fairly entertaining characters. There's quite a few of them so try to make sure you remember who's who and how each of them are related! The dynamic between the two 'heroines' of the book is interesting and with how many mochas they go through you'd think they'd be even fatter and even poorer.

There seemed to be quite a few errors (mostly typos), though only one passage was difficult to read. Overall funny and entertaining read - still can't believe all the things Shasta and Ulyssa get away with! So much good fortune ;D haha. I don't know if I would purchase the sequel but for free, I'd definitely go for it!

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Silly, outrageous, laugh out loud, redneck through and through...I haven't laughed this much with any book I've ever read! It's not an intellectual book. It's for anyone that wants to just be entertained! If you don't like silly, funny, slapstick stories, this isn't the book for you. The two main characters, Shasta and Ulyssa, go from one crazy situation to another through no fault of their own and live to tell about it! I can't wait until the author writes the next book (Fat Bodyguards) with these two characters...I'm laughing already just wondering what kind of trouble are they going to get into the next time!

[Thalarctos · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. There were a few spelling errors, but sadly that's not unusual these days. Mostly though, the writing style reminded me of how I used to write as a teenager. Sometimes the tense slips into the present, and things happen that seem to make sense to the characters but not to me. For instance, a young man tries to drug his ex girlfriend's drink and it's not considered creepy, but almost endearing. Then his ex girlfriend actually goes after him with a knife, not even joking, in front of witnesses, and that's normal too. It's more of a cartoon than a novel, so if you know that going in and expect a less than realistic world, you might enjoy it.

[Val Box · Rating 4 out of 5]

During the first few pages, I thought I wouldn't be able to get into this book, it seemed a bit...red neck.

I then realised it was very definately red neck, and also a comical toungue-in-cheek adventure, which I got to grips with, and found I couldn't put down. It's one of the best humorous books I've ever read.

It's poorly edited, with lots of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, but in the end the characters won me over. It's silly, and entertaining, and it made me laugh out loud. A great read :o)

[Jenscozylife · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fat Assassins had the makings of a awesomely funny book form beginning to end! Marita Fowler does a great job of making Ulyssa and Shasta to lovable characters who find them self involved in the crime solving business with the mob to make some ends meet. Marita Fowler even makes the bad guys funny and lovable!

The small town setting with all the local color that could possible come with was perfect!

Hats off to the author and I can't wait to read the next book!

It's a re-readable book and a book that I can tell anyone to read! A+ in my book!

[Kara Prem · Rating 3 out of 5]

So this book started out with a lot of promise - 2 young women in Nitro, West Virginia mistakenly think they've won a lotto. Obviously, there wouldn't be a story if they did. Shasta essentially quits her job at Wal Mart, and Ulyssa is unjustly fired from her job. With not money, they turn to Craigslist to find a new job, and end up being hired to assassinate someone for a mobster.

The characters were funny as were some of their predicaments, however, I just found that the story wasn't going anywhere and I had to put it away for now. Maybe someday I'll pick it up again.

[Sharon Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

I rounded this up to a 3 star because it's definitely personal preference for me. I could not resist the title on this one and it sounded like fun, which it is but not quite my kind of fun. It took a little too long to get started and I really wanted to like it more than I did.

I like more of an understated 'inadvertently' funny type of humor and this felt somewhat reminiscent of the "Three Stooges" category of slapstick humor to me.

[Lenny Husen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a quick, fun read but like MacDonald's French Fries, tasty, silly, and junky. I would give it 3 and a half stars, but I am rounding down because of the embarrassing typos. I mean, "Scarlett O'Hare", and "it hurt to smile because my injured lips stretched taunt" and apparently the author needs a lesson in the difference between "to" and "too", or a lesson in hiring a proofreader.
It is a fine beach or pool book.

[Jeff Dawson · Rating 3 out of 5]

With a little work it could be so much better.

A fun read. Bit too wordy at times, slowing down the action. The use of exclamation points was a bit over the top.

The ending didn’t cut if for me. There was a smattering of wrong word usage or words missing. An easy fix. Needs another going over.

I can see where gals will enjoy this one. Men, not so much.

A good read when you’re ready to lighten up the mood.

Three stars

[Heidi Mcadoo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny....funny.....funny. I would love to see this adapted to film and please let Melissa McCarthy play Shasta! That would be awesome. I'm going to have to read the next book too. It was that good. I looked forward to my "me" time so I could find out what these sassy southern girls where up to...lol.

[Monica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Parts of this book I liked and others I did not. It was VERY redneck, ad nauseum at times. There were many funny parts though. The story line of two girls getting mixed up with the mafia and being hired to kill someone when they think they are being hired as extermintaors is not really plausible. The banter was funny, laugh out loud at times.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love this book. Every paragraph sounds exactly like my hick town. The only negative so far is that I kept my hubby awake last night - laughing as I read.

One of the best books I've read in a long time!

[Marilyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a fun read. Interesting storyline. The characters were relatable as well as the southern town. I thought some of my relatives could have been in there. But it was kind of long and drawn out. Otherwise its a good fun read.