Charlie Bray's Blog
June 17, 2014
SPECIAL OFFER: PROMOTE ALL YOUR BOOKS IN JULY’S SPOTLIGHT – FOR THE PRICE OF ONE
Do you have more than one book?
If so, Indietribe’s SPECIAL OFFER is for you!
PROMOTE ONE BOOK IN OUR JULY SPOTLIGHT, AND WE’LL
INCLUDE ALL YOUR OTHER BOOKS FREE
Our Monthly Spotlight is visited daily by thousands of readers, writers and publishers.
CHECK OUT THE CURRENT SPOTLIGHT HERE
It’s a brilliant place to showcase your book, but until now, there has been a separate fee for each book.
NOT ANY MORE!
If you enrol during June, you can list each of your books for the price of one.
The fee will be the same for all your books as it would be for just one!
Enrol ALL YOUR BOOKS in 3 Monthly Spotlights …£15 ($25 US)
Enrol ALL YOUR BOOKS in 6 Monthly Spotlights …£25 ($42 US)
Enrol ALL YOUR BOOKS in 12 Monthly Spotlights…£45 ($75 US)
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June 12, 2014
Members to Review Each Others Books
Book reviews are like gold dust to every self-published author and Indietribe is the goldmine
All these authors in one place – all wanting Book Reviews
SO WE ARE LAUNCHING A BOOK REVIEW EXCHANGE
A Touch of the “Show Me Yours and I’ll Show You Mine”
Quite simply, we provide the platform for you to list the book that you would like another member to purchase and review, together with your contact details. This will enable other members to contact you and agree to purchase and review your book in exchange for you purchasing and reviewing one of theirs
So, the benefit of our BOOK REVIEW EXCHANGE is twofold. It will help you sell more books and pick up guaranteed reviews along the way.This in turn should lead to more book sales and an enhance sales ranking. Everyone wins!
Here is a mock-up of what your entry will look like
You are free to agree the details and time scales with the enquirer with no interference from Indietribe.
We will charge you an annual listing fee of £10 for one book ($17 US), and £5 for each additional book ($8.50US)
If you would like to be part of this exciting new project, please complete and submit the form below. We will then send you a paypal invoice based on the number of books you wish to list. Upon receipt of your fee, we will then request your details and place your listing.
The launch of BOOK REVIEW EXCHANGE is targeted for early July.
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June 10, 2014
Great Opportunity for Authors: INDIETRIBE SUMMER FAIR
Launching in early July!
INDIETRIBE SUMMER BOOK FAIR
This extravagant feature will be published in early July and be available on Indietribe’s website throughout the summer. It will be heavily promoted on social media sites and expose your book to thousands of potential readers
Indie Authors can feature their books in this exciting Book Fair for a one-off fee of only £5 (approx $8.50 US) per book, and £2 (approx $3.35 US) for each additional book
MAKE SURE THAT YOU’RE PART OF OUR SUMMER BOOKFAIR AND THAT YOUR BOOK IS PART OF EVERYONES SUMMER READING THIS SUMMER
SIMPLY FILL IN AND SUBMIT THE FORM BELOW AND WE WILL SEND YOU A PAYPAL INVOICE AND RESERVE SPACE FOR YOUR BOOKS
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Please list the title and author of each book you would like to feature (£5 first book, £2 each additional book)
June 5, 2014
Our Authors A to Z is growing and growing. But there’s still room for you!
THEY CAN’T BUY FROM YOU IF THEY DON’T KNOW YOU
PHOENIX AND ROSEMARY McKINLEY ARE IN IT UNDER HISTORICAL FICTION
BREWIN AND WILL MACMILLAN-JONES ARE IN IT UNDER HORROR
KIM DEFFORGE AND PATRICK C NOTCHTREE ARE IN IT UNDER MEMOIRS
ANN JAMIESON AND FAITH McCUNE ARE IN IT UNDER NON-FICTION
ANNE ALLEN AND LEXA DUDLEY ARE IN IT UNDER ROMANCE
AND THERE ARE MANY MANY MORE AUTHORS IN THERE – ALL BEING NOTICED
Check out the current Authors A to Z
YOU COULD BE IN IT TOO
An annual fee of £10 (approx $16 U.S.) secures a listing under one specific genre.
You can duplicate your entry in other genres for an extra annual fee of £5 (approx $8 U.S.) per genre.
THE A to Z of INDIE AUTHORS IS QUICKLY DEVELOPING INTO THE DEFINITIVE LISTING OF SELF-PUBLISHED AUTHORS WITHIN THE INDUSTRY. IT WILL BECOME THE BIBLE THAT READERS, PUBLISHERS AND FELLOW WRITERS REFER TO WHEN SOURCING AUTHORS OF ANY GIVEN GENRE.
DO MAKE SURE THAT YOU’RE LISTED. EVERY SERIOUS SELF-PUBLISHED WRITER WILL BE.
CLICK HERE NOW TO SECURE A LISTING IN THE AUTHOR A to Z
June 4, 2014
Author Interview: Karl Wiggins – You will not want to miss this one!
Welcome to my latest author interview, in the form of a chat with the absolutely unique Karl Wiggins. You need to put a bit of time aside for this. As you’ll soon realise, our Karl is not easily containable.
Karl Wiggins
What inspired you to write your latest novel?
Hahahaha, you know full well I don’t answer questions like that. I don’t do the standard Author Interview questions like Do you have a specific writing style? How did you come up with the title? What books have most influenced you? What book are you reading now? Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?
Hang on; I’ll answer that last one about a message in my writing. First of all I don’t write novels. Huge respect to all the writers out there for their outstanding, far-fetched, comical, sometimes brutal, often ludicrous and downright fab imaginations. I have never, ever written fiction in my life because I completely lack the artistry, yet there are so many writers who allow their imaginations to fly, build a plot, build a sub-plot and continue to write superb story lines in that fashion.
All I’ve ever written is from my observations of life. I’m a piss-taker, which doesn’t necessarily make for a great writer, but it’s what I do. I don’t take my subject matter too seriously, and have little patience for anyone who does. I’m well aware that not everybody ‘gets’ me, but those that don’t can read the next guy’s stuff. I have no problem with that.
We walk a fine line, us writers, living in fear and dread that we might upset someone. And we’re often judged as people by what we write, even though we may be simply playing with words. Critics judge the author as opposed to judging what he writes, which is about as silly as judging the persona of a chef after eating something he’s cooked. I once wrote a poem about a rape, yet that doesn’t mean I’m a rapist. It just means I wrote a poem about a rape.
I’m going off track here, haven’t I? I tend to do that a lot. I’m supposed to be writing about any message in my writing and instead I’ve found myself rambling on about what a ‘fine line us writers walk.’ Christ, where did that line come from?
Okay, is there a message in my writing? Well yeah, there is. My goal, my life’s ambition if you like, is to give direction to comedy, purpose to satire. And this is probably why I write the way I do, in order to use self-deprecating, piss-taking humour to bring to the fore situations that just don’t stack up. To demonstrate that serious issues can be approached with humour.
Embarrassingly, a number of the reviews for my books seem to involve people losing control of their bladder; “Anyone who is a bit saucy, very fond of boobies and doesn’t mind peeing slightly when they laugh too hard, this is the book for you!” “Best not to read this book on the train if you have a full bladder because by the end of your journey you will have a damp patch in an embarrassing place.” “I have to admit that I wet myself twice while reading it but this may in part have been due to my age and a couple of bottles of a fine St. Emilion,” “Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers.”
Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand-up comedian; “I found myself laughing out-loud and even sharing segments with my spouse ….. I think Karl could tour as a stand-up comedian,” “Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand-up comedian.”
So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle, and either way you look at it, that has to be a good thing. Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he’s laughing, and this often seems insensitive to other cultures, but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self-deprecation. The British can be very passionate – and if you doubt that try going to a football match – but that passion is often hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals fail to not only recognise the deadpan delivery and are never too sure if they’ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter. Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market.
So what inspired you to write your latest novel?
You! You inspired me to write my latest novel. My son, Kai, and I were in the local Morrison’s. Kai was planning on cooking fajitas for dinner, Sue was out with the girls and we needed to buy some fajita wraps. Morrison’s is HUGE so it was always going to be a challenge. I asked a girl packing shelves but as Morrison’s employees tend to look after just one section they get a little confused when you ask about something outside of their comfort zone. She pointed towards another bloke in a snazzy Morrison’s green jacket and said, “Ask him, he works in wines & spirits.”
I looked at Kai who raised his eyebrows in a “Are you really sure you want to go this route” kind of look, but as it seemed like the next clue in our ‘task for the day’ we wandered over to the wines & spirits bloke and asked him where we could find fajita wraps, or burrito wraps or enchilada wraps or anything that would do to wrap chicken and guac and sour cream and salsa and cheese and whatever else we decided to put in it.
“Ah,” he said knowledgably, “Probably in the pasta section.”
“Okay, great, where’s that?”
“Do you want a pizza?”
“Pardon.”
“Is it pizza you want?”
“No, I want fajita wraps, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked for fajita wraps.”
“Is it pizza?”
Kai looked at me and raised his eyebrows again as a warning that we were dealing with some kind of sub-human here and perhaps we should make our escape while we were still safe, but I was determined to see it through to the bitter end. “No, it’s not pizza. Fajita wraps aren’t pizza. In fact, I’m not planning on having pizza anytime this week. Otherwise I’d have asked for pizza. I do have plans for dinner tonight though. And they involve cooking fajitas, so I thought I’d buy some wraps to prevent all the chicken and guac and sour cream and salsa falling out of my hands and all over my shirt when I try to eat them.”
“Follow me.”
So we did. We followed Wines & Spirits right the way across the store to the pizza section, where a couple of guys in white ‘Rude Boy’ hats were working. He had a hushed conversation with a lady behind the counter and she looked up and asked me if it was ready-made wraps that I was looking for.
“Yeah, I’d kind of figured that would be better than spending four hours tonight blending flour, baking powder, salt and water together in a baking bowl, kneading the dough and then chucking the whole lot into some kind of a Mexican saucepan. I was half expecting you guys to have prepared these for me so I can just buy the already made tortilla wrap.”
“You don’t want pizza?” from Wines & Spirits.
“Are you taking the pizza, Wines & Spirits?”
“You want ready-made wraps?” from the lady behind the pizza counter.
“Yes.”
So she directed us over to the sandwich section which was next to the pizza counter. Wines & Spirits led the way. And here we found those kinds of ready-made wrap sandwiches that all the supermarkets sell nowadays.
“Listen Wines & Spirits, I’m being very patient with you right now, but we’re planning on eating fajitas tonight. I said that, didn’t I? That’s why I want fajita wraps. Not pizza and not sandwiches. But to eat the fajitas we need to wrap them up in tortilla wraps. If you don’t know where they are, then will you please call a manager?”
“I only work in wines & spirits.”
“I get that, Wines & Spirits, and I’m absolutely sure that if I wanted a rare 1998 Barolo Anteprima you’d be the man for me, but right now I just want some tortilla wraps, and I can see this is taxing you.”
“I think they’re with the pasta,” and off he marched in his stylishly nifty green Morrison’s jacket. Kai and I paced ourselves behind him. It was quite a long journey – the pasta section being at the complete opposite end of the store from the Rude Boys at the pizza counter – but eventually we arrived at the pasta section where we found tortilla wraps for fajitas, enchiladas, burritos and everything else Mexican.
“Listen, Wines & Spirits, ten minutes ago you said we’d find fajita wraps in the pasta section.”
“Yes,” he said proudly, pleased that he was able to help a customer.
“But …. Forget it. Wines & Spirits, it’s been emotional. Thank you.”
And it was at that point that a light bulb came on and I thought to myself, “If I was a writer like that Charlie bloke who’s got books on Amazon I could write about this experience and publish it for posterity. I could make Wines and Spirits famous. His brilliance could be acclaimed down through the centuries.”
You’re not going to tell us your inspirations, are you?
It’s unlikely, isn’t it?
Okay, how do you think Indie writers are perceived nowadays?
Ah ha! I can answer that one! It’s a difficult path that we tread, us Indie self-publishers, but we’re not alone. How many bands practicing in their dad’s garage have heard of a group from the neighbourhood who got signed by a record company? Or how many artists who love to paint, but are not really getting anywhere with it hear of someone they went to art school with being offered an exhibition in a gallery? How many chefs who love to get creative around food hear of someone else who’s just landed a job cooking with Marco Pierre White?
There’s no difference between us and them. There is, however, a huge difference in how everyone else perceives the writer. And there’s a huge difference between all of us – the writers, the musicians, the composers, the chefs, the dance choreographers and to a certain extent the tradesmen – and the rest of society in that no one understands us. It’s a wretched dream to hope that our creativity gets recognised while our family thinks we’re wasting our time when the deck needs painting and the bedroom needs decorating.
It’s acceptable to go into the garage to tinker about with a motorbike, but it’s a waste of a good Sunday afternoon if you go into the garage and practice your guitar, or sit in your study attempting to capture words that have been flowing around your brain, pulsating and swimming, knocking into one another until you can finally ambush them and leak them out onto the page.
Where I grew up businesses were all industry-based, and in those days no one encouraged you to be a writer. There were tradesmen and engineers and you were expected to step into an apprenticeship. If I had gone up to someone and said, “Listen, I’d love to be a writer,” they would have said, “What! What’s wrong with you? You can’t do that kind of stuff.”
“But I’d like to write a book.”
“Jesus, you what! Forget it kid, you’ve got to get a proper job.”
And initially I was influenced by the social norms of the neighbourhood and the other kid’s parents, who were all bricklayers or carpenters or on their way to pursuing an apprenticeship in other trades. That mentality nagged at me until I slowly became more comfortable with pursuing the written word and, at the same time, rejecting the normal role-based society around me. I experimented with creating words more and more, and somewhere deep inside a little bird took wing, for I was becoming acutely aware that I didn’t want to do anything else. I looked around at my friends and their families and decided that I didn’t want to end up where they were headed. I wanted something more out of my life and was searching for the sense of accomplishment and pride that I couldn’t possibly find from working as a bricklayer. I also wanted to travel, but that’s another story. To misquote the poet Robert Frost, “I took the path less travelled, and that has made all the difference.”
You mentioned tradesmen. Would you care to expand? How do they fit in with your list of creative personalities?
Certainly. I don’t think construction workers are always honoured in the way they deserve. Barring natural disasters a house is going to remain standing until it’s demolished, and that’s irrespective of the quality of craftsmanship. But the aesthetic qualities of good bricks will never be appreciated unless the workmanship is of the highest standard. Whether its writing or bricklaying, quality of workmanship will always be the determining factor as to whether or not the finished product turns out mediocre or really exceptional. The choice of brick – just like the choice of words – may well have a large bearing on the aesthetics of a new build, be it a large housing estate or just an ordinary garden wall, but put the trowel in the right hands and poor quality bricks can be made to look much better than they really are.
A good bricklayer can lay his last brick of the day, point up, wash up, turn his back on his day’s work, and every single one of the joints between the bricks will be exactly 15mm. Why? Because he’s done it so many times, that’s why. It’s repetitive.
It’s probably the same for a hairdresser, a mechanic, a musician, a prostitute and I’m sure Masai Warriors hunting lions in the heart of the Masai Mara.
It’s a strange irony that most people who are truly creative don’t really know where their ideas come from. To be a writer, just like all of these crafts mentioned above, is an art form. You can take evening classes in writing at the local library, where you go along every Tuesday night and read out your weekly piece, and that can serve to improve your knowledge, but to be a real writer you have to first of all be an artist. The art of searching for words radiates from deep inside the writer, and I truly feel that when a true writer is sitting quietly at his desk his movements are beautifully interwoven. His breathing will even come with an effortless grace. The ability to move fluidly in his study in this manner begins with a truly intuitive knowledge, although if the truth were known, there’s a little bit of insanity in the writer that does everyone an awful lot of good.
As a form of body language, when the mind is receptive to the sensory experience of his desk, writing speaks the truth about all thoughts and feelings. Now I don’t want to be misunderstood here because this isn’t a special talent or skill. It’s present in all of us. The trick is to discover it, cultivate it and translate it from an internal state to an expressive sensuality. It is truly a creative impulse that unconsciously expresses emotions and can also arouse emotion in the person reading the book. The beauty and harmony of the writer never gets old and there are as many new things to learn each day, as there are varieties of adjectives, nouns and verbs in the world. It is the ultimate way to communicate with your reader. There are hundreds of thousands of bricklayers and musicians, and I’m not belittling them here because we need walls and we need music, but I truly believe that what some of them do comes from a higher source.
Wow! Okay, I can go along with that. Do you feel writers, and other creative people, don’t really get the credit they deserve?
Absolutely. Writers, musicians and artists used to be treated as romantics. The practice of an unconventional ‘Bohemian’ lifestyle, often in the company of like-minded people was really exotic in the 19th century when marginalized and impoverished journalists, artists, writers, actors and musicians lived in the low-class, low-rent Gypsy neighbourhoods of Western Europe and were often regarded as wanderers, adventurers and even vagabonds, practicing free love and frugality. The original Flower Power children.
One of my heroines is Mexican artist, Frida Kahlo, who always gave her birth date to coincide with the start of the Mexican Revolution. Her self-portraits were wild and her love affairs with both men and women included painter Diego Riviera, who she married twice, Russian Marxist revolutionary Leon Trotsky, Ernest Hemingway, Salvador Dalí, art dealers, writers, poets (Andre Breton AND his wife), Japanese sculptors, erotic dancers (The Creole Goddess Josephine Baker), Hungarian photographers and a number of actresses. My affairs include No-Knickers Nicky who I used to sell Timeshare with, Blonde Cathy from Bournemouth and a tubby little waitress with big boobs and a grating Northern accent, I can’t remember her name. Oh, and there was that girl who was married to a mate of mine. She owned a café, but it’s probably best if we say no more about that.
So its plain to see the romance has slightly slipped from the Bohemian lifestyle. But we’re literary Gypsies, all of us, and it’s only since the introduction of the Internet that we’re starting to realise that we’re not alone. The Internet is connecting all the healers and storytellers, the weird people and mystics, the writers and painters, the ones who are slightly cracked. I’ve always loved wild people.
“Here’s to the crazy ones,” said Jack Kerouac, “The misfits, the rebels, the trouble makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify them or vilify them. The only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Why? Because they change things, that’s why. They push the human race forwards, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, WE SEE GENIUS! Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
Those are the writers, artists and musicians.
I wrote a poem about Frida Kahlo. I don’t write a lot of poems, it’s not my genre, but I wrote this one for her;
Kahlo is a ‘blue-house’ colour
Although not necessarily blue.
Kahlo is more Acapulco gold
Or burnt Roman ochre
Or even Spanish ochre
With touches of burgundy, nutmeg and bougainvillea.
Kahlo is Mezcal with chilli
Dried citrus peels
Red pepper
Cedar
And cigar leaf
Woody notes
And heat sneaking up fast.
Kahlo is pink mountains of shrimp in the markets
And barrio fiestas
Where exotic Tehuana women with flowers in their hair
Dance with rhythm and dignity
While their long rabona skirts
Billow out around them
Lo que el agua me ha dado
Kahlo is the colour of wild people and free thinkers
Frida Kahlo is the colour of legends
Myths
And cult figures
“Diego on my mind” is Kahlo coloured.
I hope the end is joyful
And I hope never to come back.
Do you have any favourite writers or book?
Absolutely, I love American low life; Bukowski, Harry Crews, John Fante, Dan Fante. I love Steinbeck too. One of my favourite books is Cannery Row. In fact my two favourite books are Flesh and Blood by Pete Hamill and Sailor by Richard Jessop. They’re both out of print but I’ve read them several times.
Has your style of writing ever been compared to anyone else?
Hahahaha, you won’t believe this, but yes. Two people, both now dead, Charles Bukowski and Socrates. Their names keep popping up in reviews; “Mr Bukowski, meet Socrates. This is an exceptionally amusing collection of observations of daily life,” “The prose style reminded me quite a lot of Charles Bukowski’s short essays and observations,” “It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels, but particularly Factotum and Post Office,” “Had me laughing out loud several times, which doesn’t happen often to me. It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels,” (I swear those are two completely separate reviewers), “Karl Wiggins is like a contemporary Socrates.” When I read that, I was like blimey!
Any Indie writers who you’d like to mention?
Karl: Oh yeah, of course, of course. You’re not bad yourself actually, and there’s a few others out there who are really talented. Jackie (JM) Johnson is a completely unsung talent. She’s written a series of books called ‘The Starbirth Assignment’ which is a mixture of S.A.S. with futuristic powers chasing down drug barons. Really, really good.
Travis Casey is another talent. Light-hearted easy-to-read, not quite what you’d call erotica, but enough sex and amusing situations to keep you entertained.
Carole McKee is an exceptional writer. I’d describe her as YA for grown-ups. And I’d like to make something perfectly clear. If anyone saw me on the train to work reading `Choices’ and looking like I was welling up ….. I wasn’t. I’d just pulled a hair out of nose, that’s all, okay? Wasn’t crying! Now that we’ve cleared that up, I’d also like to state that I’m not a real big Romance reader. The Romance genre isn’t my first choice of book. But this bloody story captured me. And it just gets better and better! I don’t wish to be a spoiler but full marks to Carole McKee for not only addressing a number of sensitive issues but having the insight to look at them from both sides of the coin. McKee forces you to make judgments and then breaks down the barriers by impressing upon the reader to see things in a different light.”
Another great writer is Anita Melillo, who has an exquisite writing style. She epitomises what every struggling scribbler is attempting to create when they attend a `creative writing’ course and have been set exercises to complete before they go back to the scout hall or Fuchsia’s house next Tuesday to read their pieces to the group. Anita however, has cracked it! I am totally in awe of the manner in which she draws the reader in, brings to life the various settings in which we find the protagonist and crams so much into her novels without making it seem overcrowded. You’ve got romance, you’ve got the horror of hand-to-hand fighting during the civil war, you’ve got Indian camps and most importantly you’ve got family as the main theme running through her books.
Other authors who’ve impressed me recently are Hunter S. Jones, M.K. Jubb, K.R. Rowe, Zoe Saadia and Sue Whitmer, who’s written a beautiful about hoarders entitled ‘Collecting Dreams.’
If you like erotica Billierosie is the absolute best. Unlike some of these awful books where they both jump into bed with each other as soon as they meet, Billierosie writes with intelligence, building plots and sub-plots around the story.
And there’s a new poet on the scene that’s well worth checking out. Doc Wallace. I’m bound to have missed someone out, but these are people I get excited about when I hear they’ve brought out a new book
Finally, you write mostly in the comedy vein, and there’s sometimes a lot of anger in your writing, but in this interview you’ve shown a different side to yourself. What essentially annoys you about the self-publishing industry?
Do you know what annoys me, Charlie? Writers who insult the reader. I have absolute respect for the reader and I love to hear from them, but do you know what’s really starting to get on my tits? It’s these stupid Facebook pictures of people reading books and little quotes on them making out that reading is the only thing that life’s about. It’s not! There are far more important things than reading. Family and friends for instance, spending time with your kids.
Now we all know this. There’s nothing new here, but these stupid little quotes with pictures of people reading books are designed for one thing, and that’s to make out to the reader that they have to purchase more books in order for their life to be complete.
I’ve got a few here. Here’s a really bad one, “I’m not ignoring you, it’s just that I belong to this book right now.” WHAT! Please spare me!
Here’s another one, “She who reads is booked every night.” That’s a T-shirt. Do you get it? Do you see the clever, adept play on words? Booked, yeah? As in booked like she’s got loads of mates, and booked as in books. Brilliant, huh? Do you think the same people write this crap also pen those stupid little jokes that fall out of Christmas crackers?
“Life is an open book full of blank pages. You write the story as you go.” Oh, piss off!
“Reading books is the most glorious pastimes that humankind has yet devised.” Well, it’s not is it? Making love has to figure somewhere close to the top of the list. Or how about a good dinner party with old friends where the banter is just flowing? What about watching your kid play football and seeing him score a goal. The expression on his face. Is reading books more ‘glorious’ than any of those? Of course it’s not.
“The giddy feeling you get when you walk into a bookshop.” What giddy feeling. I don’t know about you but I get a giddy feeling when I step off the treadmill at the gym. And also on my way to a kebab shop after sinking about 13 pints. But walking into a bookshop. Nope, not me.
“To reach the top we stand on the books we’ve read.” I don’t know what to say about that. It’s just bloody stupid, isn’t it?
“Some girls dream of a big walk-in closet in their bedroom. I want a walk-in library in mine.” That’s because you’re Billy-no-mates who never gets invited out with the girls!
“Start a book. Ten hours later realise you haven’t eaten or gone to the bathroom.” What are you, stupid? Why haven’t you eaten? Are you trying to make out to the reader that books are that good that you so lose yourself in them that the rest of your life completely fizzles out. Maybe next week you’ll read for a whole week. Perhaps you’ll start reading a book at a bus stop and they’ll find your skeleton in fifty years time.
“Read! It’s music you hear with your eyes!” Don’t be so bloody stupid. Of course it’s not. Music you hear with your eyes, my arse!
“You can’t buy happiness but you can buy books, and that’s kind of the same thing.” Oh, piss off!
Here’s a good one, “You know you’re a book lover when books are top of the list of things you’d save in a fire.” Of course they’re not. Any of us, once we’ve got the people out of the building, will save the photographs WAY BEFORE books!
“A book commits suicide every time you watch a reality show.” Oh, grow up, please. A book commits suicide ….. was the person who wrote this on ketamine at the time?
“A book is a friend whose face is constantly changing. If you read it when you are recovering from an illness, and return to it years after, it is changed surely with the change in yourself.” Eh? I mean, how lame is that?
“Being somewhere with friends or family and thinking ‘I could be reading right now,’” makes you a really sad bastard indeed.
“Let’s go library hopping. It’s like bar hopping for intelligent people.” Hey, yeah let’s! Count me in! Rather than go to the bar with a good crowd, have a few drinks, a few laughs, I’d sooner be sitting in the library with all those intelligent people!
“We lose ourselves in books. We find ourselves there too.” Fuck off! I wish you’d fucking stay lost!
“Books make great gifts because they have whole worlds inside of them. And it’s much cheaper to buy somebody a book than it is to buy them the whole world.” Dude, you need to get out more.
“People who know and love the same books as you have the road map to your soul.” What utter shit! Why don’t we download our latest New Age track of a couple of dogs pissing in a tin can before we read that quote again. I’m sure we’ll find a hidden deeper meaning.
“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” Do you think it’s just one person who writes all this crap? Or is there like a community of scary people who talk shit like this to each other on a daily basis?
I don’t know the answer, but I have a sneaking suspicion that all of this crap is written with the reader in mind, for the sole purpose to get him/her to part with his hard-earned money and buy another book. It’s not supposed to be this way. Books are great. Reading’s great. And if you find a book you enjoy, then tell your mates and try another one by that author. That way perhaps he/she can afford to keep writing. But reading books is certainly not the most important thing on the planet.
Karl, thank you. A last word?
Yeah. After anyone has finished a book, please go back to Amazon and leave a review on it. Doesn’t have to be anything special, just a bit of a blurb, but reviews really are bread & water to a struggling scribbler. It really is appreciated.
Wow, and that’s what you call an interview. Personally, I’m captivated by this guy. He writes in the same genre as me, but he’s a lot braver. When he rants, he doesn’t let political correctness get in the way, and I love that. I buy everything he writes and devour it. Here are his books. Give him a go:
Shit my History Teacher DID NOT tell me
Available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
GRIT – The Banter and Brutality of the Late-Night Cab Driver
Available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Calico Jack in Your Garden
Available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Words Are Our Sorcery
Available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Dogshit Saved My Life
Available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
June 3, 2014
Newsflash: New Book and CD Release
I am thrilled to announce the release of The Convict and the Rose along with the music cd, Forty Foot High!
This book is the sequel to Flowers and Stone. At the end of that story, we found that Luke Stone was sentenced to many years in prison for a crime he had not committed.In The Convict and the Rose, the book opens with Luke arriving at Leavenworth Penitentiary. Both Luke and Darlina were forced to learn and grow through their many struggles to survive the twist of fate life hurled them into.The music cd that accompanies this story is a small piece of music history preserved. Out of the twelve songs on this cd, eleven of them were recorded inside the walls of Leavenworth Prison.
Here is a brief excerpt from The Convict and the Rose:
CHAPTER 1
The stone cold gray walls and unforgiving steps leading to Leavenworth Penitentiary spared no welcome to Luke Stone as he descended from the prison bus.
Iron ankle chains chafed his skin and the heavy handcuffs and belly chain bit into his wrists. He hopped from the bottom step to the ground and cast a wary glance at his destination.
The man ahead of him stumbled and fell to his knees. The guard quickly prodded him with his night stick. “Get up, convict. No lagging behind.”
Luke gritted his teeth and tightened his jaw but remained in line.
The formidable steps grew as he went. Thirty-seven…thirty-eight…The chains gnawed at the skin around his ankles…number forty-two. The massive doors groaned open, ready to swallow his life as he passed through.”
ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!
http://www.jansikes.com (Order here for an autographed copy)
http://www.amazon.com
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/ricksikesandthesurvivors
I look forward to hearing from you!
May 30, 2014
DECAY, a great new book from Mark Lingane
Decay is a very successful sequel to Tesla, a great book that was written to satisfy Mark Lingane’s desire to wean a generation off games modules on to novels of this nature
It’s billed as Cyberpunk vs Steampunk.
The book is populated by characters living in a darkly frightening, futuristic world dominated by computer technology versus a genre of science fiction that typically features steam powered machinery rather than advanced technology.
Decay deals with the aftermath of the devastation inflicted in the first novel. Sebastian, the hero of the story, and his side-kick Melanie, continue to crusade against the cyborg enemy. These beings were born as humans, but have had machines and technology added to enhance their effectiveness. They are being controlled by a central, well hidden, machine.
Whilst the fabric of the city is being slowly restored, a new threat evolves in the form of an enormous influx of refugees, who inflict problems unforeseen by the book’s heroes.
Decay depicts an ever more complex world than where enemies become harder to identify.
And yet Sebastian wants nothing more than to simplify things. To create a clean slate, if you like.
“The previous year had been devastating. With so much lost, he felt like it was almost worth throwing everything out so a new future could be forged without the horrible memories of the past.”
Mark Lingane successfully continues the unique style of Tesla and this new book is even more enjoyable. This particular style is on course to become a distinct genre in its own right. And that says everything about the brilliance of the author. Never one to be restricted by conventional barriers, Mark does not let such trivia stand in the way of his unique handling of a novel.
A brilliant 5 star read!
Decay is available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
May 28, 2014
LAUNCHING SOON: BOOK REVIEW EXCHANGE
All authors also understand that good book reviews are as rare as hens’ teeth. No matter how much a reader may have enjoyed your book, lethargy sets in and the reader is unlikely to put his positive review of your book to the pen.
So Indietribe has decided to help its members help themselves by launching a
BOOK REVIEW EXCHANGE
Quite simply, we provide the platform for you to list the book that you would like another member to purchase and review, together with your contact details. This will enable other members to contact you and agree to purchase and review your book in exchange for you purchasing and reviewing one of theirs
So, the benefit of our BOOK REVIEW EXCHANGE is twofold. It will help you sell more books and pick up guaranteed reviews along the way.This in turn should lead to more book sales and an enhance sales ranking. Everyone wins!
Here is a mock-up of what your entry will look like
You are free to agree the details and time scales with the enquirer with no interference from Indietribe.
We will charge you a one-off listing fee of £10 per book ($17 US), and your entry stays live as long as you want it to. There are no time restraints and no renewal fees.
If you would like to be part of this exciting new project, please complete and submit the form below. We will then send you a paypal invoice based on the number of books you wish to list. Upon receipt of your fee, we will then request your details and place your listing.
The launch of BOOK REVIEW EXCHANGE is targeted for early July.
Name:
Email Address:
Number of Books to Exchange (£10 per book)
May 27, 2014
Great Opportunity for Authors: INDIETRIBE SUMMER BOOK FAIR
Launching in early July!
INDIETRIBE SUMMER BOOK FAIR
This extravagant feature will be published in early July and be available on Indietribe’s website throughout the summer. It will be heavily promoted on social media sites and expose your book to thousands of potential readers
Indie Authors can feature up to three books in this exciting Book Fair for a one-off fee of only £5 (approx $8.50 US)
OR BUY ‘A FOUR BOOK LAUGHTER BOX SET’ by CHARLIE BRAY AND LIST YOUR BOOKS FOR FREE
A FOUR BOOK LAUGHTER BOX SET by CHARLIE BRAY is available to download now for:
£2.90 from Amazon.co.uk
or
$4.89 from Amazon.com
SO, WHICHEVER WAY YOU CHOOSE TO ENROL, MAKE SURE THAT YOU’RE PART OF OUR SUMMER BOOKFAIR AND THAT YOUR BOOK IS PART OF EVERYONES SUMMER READING THIS SUMMER.
SIMPLY FILL IN AND SUBMIT THE FORM BELOW:
Name:
Email Address:
If you would like to list your books for free, please enter Amazon’s receipt number for your purchase of ‘A Four Book Laughter Box’ by Charlie Bray’
Please indicate whether you would like to be invoiced for £5 or receive a free entry (see box above)
Free Entry Please
Invoice Please
Please list the title and author of up to three books
May 26, 2014
News Flash: Charlie Launches His First Box Set
OUT TODAY! A BRAND NEW BOX SET OF CHARLIE BRAY’S BOOKS
FOUR GREAT BOOKS IN ONE BOX SET
Enjoy this hilarious collection of Charlie Bray’s first four comedy books
OPEN HOUSE AT COVE CASTLE
A Tom Sharpe style look at a castle run by a dysfunctional family of aristocrats
A CASTLE ON ITS UPPERS
Cove Castle is skint and Lord Cove and his family face a life on the streets.
Watch out Lord Grantham and P.G.Wodehouse. This could happen to Downton Abbey and Blandings Castle, in the 21st century!
WHAT DOES COVE CASTLE DO?
It lowers its drawbridge to the Great Unwashed
ANY SIDE EFFECTS?
Not really. Unless you count squatting, bombings, a drug garden, a ghost’s revolt, art forgeries, smuggling and assassination attempts
It’s all here. You will not want to put this book down
WHAT OTHERS SEE AND SAY
‘Top novel, Tom Sharpe style, great characters, hard to put down’
Chris Tidy
‘Very reminiscent of early Tom Sharpe in style and tone’
Ninette Kelly
‘Has the feel of a modern Tom Sharpe. Laugh out loud funny.’
Gary Smailes, BubbleCow.
‘Lots of talent, a lovely easy to read writing style, a very good story.’
Lorraine Mace, The Writers Bureau
THE TROUBLE WITH CELEBRITY
Funny people, the famous. They inhabit a strange planet
Join Charlie as he takes a pop at this quirky world of the famous. Well, he’s got more reason than most to have a pop. He’s been knocked out by one, peed on by another and had to pull a gun on one of the Great Train Robbers. He also lost Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, got drunk with Keith Moon and ‘arrested’ John Lennon. Oh, and Charlie went to school with a mass-murderer. Always there to help others, Charlie’s even saved an old lady from a handbag swinging Lady Archer. Add that to one of your novels, Jeffrey!
CELEBRITIES SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS
Did you know East Anglia was an African nation and that Sherlock Holmes invented toilets? It’s not and he didn’t, but a certain celebrity thought otherwise. Help Charlie unravel the weird mind of celebrity
THE FAMOUS AND THEIR TOYS
Learn who lands his own jet liner about ten yards from his front door, and who swims to his Ferrari via his indoor swimming pool
HOW DID PEPPA PIG CORRUPT A TWO YEAR OLD?
Find out how the wayward pig and a whole host of celebrities were caught behaving badly
CELEBRITY WARS
Why do famous stars throw phones at hotel staff and punches at toilet attendants? Some even grab testicles and bite noses off. Join Charlie as he names names, and see how the public are fighting back
SPECIAL NEEDS FOR SPECIAL PEOPLE
You’ll be amazed at the dressing room demands of some of your heroes. But don’t worry, Charlie’s got the answer. A perfectly designed dressing room for all, that doubles up as a green room
THE VILLAGE IDIOTS EBAY CLUB
A CLUB FOR QUIRKY PEOPLE
Quirky people buy quirky things – and Ebay is full of quirky things. DANGER ALERT! What if they can’t stop bidding? What if their lives become quirkier and quirkier as a result? TIME TO JOIN THE EBAY CLUB!
WEEKLY THERAPY
Every week a dozen or so Ebay idiots rock up to the Village Hall carrying an assorted array of nonsense, show it off to their peers and admit, often reluctantly, that they may, just may, have a problem. Here’s your chance to gatecrash a meeting and see if you agree.
THE VILLAGE IDIOTS CRUISE CLUB
Fancy a Mediterranean cruise with a difference? Are you Sure?
WELCOME ABOARD
Idiots do idiotic things, especially when cruising on the high seas
You’d be amazed at the fun to be had on a Mediterranean cruise, Life on the ocean waves ain’t what it used to be.
Cruising ain’t cruising unless it’s with the Village Idiots Cruise Club. Step aboard – You’ll love it.
You can download this Box Set now from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
