The Introvert's Guide to Leaving the House: Solid advice for introverts, awkwards, sociophobes and stand-offishes

by Jenny Valentish

At a practical and relatable book for introverts, stand-offishs, sociophobes and awkwards. The Introvert's Guide to Leaving the House is stuffed full of game plans for every excruciating social scenario.

Journalist and reformed sociophobe Jenny Valentish will help you extend your social battery life, tackle fear of judgement, form more meaningful connections, create an online presence that feels comfortable, express more of your body's own bonding chemicals, hit a party like a SWAT team, nail phone conversations, handle conflict, become a more confident manager and team player, hack public speaking, turn small talk into profound connections, reframe limiting self-beliefs, and navigate the overlap between social anxiety and neurodiversity.

Do we Wary Marys need curing? Of course not. But sometimes we can do with a few aces up our sleeves to navigate social interactions.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

Kindle Edition

Published May 27, 2025

About the author

Journalist Jenny Valentish is best known for her deep dives into the human psyche.

The Introvert’s Guide to Leaving the House (Affirm Press) is a more introspective successor to Everything Harder Than Everyone Else (Black Inc), which explored the fine line between hedonism and endurance, and her mea culpa memoir Woman of Substances (Black Inc) which was nominated for a Walkley. She has also written a novel, Cherry Bomb (Allen and Unwin), about a DUI girl band, and co-edited an anthology called Your Mother Would Be Proud (Allen and Unwin).

She writes for the Guardian, the ABC and The Age, and teaches memoir and journalism as a guest lecturer at universities, for literary events, and through her own workshops.

Her preferred form of social media is Instagram, with the handle JennyValentish_Public.

Reviews

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this! It’s full of fascinating insights into those who need me time and interesting tit bits about why we are the way we are in a world that prioritises extroversion. It’s also laught out loud funny. Jenny Valentish is one of my favourite writers.

[Girl Erupted · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I hadn't seen this on display in Readings I may not have picked it up, not being a regular visitor to the self-help section where this book would no doubt usually live. Thankfully I did because this book is so much more than the title suggests. I'd enjoyed Jenny Valentish's novel Cherry Bomb years back, but this book is a mix of self-help and memoir, for an audience experiencing social anxiety. The book urges the reader to dig deep into why they might experience such anxiety and whether old narratives still serve them. I really connected with the chapter about exploring your origin story and "well earned wariness". I'd question whether the title is ideal, in that it targets introverts when actually this book throws a wider net than that. It's the perfect remedy for anyone who finds themselves sometimes puzzled by social etiquette, or feels like the world isn't always a great fit for them. Did love (most of) the exercises too, and the bullet-pointed 'go forth' list at the end of each chapter. I've already applied a few things in my day to day.

[Samantha Byres · Rating 5 out of 5]

“What’s always bothered me is being weird, or cold, or unlikeable, and those ideas over time fostered a reclusiveness.”

This sentence really resonated with me in the first couple of chapters of The Introvert’s guide to Leaving the House. I’m a lifelong introvert but it’s only recently I’ve started thinking about the effect this has on my life - and if I could begin to enjoy, or at least tolerate, experiences I find difficult. Jenny’s book is full of practical advice for introverts, it’s funny, it’s empathetic. It’s not seeking to change you into a raging extrovert, but help you get out of your head and find your comfort level outside the house. Great to get for yourself or to gain insight into the introverts in your life

[Seana Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this deeply researched yet extremely readable (and funny) book. So many of us are anxious - with good reason - and there are many introverts who feel out of place in the show off, social media-obsessed modern world.

Jenny Valentish tells her own story, as well as interviewing many other people. I loved all the stories in this book, as well as the facts and advice. Recommended!!

[M. · Rating 2 out of 5]

meh.

[Belinda · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don't bother with this one. Advice was non existent and I was so bored hearing about the authors unrelatable life. Highly recommend the book How To Be Yourself by Ellen Hendriksen instead.

[Elly Varrenti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hello and first up a disclaimer: I am a friend of Jenny Valentish, and I launched this book last night in Castlemaine Victoria and conducted an hour-long interview with the author on the night. I was also in a previous life, a memoir writer (Penguin Books, the Guardian, ABC Radio National & Mamamia) and contributed book and theatre reviews to Age Newspaper and the Australian. This is all by way of foregrounding my professional bonafides but also announcing loud and clear my personal connection with the author.

So finally. The Introvert's Guide to Leaving the House is terrific.

Valentish's work (this is her 5th book) has explored hers and others’ human behaviour, particularly in the realms of addiction, endurance, and identity blending investigative journalism, personal narrative, and cultural critique.
In this book the author, via a mix of personal essay, rigorous journalism and other people’s stories examines what it means to function—and to flourish—in a world that often feels designed for extroverts.
But this book is not solely about introversion or social anxiety, it also examines the overlap between social discomfort, masking, and neurodivergence especially in adults who may fly under the radar.
Many writers throughout history have written with deep insight about what we now recognize as introversion, autism, ADHD, and social anxiety, though those terms didn't exist at the time.
Some of these writers - Montaigne, Proust & Rousseau, Didion, Plath & Anne Carson - explicitly described isolation, sensory overwhelm, or social difficulty in ways that resonate powerfully with today's understandings of neurodivergence. And that resonate with Valentish’s own experience and with those she interviews for her book.
These days we are swimming in a culture of diagnoses-as-identity, we have so much language and space these days with which to describe and understand ‘difference’ or the ‘non-normative’ that whilst it is great and thank God we do, it can sometimes all feel overwhelming, noisy and confusing. Valentish's book contributes intelligently, wittily and compassionately to this ongoing discussion. Her engaging and stylish prose style only enhances this well-researched and important book.
- Elly Varrenti

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read other books of Jenny’s and have enjoyed them and found them really interesting but this one really hit home and felt personal.

There are a few things in this book that have been valuable to me.

I have been encouraged to “wear” a high-vis vest in spaces where I would ordinarily feel incredibly uncomfortable. I’ll give myself a role. I love helping so it’s perfect.

I fully intend to take more solo days off just exploring and enjoying being me and not having to worry about if anyone else is having a good time.

This book also made me realise I’m probably neurodiverse as well. All those times people asked me or my family members what was wrong with me and why didn’t I talk… I don’t need to wear that shame anymore. There was nothing wrong with me. I was/am just different and that’s more than okay.

I love many of the ideas and tips and tricks and I’ll try them out.

I think mostly, apart from realising that it’s okay to be who I am in my awkward little self. I have Jenny to thank for that.

I will definitely read this books again. It’s just full of little gems. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

[CYoung · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book; relatable, hilarious, fascinating and deeply researched but warm and full of great tips to keep in your pocket when navigating awkward social situations/feelings. I feel like Jenny's reassuring voice in my head is a balm when I set out into the world.

[C · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite kind of non-fiction/self-help book. Super funny, full of great, new/unique advice and examples and instantly useful. Valentish has a great dry wit that I love and her book is chock full of things I've never heard before. Excellent read.

[AN · Rating 2 out of 5]

queuing for boba🧋is the only reason 🥹
đứng đợi mua trà sữa thì đọc xong
cảm ơn thư viện vẫn tồn tại 🙏
chắc t ko thuộc tập người đọc tác giả hướng tới các bác ạ...

[Kyla · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was some actual advice but for the most part the author just talked about her extrovert friends and partners and her really awesome job lol

[Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a funny and brilliantly written book. So wonderful.