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416 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 10, 2021
"I do like the pretending. Too much, probably. It's the end of the pretending that'll be the problem. The part that comes after. I can't stop thinking about it, despite Luka's plan to just continue."
“It’s true. I've always loved Christmas and everything that comes with it. It's the one time of year where everything feels like magic. Hopeful. Earnest and kind. The whole world slows down and ... believes for once.
Mom and I would do the same thing every Christmas, no matter where we were. The large, colorful bulbs on the tree by the fireplace. Thick, red stockings in the hallway. Pie for breakfast on Christmas morning and ice skating in the afternoon. I still keep those traditions, even though she's not here. It's like holding a piece of her close, the sweet ache of it always sharpest in the center of my chest."
"I step down to where she's gazing out at the fields with her hand shielding her eyes against the setting sun. I asked her to meet me at this time for a reason. There's nothing like the farm just as the sun begins to dip in the sky, bright blue fading to deep cobalt, pink just starting to bloom from behind the clouds. I stand next to her and try to see it the way she does as a first-time visitor; the endless rows of full, green trees. The lights that string throughout, just starting to blink awake in the early evening."
"There's a special kind of magic on nights like this, a certain sort of nostalgia when the past intermingles with the present and flirts with the future."
"People get too caught up in how things look instead of how things feel"
"I don't chase after people who don't want to be chased."
“I’m going to love her in all the quiet ways, the slow ways, the loud and obnoxious ways.”
“Once when we were younger, we got drunk off tequila and I drew constellations on his skin, hovering over him with my hair curtained around us. I remember the weight of his eyes on me, sprawled across my living room floor, how he curled his fingers around my ankle like he was holding himself steady.”
“I laugh and his smile tips up into something beautiful. It’s a moment I want to stamp into my soul for the nights when I feel a little bit lonely and a lot bit sad.”
“I know you can take care of yourself. You’ve been doing that as long as I’ve known you. But let me hold your hand while you do it, okay?”
“She presses a kiss into my palm and everything in me settles. I swear I didn’t know how much I was rattling around in there until Stella curled her hand around my heart and tugged.”
“I wonder if they can hear all the things I’m not saying. That I don’t remember what he was wearing, but I do remember he smelled like fresh orange slices and basil. That I could hardly catch my breath the whole time we were sitting in the tiny bakery, eating our grilled cheese. That I’ve liked him forever, and loved him just as long.”