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Out of the Shade
The hardest battle is the fight to be yourself....
Jesse Solomona has always tried to be the perfect straight guy--a cocky sports fan capable of drinking more than he did in his fraternity days and an expert at one-night-stands. That he hooks up with just as many men as he does women is a secret Jesse's been hiding for years, fearful of losing his family and tight group of friends. He's a Kensington boy--a group of guys that grew up in the same neighborhood and somehow all ended up back in their hometown. They, and his family, are the only things that still matter in his otherwise soul-sucking life.
Chuck Dunn, a tattooed and pierced sports photographer, has refused to step back into the closet since he was disowned by his family, but he keeps choosing men who can't fully be with him. Finally free from a long-term relationship he should've ended years ago, he quits his high-profile gig in favor of getting back to the art of sports photography--documenting a local boxing club that works with at-risk teenagers. He may not have the same swagger anymore, but he's working to be happy with who he is.
When Chuck joins one of the Kensington boys' community center sports leagues, Jesse's self-imposed rules are systematically demolished. But there's one barrier Jesse can't find the strength to break through--coming out to the other Kensington boys. Chuck knows hooking up with Jesse is a bad idea. Falling for him even worse. But he can't stay away.
Chuck is damaged by his past. Jesse is frightened about his future. But, together, they may just be able to come out of the shade.
Reader Advisory: Out of the Shade is a standalone novel with an HEA that carries the following warnings--alcoholism, mentions of sexual and physical abuse, mentions of drug addiction, mentions of rape, attempted suicide by a minor character, violence, homophobia, closeting
Jesse Solomona has always tried to be the perfect straight guy--a cocky sports fan capable of drinking more than he did in his fraternity days and an expert at one-night-stands. That he hooks up with just as many men as he does women is a secret Jesse's been hiding for years, fearful of losing his family and tight group of friends. He's a Kensington boy--a group of guys that grew up in the same neighborhood and somehow all ended up back in their hometown. They, and his family, are the only things that still matter in his otherwise soul-sucking life.
Chuck Dunn, a tattooed and pierced sports photographer, has refused to step back into the closet since he was disowned by his family, but he keeps choosing men who can't fully be with him. Finally free from a long-term relationship he should've ended years ago, he quits his high-profile gig in favor of getting back to the art of sports photography--documenting a local boxing club that works with at-risk teenagers. He may not have the same swagger anymore, but he's working to be happy with who he is.
When Chuck joins one of the Kensington boys' community center sports leagues, Jesse's self-imposed rules are systematically demolished. But there's one barrier Jesse can't find the strength to break through--coming out to the other Kensington boys. Chuck knows hooking up with Jesse is a bad idea. Falling for him even worse. But he can't stay away.
Chuck is damaged by his past. Jesse is frightened about his future. But, together, they may just be able to come out of the shade.
Reader Advisory: Out of the Shade is a standalone novel with an HEA that carries the following warnings--alcoholism, mentions of sexual and physical abuse, mentions of drug addiction, mentions of rape, attempted suicide by a minor character, violence, homophobia, closeting
336 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 21, 2019
24 people are currently reading
236 people want to read
About the author
S.A. McAuley
27 books246 followersSam is a wandering queer romance author who sleeps little and reads a lot. Happiest in a foreign country. Twitchy when not mentally in motion. Her name is Sam, not Sammy, definitely not Samantha. She’s a dark/cynical/jaded person, but hides that darkness well behind her obsession(s) with shiny objects.
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May 10, 2019DNF at 24%. No rating.
I'm going to be nice and not rate this one, but I don't like the story. I'm surprised, because I usually enjoy this author, but the dude-bro vibes and the sex-forward plot (I usually don't like sex until a connection is established- just my preference) isn't working for me.
I also don't like the fact that the MCs are drinking in literally every single scene. The whole story feels rough and one-note.
However, I have many friends who have enjoyed this one, so I'm going to bow out now. Not for me.
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I'm going to be nice and not rate this one, but I don't like the story. I'm surprised, because I usually enjoy this author, but the dude-bro vibes and the sex-forward plot (I usually don't like sex until a connection is established- just my preference) isn't working for me.
I also don't like the fact that the MCs are drinking in literally every single scene. The whole story feels rough and one-note.
However, I have many friends who have enjoyed this one, so I'm going to bow out now. Not for me.
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May 16, 2019
For me, this was a story with which I most definitely did *not* immediately connect.
When the book began and I was introduced to the world of the Kensington Boys, it was all so completely... Bro Dude. There was even caveman speak for fucksake!
Instead of this tight-knit group of men in their thirties coming across as grown-ups, it felt much more like they were still stuck in their college fraternity days. Or worse, high school.
They were getting drunk and acting immature in nearly every single scene, which got tiring and old pretty quickly. I'm assuming that was why a few of my Goodreads friends DNF'd the story pretty early on.
The book eventually got better, to the point that there were actual feelings, instead of just grunts and groans as pitchers of beer were passed around the tables by grown man-children with wives and families at home.
I really liked Chuck right from the start, and Jesse was okay, but it took a while for me to connect with him, after coming across as yet another of those closeted "Yeah, your dick is in my mouth, but I'm still straight, man" kinda guys.
The story did eventually bring me around to the point where I was fully invested in Jesse and Chuck's relationship, thankfully, so I enjoyed the story as a whole.
What I didn't enjoy as much was Jesse's alcoholism, which was completely unexpected, since he didn't seem any more out of control with his drinking than any of the other Kensington Boys.
We were *told*, not *shown*, about his problems with getting drunk and becoming belligerent in the past (referred to as him going "Godzilla"), but it was so out of left field that the plot point felt contrived to me.
"Order up! One heaping plate of steaming, hot drama for table 5." *ding-ding*
One slutty ex-girlfriend, a flurry of shots, and one run-in with the law later and we saw the MC's were broken up, which has never been my favorite thing in stories. But at least that time was used wisely here, which increased my liking of where the story ultimately headed.
In regards to steam, this was *not* a slow burn read, as the pair met, hung out, then immediately got down and dirty with one another. Then post-separation through the end of the book, the sex is pretty sparse.
This was a fairly-angsty read, but never really tip-toed up to the line of comically absurd, being more of a steady stream of "OMG, give these two a break, already."
I'd rate this story at around 3.75 stars, after dropping the score a bit for the lack-luster sections at the beginning, which didn't work for me at all.
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My ARC copy of the book was provided by the author in exchange for a fair, unbiased review.
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May 23, 2019
Labor of love.
This story was painful yet rewarding. From the final note, I gather this story wasn't easy to write. In all honesty, it wasn't easy to read either. It pulled all sorts of emotions from me; frustration, anger, and disappointment.
It was dark and cloudy...then suddenly a horrible storm blew me away.
I was inching towards a book tantrum, but thankfully I regained control.
Why? Because buds of hope began to blossom. Slowly but surely the course shifted. Change can be beautiful. Jesse's transformation was radiant. I was overjoyed and bubbling with glee, while deep-seated contentment settled into my bones. I was touched with the sincerity.
My eyes welled and my heart lifted. It was remarkable.
This journey hurt but before long, tender gestures soothed the sting. Am I glad I pushed through and fought along with them? Yeah. Yeah, I am. Jesse and Chuck discover love can be painful, it can take patience as well as insurmountable effort. But at the end of the road, there's no greater joy than being loved straight through to your core. When someone truly loves you, scars (internal and inked) and all, you should hold tight and never let them go. Jesse wanted Chuck with every cell in his body but he knew he had to love himself first. This turned out to be a much bigger challenge than he anticipated. How can you love yourself when you can't accept yourself? How can you be true to others, when you hide in the shadows? Denial can be a suffocating beast. Jesse began to patch one affliction with another and soon, he was drowning in a sea of self-inflicted pain. Turns out Jesse may have been born a fighter, but the most tenacious battle has been with himself. The taste of victory is sweet but sharing it with his heart's greatest desire is the ultimate reward.
Charles, Chuck, Chuckie....whatever you call him, I adored him. I quickly fell for him and could easily see why Jesse did too. Neither are perfect, their relationship is far from it. Yet, they were utterly and completely perfect for one another.
Beware of: There are triggers aplenty, separations, and a lengthy list of distressing moments. And yet, again, I still consider it a worthy journey. Kind of a, 'read at your own risk' book but a wager I'm grateful I took.
This book is for: A vested reader. Patience is key. Just do me a favor, please? If you start, give them a chance, and don't give up on them. Trust me, there is forgiveness, rebirth, and redemption.
Book UNfunk
This story was painful yet rewarding. From the final note, I gather this story wasn't easy to write. In all honesty, it wasn't easy to read either. It pulled all sorts of emotions from me; frustration, anger, and disappointment.
It was dark and cloudy...then suddenly a horrible storm blew me away.
I was inching towards a book tantrum, but thankfully I regained control.
Why? Because buds of hope began to blossom. Slowly but surely the course shifted. Change can be beautiful. Jesse's transformation was radiant. I was overjoyed and bubbling with glee, while deep-seated contentment settled into my bones. I was touched with the sincerity.
My eyes welled and my heart lifted. It was remarkable.
This journey hurt but before long, tender gestures soothed the sting. Am I glad I pushed through and fought along with them? Yeah. Yeah, I am. Jesse and Chuck discover love can be painful, it can take patience as well as insurmountable effort. But at the end of the road, there's no greater joy than being loved straight through to your core. When someone truly loves you, scars (internal and inked) and all, you should hold tight and never let them go. Jesse wanted Chuck with every cell in his body but he knew he had to love himself first. This turned out to be a much bigger challenge than he anticipated. How can you love yourself when you can't accept yourself? How can you be true to others, when you hide in the shadows? Denial can be a suffocating beast. Jesse began to patch one affliction with another and soon, he was drowning in a sea of self-inflicted pain. Turns out Jesse may have been born a fighter, but the most tenacious battle has been with himself. The taste of victory is sweet but sharing it with his heart's greatest desire is the ultimate reward.
Charles, Chuck, Chuckie....whatever you call him, I adored him. I quickly fell for him and could easily see why Jesse did too. Neither are perfect, their relationship is far from it. Yet, they were utterly and completely perfect for one another.
Beware of: There are triggers aplenty, separations, and a lengthy list of distressing moments. And yet, again, I still consider it a worthy journey. Kind of a, 'read at your own risk' book but a wager I'm grateful I took.
This book is for: A vested reader. Patience is key. Just do me a favor, please? If you start, give them a chance, and don't give up on them. Trust me, there is forgiveness, rebirth, and redemption.
Book UNfunk
May 15, 2019
Me and this story got off to a rough start but things really turned around for me and at the end of it all this was a solid 4 star read...full review to follow soonish!
There are a lot of reasons why...
I shouldn't have liked this one and I do mean a lot. So let's get on with this and start a list...
first off there's the whole neanderthal caveman mentality, copious amounts of alcohol consumption, there's a group of men that in some ways don't seem to have really made it past their high school or college days...yeah, let's be generous and say college days...so, in truth I could probably go through the first part of this book and by part I mean about 30 probably 40% and pick out all kinds of details that made me crazy, annoyed the hell out of me or at the very least had me using some very unladylike language. So to those who dnf'd before the halfway point, in all honestly I get it I really do and another time I very probably would have done the same.
But right now in this moment for me it turned out it was a case of the right time for the right story and the second half of this book was the right story, for me. It was the story that I was looking to read.
In the first part of this story we meet Jesse Solomona and to be honest the only thing I was definite about during the first part of the story was I did not like Jesse. He was someone with addiction issues...sorry, I don't care what Jesse wants to tell himself. He's an alcoholic add in some definite anger issues...the man was at times abusive towards his friends..seriously I did not like Jesse and if I had done a dnf on this one he would have been the biggest reason.
Then we have Chuck Dunn a tattooed and pierced sports photographer who's walked away from a very successful career and while he doesn't advertise it, he also doesn't hide in the closet.
We also meet the Kensington Boys and their wives. These are Jesse's friends. He's grown up with these men and they play league sports together they go drinking together, celebrate holidays and special events together, go drinking together, go on vacation together, go drinking together...are you seeing a pattern here? I have to say I'm not really sure how many Kensington Boys there are but this group is beyond important to Jesse...they're so important to Jesse that being who he thinks they want him to be is far more important to him than being who he wants to be.
While I wasn't a fan of Jesse this was not the case with Chuck. I liked Chuck and honestly I was definitely not a fan of Chuck with Jesse because, for me, Jesse just did not deserve someone like Chuck...nope, not even a little bit.
So here I am not quite halfway through the story and honestly leaning towards moving on but there's this little voice that whispers in my ear and says..."But what if you're suppose to read this one...what if it's the last half of the book that's important...that's the story you're looking for...what if you're missing out but not finishing this." and I have to admit that voice whispers in my ear quite often and most of the time I do listen to it...every once in a while I tell it to shut up and go away but somewhere in the clusterf*ck that was the beginning of this book there were a few little things that resonated with me and made me want to know a bit more...like Jesse's sister and some of the Kensington Boys and their wives were interesting and yeah, I admit it Jesse and Chuck just weren't quite working for me so I wanted to see how this could ever possibly work.
I picked through what worked and what didn't and weighed the pros and cons of it and at the end of it all I thought "What the hell, I've come this far. Why stop now?" so I didn't and here's what I found...
For me the second half of this book is about what happens when you hit rock bottom and realize that you've basically destroyed your life and lost what matters the most. It's about second chances and what it takes to deserve them and me, I love second chances.
For everything that drove me crazy about the first half of this book there was equally as much that made me so glad that I stuck with it in the second half of the story. For me the last half of this book is about change, it's about life and it's about love. Jesse is a man who needs to change to get the future that he wants instead of the one that's being created by his destructive behavior, Chuck needs to let go of his past if he's going to have a chance with the man that he's falling in love with and even with some of the secondary characters there's growth and change...maybe not as dramatic or as obvious as that of Jesse or even Chuck but it's the small things the subtle things that often happen in day to day life...somethings may only be a blip on the radar while other things can mean so much more than we realize at the moment...but still it's change and change is life.
I've always said that if we don't go through the bad times, how can we truly appreciate and know how special the good times are and I feel like that's what happened here the beginning of this story is Jesse's bad times and in order for the reader to truly appreciate the good times and what it took for Jesse to get to them we needed to go through the bad times with him.
*************************
An ARC of "Out of the Shade" was graciously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
There are a lot of reasons why...
I shouldn't have liked this one and I do mean a lot. So let's get on with this and start a list...
first off there's the whole neanderthal caveman mentality, copious amounts of alcohol consumption, there's a group of men that in some ways don't seem to have really made it past their high school or college days...yeah, let's be generous and say college days...so, in truth I could probably go through the first part of this book and by part I mean about 30 probably 40% and pick out all kinds of details that made me crazy, annoyed the hell out of me or at the very least had me using some very unladylike language. So to those who dnf'd before the halfway point, in all honestly I get it I really do and another time I very probably would have done the same.
But right now in this moment for me it turned out it was a case of the right time for the right story and the second half of this book was the right story, for me. It was the story that I was looking to read.
In the first part of this story we meet Jesse Solomona and to be honest the only thing I was definite about during the first part of the story was I did not like Jesse. He was someone with addiction issues...sorry, I don't care what Jesse wants to tell himself. He's an alcoholic add in some definite anger issues...the man was at times abusive towards his friends..seriously I did not like Jesse and if I had done a dnf on this one he would have been the biggest reason.
Then we have Chuck Dunn a tattooed and pierced sports photographer who's walked away from a very successful career and while he doesn't advertise it, he also doesn't hide in the closet.
We also meet the Kensington Boys and their wives. These are Jesse's friends. He's grown up with these men and they play league sports together they go drinking together, celebrate holidays and special events together, go drinking together, go on vacation together, go drinking together...are you seeing a pattern here? I have to say I'm not really sure how many Kensington Boys there are but this group is beyond important to Jesse...they're so important to Jesse that being who he thinks they want him to be is far more important to him than being who he wants to be.
While I wasn't a fan of Jesse this was not the case with Chuck. I liked Chuck and honestly I was definitely not a fan of Chuck with Jesse because, for me, Jesse just did not deserve someone like Chuck...nope, not even a little bit.
So here I am not quite halfway through the story and honestly leaning towards moving on but there's this little voice that whispers in my ear and says..."But what if you're suppose to read this one...what if it's the last half of the book that's important...that's the story you're looking for...what if you're missing out but not finishing this." and I have to admit that voice whispers in my ear quite often and most of the time I do listen to it...every once in a while I tell it to shut up and go away but somewhere in the clusterf*ck that was the beginning of this book there were a few little things that resonated with me and made me want to know a bit more...like Jesse's sister and some of the Kensington Boys and their wives were interesting and yeah, I admit it Jesse and Chuck just weren't quite working for me so I wanted to see how this could ever possibly work.
I picked through what worked and what didn't and weighed the pros and cons of it and at the end of it all I thought "What the hell, I've come this far. Why stop now?" so I didn't and here's what I found...
For me the second half of this book is about what happens when you hit rock bottom and realize that you've basically destroyed your life and lost what matters the most. It's about second chances and what it takes to deserve them and me, I love second chances.
For everything that drove me crazy about the first half of this book there was equally as much that made me so glad that I stuck with it in the second half of the story. For me the last half of this book is about change, it's about life and it's about love. Jesse is a man who needs to change to get the future that he wants instead of the one that's being created by his destructive behavior, Chuck needs to let go of his past if he's going to have a chance with the man that he's falling in love with and even with some of the secondary characters there's growth and change...maybe not as dramatic or as obvious as that of Jesse or even Chuck but it's the small things the subtle things that often happen in day to day life...somethings may only be a blip on the radar while other things can mean so much more than we realize at the moment...but still it's change and change is life.
I've always said that if we don't go through the bad times, how can we truly appreciate and know how special the good times are and I feel like that's what happened here the beginning of this story is Jesse's bad times and in order for the reader to truly appreciate the good times and what it took for Jesse to get to them we needed to go through the bad times with him.
*************************
An ARC of "Out of the Shade" was graciously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
May 1, 2019
I’ve really liked the few books I’ve read by this author and was intrigued by the blurb of this new one. I found a wonderfully layered story and complex characters caught up in a strong hurt/comfort trope. Jesse is one of a group of long-time friends, the Kensington boys, and measures much of his self worth by how those friends perceive him. He’s bisexual but terrified of the consequences of coming out. Chuck is brought into the circle of friends when he decides to document the youth boxing at the center run by Kam, another of the guys. Chuck and Jesse hook up fairly quickly and develop a relationship but Jesse’s demons and secrets have him spiraling out of control and Chuck hurt and betrayed.
I’ll admit to some confusion on how many “boys” there are but only a handful play a part in the narrative. It almost seems like two stories, the blooming romance and passionate intimacy between Chuck and Jesse in the first part, then needed healing and growth in the aftermath of Jesse’s personal crises. The second part delves deeply into both Jesse and Chuck’s perspectives and motivations. It becomes heartbreaking at times and I ached for these guys. It didn’t become maudlin or over-dramatized and I enjoyed the background at the youth center a great deal. An epilogue leads to a strong HEA, always the best part. There was potential for a series in the narrative, so I’ll keep an eye out for any follow-up stories with more Kensington boys. Recommended!
*An ARC was provided by an author, publisher or a promotional service and I have chosen to publish a fair and honest review*
I’ll admit to some confusion on how many “boys” there are but only a handful play a part in the narrative. It almost seems like two stories, the blooming romance and passionate intimacy between Chuck and Jesse in the first part, then needed healing and growth in the aftermath of Jesse’s personal crises. The second part delves deeply into both Jesse and Chuck’s perspectives and motivations. It becomes heartbreaking at times and I ached for these guys. It didn’t become maudlin or over-dramatized and I enjoyed the background at the youth center a great deal. An epilogue leads to a strong HEA, always the best part. There was potential for a series in the narrative, so I’ll keep an eye out for any follow-up stories with more Kensington boys. Recommended!
*An ARC was provided by an author, publisher or a promotional service and I have chosen to publish a fair and honest review*
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November 19, 2022
I absolutely loved this! Jesse and Chuck were so cute and, when it wasn't angsty, it was beautiful. I adored how they were around each other. Although Jesse had confusion with his sexuality, I liked how it didn't take the whole book for him to realize he liked Chuck as more than just fwb. They did have to hide their relationship bc Jesse wasn't ready, but I understood his fear so it didn't really frustrate me that much (I still felt for Chuck obviously, but I understood both sides). It took me a while to get into this at first bc I personally prefer first person pov and knowing what the characters are thinking but, once I was invested, I couldn't stop reading. <3
Can we please get a story on Ash? I'm interested in reading his own journey towards his hea.
Can we please get a story on Ash? I'm interested in reading his own journey towards his hea.
May 24, 2019
I fell for this author when I read her Borders War series, starting with One Breath, One Bullet. I felt that that series was severely underappreciated and I think I've been waiting for this author to come out with another book for a long time, to not only see what she could do with something completely different, but also to just get more S.A. McAuley.
While this wasn't a complete win for me, it was still really really good, in my opinion. It's always tough to read stories where one of the MC's is extremely closeted - or closeted at all, but especially when it is extreme - so going into this I knew it wouldn't be an easy read.
Sometimes, for some people, even if they grow up in a good household, and never had anything particularly homophobic thrown at them specifically, they still can't handle being not straight, and it seems like they never will come out - and for some people, they never do, or do it very late in life - and Jesse is that person.
His sister had an abusive father - physically and sexually - and then she married an abusive man - but while that definitely affects Jesse because he loves his sister and wants her to be happy, it isn't happen to Jesse, so it isn't like this trauma is happening to him. But other than that, he has two parents who love him - his father is different from his sister's father - and while they're somewhat distant with him, that doesn't mean they're bad parents.
Jesse has grown up with the Kensington boys, a group of fairly exclusionary guys who take pride in being a group of friends from Kensington. I don't know if Jesse grew up with these guys being particularly homophobic, but I bet there was a casual homophobia among some of them, nothing too overt, but homophobic all the same, even though there's only one guy in the group who really has a problem with gay guys - like when Chuck shows up, no one seems to care except for Ryan.
So, for all intents and purposes, it's a wonder why Jesse is so afraid, so much so that he's 33 years old, and still closeted, still hiding that he sleeps with men as well as women - and he is bisexual, not gay, but he's still scared about anyone finding out he likes men as well - and is so messed up by his attraction to men that he turned to the bottle to hide his anxiety and fear and everything over it, and he becomes an alcoholic, really.
But sometimes it doesn't have to be so horrible for someone to start drinking or self-destructing, sometimes it's their own fucked up thoughts, without any real outside interference, that does it, and that's what happens with Jesse.
I did love how this book took Jesse's journey. He hits rock bottom around 40, 45% and it's only up from there, really. He gets almost black out drunk - which of course, Chuck has never seen how he acts when he gets that drunk - and to make matters worse, he lets his problems with Chuck and himself manifest badly enough that he beats up Emily's abusive ex almost to death. Not that anyone would miss the guy, but that's not the point. Jesse truly reaches rock bottom.
As for the romance - I do have to say that some of my problem with this was the lack of connection between Chuck and Jesse at first. It was there, but...it wasn't enough of a connection for me. So much so that I was wondering why these men were falling for each other. We didn't get to see enough, in my opinion. The sex also felt rushed and that detracted from my enjoyment too. I was expecting more detailed and passionate sex, if not emotional yet.
Now, that connection did grow more as the book went on and these two got to a much better place, and I did come to really love them together (although the sex was still rushed, which annoyed me. I wanted the making love scenes, okay? Not enough explicitness or passion in the sex scenes for me - they even felt rushed over at times, and it was a bummer for me, especially when I know this author can write incredibly good sex scenes.) and enjoy them together. But at first I just wasn't really feeling it, though.
Of course, just as I was starting to feel it between them, everything went to shit. In the end the separation was necessary, but sure was hard to read. Also,
So overall, I really enjoyed this, especially the second half. I saw other reviews stating how the first half wasn't the most fun to read, and I agree. But also we have to read the first half to get that second half. We have to earn that happiness just like Jesse does. We have to see him reach rock bottom in order to see him reach true happiness. We had to see just how bad things were and how bad they got to see Jesse finally pull his head of out his ass and get his life together so he could be happy, whether or not Chuck was in his life (although Chuck is a definite bonus ;) )
So overall, I really enjoyed this and I hope to get more stories from this author in the future, I feel she is so underrated. And while this wasn't perfect for me, overall it was really good and deserving of a read (and yes, just stick with it through the first half to get to the awesome second half.)
Two thumbs up from me!
While this wasn't a complete win for me, it was still really really good, in my opinion. It's always tough to read stories where one of the MC's is extremely closeted - or closeted at all, but especially when it is extreme - so going into this I knew it wouldn't be an easy read.
Sometimes, for some people, even if they grow up in a good household, and never had anything particularly homophobic thrown at them specifically, they still can't handle being not straight, and it seems like they never will come out - and for some people, they never do, or do it very late in life - and Jesse is that person.
His sister had an abusive father - physically and sexually - and then she married an abusive man - but while that definitely affects Jesse because he loves his sister and wants her to be happy, it isn't happen to Jesse, so it isn't like this trauma is happening to him. But other than that, he has two parents who love him - his father is different from his sister's father - and while they're somewhat distant with him, that doesn't mean they're bad parents.
Jesse has grown up with the Kensington boys, a group of fairly exclusionary guys who take pride in being a group of friends from Kensington. I don't know if Jesse grew up with these guys being particularly homophobic, but I bet there was a casual homophobia among some of them, nothing too overt, but homophobic all the same, even though there's only one guy in the group who really has a problem with gay guys - like when Chuck shows up, no one seems to care except for Ryan.
So, for all intents and purposes, it's a wonder why Jesse is so afraid, so much so that he's 33 years old, and still closeted, still hiding that he sleeps with men as well as women - and he is bisexual, not gay, but he's still scared about anyone finding out he likes men as well - and is so messed up by his attraction to men that he turned to the bottle to hide his anxiety and fear and everything over it, and he becomes an alcoholic, really.
But sometimes it doesn't have to be so horrible for someone to start drinking or self-destructing, sometimes it's their own fucked up thoughts, without any real outside interference, that does it, and that's what happens with Jesse.
I did love how this book took Jesse's journey. He hits rock bottom around 40, 45% and it's only up from there, really. He gets almost black out drunk - which of course, Chuck has never seen how he acts when he gets that drunk - and to make matters worse, he lets his problems with Chuck and himself manifest badly enough that he beats up Emily's abusive ex almost to death. Not that anyone would miss the guy, but that's not the point. Jesse truly reaches rock bottom.
As for the romance - I do have to say that some of my problem with this was the lack of connection between Chuck and Jesse at first. It was there, but...it wasn't enough of a connection for me. So much so that I was wondering why these men were falling for each other. We didn't get to see enough, in my opinion. The sex also felt rushed and that detracted from my enjoyment too. I was expecting more detailed and passionate sex, if not emotional yet.
Now, that connection did grow more as the book went on and these two got to a much better place, and I did come to really love them together (although the sex was still rushed, which annoyed me. I wanted the making love scenes, okay? Not enough explicitness or passion in the sex scenes for me - they even felt rushed over at times, and it was a bummer for me, especially when I know this author can write incredibly good sex scenes.) and enjoy them together. But at first I just wasn't really feeling it, though.
Of course, just as I was starting to feel it between them, everything went to shit. In the end the separation was necessary, but sure was hard to read. Also,
So overall, I really enjoyed this, especially the second half. I saw other reviews stating how the first half wasn't the most fun to read, and I agree. But also we have to read the first half to get that second half. We have to earn that happiness just like Jesse does. We have to see him reach rock bottom in order to see him reach true happiness. We had to see just how bad things were and how bad they got to see Jesse finally pull his head of out his ass and get his life together so he could be happy, whether or not Chuck was in his life (although Chuck is a definite bonus ;) )
So overall, I really enjoyed this and I hope to get more stories from this author in the future, I feel she is so underrated. And while this wasn't perfect for me, overall it was really good and deserving of a read (and yes, just stick with it through the first half to get to the awesome second half.)
Two thumbs up from me!
May 27, 2019
3.5 stars
This was an interesting book for me. I really struggled with it for the first half. I took an immediate disliking to Jesse and his dudebro friends. I actually disliked Jesse so much that I was ready to quit the book around 40%. I couldn't see what Chuck saw in him. I generally like this author's work and I have a lot of reader friends who really liked this one though so I pushed through.
The last half of the book was a lot better for me. Once Jesse makes some changes in his life I found myself liking him more. I didn't have a problem with him being in the closet but I really hated the drinking and frat boy type behavior. For men in their mid-30's it just seemed childish and immature to me. I intellectually know that there are different types of people in the world who have different lifestyles but I just disliked Jesse's so much I was having trouble be tolerant.
As I said, Jesse makes some lifestyle changes and becomes a person I liked much better around the 60% mark. I ended up liking the last part of the book quite a lot and I enjoyed the romance towards the end. Despite my personal qualms with Jesse, the writing was really good and the plot was interesting. Any negative vibes I had were personal and not in reflection to the author's work. I also really enjoyed the author's note at the end. I don't think I've mentioned those in many reviews over the years but I thought this one was very interesting and I recommend you take a minute to read it.
This was an interesting book for me. I really struggled with it for the first half. I took an immediate disliking to Jesse and his dudebro friends. I actually disliked Jesse so much that I was ready to quit the book around 40%. I couldn't see what Chuck saw in him. I generally like this author's work and I have a lot of reader friends who really liked this one though so I pushed through.
The last half of the book was a lot better for me. Once Jesse makes some changes in his life I found myself liking him more. I didn't have a problem with him being in the closet but I really hated the drinking and frat boy type behavior. For men in their mid-30's it just seemed childish and immature to me. I intellectually know that there are different types of people in the world who have different lifestyles but I just disliked Jesse's so much I was having trouble be tolerant.
As I said, Jesse makes some lifestyle changes and becomes a person I liked much better around the 60% mark. I ended up liking the last part of the book quite a lot and I enjoyed the romance towards the end. Despite my personal qualms with Jesse, the writing was really good and the plot was interesting. Any negative vibes I had were personal and not in reflection to the author's work. I also really enjoyed the author's note at the end. I don't think I've mentioned those in many reviews over the years but I thought this one was very interesting and I recommend you take a minute to read it.
February 16, 2020
This was great!
Content warnings include: alcoholism, violence, past and present domestic violence and sexual abuse and rape of a side character (mostly off page but there are some graphic descriptions), side character attempts suicide, homophobia, internalized biphobia; mentions of drug addiction.
Most content warnings can also be found in the book's blurb!
As heavy as these content warnings sound.... I was surprised to find that Out of the Shade is not a dark book at all. In fact it was warm and really funny and witty at parts which I totally didn't expect.
I also didn't expect to like the Kensington boys - Jesse's group of friends who all grew up in the same town, a tightly knit and almost exclusive group that does everything together and is defined by their love for and loyalty to each other.
While the parents, wives and kids of these men are also very much involved, I didn't expect to like the dynamics going on. It's not exactly a small town environment, but similar, with hypermasculinity and focus on traditions very prevalent. I fully expected to be made very uncomfortable by the men's interactions - so I was completely floored when I wasn't, and instead genuinely loved the dynamics of the group.
Yeah, there are a few silly jokes about being manly men, and there's different friendships within the group, but the love and care they all have for each other was palpable at all times. And as I mentioned before, while the core group are the men, their singular families are very much involved as well.
I also liked the journey of Chuck and Jesse's relationship. They are both great characters (fleshed out and likeable, like the rest of the big cast) and I liked that the romance wasn't a straightforward line from meeting -> attraction -> dating -> minor conflict -> happily ever after. The way it was felt natural for the characters and fit their storylines very well, as well as driving home that a romantic partner isn't the solution to any and all problems.
Despite me saying it's not a dark book, there are quite a few heavy topics handled in it. Both the main characters and the side ones go and/or have gone through quite a bit.
Both the abuse and the queerphobia was handled very well, even if it was heartbreaking at times.
Especially the way Jesse views his own sexuality got to me, and it very well got the point across that representation and support matters.
There's a bit of a weight loss/getting into shape plotline going on, but it's rather minor.
A minor plotline I liked was Jesse getting more in touch with his heritage: he's biracial, with a white mother and a east polynesian dad from New Zealand.
In the Author's Note the author talks about her own experiences of growing up in such a tightly knit environment and how Out of the Shade is a very personal book, which is very apparent while reading. I'm glad she chose to publish it because it's an important, touching story on top of being a great, well written book.
I was provided with an ARC and reviewed honestly and voluntarily.
Content warnings include: alcoholism, violence, past and present domestic violence and sexual abuse and rape of a side character (mostly off page but there are some graphic descriptions), side character attempts suicide, homophobia, internalized biphobia; mentions of drug addiction.
Most content warnings can also be found in the book's blurb!
As heavy as these content warnings sound.... I was surprised to find that Out of the Shade is not a dark book at all. In fact it was warm and really funny and witty at parts which I totally didn't expect.
I also didn't expect to like the Kensington boys - Jesse's group of friends who all grew up in the same town, a tightly knit and almost exclusive group that does everything together and is defined by their love for and loyalty to each other.
While the parents, wives and kids of these men are also very much involved, I didn't expect to like the dynamics going on. It's not exactly a small town environment, but similar, with hypermasculinity and focus on traditions very prevalent. I fully expected to be made very uncomfortable by the men's interactions - so I was completely floored when I wasn't, and instead genuinely loved the dynamics of the group.
Yeah, there are a few silly jokes about being manly men, and there's different friendships within the group, but the love and care they all have for each other was palpable at all times. And as I mentioned before, while the core group are the men, their singular families are very much involved as well.
I also liked the journey of Chuck and Jesse's relationship. They are both great characters (fleshed out and likeable, like the rest of the big cast) and I liked that the romance wasn't a straightforward line from meeting -> attraction -> dating -> minor conflict -> happily ever after. The way it was felt natural for the characters and fit their storylines very well, as well as driving home that a romantic partner isn't the solution to any and all problems.
Despite me saying it's not a dark book, there are quite a few heavy topics handled in it. Both the main characters and the side ones go and/or have gone through quite a bit.
Both the abuse and the queerphobia was handled very well, even if it was heartbreaking at times.
Especially the way Jesse views his own sexuality got to me, and it very well got the point across that representation and support matters.
There's a bit of a weight loss/getting into shape plotline going on, but it's rather minor.
A minor plotline I liked was Jesse getting more in touch with his heritage: he's biracial, with a white mother and a east polynesian dad from New Zealand.
In the Author's Note the author talks about her own experiences of growing up in such a tightly knit environment and how Out of the Shade is a very personal book, which is very apparent while reading. I'm glad she chose to publish it because it's an important, touching story on top of being a great, well written book.
I was provided with an ARC and reviewed honestly and voluntarily.
June 26, 2019
This was a hard story to get into at first, but I ended up loving it. Be warned... so many triggers! I don't wanna spoil anything, but there are a lot of possible triggers. It's not graphic and most is not on page in detail. This book had so much going on, maybe too much for some, but it worked for me. I found it raw and real, too real sometimes. Sometimes friends and family let us down, and sometimes we let ourselves down the most. We have to LOVE ourselves before we can love anyone else. I really felt for these characters through their many trials and triumphs. The camaraderie in helping the community was inspiring. Did I sense something between Ryan and Kam!? I might just be crazy!?😬
June 3, 2019
3.75 STARS While I enjoyed this one I would not say it was amazing. One of the MC's Jesse is extremely closeted within a close group of friends. Along with being insecure about coming to terms with who he is he also is carrying a ton of emotional family baggage & an awful alcoholic which adds to his internal struggles. He meets Chuck through his friends and so the story begins. I enjoyed the characters together, it did drag at some points for me and some of the extra side characters confused me but enjoyable.
Read
November 19, 2020DNF at 14%
February 28, 2021
TW-alcoholism, mentions of sexual and physical abuse, mentions of drug addiction, mentions of rape, attempted suicide by a minor character, violence, homophobia, closeting
Space. its something you dont see couples experience in books for over a chapter. But in this book? I'm pretty sure they're apart a lot longer than they're together.
i can't really even categorize this as romance, its more of a secondary genre. this book is more about self destruction and discovery and how Jesse, our closeted, alcoholic H, find help and try to recover from his past so he doesn't destroy his future. and his relationship with Chuck.
it's not a bad book overall. Just not what i wanted when i picked it up.
Space. its something you dont see couples experience in books for over a chapter. But in this book? I'm pretty sure they're apart a lot longer than they're together.
i can't really even categorize this as romance, its more of a secondary genre. this book is more about self destruction and discovery and how Jesse, our closeted, alcoholic H, find help and try to recover from his past so he doesn't destroy his future. and his relationship with Chuck.
it's not a bad book overall. Just not what i wanted when i picked it up.
May 21, 2019
Out of the Shade by SA McAuley was a bumpy ride, folks. The "bro vibe" drove me a little crazy and Jesse... he frustrated me to no end. There was some serious denial going on with him. I almost gave up but stuck it out, and I'm glad that I did.
Why? Because the author managed to turn Jesse around. Out of the Shade is a story about perseverance, acceptance, friendships. It dealt with serious issues such as addiction and self-acceptance that many can relate to. I love stories of flawed characters who grow, and this story delivered just that.
3.75 - 4 Stars
Why? Because the author managed to turn Jesse around. Out of the Shade is a story about perseverance, acceptance, friendships. It dealt with serious issues such as addiction and self-acceptance that many can relate to. I love stories of flawed characters who grow, and this story delivered just that.
3.75 - 4 Stars
March 5, 2022
Too much unnecessary drama which dragged out the story. And the characters were already in love by 20%.
April 29, 2019
More accurately, it's 4.4 stars.
I received an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review.
This review has been originally posted at Gay Book Reviews - check it out!
The blurb says it all, more or less. We join the close-knit community of the Kensington boys (not the Kensington, London, but one of the US Kensingtons). The boys have known each other and have been hanging out together since they were kids. They’re now in their early thirties, most of them have married, some of them have kids, and their rituals consist of playing football once a week (I wasn’t quite sure if it was your American football, though, or our football, which I think you call soccer, for odd reasons), making testosterone-powered jokes of dubious taste and wit, slapping each other’s backs, and occasionally getting pissed together. One of our main characters, Jesse “Sollie” Solomona, is part of that group. He seems to be the only one left who’s not married by now. His buddies think it’s because he’s a serial womanizer, but in fact, as he’s a closeted and shameful bisexual, he keeps his encounters both with dudes and chicks casual (and the former well hidden from his friends). Jesse is also the guy who drinks most, to the point where his drinking is no social hanging-out-together-with-the-boys habit anymore, but has turned to a serious problem everyone but him is worried about. Arrives Charles “Chuck” Dunn, sports photographer of nation-wide renown, openly gay, but as butch and buff as the Kensington gang. He’s immediately accepted as one the group, even though he doesn’t hide his sexual orientation. And Jesse is immediately attracted to this masterpiece of a hunky hunk. Same thing for Chuck. Unsurprisingly, they hit the sack only a couple of pages into the book with sizzles and moans and brewing chemistry galore. But Jesse isn’t the only one with issues. Chuck has only recently left behind his well-paid job and his closeted on-and-off boyfriend, a professional basketball player, because he longs for open commitment.
The lusty, emotionally charged but commitment-wise frustrating story of Jesse and Chuck evolves for the first third of the book. Sex-scenes make the pages steam, cosy buddy-moments in Jesse’s house hint at a deep level of understanding between the two guys, who you can see falling head over heels in love with each other, but as soon as another person enters the frame, they have to pretend they’re just best mates. I was getting the dynamics of the plot right from the start, but I have to admit, I was almost struggling with that first third. The guys too butch and rough-necked for my taste, way too much sports (shoot me), way too much self-loathing from Jesse and even, to a certain point, Chuck. I couldn’t shake off the big question either: why the dickens does Jesse think he must hide his feelings for Chuck (and his attraction to men, more generally speaking) from his group of friends? You get the feeling those guys have spent all their adult lives having each other’s backs and accepting each other’s idiosyncrasies, kinks and jerks, so Jesse coming out wouldn’t be a big deal for anyone (except one guy, who didn’t welcome Chuck into their group as warmly as the others). So, why does Jesse procrastinate, endangering his budding romance? For Chuck can only take so much prevarication…
Well, that’s when the shit seriously hits the fan, pardon my French. And that’s when I got definitely hooked, drawn in, unable to put the book down. Because Jesse’s issues, which you could have thought minor ones, cause a break-up with Chuck and even get him arrested. The first third of the book finally sums up. Everything falls into place, with me, the poor reader, thinking that the author wants to deprive me of my thoroughly longed-for HEA. The serious stuff just seems to go on and on too. Don’t get me wrong—serious stuff tackled with intelligence, insight and empathy, as is done in this book, is absolutely no turn-off for me. As the blurb warning says, the issues explored in this book include alcoholism, childhood and adult abuse, gay/bisexual self-loathing, violence, attempted suicide, a family throwing out their son because he’s gay. Of course, Jesse carries only some of those burdens, but he, Chuck, and their buddies have to deal with them.
This could have been a bleak book. Yet what I really liked about it is that the author didn’t go for the bleak stance. This is a book about serious problems, but most of all, it’s a book about resilience and redemption. The positive emotions such as friendship, romantic love, self-help and character development outshine the darker sides of mankind. Yes, it’s a book that tells us we all need to embrace who we are, we need to accept our failures, our weaknesses, our wounds in order to learn and become more comfortable with ourselves. Happiness isn’t easily gifted, we all have to struggle and fight to earn moments of it. This was a really compelling, thrilling read I can only recommend. It should be proof-read one last time—commas missing, may-might errors (it’s as if you felt that “might” was only the conditional of may, while it’s simply the past tense). But what I read was a) an ARC, and b) the book is self-published. Now, I know from my own experience how hard it is to find all the little typos, spelling and grammar errors that you edit into your manuscript when you think you’re correcting it, so I’m inclined to be more lenient compared to books released but publishing houses.
I received an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review.
This review has been originally posted at Gay Book Reviews - check it out!
The blurb says it all, more or less. We join the close-knit community of the Kensington boys (not the Kensington, London, but one of the US Kensingtons). The boys have known each other and have been hanging out together since they were kids. They’re now in their early thirties, most of them have married, some of them have kids, and their rituals consist of playing football once a week (I wasn’t quite sure if it was your American football, though, or our football, which I think you call soccer, for odd reasons), making testosterone-powered jokes of dubious taste and wit, slapping each other’s backs, and occasionally getting pissed together. One of our main characters, Jesse “Sollie” Solomona, is part of that group. He seems to be the only one left who’s not married by now. His buddies think it’s because he’s a serial womanizer, but in fact, as he’s a closeted and shameful bisexual, he keeps his encounters both with dudes and chicks casual (and the former well hidden from his friends). Jesse is also the guy who drinks most, to the point where his drinking is no social hanging-out-together-with-the-boys habit anymore, but has turned to a serious problem everyone but him is worried about. Arrives Charles “Chuck” Dunn, sports photographer of nation-wide renown, openly gay, but as butch and buff as the Kensington gang. He’s immediately accepted as one the group, even though he doesn’t hide his sexual orientation. And Jesse is immediately attracted to this masterpiece of a hunky hunk. Same thing for Chuck. Unsurprisingly, they hit the sack only a couple of pages into the book with sizzles and moans and brewing chemistry galore. But Jesse isn’t the only one with issues. Chuck has only recently left behind his well-paid job and his closeted on-and-off boyfriend, a professional basketball player, because he longs for open commitment.
The lusty, emotionally charged but commitment-wise frustrating story of Jesse and Chuck evolves for the first third of the book. Sex-scenes make the pages steam, cosy buddy-moments in Jesse’s house hint at a deep level of understanding between the two guys, who you can see falling head over heels in love with each other, but as soon as another person enters the frame, they have to pretend they’re just best mates. I was getting the dynamics of the plot right from the start, but I have to admit, I was almost struggling with that first third. The guys too butch and rough-necked for my taste, way too much sports (shoot me), way too much self-loathing from Jesse and even, to a certain point, Chuck. I couldn’t shake off the big question either: why the dickens does Jesse think he must hide his feelings for Chuck (and his attraction to men, more generally speaking) from his group of friends? You get the feeling those guys have spent all their adult lives having each other’s backs and accepting each other’s idiosyncrasies, kinks and jerks, so Jesse coming out wouldn’t be a big deal for anyone (except one guy, who didn’t welcome Chuck into their group as warmly as the others). So, why does Jesse procrastinate, endangering his budding romance? For Chuck can only take so much prevarication…
Well, that’s when the shit seriously hits the fan, pardon my French. And that’s when I got definitely hooked, drawn in, unable to put the book down. Because Jesse’s issues, which you could have thought minor ones, cause a break-up with Chuck and even get him arrested. The first third of the book finally sums up. Everything falls into place, with me, the poor reader, thinking that the author wants to deprive me of my thoroughly longed-for HEA. The serious stuff just seems to go on and on too. Don’t get me wrong—serious stuff tackled with intelligence, insight and empathy, as is done in this book, is absolutely no turn-off for me. As the blurb warning says, the issues explored in this book include alcoholism, childhood and adult abuse, gay/bisexual self-loathing, violence, attempted suicide, a family throwing out their son because he’s gay. Of course, Jesse carries only some of those burdens, but he, Chuck, and their buddies have to deal with them.
This could have been a bleak book. Yet what I really liked about it is that the author didn’t go for the bleak stance. This is a book about serious problems, but most of all, it’s a book about resilience and redemption. The positive emotions such as friendship, romantic love, self-help and character development outshine the darker sides of mankind. Yes, it’s a book that tells us we all need to embrace who we are, we need to accept our failures, our weaknesses, our wounds in order to learn and become more comfortable with ourselves. Happiness isn’t easily gifted, we all have to struggle and fight to earn moments of it. This was a really compelling, thrilling read I can only recommend. It should be proof-read one last time—commas missing, may-might errors (it’s as if you felt that “might” was only the conditional of may, while it’s simply the past tense). But what I read was a) an ARC, and b) the book is self-published. Now, I know from my own experience how hard it is to find all the little typos, spelling and grammar errors that you edit into your manuscript when you think you’re correcting it, so I’m inclined to be more lenient compared to books released but publishing houses.
April 28, 2019
This book was a real surprise. The blurb caught my interest and as soon as I started it, I just fell deeper and deeper into the story and didn’t want it to end, to the point where I’d pick it up for a chapter or two then put it down as I didn’t want to rush this read, I wanted to savour it. This book was so rich and had a ton of substance the way it got into Chuck’s and Jesse’s head’s; I felt every bit of the hurt that Chuck was carrying for being cast aside by his parents after coming out, and the patience and waiting he did for Jesse. Jesse… oh my… where do I start? This guy had my emotions up, down and back to front. There are so many facets to his personality, and that’s probably the crux of the matter: he’s never had the guts or the opportunity to truly be himself. But when he meets Chuck and what begins a secret relationship where it shocks the hell out of both of them and both recognise they’re pretty goddamn perfect for each other. But Chuck’s not one for keeping secrets and Jesse just can’t let the world know he’s bisexual—he just can’t—especially not his close knit band of brothers, the Kensington boys. It all comes to a head and the guys part and then other factors come into play with Jesse and we delve even deeper into his psyche and find out there’s way more going on with him. This was definitely no easy boy-meets-boy, boy won’t come out of the closet so they part and eventually find their way back together tale, it was SO much deeper and intense than that, and this is why I adored it, it was so multi-layered and involved and real. This book was a wonderful surprise because I didn’t expect the depth of the story, it really reached another level for me and I’ll definitely be looking out for more from the author.
Review Copy requested and reviewed on behalf of OMG Reads.
Review Copy requested and reviewed on behalf of OMG Reads.
May 23, 2019
This book wasn’t quiet what I expected. Jesse and Chuck were wonderful characters that I really didn’t care for in the beginning. Chuck seemed to loose and Jesse was too tight. As I kept reading I realized they needed to be the way they were to get to the way they needed to be.
The secondary characters were just as well done as the main ones. Brimming with personality.
This actually seemed like two books to me, the before and the after. The before was hot and almost sweet. The after was kind of heartbreaking but well worth the angst (it had its hot and sweet moments too). Overall it was a satisfying book.
Review Copy requested and reviewed on behalf of OMGReads.
The secondary characters were just as well done as the main ones. Brimming with personality.
This actually seemed like two books to me, the before and the after. The before was hot and almost sweet. The after was kind of heartbreaking but well worth the angst (it had its hot and sweet moments too). Overall it was a satisfying book.
Review Copy requested and reviewed on behalf of OMGReads.
dnf
June 8, 2019DNF @ 10%
Just not what I’m in the mood for at the moment, may try again later. I know it eventually gets past all the bro vibes and too much sex, but I don’t have the patience to soldier through it right now.
Just not what I’m in the mood for at the moment, may try again later. I know it eventually gets past all the bro vibes and too much sex, but I don’t have the patience to soldier through it right now.
Read
April 30, 2019DNF- No Rating
I'm not sure what it is about this one. On paper, it is right up my alley. I just can't seem to connect to the MC's. I almost feel like I'm being told instead of shown, so I'm not feeling any emotion. Looking at the reviews thus far, it's me and not the book. This was my first S.A. McAuley, so maybe her writing style just isn't for me.
*Received in exchange for an honest review
I'm not sure what it is about this one. On paper, it is right up my alley. I just can't seem to connect to the MC's. I almost feel like I'm being told instead of shown, so I'm not feeling any emotion. Looking at the reviews thus far, it's me and not the book. This was my first S.A. McAuley, so maybe her writing style just isn't for me.
*Received in exchange for an honest review
May 21, 2019
Out of the Shade is a coming out story, but that’s the book in its most basic context. While this is no doubt a significant factor in its plot and characterizations, and the story’s focal point, it’s also about so much more than a man who’s hiding a part of himself away from the only people in the world who matter to him. There are layers and components to Jesse Solomona that Out of the Shade addresses alongside his being uncomfortable with and afraid to admit his bisexuality. Jesse is a giant of a man, can be gentle when he needs to be, is a beast on the athletic field, but he’s also a raging alcoholic and a belligerent drunk who has some deep-seated and unresolved problems beyond the secret that he sleeps with both women and men. He carries around massive amounts of guilt and anger over his sister Emily’s past and current abuses, which eventually comes to a head…and nearly ruins his life in the process. He is tighter than tight with a group of friends who feel like a family, who are his family. And very much like blood family, those friendships have strangled and suffocated his ability to be who he is. These are the people Jesse is utterly terrified of losing, and so he remains solidly in the closet.
That Jesse is catnip to the new guy in town, Chuck Dunn, says quite a bit about the kind of men Chuck is attracted to.
S.A. McAuley lays bare a man, as well as a story, that is a multitude of degrees shy of a light and fluffy romance. The weight of the stress Jesse carries, and the absolute terror of being thought of as anything but straight, casts a dark shadow over a relationship that could have been so, so good for him, but that had trouble written all over it from the very start. Jesse and Chuck have some fantastic chemistry, and their friendship is as easy-going as their intimacy is complicated. They go through some incredible highs together that make the lows that much more painful to witness, and they crash and burn in a spectacular fashion. The one thing that is clear as crystal, however, is that the crash needed to happen, and I applaud McAuley for not skirting the harder truths or taking the easy way out of her commitment to telling an honest story just to tick off a few boxes in the romance category. The preeminent factor in this relationship, in the end, is in the recovery that had to happen before Jesse and Chuck could begin building something together. Chuck himself is not without his own backstory full of emotional baggage, either, and his attraction to Jesse was both history repeating itself and a model of how to self-sabotage one’s own happiness. They needed to fail for their own self-care and preservation, and before a future together could be anything more than a want.
There is an integral piece to Jesse’s recovery, what brought Chuck to Kensington in the first place, which is uplifting and adds even more emotional heft to the story. It is a catalyst for Jesse’s courage and honesty, to finally prove to Chuck that he was ready to be present in his life and in their relationship, and for the Warriors kids, a community boxing club for at-risk youth, to embrace a hurting friend. There was a lot of empathy and emotion to delve into there, and its symmetry worked to bring everything together beautifully. This was not a filler side-story to escalate or feed the drama; this was an integral thread to enhance the sense of unity and community and to elevate the sense of found family and the importance of those connections and support systems.
Out of the Shade may be a coming out story, but it’s also a celebration of recovery and life and family and friendships and love. I braced myself through the bad times and celebrated the book through the good, and on to Jesse and Chuck’s HEA. This is a great novel to dig into if you’re a reader who gets into deeply flawed characters with issues complicated by lies—the lies we tell ourselves, the lies we tell each other, and the lies we tell by omission.
That Jesse is catnip to the new guy in town, Chuck Dunn, says quite a bit about the kind of men Chuck is attracted to.
S.A. McAuley lays bare a man, as well as a story, that is a multitude of degrees shy of a light and fluffy romance. The weight of the stress Jesse carries, and the absolute terror of being thought of as anything but straight, casts a dark shadow over a relationship that could have been so, so good for him, but that had trouble written all over it from the very start. Jesse and Chuck have some fantastic chemistry, and their friendship is as easy-going as their intimacy is complicated. They go through some incredible highs together that make the lows that much more painful to witness, and they crash and burn in a spectacular fashion. The one thing that is clear as crystal, however, is that the crash needed to happen, and I applaud McAuley for not skirting the harder truths or taking the easy way out of her commitment to telling an honest story just to tick off a few boxes in the romance category. The preeminent factor in this relationship, in the end, is in the recovery that had to happen before Jesse and Chuck could begin building something together. Chuck himself is not without his own backstory full of emotional baggage, either, and his attraction to Jesse was both history repeating itself and a model of how to self-sabotage one’s own happiness. They needed to fail for their own self-care and preservation, and before a future together could be anything more than a want.
There is an integral piece to Jesse’s recovery, what brought Chuck to Kensington in the first place, which is uplifting and adds even more emotional heft to the story. It is a catalyst for Jesse’s courage and honesty, to finally prove to Chuck that he was ready to be present in his life and in their relationship, and for the Warriors kids, a community boxing club for at-risk youth, to embrace a hurting friend. There was a lot of empathy and emotion to delve into there, and its symmetry worked to bring everything together beautifully. This was not a filler side-story to escalate or feed the drama; this was an integral thread to enhance the sense of unity and community and to elevate the sense of found family and the importance of those connections and support systems.
Out of the Shade may be a coming out story, but it’s also a celebration of recovery and life and family and friendships and love. I braced myself through the bad times and celebrated the book through the good, and on to Jesse and Chuck’s HEA. This is a great novel to dig into if you’re a reader who gets into deeply flawed characters with issues complicated by lies—the lies we tell ourselves, the lies we tell each other, and the lies we tell by omission.
May 22, 2019
Closeted guy reluctantly comes out is one of those tropes that's been done so many times, it's easy to fall into redundancy. I was very plesently surprised. Jesse and Chuck are fully fleshed out characters, and the banter is whitty and fun.
“This doesn’t really bother you, does it?”
Jesse slumped against the headboard and crossed his arms behind his head, swallowing. “Whatever, dude. We all have exes.”
“Ah, playing it cool now.”
“Like a penguin drinking a Slurpee in Antarctica.”
“You’re an idiot.” Jesse slid under the covers and laid his head on Chuck’s stomach.
“Yep. Your idiot,” he mumbled.
(Mcauley, 2019)
I'm into sports romances, this one centers on Football. If you enjoy Eden Findley's Fake Boyfriend series, you'll probably enjoy this novel.
Angst. So much angst. The kind you know is going to be fixed if you hold out. The kind that still causes low grade twists and frustration until it's resolved. A little forced proximity to make up for it. And a hard won hea.
The characters were pretty realistic. I'd like to know more about Chuck's tattoos, especially the one he got during the book. I also wanted more of a resolution with his father after his revelations about their relationship. Otherwise, a strong book with flawed, human characters.
Trigger Tags: Non-MC rape and abuse, anger management issues, alcoholism, infidelity w/o sleeping together, breakup, angst, non-mc character suicide attempt, interna.ized bi-phobia, secondary homophobic character.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and LesCourt. I am voluntarily leaving a review.
“This doesn’t really bother you, does it?”
Jesse slumped against the headboard and crossed his arms behind his head, swallowing. “Whatever, dude. We all have exes.”
“Ah, playing it cool now.”
“Like a penguin drinking a Slurpee in Antarctica.”
“You’re an idiot.” Jesse slid under the covers and laid his head on Chuck’s stomach.
“Yep. Your idiot,” he mumbled.
(Mcauley, 2019)
I'm into sports romances, this one centers on Football. If you enjoy Eden Findley's Fake Boyfriend series, you'll probably enjoy this novel.
Angst. So much angst. The kind you know is going to be fixed if you hold out. The kind that still causes low grade twists and frustration until it's resolved. A little forced proximity to make up for it. And a hard won hea.
The characters were pretty realistic. I'd like to know more about Chuck's tattoos, especially the one he got during the book. I also wanted more of a resolution with his father after his revelations about their relationship. Otherwise, a strong book with flawed, human characters.
Trigger Tags: Non-MC rape and abuse, anger management issues, alcoholism, infidelity w/o sleeping together, breakup, angst, non-mc character suicide attempt, interna.ized bi-phobia, secondary homophobic character.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and LesCourt. I am voluntarily leaving a review.
May 21, 2019
4.5 Stars. I have HUGE love for this book.
I’ve rarely read, or fallen so hard for, an MC who is so lost. And Jesse is so, so lost. But, perhaps the most beautiful thing about the story is Jesse’s journey. He has to do a lot of soul-searching and self-discovery before he can have anything real with Chuck—but, the thing Jesse also comes to understand is that he has to do it for himself. I LOVED Jesse’s character arc. McAuley puts the characters through their paces in this story, but her execution of both the character building and the romance arc was masterful. I was all in for the entire book.
There is much to love in Out of the Shade. I haven’t even touched on the fantastic storyline with the kids at the boxing club, or how much I love Kam and some of the other supporting characters, or how insanely sexy Chuck and Jesse are. I could go on for several more paragraphs. S.A. McAuley has written an amazing, honest, touching book that you should all go and check out for yourselves!
See my full review here! http://www.thenovelapproachreviews.co...
I’ve rarely read, or fallen so hard for, an MC who is so lost. And Jesse is so, so lost. But, perhaps the most beautiful thing about the story is Jesse’s journey. He has to do a lot of soul-searching and self-discovery before he can have anything real with Chuck—but, the thing Jesse also comes to understand is that he has to do it for himself. I LOVED Jesse’s character arc. McAuley puts the characters through their paces in this story, but her execution of both the character building and the romance arc was masterful. I was all in for the entire book.
There is much to love in Out of the Shade. I haven’t even touched on the fantastic storyline with the kids at the boxing club, or how much I love Kam and some of the other supporting characters, or how insanely sexy Chuck and Jesse are. I could go on for several more paragraphs. S.A. McAuley has written an amazing, honest, touching book that you should all go and check out for yourselves!
See my full review here! http://www.thenovelapproachreviews.co...
May 11, 2019
Out of the Shade by S.A. McAuley is a fantastic read. It had me feeling emotions, sometimes wanting to smack Jesse and sometimes wanting to just hug them. I truly loved the story.... and found it hard to put the book down to do stuff like eat dinner. I mean I was just caught up in it. Jesse and Chuck are great characters, even if I hated Jesse for a minute for certain actions he did that caused Chuck hurt. I still rooted for them. I loved how they grew and evolved in the story. Overall a very satisfying read.
I received an advanced reader's copy of the book and I am voluntarily leaving my honest review and recommendation.
I received an advanced reader's copy of the book and I am voluntarily leaving my honest review and recommendation.
May 24, 2019
Finally, after several weeks. I tried to read more than twenty books that I gave up after ten pages. To the point that I returned to classic detective stories like Exbrayat or Agatha Christie. And I came back to see the news and I succumbed to my old demons again, bought this book saying that if it was as disappointing as the previous ones, I will return to my science fiction, fantasy and other Harry Potter stories until the end of the year. But now, I could not stop me, I immediately adopted the characters and I finished the story in a few hours. I am tired but happy. So your turn to try your luck.
May 23, 2019
A Joyfully Jay review.
3.5 stars
At the core, this book is a coming out story. Jesse grew up in the Midwest and his group of friends is tight. They are there for each other, but Jesse doesn’t feel like he can show all of himself to even his closest friends. The guys in the group all have a strong masculine vibe and they live in their own bubble of sorts as their wives buffer a lot of issues for them and make their lives easier.
Jesse doesn’t even know how to describe himself as he likes women and he likes men and his greatest wish most of the time is to be “normal.” He hasn’t had a real relationship with a man and he has no idea how to do that without losing his friends and family. When he meets Chuck, Jesse wants the man immediately and then realizes he wants more from Chuck than just time in the bedroom (or on the couch or the shower). Jesse has a lot of rage and his storyline involves a drinking issue and violent outbursts. He has a lot to deal with protecting his sister and living in the closet has done more damage to him than he even realizes. Chuck also has demons to deal with although his are wrapped in different packaging.
Read Michelle's review in its entirety here.
3.5 stars
At the core, this book is a coming out story. Jesse grew up in the Midwest and his group of friends is tight. They are there for each other, but Jesse doesn’t feel like he can show all of himself to even his closest friends. The guys in the group all have a strong masculine vibe and they live in their own bubble of sorts as their wives buffer a lot of issues for them and make their lives easier.
Jesse doesn’t even know how to describe himself as he likes women and he likes men and his greatest wish most of the time is to be “normal.” He hasn’t had a real relationship with a man and he has no idea how to do that without losing his friends and family. When he meets Chuck, Jesse wants the man immediately and then realizes he wants more from Chuck than just time in the bedroom (or on the couch or the shower). Jesse has a lot of rage and his storyline involves a drinking issue and violent outbursts. He has a lot to deal with protecting his sister and living in the closet has done more damage to him than he even realizes. Chuck also has demons to deal with although his are wrapped in different packaging.
Read Michelle's review in its entirety here.
April 8, 2022
4.5 stars
Out of the Shade by S.A. McAuley blew me away!
I have to get my head around the outstanding story I just read.
This line is the blurb just about sums up the book... The hardest battle is the fight to be yourself....
This is so much more than a love story, so much more than a man coming to terms with his sexuality. Jesse's journey was powerful and his attraction and love for Chuck clear to the reader but you need to love YOU before you can love another.
Though Jesse and Chuck do fall in love and wow is it beautiful to experience; I think the most poignant part of this enveloping story is Jesse's battle to find himself. This battle is about so much more than his sexuality and though I want to gush more I do not want to ruin the story because WOW was it ever amazing to sit and read it unfold!
Out of the Shade by S.A. McAuley blew me away!
I have to get my head around the outstanding story I just read.
This line is the blurb just about sums up the book... The hardest battle is the fight to be yourself....
This is so much more than a love story, so much more than a man coming to terms with his sexuality. Jesse's journey was powerful and his attraction and love for Chuck clear to the reader but you need to love YOU before you can love another.
Though Jesse and Chuck do fall in love and wow is it beautiful to experience; I think the most poignant part of this enveloping story is Jesse's battle to find himself. This battle is about so much more than his sexuality and though I want to gush more I do not want to ruin the story because WOW was it ever amazing to sit and read it unfold!
May 23, 2019
I received a free copy of this title to read and review for Wicked Reads
4 Stars
S.A. McAuley is a new-to-me author.
I need to preface this spoiler-free review by stating there are three triggering plot devices within Out of Shade. The highs and lows of alcohol addiction, as well as the aftermath of recovery. The second is domestic abuse, dealing with Jesse's sister, which is also another real life trigger for me. As for the third plot point, I won't mention that, as it would spoil the reading experience. However, if you are concerned, I'm positive other more comprehensive reviews will state it. Basically, this book had the trifecta of craptastic bad events that happened to me all rolled into one.
To be honest, I struggled with the writing style, flow of information, and voice of both the author and the characters at the start of the novel. I was in editor-mode, where my eye picks up things I wish it wouldn't, making reading enjoyment most difficult. This is on me. I will say, the vibe changed from the beginning portion, where it felt as if there wasn't much romantic tension nor connection, because it became physical too quickly. However, this did shift to add a plethora of emotional depth as the novel progressed. So those who are struggling for the first quarter, the novel does become more... just more. If you read as I do, this portion of the review is simply to state that I'm glade I continued to read, even after struggling.
There was also a vibe that this was a continuation from another series- I have no idea if it is or isn't. Many relationships are hit upon, a quick rundown of what occurred, making me feel as if I missing their books. But that may have just been me, seeing as this had a very large cast of characters.
Jesse is conflicted on his sexuality. Conflicted as to whether or not his chosen family of friends and loved ones would accept him as he is. The in-the-closet plot device, added with the very real fear of coming out, were the cause of the majority of the angst, conflict, and strife, added in with the alcoholism which was strengthen by said fear and shame.
Jesse was hard to read, as he was highly emotionally immature for his chronological age. Stunted to behave as if he were a late teenager. Jesse's behavior was difficult to swallow, some of his actions were quite triggering for me to read, where I had to step back and take a break. I will say, I appreciated the authenticity of his character development.
Chuck was definitely the more mature of the two, but he was also cynical and closed off, not only to Jesse, but to the reader. While I enjoyed what was on the surface, since Chuck didn't reveal much of himself, this meant I too didn't know much about him. It was easier to connect to Jesse, as the reader, than it was to Chuck, even with the atrocious behavior.
After the initial portion, the novel proceeded to be more slow-burn, weaving a more realistic relationship, as Jesse evolved in all aspects of his life.
After struggling at the start, I am glad I soldiered forth, because I truly did enjoy the novel, was rooting for Jesse and Chuck, while curious about many of the side characters. My emotions ran the gamut.
I do recommend Out of the Shade to MM romance fans, and I look forward to reading more by this author in the future.
4 Stars
S.A. McAuley is a new-to-me author.
I need to preface this spoiler-free review by stating there are three triggering plot devices within Out of Shade. The highs and lows of alcohol addiction, as well as the aftermath of recovery. The second is domestic abuse, dealing with Jesse's sister, which is also another real life trigger for me. As for the third plot point, I won't mention that, as it would spoil the reading experience. However, if you are concerned, I'm positive other more comprehensive reviews will state it. Basically, this book had the trifecta of craptastic bad events that happened to me all rolled into one.
To be honest, I struggled with the writing style, flow of information, and voice of both the author and the characters at the start of the novel. I was in editor-mode, where my eye picks up things I wish it wouldn't, making reading enjoyment most difficult. This is on me. I will say, the vibe changed from the beginning portion, where it felt as if there wasn't much romantic tension nor connection, because it became physical too quickly. However, this did shift to add a plethora of emotional depth as the novel progressed. So those who are struggling for the first quarter, the novel does become more... just more. If you read as I do, this portion of the review is simply to state that I'm glade I continued to read, even after struggling.
There was also a vibe that this was a continuation from another series- I have no idea if it is or isn't. Many relationships are hit upon, a quick rundown of what occurred, making me feel as if I missing their books. But that may have just been me, seeing as this had a very large cast of characters.
Jesse is conflicted on his sexuality. Conflicted as to whether or not his chosen family of friends and loved ones would accept him as he is. The in-the-closet plot device, added with the very real fear of coming out, were the cause of the majority of the angst, conflict, and strife, added in with the alcoholism which was strengthen by said fear and shame.
Jesse was hard to read, as he was highly emotionally immature for his chronological age. Stunted to behave as if he were a late teenager. Jesse's behavior was difficult to swallow, some of his actions were quite triggering for me to read, where I had to step back and take a break. I will say, I appreciated the authenticity of his character development.
Chuck was definitely the more mature of the two, but he was also cynical and closed off, not only to Jesse, but to the reader. While I enjoyed what was on the surface, since Chuck didn't reveal much of himself, this meant I too didn't know much about him. It was easier to connect to Jesse, as the reader, than it was to Chuck, even with the atrocious behavior.
After the initial portion, the novel proceeded to be more slow-burn, weaving a more realistic relationship, as Jesse evolved in all aspects of his life.
After struggling at the start, I am glad I soldiered forth, because I truly did enjoy the novel, was rooting for Jesse and Chuck, while curious about many of the side characters. My emotions ran the gamut.
I do recommend Out of the Shade to MM romance fans, and I look forward to reading more by this author in the future.
May 19, 2019
3,25*
Ayant adoré un des écrits de S.A. McAuley, j'étais très curieuse de lire son nouveau roman. "Out of Shade" a vraiment une atmosphère particulière qui peut décontenancer mais la relation entre Chuck et Jesse est très bien menée, leur cheminement sera chaotique mais très crédible. si je n'étais pas vraiment convaincue par la première partie, je me suis finalement prise d'intérêt pour le devenir de ce couple.
Il faut en effet s'accrocher au départ ! On découvre en effet un groupe d'amis qui approche de la quarantaine, les Kensington boys, ces hommes sont très soudés mais aussi assez immatures pour leur âge et j'ai souvent plaint leur tendre moitié. Ils se retrouvent régulièrement pour pratiquer du sport et cela se termine souvent de la même manière : par une virée bien arrosée dans le bar du coin...Malgré le fait que ces hommes se comportent plus comme des étudiants, leur amitié reste bien mise en valeur et on sent la force des liens qui unit le groupe.
Ce roman aborde des sujets difficiles mais n'est pas pour autant sombre, je le qualifierais plutôt de "brut". L'auteure n'enjolive pas son histoire et d'ailleurs le personnage de Jesse n'est pas facile à aimer, j'ai mis un certain temps à m'attacher à lui... Son comportement n'est en effet pas celui du prince charmant et j'avoue que j'avais parfois envie de le secouer méchamment. Quant à Chuck, je l'ai aimé dès le départ et j'ai admiré sa patience, il en faut d'ailleurs une sacrée dose pour se tenir au côté de Jesse.
Leur histoire est loin d'être simple, l'attirance est immédiate et les deux hommes ne perdent pas de temps à se rapprocher, mais les secrets et démons de Jesse viendront tout compliquer et autant dire que mon coeur s'est serré pour Chuck qui saura malgré tout prendre les bonnes décisions même si elles font mal.
Un roman que je ne regrette pas d'avoir lu et qui tranche avec mes lectures habituelles, mais qui ne plaira pas à tous les lecteurs...
Ayant adoré un des écrits de S.A. McAuley, j'étais très curieuse de lire son nouveau roman. "Out of Shade" a vraiment une atmosphère particulière qui peut décontenancer mais la relation entre Chuck et Jesse est très bien menée, leur cheminement sera chaotique mais très crédible. si je n'étais pas vraiment convaincue par la première partie, je me suis finalement prise d'intérêt pour le devenir de ce couple.
Il faut en effet s'accrocher au départ ! On découvre en effet un groupe d'amis qui approche de la quarantaine, les Kensington boys, ces hommes sont très soudés mais aussi assez immatures pour leur âge et j'ai souvent plaint leur tendre moitié. Ils se retrouvent régulièrement pour pratiquer du sport et cela se termine souvent de la même manière : par une virée bien arrosée dans le bar du coin...Malgré le fait que ces hommes se comportent plus comme des étudiants, leur amitié reste bien mise en valeur et on sent la force des liens qui unit le groupe.
Ce roman aborde des sujets difficiles mais n'est pas pour autant sombre, je le qualifierais plutôt de "brut". L'auteure n'enjolive pas son histoire et d'ailleurs le personnage de Jesse n'est pas facile à aimer, j'ai mis un certain temps à m'attacher à lui... Son comportement n'est en effet pas celui du prince charmant et j'avoue que j'avais parfois envie de le secouer méchamment. Quant à Chuck, je l'ai aimé dès le départ et j'ai admiré sa patience, il en faut d'ailleurs une sacrée dose pour se tenir au côté de Jesse.
Leur histoire est loin d'être simple, l'attirance est immédiate et les deux hommes ne perdent pas de temps à se rapprocher, mais les secrets et démons de Jesse viendront tout compliquer et autant dire que mon coeur s'est serré pour Chuck qui saura malgré tout prendre les bonnes décisions même si elles font mal.
Un roman que je ne regrette pas d'avoir lu et qui tranche avec mes lectures habituelles, mais qui ne plaira pas à tous les lecteurs...
Read
August 15, 2019Okay, I definitely struggled to finish this one for too many reasons but the writing wasn't one of them.
I picked the book in the first place for two main reasons - I really liked Borders Wars from the same author and the blurb of this book was great.
Soon after I started reading the story I hated the Kensington boys and especially hated their dialogue. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people talk like that, I have a lot of friends who speak like monkeys but I hate reading it in a book. Maybe that's the reason I had a hard time making a connection to any of the characters in the book. The constant drunkness made things even worse.
Chuck's character I liked very much but Jesse's... I just didn't understand him at all. I usually like 'in the closet' trope but in this, book Jesse's behavior irritated me.
Another thing that I disliked was the insta lust with no connection between the characters. I just need something, anything before the main characters jump in bed.
In the second half of the book, everything got better and I was able to finish the book even though the start was hard to read.
Overall, this book just wasn't for me because of the plot and the characters not because of the author's writing.
I picked the book in the first place for two main reasons - I really liked Borders Wars from the same author and the blurb of this book was great.
Soon after I started reading the story I hated the Kensington boys and especially hated their dialogue. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people talk like that, I have a lot of friends who speak like monkeys but I hate reading it in a book. Maybe that's the reason I had a hard time making a connection to any of the characters in the book. The constant drunkness made things even worse.
Chuck's character I liked very much but Jesse's... I just didn't understand him at all. I usually like 'in the closet' trope but in this, book Jesse's behavior irritated me.
Another thing that I disliked was the insta lust with no connection between the characters. I just need something, anything before the main characters jump in bed.
In the second half of the book, everything got better and I was able to finish the book even though the start was hard to read.
Overall, this book just wasn't for me because of the plot and the characters not because of the author's writing.
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