Except When They Don't

by Laura Gehl, Joshua Heinsz (Illustrator)

This rhyming picture book encourages children to celebrate their individuality and lets them know that it's okay to play with whatever toys they want to!

Girls perform to fairy songs.
Boys play football all day long.

Boys yell, "Boo!" and run away.
Girls like kittens and ballet.

Except when they don't.

Children are often told by many different people about what toys they're supposed to play with, what interests they should have, and who they should be simply because of their gender. This stereotype-breaking book invites children to examine what they're told "boy" and "girl" activities are and encourages them to play with whatever they want to and to be exactly who they are! This book is published in partnership with GLAAD to accelerate LGBTQ inclusivity and acceptance.

Genres: Picture Books, LGBT, Childrens, Gender, Storytime, Gender Identity, Kids

32 pages, Hardcover

First published May 21, 2019

Reviews

[RJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Woof, as well-intentioned as this book is - and as great as the illustrations are! - I think if you spend half of the books saying "boys do this and girls do this", you MUST, MUST make the same kind of unequivocal statements to counteract them. Say: "SOME BOYS WEAR DRESSES". "SOME GIRLS ARE PIRATES." Say it VERY explicitly! "Except when they don't" seems like kind of an advanced concept for the kids in this reading range. Putting your message solely in the illustrations and kind of wishy-washy "like what you like! be who you are!" language means a lot of kids are going to miss it, and worse, take away the opposite of what you intended to communicate.

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

Author Laura Gehl, creator of the Peep and Egg picture-books, teams up with illustrator Joshua Heinsz in this rhyming picture-book meant to encourage children to play in any way that they like, regardless of traditional ideas of gender. The text presents some obvious "boy" and "girl" activities, seemingly upholding the pink/blue divide, only to subvert it each time with the titular refrain. In the end, the narrator encourages all children to just be themselves...

One of a number of recent picture-books intended to break down rigid gender demarcations, when it comes to childhood play and identity - see also: Pink Is for Boys , Big Bob, Little Bob , Jamie Is Jamie: A Book About Being Yourself and Playing Your Way , and so on - Except When They Don't pairs Gehl's fun rhyming text with Heinsz's bright, rainbow-hued artwork. I appreciated the fact that Gehl didn't attempt to deny either boys or girls the activities more traditionally assigned to their genders, but rather, emphasized that all pursuits are (and should be) suitable for all children. This one reminded me of the recent Harrison Dwight, Ballerina and Knight (and its companion, Eleanor Wyatt, Princess and Pirate ), which had similar goals, and which were also told in rhyme. That said, this one felt a little less pointed, despite its obvious didactic purpose, and the artwork was more appealing. Recommended to anyone looking for new picture-books to combat gender stereotypes, when it comes to childhood play.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very cute and easy to read/understand. I think this is a very useful book for addressing gender stereotypes. I'll say that I think it reduces gender a bit in pursuit of making its message more clear. The dedication addresses genderqueer/nonbinary kids, but the book itself doesn't really. Still, this book is an excellent start.

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very sweet book pointing out the stereotypes about boys and girls and they often don’t fit. And that’s it’s ok. Lots of differences in the world.

[Deltora · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what I wanted after I was disappointed by books like “Jack (not Jackie)” by Erica Silverman.

In Silverman’s book, Jack (formerly Jackie) is a young child transitioning to life as a boy, but what made Jack and their family realize they’re a boy? Well they didn’t enjoy tea parties with their sister, and they wanted to be a super hero, not a princess, oh and they liked playing in the mud, and having short hair..
Must be a boy then!

I feel like the word problematic is overplayed but that book was problematic and this book solved all my problems.

I’ve seen some criticize this one for not being clear enough in its message, claiming it pussyfoots around and never explicitly says in words what it’s getting at, only in the illustration. I wanted to address that, I think it’s MORE important that it shows it with pictures, this book is for young children, at this age images speak so much louder than words, and in this book all the images show children being themselves, their honest true selves.

And I hope their are kids who see themselves in this book, and know they are loved for just being themselves.

[Pam · Rating 2 out of 5]

The concept is good and much needed. However, Gehl spends so much of the book modeling the stereotypes and far less emphasizing her point that children are free to be who they are. This is one to read together and talk about being themselves.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Encouraging kids to be themselves, this powerful rhyming book breaks down gender stereotypes and builds kids up. Here's to celebrating unique individuals. Bravo!

[Elizabeth]

Meh.

This book is well-intentioned -- noting that boys do X and girls do Y ... except when they don't.

But it spends so much time at the beginning with "boys do X and girls do Y" that I felt like it was reinscribing that, even though I knew the book was eventually going to undercut that. And as other reviewers have noted, it doesn't say anything about kids who aren't boys or girls, or even acknowledge that that's a possibility. The book closes with "Everywhere from near to far ... be exactly who you are!" But it never provides any language for the reader other than boy and girl -- simply asserting that kids of either of those genders can do whatever activities they want.

There are also few if any kids presenting in really non-binary/gender-bending ways. There's one mention of "You might like to paint your nails," as part of a two-page spread of (disembodied) hands doing various things, and it does include nail polished hands holding a grasshopper and some dandelions -- but none of the kids appear to actually be wearing nail polish elsewhere. A football-playing boy has pink pom poms at one point, but no boys ever wear dresses/skirts; and while there are girls in pants/shorts, most of them have long hair (one has a sort of a pageboy), and there are very few "androgynous"/ambiguously gendered characters. (Also, one of the girls has a female symbol on her sweater, which made me kinda wince.)

Overall, the illustrations are nice, for what they're trying to do -- especially the ones of kids doing "cross-gender" activities, and I love the kids with dyed hair. And the kids are reasonably racially diverse (though I'm not sure there's anyone I would code as East Asian), though there's no visible disability rep (other than an adult wearing eyeglasses in the closing illustrations) or any fat kids or any religious signaling (no one's wearing a cross, but no one's wearing a Star of David or anything either, so kids who are Othered under Christian hegemony don't get to see themselves explicitly reflected in that way here).

[Sirah · Rating 5 out of 5]

We all know what girls are like and what boys are like. Obviously. Except when girl things and boy things turn out to be constructs.

This poetic book plays with the idea of clothing and toys as they relate to gender and ends with reminding us that fabric and plastic and paint aren't gendered, so everyone should just enjoy whatever brings them joy. It's a short and sweet book with vivid illustrations and a keen sense of irony.

[Ruby · Rating 2 out of 5]

We've read books that do this idea better. We spent a lot of time talking through the text since the author doesn't explain that girls can do this and boys can wear that. Even the art itself was not strong enough to get the point across. Skip it.

[Gabrielle Stoller · Rating 2 out of 5]

Girls can like football and blue (I mean I do....so.....)
Boys can enjoy playing with dolls (My brother did with me)

While I didn't love this book, I liked that it reminds kids to be themselves and they can like various things

[Aneesa · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not work.

[Angelique W · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a fun book to read. Writer Gehl rhymes away all the stereotypical things that boys and girls are expected to do like girls playing with dolls and boys with cars but ends each stereotype with the phrase "except when they don't." She attempts to dispel the old adage that girls are "sugar and spice and everything nice" and boys are "snips, shells, and puppy dog tails" reinforcing the fact that it's okay to be different and not the expected societal norms. The illustrations are colorful and bright and show a culturally diverse group of boys and girls doing the opposite of what society is used to like a boy playing tea party with his dolls and doing ballet and a girl playing knights and swords or in a football uniform.

What I really loved about this book is that even though it is classified as a LGBTQ+ picture book, this is not blatant in its content. What the book does not show is that even though a boy is doing ballet or playing with dolls, that he is not necessarily queer. The book does a great just of just explaining that stereotypes of boys and girls are just that and should not be used to judge based on past societal norms.

This is a great book for K-2 children with bright and colorful illustrations of diverse races of children doing the opposite of gender stereotypical activities that will hopefully help young readers learn that it's okay not to do what is expected in terms of their interests and activities.

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Can we stop making books about gender that only looks at it from a binary perspective? Thank you

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A straight-forward book that takes on gender stereotypes directly. There’s not really a story, but definitely a useful book to help with conversations about gender stereotypes.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A nicely presented lesson-y book encouraging individuality. The first part of the book lists stereotypes and adds "except when they don't," to counter them. Second part switches to "you might like x and y" and that everyone gets to choose. Rhyming style and great lesson would make it a good group readaloud.

[Rick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Splendid. Wonderful. Wish I’d had something like this book when I was a kid.

My only gripe is that it still spends a lot of time stating the obvious gender stereotypes before it starts refuting them.

Stil, certainly a step in the right direction.

[fruitcake · Rating 4 out of 5]

Write a silly book about a dog and everyone will love it. Actually try to share a message and everyone will criticize you for it. This book doesn’t deserve the hate. The message it shares was clear enough for my five-year-old to get it, and that’s what’s important. He also really liked it.

[Jenn Marshall · Rating 5 out of 5]

A cute book discussing gender norms and how it is ok to just be yourself.

[Dedra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super cute book about not having to conform to the traditional expectations of what girls and boys should wear and do. This book encourages readers to be whoever they are!

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this way more than I thought I would!

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

All kids play with all toys.

[Elisabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this celebration of the natural fluidity of childhood play.

[Silvia Creed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me and my 10 year old liked this book, we had a great time talking about it after. This is a solid Children’s Picture Book and deserves 5 stars.

[Jess El-Zeftawy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love, love, love this book about gender norms. The rhyming narrative and fun illustrations made this a fun read on top of a really great message that being authentic is perfect.

[Aubrey Tate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Except When They Don't is a great book option to incorporate into collections needing a boost in material which promotes LQBTQ inclusivity and acceptance. The premise of the book and its phenomenal illustrations is to create an understanding that the once expected and accepted societal gender norms are no longer what needs to be taught. Instead, we should teach children to just be themselves, however that may be.

The illustrations are where the book really gets the purpose across, so when reading with children be sure to take the time to pause and analyze the pictures. In many illustrations, children who are biologically boys or girls are shown engaging in traditionally gender-specific activities. But as the illustration progresses, we can see the incorporation of different traditionally gender-specific activities. For example, in one illustration, there is a young boy who is dressed as a superhero, but he is simultaneously partaking in a tea party.

Overall, this book succeeds in identifying common children's gender stereotypes and pointing out that it's okay to like or dislike those activities regardless of one's gender. There is a great opportunity in the beginning of the book to have discussions with children, such as when the book states "boys do this" and "girls do that". It would be interesting to see how many boys only subscribe to the boy activities, and vice versa for girls.

As a girl who grew up loving both Barbies and football, I cannot recommend Except When They Don't enough.

[BookTrib.com]

Children often look up to parents as teachers and guides. They follow their parents’ rules and encouragements (for the most part) and rely on them for support. When we’re children, our parents are the ones to sign us up for sports and lay our clothes out on the bed. But, what if we don’t want to kick a dirty soccer ball or wear that pink frilly dress?

The children’s book Except When They Don’t (little bee books), written by Laura Gehl and Joshua Heinsz, explains that it’s okay for a boy or girl not to like things typically associated with their gender. Gehl and Heinsz created a unique book to help ease children away from the traditional thoughts and stereotypes that society expects of them.

In a fun-loving way, the author and illustrator present activities that boys and girls like to do in their free time through a third-person point of view. For instance, girls fancy baking cakes while boys prefer playing with toy trucks. These choices are well and good, but Gehl and Heinsz also emphasize that the opposite can be true. Boys shouldn’t be discouraged if they enjoy baking cakes more than playing with trucks. Girls can put down their whisks and pick up dump trucks if they feel so inclined.

The rest of the review: https://booktrib.com/2019/06/children...

[McKenzie Richardson · Rating 4 out of 5]

For more bookish opinions, visit my blog: Craft-Cycle

An engaging and fun way to talk about gender stereotypes. Told through rhythm and rhyme, a group of children show how fun it is to play how you want instead of worrying about how girls and boys are expected to play.

I loved seeing the creativity of the children at play. I really enjoyed that the book didn't just show girls doing traditionally masculine things and boys doing traditionally feminine things. It's a great representation of blending stereotypical activities to move beyond stereotypes (superhero at a tea party, jousting princess, football player with pompoms). A nice way of encouraging children to play what they like regardless of stereotypes and gender expectations.

The illustrations are bright and dynamic. They really pull the reader into the play.

The book seemingly works within the gender binary, focusing on boys and girls and does not specifically address gender identity. Through the text and illustrations, it encourages children to break down the barriers of gender stereotypes and gravitate toward what interests them.

A wonderful book that works well for reading aloud and has fantastic messages about doing what makes you happy.

[Madison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Girls play tea party and dress up in pink and jewels, while boys play with trucks and fight with their friends. This story describes the different stereotypes associated with boys and girls and states them as facts. However, this ends with the phrase, “Except when they don’t”. Gehl describes that while some girls and boys may fit the stereotypes, it is okay if they do not and would rather play football instead of be a ballerina or dance instead of scaring others. The story ends with Gehl claiming that boys and girls can do both different and the same things and to just “be exactly who you are!”

This book was filled with bright colors and activities that children were able to relate to. This story would be beneficial to multiple age groups, but especially those entering preschool and elementary school to teach children that not everyone needs to fit into specific boxes based on their gender. This book helps children learn that it is okay to be who you are, even if that is not the “norm”. I recommend this book for the first years of school when children may be exposed to others who are not just like them or do not follow the general expectations of how to act/dress based on gender.

[Lizbeth Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book definitely drew me in due to the illustrations and the actual content aligns too. The book is a lot of "boys do X and girls do Y" that is very great. I like it because this book is for children meaning that these activities in the book are things that are labeled right off the bat. Such as when the text mentions boys wearing dresses etc. The gender norms are broken down and the illustrations show that as the kids all play and accept each other. The activities are shown through the traditional blue and pink norm that we connotate with gender but the colors are more vibrant as the book goes. The book wants all kids to be and encouraged to be who they really are which I loved and think more books should share that. The book is suitable for children who do not need so many things all at once. There is a lack of actual plot however but makes a good start for a conversation with both children and adults. Overall a useful book that gives a message to children and is important to have. The message being that it is okay to be yourself if you are not like the other kids.