A Donor Insemination Guide: Written by and for Lesbian Women

by Marie Mohler, Lacy Frazer

Book by Mohler, Marie, Frazer, Lacy

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer

130 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Cadie Holmes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really great overview of the donor insemination process. It was more in depth than talking to my doctor would have been, without getting too difficult or overwhelming to follow.

[miranda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an awesome and much needed guide to navigating the system of insemination for lesbian couples, primarily unknown donor insemination through a clinic. However, it has some significant problems; the scope may be limited for some couples who are maybe considering different routes to insemination, even though different options are mentioned and important aspects to ponder are mentioned, it is often insensitive to non-pregnant moms, and the what a good mommy looks like ending should probably have been left out. I will say that the brief chapter on how to choose who will carry the child rubbed me the wrong way, and I mean very wrong. Much of what is stated is great and certainly things to consider for many couples, but I also found it insensitive and definitive in that it limited the diversity of lesbian couples and experiences of pregnancy. As the pregnant mom, I try to be sensitive to the experience of my non-pregnant partner, and I felt that this particular chapter was perhaps a little insensitive to the non-pregnant mom. Even though that chapter was dedicated to who carries not what is experienced between the couple when one carries and the other does not, the way the decision for who carries is discussed and handled in this book is very minimizing and again, narrow and insensitive. For example, the authors state that most of the time, one partner has a strong desire to be pregnant while the other has none (very assumptive and doesn't consider the fact that many lesbian couples do one at a time and both carry) and then focus on issues of who would be best to carry: who is the healthiest, who has the best family history, who is at a better age, who can get maternity leave, who has benefits, etc. Of course, all very important things to consider, but these considerations are only part of the equation and the other part, the one that is probably most significant to the relationship dynamics and the emotional experience of pregnancy, is left out. Most importantly, the book has some interesting commentaries on child rearing and non-pregnant mom rights at the end. For me, these last 10 pages or so of the book could (and perhaps should) have been left out; I found them to be useful for some people to at least be thinking about or to provide additional direction for after the baby is born, but I also found them to be dealing with heavy enough topics that they should have been in books of their own. Instead, the topics of "how to be a good mom" and "what kind of guardianship should the non-pregnant mom get and how" were incredibly half-assed. In particular, the "how to be a good mom" section was really unnecessary and while sensitively written and clearly based on the authors' own experiences and preferences, the commentary felt more judgmental and instructional than anything. The book was not intended to tell me how to be a good mom and parent my children but instead, how to conceive them as a lesbian. If you focus on that how to conceive them aspects of the book (which is the vast majority of the book), it is an awesome guide to get you started and help you navigate assisted lesbian conception! Ignore the shoulds and should nots of parenthood, and use this book as a GUIDE TO NAVIGATING THE SYSTEM, nothing more.

[jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't even want to put this book on goodreads, but my wife pointed out to me that if I neglect all the fertility books I'm reading, it is going to skew my reading data horribly. She's right, and I love data, so I'll add it. If you want to discuss it, just contact me personally. I don't want to write about it here.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

"recognizing our own desires and ideas in print is life sustaining, acknowledging the reality of who we are, our place in the world, individually and collectively."
-forward by judith p. stelboum