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GIST: The Essence of Raising Life-Ready Kids
Psychologist Michael Anderson and pediatrician Timothy Johanson present a careful and challenging argument that it is time to re-think parenting. Thinking differently can actually change our parenting dynamic.
This powerful book will review and examine what the journey to adulthood entails, along with a clear look at those parenting efforts that have proven not to work over the years. “Many hours and much emotional energy are spent in parenting strategies where nothing positive is produced.”
Gist is a fascinating look at many aspects of life that wouldn’t typically be associated with parenting. But, the result is a new way to think about parenting that is effective, efficient, and enjoyable. The book’s focus on life-readiness offers parents a new lens through which to see their parenting interactions and translates to an approach that eliminates many of the power struggles and ineffective patterns that can rob families of much of their joy.
320 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2013
148 people are currently reading
755 people want to read
About the author
Michael W. Anderson
1 book1 followerMichael W. Anderson is a Licensed Psychologist who has spent 30 years studying the way kids grow up. His inquisitive nature and unusual perspectives have resulted in insights that are refreshing, thought provoking, and unique. Agree or disagree, his writing will make you examine what you believe about parenting and the journey to adulthood.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
May 27, 2023
Update 2023: Just Stop Talking. And stop trying to help so much. This is one of the best parenting books I've ever read.
Update 2019: Reread the entire book, still helpful and it's nice to see I've made some progress but still have a long ways to go in parenting my teens. Highly recommend this book!!
Absolutely one of the best parenting books I’ve read that is applicable to parents of teens and pre-teens. I actually read this twice and took notes (which are below for my reference, disregard if you plan to read this book).
This may not be the book for you, but if like me, you think you might need to be less hands on, help your child develop an accurate view of themselves, encourage your child that average is wonderful, let them achieve maturity through consequences of their own actions, or read chapter 8 which is titled, “Just Shut Up” because your words are getting you nowhere, then you’ll find other practical wisdom here as well.
My GIST notes
Parenting is a "it depends" situation. How to parent a situation will depend on what areas your child is doing well with and in which areas he or she is falling behind.
Any person without a significant understanding of authority, discipine, disappointment, relationship, and achievement has not developed and is not ready for adulthood.
If you love your child the same way for four years, your love is not evolving. Watch your child closely in daily life and you will figure out where and how your love needs to evolve.
Let outcomes be the teachers- bad outcomes from bad choices, good from good, are most efficient.
Six essential life lessons:
Accepting life is difficult
Developing self discipline
Being Resilient (in failure and disappointment)
Acquiring age-appropriate relationship skills
Experiencing personal achievement
Understanding both hope and pain are necessary parts of growing.
Some of the things you are trying to help your child avoid are actually experiences he or she needs to have. Kids need to have a certain number of these not-so-positive experiences in order to mature and gain wisdom and perspective.
Growth is the unintended benefit of the things in our life that disappoint us.
You may overvalue things like bedtime, vegetables, homework, sports, birthdays, music practice, and compliance. In doing this, you may accidentally undervalue lessons in failure, disappointment, forgiveness, resilience, injustice, personal responsibility, and kindness.
When your child is thriving, wear your parenting hat as little as possible. Give him time to remember to do things, and do not use needless words.
Don't take things personally- don't believe your love will change your children. Deal with things in a matter of fact way.
Ask yourself-Is this situation I should do something about is it one that will take care of itself if I'm patient? Let it play out, show a little empathy, don't talk and don't get involved. Sit back and be interested to see what happens.
One on one time is more effective for building memories and connecting. Family time is overrated and not as memorable to kids.
ch8- Just Shut UP
When a parent talks too much it is very difficult to keep what a child did wrong separate from who he is. Shame is the first consequence of a parent talking too much.
Most of what you say is unnecessary, repetitive,and destructive (all they will hear is your critical voice when you are not around, even years later).
Say what you need to say, say it once, and move on.
Unexamined fears drive thousands of behaviors- self protection strategies to avoid the pain of life.
- Withdrawal cost- lonely
-Rage cost- secluded
-Perfectionism cost- exhaustion and not being known to others
Pick two things to work on at a time, ultimately the most efficient way to grow.
Tell the truth- help your child see life as it really is. Ask- How do you see it?
A child with an accurate view of himself can go through rough waters.
If you don’t, your child will eventually realize you are not credible.
Tell the truth about yourself and your own motivations and opinions.
Being normal or average is ok. Not as many kids as we think are truly exceptional. Kids need to believe the core of who they are is good enough.
Your child needs to know and understand that a lot of life is managing probabilities.
Self esteem needed to grow- we must like ourselves separate of others opinions.
Love penetrates a child best when his sibling is not around.
Resilience teaches us failure does not mean defeat.
Consequences change behavior and talking fosters shame.
Honest, straightforward, simple and brief communications regarding their mistakes is the best way to reduce shame in their lives. Don’t contaminate it with other issues that are unrelated. Be hopeful in what you say- it does not change your love for them.
The wonderful experiences of disappointment are invaluable opportunities for growth.
Avoid threats, reminders and warnings while raising kids.
Parenting with no emotional stake in the issue makes it most likely that the child will learn from an event. Stay disconnected from the outcome. Kids need to know the precise and accurate data or information pertaining to the consequences of their decisions.
Minimize asking your child to try. It usually works better to tell him what you expect.
Parents need to help their children choose what is reasonable for them in the context of their lives, their abilities and their motivation.
Be cognizant of passion when you see it in your child. Help develop it in a way that keeps the child in balance. Be aware of signs your child is not passionate and help him move on to something else.
Help define stress by not overreacting and letting it teach resilience and how to deal with adversity.
Update 2019: Reread the entire book, still helpful and it's nice to see I've made some progress but still have a long ways to go in parenting my teens. Highly recommend this book!!
Absolutely one of the best parenting books I’ve read that is applicable to parents of teens and pre-teens. I actually read this twice and took notes (which are below for my reference, disregard if you plan to read this book).
This may not be the book for you, but if like me, you think you might need to be less hands on, help your child develop an accurate view of themselves, encourage your child that average is wonderful, let them achieve maturity through consequences of their own actions, or read chapter 8 which is titled, “Just Shut Up” because your words are getting you nowhere, then you’ll find other practical wisdom here as well.
My GIST notes
Parenting is a "it depends" situation. How to parent a situation will depend on what areas your child is doing well with and in which areas he or she is falling behind.
Any person without a significant understanding of authority, discipine, disappointment, relationship, and achievement has not developed and is not ready for adulthood.
If you love your child the same way for four years, your love is not evolving. Watch your child closely in daily life and you will figure out where and how your love needs to evolve.
Let outcomes be the teachers- bad outcomes from bad choices, good from good, are most efficient.
Six essential life lessons:
Accepting life is difficult
Developing self discipline
Being Resilient (in failure and disappointment)
Acquiring age-appropriate relationship skills
Experiencing personal achievement
Understanding both hope and pain are necessary parts of growing.
Some of the things you are trying to help your child avoid are actually experiences he or she needs to have. Kids need to have a certain number of these not-so-positive experiences in order to mature and gain wisdom and perspective.
Growth is the unintended benefit of the things in our life that disappoint us.
You may overvalue things like bedtime, vegetables, homework, sports, birthdays, music practice, and compliance. In doing this, you may accidentally undervalue lessons in failure, disappointment, forgiveness, resilience, injustice, personal responsibility, and kindness.
When your child is thriving, wear your parenting hat as little as possible. Give him time to remember to do things, and do not use needless words.
Don't take things personally- don't believe your love will change your children. Deal with things in a matter of fact way.
Ask yourself-Is this situation I should do something about is it one that will take care of itself if I'm patient? Let it play out, show a little empathy, don't talk and don't get involved. Sit back and be interested to see what happens.
One on one time is more effective for building memories and connecting. Family time is overrated and not as memorable to kids.
ch8- Just Shut UP
When a parent talks too much it is very difficult to keep what a child did wrong separate from who he is. Shame is the first consequence of a parent talking too much.
Most of what you say is unnecessary, repetitive,and destructive (all they will hear is your critical voice when you are not around, even years later).
Say what you need to say, say it once, and move on.
Unexamined fears drive thousands of behaviors- self protection strategies to avoid the pain of life.
- Withdrawal cost- lonely
-Rage cost- secluded
-Perfectionism cost- exhaustion and not being known to others
Pick two things to work on at a time, ultimately the most efficient way to grow.
Tell the truth- help your child see life as it really is. Ask- How do you see it?
A child with an accurate view of himself can go through rough waters.
If you don’t, your child will eventually realize you are not credible.
Tell the truth about yourself and your own motivations and opinions.
Being normal or average is ok. Not as many kids as we think are truly exceptional. Kids need to believe the core of who they are is good enough.
Your child needs to know and understand that a lot of life is managing probabilities.
Self esteem needed to grow- we must like ourselves separate of others opinions.
Love penetrates a child best when his sibling is not around.
Resilience teaches us failure does not mean defeat.
Consequences change behavior and talking fosters shame.
Honest, straightforward, simple and brief communications regarding their mistakes is the best way to reduce shame in their lives. Don’t contaminate it with other issues that are unrelated. Be hopeful in what you say- it does not change your love for them.
The wonderful experiences of disappointment are invaluable opportunities for growth.
Avoid threats, reminders and warnings while raising kids.
Parenting with no emotional stake in the issue makes it most likely that the child will learn from an event. Stay disconnected from the outcome. Kids need to know the precise and accurate data or information pertaining to the consequences of their decisions.
Minimize asking your child to try. It usually works better to tell him what you expect.
Parents need to help their children choose what is reasonable for them in the context of their lives, their abilities and their motivation.
Be cognizant of passion when you see it in your child. Help develop it in a way that keeps the child in balance. Be aware of signs your child is not passionate and help him move on to something else.
Help define stress by not overreacting and letting it teach resilience and how to deal with adversity.
May 30, 2021
Practical and profound, Liz and I found ourselves applying the principles of this book as we read it together. (Just ask our kids about the basket where all of their clothes go if not folded and put away each day.) The vast majority of what needs to be said is contained in the first 16 chapters.
"Honest, straightforward, simple, and brief communications regarding their mistakes is the best way to reduce shame in their lives. Keep it simple and to the point. Don’t contaminate it with other issues that are unrelated. Stay with a reasonable consequence and follow through. Finally, be hopeful in what you say. Convey to them that what they did doesn’t change your love for them. It is not the end of the world, and life will soon return to normal."
"Honest, straightforward, simple, and brief communications regarding their mistakes is the best way to reduce shame in their lives. Keep it simple and to the point. Don’t contaminate it with other issues that are unrelated. Stay with a reasonable consequence and follow through. Finally, be hopeful in what you say. Convey to them that what they did doesn’t change your love for them. It is not the end of the world, and life will soon return to normal."
May 4, 2023
This is my favorite parenting book. I read initially when my daughter was about four. Just reread it as she turns nine. So helpful. I submit that one may not even have to have children to enjoy this book. It addresses subjects that one can apply to him or herself. Great book.
August 31, 2015
This incredibly smart, practical and loving book is at the very top of my parenting book recommendation list. I honestly felt more equipped in my parenting after I read each chapter and I feel like I need to re-read it at each stage of the parenting journey. It may sound like I'm over selling this book, but I honestly don't think that's possible. It's like a crazy awesome tool in an arsenal that I can't afford to not have. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
June 27, 2021
Loved this book. Practical advice for parenting based on years of counseling experience. Must read for any parent.
September 16, 2023
Overall, some good advice but presented in suboptimal way, especially in the context of coming from a pediatrician and a therapist. Throughout the book, there are frequent homophobic undertones.
When discussing “pains and sadnesses” that a family can experience, the book lists examples of “struggles with sexual identity, deals drugs, or carries some potentially terminal illness,” as though having a queer child is a bad thing that can be compared to something like a childhood terminal illness.
The book discussed a need for hope and pain and that if your child isn’t experiencing enough pain, as a parent, you should make their life more difficult. In the current climate that children are facing, I can’t imagine that the right answer would ever be to make their lives harder. Maybe this was would have been helpful when the authors were children, but certainly not now when many American kids are paralyzed by fears of being murdered in a school school and feel hopeless about their futures due to the bleak state of climate change and the world collapsing around them.
Throughout the book, there was a lot of reinforcing of “traditional” gender norms (mom is out gardening and dad is working on the car). Father and son go camping while mother and daughter go to the spa. Nearly every time the book discusses parents, they use the phrase “mom and dad” and instead of parent, and they say “mom or dad.” This is a lot more letters for the authors to create a less inclusive reading experience. There are many, many family structures and a large number do not consist of “mom and dad.” It is so much easier, shorter, and flows better to say “parents,” and I suspect their choice to not use the shorter and more inclusive word was an intentional effort to exclude queer families. Likewise, the book nearly always said “he or she” or “him or her” rather than the simpler “they” or “them” when referring to children.
The book portrays an odd assumption that CEOs and religious leaders are moral superiors, completely disregarding the wealth of evidence to the contrary (for example the degree of corruption and wealth hoarding by CEOs and the frighteningly high prevalence of sex crimes against children perpetrated by Christian leaders and church officials). Conversely “those who work with prison inmates may be amazed by the kindness and intelligence of some.” Of course there are remarkably kind and intelligent people that are incarcerated; what kind of person would be surprised (let alone “amazed”) by this? The implication that all incarcerated people are monsters is ridiculous and completely blind to the state of the current American prison industrial complex.
I had been excited to read this book because it was written by a pediatrician. There were some good ideas, but overall I was very disappointed by the undertones of the book. As a pediatrician myself, I call on Dr. Johanson to do better, as they undoubtedly see/have seen the harms of the toxic stress of constant exposure to homophobia, transphobia, and heteronormativity that plague our youth.
When discussing “pains and sadnesses” that a family can experience, the book lists examples of “struggles with sexual identity, deals drugs, or carries some potentially terminal illness,” as though having a queer child is a bad thing that can be compared to something like a childhood terminal illness.
The book discussed a need for hope and pain and that if your child isn’t experiencing enough pain, as a parent, you should make their life more difficult. In the current climate that children are facing, I can’t imagine that the right answer would ever be to make their lives harder. Maybe this was would have been helpful when the authors were children, but certainly not now when many American kids are paralyzed by fears of being murdered in a school school and feel hopeless about their futures due to the bleak state of climate change and the world collapsing around them.
Throughout the book, there was a lot of reinforcing of “traditional” gender norms (mom is out gardening and dad is working on the car). Father and son go camping while mother and daughter go to the spa. Nearly every time the book discusses parents, they use the phrase “mom and dad” and instead of parent, and they say “mom or dad.” This is a lot more letters for the authors to create a less inclusive reading experience. There are many, many family structures and a large number do not consist of “mom and dad.” It is so much easier, shorter, and flows better to say “parents,” and I suspect their choice to not use the shorter and more inclusive word was an intentional effort to exclude queer families. Likewise, the book nearly always said “he or she” or “him or her” rather than the simpler “they” or “them” when referring to children.
The book portrays an odd assumption that CEOs and religious leaders are moral superiors, completely disregarding the wealth of evidence to the contrary (for example the degree of corruption and wealth hoarding by CEOs and the frighteningly high prevalence of sex crimes against children perpetrated by Christian leaders and church officials). Conversely “those who work with prison inmates may be amazed by the kindness and intelligence of some.” Of course there are remarkably kind and intelligent people that are incarcerated; what kind of person would be surprised (let alone “amazed”) by this? The implication that all incarcerated people are monsters is ridiculous and completely blind to the state of the current American prison industrial complex.
I had been excited to read this book because it was written by a pediatrician. There were some good ideas, but overall I was very disappointed by the undertones of the book. As a pediatrician myself, I call on Dr. Johanson to do better, as they undoubtedly see/have seen the harms of the toxic stress of constant exposure to homophobia, transphobia, and heteronormativity that plague our youth.
Read
March 23, 2020This easy-to-read guide makes some interesting points and gives you new things to think about.
This book is best for a specific audience: parents who worked hard and have nurtured their kids for the past ten years and need a new vision of how to proceed as the kids get older. Helping parents realize that if their kids are doing a decent job in school, relationships, obedience, etc., then the parents can relax and enjoy their kids instead of constantly nagging or pushing for unnecessary levels of achievement. How to become more efficient, teach children to self-evaluate accurately, work on only two things at a time with a kid so they don't become overwhelmed, overcome learned helplessness, and keep your "corrective speeches" to about 30 seconds instead of half an hour of lecturing. There were a few paragraphs I'd disagree with, but overall it was a great book for a specific group of parents.
This book is best for a specific audience: parents who worked hard and have nurtured their kids for the past ten years and need a new vision of how to proceed as the kids get older. Helping parents realize that if their kids are doing a decent job in school, relationships, obedience, etc., then the parents can relax and enjoy their kids instead of constantly nagging or pushing for unnecessary levels of achievement. How to become more efficient, teach children to self-evaluate accurately, work on only two things at a time with a kid so they don't become overwhelmed, overcome learned helplessness, and keep your "corrective speeches" to about 30 seconds instead of half an hour of lecturing. There were a few paragraphs I'd disagree with, but overall it was a great book for a specific group of parents.
January 26, 2024
I agree with another reviewer who noted that this book has some decent practical advice but it is overall "presented in suboptimal way, especially in the context of coming from a pediatrician and a therapist." There are a few things that I will take away from this book, especially in regards to over-explaining and parents talking too much around undesired behaviors. This narrowed in on an issue I had already noticed in my parenting and encouraged me to continue to adjust my approach in this area.
However, there were also some truly cringe-worthy sections of the book. The authors write as if they are the ultimate experts on every subject. They truly believe that they know the "right" way to parent. They gloss over some very difficult issues. Their manner of speaking in the "High-Maintenance Kid" section was truly cringy. I almost didn't finish the book after reading this section. Their approach was incredibly shaming and also not helpful or supportive in any way.
They also have quite a few sections that just seem like common sense or obvious parenting advice. And much of the book seemed focused on behavior modification of children (getting children to do what you want) rather than true growth and development support for children.
Overall, I can tell that the authors come from a conservative church background. After hitting some of the worst parts of the book, I looked them up and saw that they are promoted on the Focus on the Family website, which tells you a lot. I think some of the parts that seemed "common sense" to me are because they are writing to a more conservative audience who might not take issue with shaming or belittling a child if they felt like it would achieve the desired behavior.
Even though I do have a couple of positive take-aways from this book, I cannot recommend it. There are certainly parenting books and social media accounts out there that approach with just as much common sense advise but far less shame and far better ideas for true growth and development support for children.
1.5 stars.
However, there were also some truly cringe-worthy sections of the book. The authors write as if they are the ultimate experts on every subject. They truly believe that they know the "right" way to parent. They gloss over some very difficult issues. Their manner of speaking in the "High-Maintenance Kid" section was truly cringy. I almost didn't finish the book after reading this section. Their approach was incredibly shaming and also not helpful or supportive in any way.
They also have quite a few sections that just seem like common sense or obvious parenting advice. And much of the book seemed focused on behavior modification of children (getting children to do what you want) rather than true growth and development support for children.
Overall, I can tell that the authors come from a conservative church background. After hitting some of the worst parts of the book, I looked them up and saw that they are promoted on the Focus on the Family website, which tells you a lot. I think some of the parts that seemed "common sense" to me are because they are writing to a more conservative audience who might not take issue with shaming or belittling a child if they felt like it would achieve the desired behavior.
Even though I do have a couple of positive take-aways from this book, I cannot recommend it. There are certainly parenting books and social media accounts out there that approach with just as much common sense advise but far less shame and far better ideas for true growth and development support for children.
1.5 stars.
May 26, 2025
Gist offers a fresh look at parenting that’s effective, efficient, and enjoyable. The focus is on instilling “life readiness” in age-appropriate ways at any stage of child-rearing. Parents who read this book will understand why their previous parenting efforts may have been frustrating and futile, and they’ll learn how to prepare “life-ready” kids with less drama and more joy. This is the latest edition with updated content. Gist examines what the journey to adulthood entails, along with a clear look at those parenting efforts that over the years have been proven not to work. The book looks at many aspects of life that wouldn’t typically be associated with parenting. Its focus on life readiness offers parents a new lens through which to see their parenting interactions and translates to an approach that eliminates many of the power struggles and ineffective patterns that can rob families of much of their joy.
Great book - recommended by Miles' therapist. I really think that it should be parenting required reading. So many important things to note. I have tried a lot of things, and they actually work.
Great book - recommended by Miles' therapist. I really think that it should be parenting required reading. So many important things to note. I have tried a lot of things, and they actually work.
December 16, 2022
There are plenty of directions I could go in describing this book. It is no nonsense. It is very direct. It addresses issues that are highly relevant to parenting these days, including technology, high anxiety in parents and children, and other psychological and social issues faced by children and parents. The authors are knowledgeable but the book is not heavily footnoted, except for the technology chapter. For all I know this could’ve been the publisher’s call.
I can’t say I came away terribly encouraged, and understand the encouragement of parents might not have been the objective of the authors. At several points throughout the book my reaction was to be even more anxious. “Sweet spots“ are presented in various circumstances, with too much or too little effort leading to certain disaster for parents and children alike.
That said, they cover topics that every parent should discuss and be on the same page about in raising children. The summaries at the end of chapters are very helpful in this regard. I do recommend this book for parents of children of all ages.
I can’t say I came away terribly encouraged, and understand the encouragement of parents might not have been the objective of the authors. At several points throughout the book my reaction was to be even more anxious. “Sweet spots“ are presented in various circumstances, with too much or too little effort leading to certain disaster for parents and children alike.
That said, they cover topics that every parent should discuss and be on the same page about in raising children. The summaries at the end of chapters are very helpful in this regard. I do recommend this book for parents of children of all ages.
May 10, 2020
The best parenting book I've read
Clear and easy to read. There is a section at the end of each chapter that sums up what that chapter was about. This was so useful in consolidating what I was learning.
I love the message that we can take back enjoyment in parenting. It also tells me to do less, opposed to having to do more that most parenting advice seems to say. It is refreshing to be given permission to not constantly parent, especially when things are going well.
I have completely stepped back from parenting my 17 year old(who is an 85 on the parenting difficulty scale) for two weeks. I want to see what she can do on her own without my constant reminders. She has pleasantly surprised me.We will be choosing two things together next week that we will work on. She will probably object but I am ready now to not take that personally, to avoid power struggles and to calming ensure that we work on just those two things. I'm looking forward to the adventure.
Clear and easy to read. There is a section at the end of each chapter that sums up what that chapter was about. This was so useful in consolidating what I was learning.
I love the message that we can take back enjoyment in parenting. It also tells me to do less, opposed to having to do more that most parenting advice seems to say. It is refreshing to be given permission to not constantly parent, especially when things are going well.
I have completely stepped back from parenting my 17 year old(who is an 85 on the parenting difficulty scale) for two weeks. I want to see what she can do on her own without my constant reminders. She has pleasantly surprised me.We will be choosing two things together next week that we will work on. She will probably object but I am ready now to not take that personally, to avoid power struggles and to calming ensure that we work on just those two things. I'm looking forward to the adventure.
April 23, 2020
4 1/2 stars.
I appreciated that this parenting book provided original content. Many parenting books, while valuable, tend to resemble each other. This one felt unique and provided new perspectives. I also appreciated the heavy focus on teens and that the book did not shy away from discussing the most problematic teen behavior (and gave hope for addressing such behavior), as this is a reality for many.
I would recommend this parenting book to anyone.
There were a couple of points that I had minor quibbles with, the organization of the material was not always effortless, and there were times where I wanted more concrete tips, but overall I consider this one of the top couple parenting books I have read. I plan to read it again (and highlight/take notes), possibly buy it (I had a library copy), and encourage my husband to read it.
I appreciated that this parenting book provided original content. Many parenting books, while valuable, tend to resemble each other. This one felt unique and provided new perspectives. I also appreciated the heavy focus on teens and that the book did not shy away from discussing the most problematic teen behavior (and gave hope for addressing such behavior), as this is a reality for many.
I would recommend this parenting book to anyone.
There were a couple of points that I had minor quibbles with, the organization of the material was not always effortless, and there were times where I wanted more concrete tips, but overall I consider this one of the top couple parenting books I have read. I plan to read it again (and highlight/take notes), possibly buy it (I had a library copy), and encourage my husband to read it.
September 4, 2023
Some of the advice is comically true like "don't talk so much" and "don't over-compliment your kid." Why would we think these things worked on kids, when they clearly don't work on adults?!
Some areas in the book I found needed further clarity or disclaimers -- behaviors like being super honest with your child could be too harsh or needlessly matter of fact, where maybe a kind gesture could be just as simple and yet more effective.
Overall I enjoyed the challenge to parents to stop participating in all too known cyclical patterns that reinforce bad behaviors. The accountability demanded from the book was refreshing.The chapter on shame and using withdrawal or rage as coping mechanisms also brought me back to my own childhood experiences and made me reconsider these behaviors not as reactions, but as tools.
Some areas in the book I found needed further clarity or disclaimers -- behaviors like being super honest with your child could be too harsh or needlessly matter of fact, where maybe a kind gesture could be just as simple and yet more effective.
Overall I enjoyed the challenge to parents to stop participating in all too known cyclical patterns that reinforce bad behaviors. The accountability demanded from the book was refreshing.The chapter on shame and using withdrawal or rage as coping mechanisms also brought me back to my own childhood experiences and made me reconsider these behaviors not as reactions, but as tools.
March 29, 2024
This book is exceptionally well-crafted, offering deep insights into parenting on a scientifically grounded level. Unlike typical guides on parenting, this work stands out by urging parents to introspect and evaluate their own behaviors first. While it is primarily aimed at parenting children, its lessons and insights profoundly resonated with me on multiple levels, making it relevant for both adults and children alike. It enables readers to grasp the underlying reasons behind specific behaviors and their impacts on children comprehensively. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to both new and seasoned parents. Reading it was a year-long journey for me, as I took the time to annotate, absorb, and apply its recommendations and wisdom throughout the process.
August 15, 2020
I read this very slowly so I could let each chapter's content sink in and digest before moving on. Great parenting book. A book that focuses on the realities of life: life is hard, life is not fair. nearly everyone is average and this is perfectly acceptable, good enough is good enough, etc. Very well thought out and presented with just the right amount of anecdotes to get points across. Overall a great way of thinking about parenting rather than strategies for a parent to implement and then fail at because of their own inconsistencies in as presented in many parenting books.
Highly recommend and I will reread. Sub-title says it all , life-ready kids.
Highly recommend and I will reread. Sub-title says it all , life-ready kids.
May 30, 2018
REREAD! REREAD! REREAD! this one is definitely going on the reread list! the parenting concepts in this book are HARD and very counterculture, but that’s what intrigued me the most! allowing life to teach your child instead of protecting from it, making choices instead of trying to have it all, and choosing two things to address with your child at once were some of the concepts i want to practice. if you’re looking for a book that will help you shift your focus to your child’s future, this is it!
September 13, 2018
A must read for all parents! Reading this book was like having a lightbulb go off for me. So often times our natural response as parents is the wrong one, and this book helped me to see the error of my ways. The top three things I pulled from the book: 1) we talk too much and over-parent our kids, 2) that we try to work on too many things with them at once and 3) that we need to take the emotion out of discipline. Written by Christian men, though not in Christian language, so any parent in any walk of faith would benefit by this insightful and practical book.
November 14, 2019
I’m not one to read parenting books or any other self-help books for that matter. I listened to the audio book and can safely say this was an eye opening approach to parenting. This teaches how to change how WE parent not how to change our children. It starts with us. Yes, it can be clinical but in audio form I consumed this better and learned so much. Stop negotiating, stop warning and hovering. Back off. Stop talking too much, has it worked? I am hopeful this can work for us. It will take some serious, consistent work but it will pay off. I’m going to try it.
May 24, 2021
As parenting books go, I found this to be helpful, especially the parts about the life principles we want to teach our children. I appreciated the tone, which avoided making the reader feel like an idiot for mistakes made or differences in approach—a rarity in parenting books 😂
Worth noting that while this is not specifically a book written with a Christian audience in mind, a lot of the principles (I.e. helping our kids understand that life is difficult) aligned with that worldview (something important to me).
Worth noting that while this is not specifically a book written with a Christian audience in mind, a lot of the principles (I.e. helping our kids understand that life is difficult) aligned with that worldview (something important to me).
February 13, 2022
Of all the parenting books I’ve read, this one is my favorite! For once it’s not a collection of one-size-fits-all instructions. It views both parents and children as unique individuals with unique personalities with their own sets of strengths and weaknesses. And it helps parents identify practical ways to guide and parent their children to become healthy adults while keeping their own sanity intact. I will be going back to re-read parts of this book in the future as I navigate the various phases with my children. What a valuable resource!
April 7, 2022
Really great guide - I wanted something that was geared toward teenagers and this book delivered. Great tips to help me remember -- don't fix something that isn't broken. Let the kids grow up on their own - just be there when they need guidance. Otherwise, let them struggle; let them figure it out. In a few years, they will be out in the world navigating on their own and everything I do now to help prepare them for that is the goal. Definitely recommend this book for parents of tweens to teens.
February 17, 2023
O carte care fixează și refixeaza atenția cititorului inspre SCOPUL chemării in rolul de părinte.
O carte care oferă o imagine de ansamblu asupra acestui scop dar și o privire in detaliu a micilor "confruntări" și frământări zilnice din relația parinte-copil.
O carte care te încurajează să faci tocmai din aceste mici framatari și situațiile obișnuite/neobișnuite ale vieții reale, aliații in pregătirea copiilor pentru viața de adulți. Adulți responsabili, curajoși și echilibrați.
O lista nu a cărților, filmelor, sau a țărilor pe care sa le cunoască copiii ci a situațiilor cu care sa se "ciocnească" sub ochii tăi de părinte, pentru a învăța din vreme potrivită abilitățile necesare vieții de adult.
Cartea prezintă și numeroase situații pe care autorii le-au întâlnit în practica lor ca pediatru și psiholog. Soluțiile și abordările lor fiind argumentate și eficiente.
Majoritatea acestor situațiilor prezintă copiii de vârsta 7 ani +.
Am parcurs aceasta carte când fetița mea cea mare avea doar 3 ani, însă imaginea văzută prin telescopul timpului , a avut un impact suficient de puternic încât să îmi reașeze mai prezent in minte SCOPUL chemării ca părinte.
O carte care oferă o imagine de ansamblu asupra acestui scop dar și o privire in detaliu a micilor "confruntări" și frământări zilnice din relația parinte-copil.
O carte care te încurajează să faci tocmai din aceste mici framatari și situațiile obișnuite/neobișnuite ale vieții reale, aliații in pregătirea copiilor pentru viața de adulți. Adulți responsabili, curajoși și echilibrați.
O lista nu a cărților, filmelor, sau a țărilor pe care sa le cunoască copiii ci a situațiilor cu care sa se "ciocnească" sub ochii tăi de părinte, pentru a învăța din vreme potrivită abilitățile necesare vieții de adult.
Cartea prezintă și numeroase situații pe care autorii le-au întâlnit în practica lor ca pediatru și psiholog. Soluțiile și abordările lor fiind argumentate și eficiente.
Majoritatea acestor situațiilor prezintă copiii de vârsta 7 ani +.
Am parcurs aceasta carte când fetița mea cea mare avea doar 3 ani, însă imaginea văzută prin telescopul timpului , a avut un impact suficient de puternic încât să îmi reașeze mai prezent in minte SCOPUL chemării ca părinte.
April 23, 2020
I love positive parenting books and subscribe to that philosophy; however they tend to leave you stumped as to what “consequences” might look like in that model. This book is in some ways a good answer to that call. Didn’t love the tone at all times but there are some very sound ideas in this book re: what kids need to experience to build a sense of ownership, responsibility and resilience that will serve them as teens and adults.
July 30, 2023
I read this as a teacher (not having kids of my own) to see what new information I could glean, and came away with some principles I'm going to employ this school year. To be sure, parent/child and student/teacher relationships are not identical; however, if we are all working with the same principles toward the same goal of preparing life-ready kids (the opposite of most of today's under-informed, petulant snowflakes), future generations will thank us.
November 21, 2018
This book is full of practical, common sense parenting guidance. The authors share strategies to have fun while raising kids ready for the world. The low rating is because the authors have anti-LGBTQ messaging in intro; it is uncalled for, is not relevant to the book and continues the message their is something wrong with LGBTQ. It unnecessarily continues the message of hate.
November 11, 2019
Fantastic parenting book. Just what I need for this stage in our parenting journey. The book can be rather repetitive but with such good information I can overlook that minor annoyance. I will be referencing and re-reading this book often over the next 15 years as we help all of our kids leave the nest and be ready for life.
November 22, 2019
This book is phenomenal. As my wife and I started to implement some of the strategies from this book, it was like the authors knew our children personally. If you are struggling with a child's behavior, or if your kid is doing well, there are is great information and advice in this book. I've already suggested it to several friends.
May 9, 2020
Love this book! Great principles to guide you in disciplining, and training your child that have already proven helpful with my two year old. It is overall geared more towards older kids and teens, but my husband and I loved reading this together and its one of those that we will have close by to read every couple of years to help us stay focused.
October 1, 2022
This is the only parenting book I’ve ever finished and it has a lot of great ideas and things to think about. Sometimes I wish it had more specific tips and advice instead of “help your child manage stress” maybe give a sample conversation or two of what that might look like. Overall this was helpful because it’s given me a lot to think about. I’ll definitely keep it as a reference point.
November 15, 2023
Top notch parenting book. It's one of the best I've ever read. For all stages of parenting. I have to admit that it's not for the faint of heart. This is not a fluff parenting book. It will challenge you and your way of thinking, your habits, and your belief systems. If you read this, just know it's going to require some work from you (and a bit of maturing of your own, too!)
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