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First published May 2, 2014
"Even with xxx's initial involvement [um, how is participating throughout the entire murder plot "initial"?], Gray still felt he could trust the other man. He could even see them becoming friends...Gray was a big believer in second chances and if anyone deserved one, it was xxx."What?? So let's just let people involved in murdering other people go ahead and walk so they get a second chance. I mean, after all, he'd tried and convicted a man without even talking to him and it doesn't matter that the man was probably innocent and if he'd stopped to think about it at any point in his life, he might have figured that out instead of building enough hatred to murder... By all means, let's become buddies because he had his reasons.
"...young Lucifer enjoyed an outing with his family...a school-aged Lucifer receiving an award for his academics...an adult Lucifer accepting a position on the Demon Council as its youngest member in history..."Okay, I lied, I can't keep quiet. This is yet another immortal who died and no one is acting like it's weird or asking how or anything!
"Father died six months ago."
Referring to that same xxx from before who has now become a good guy: "Rage burned in the depths of those twin orbs...For a moment, with that terrifying gaze locked on him, Gray was afraid...Gray had no doubt that xxx was perfectly capable of incinerating them all within seconds."A little while later referring to xxx:
"...Gray had to do anything he could to take [care? Some word is missing] of the man who had helped keep him safe."A couple of minutes later, xxx begins a demon fight without any warning to Gray to try to protect himself in the middle of a fight of demon fire. Oh, well, I stand corrected after the hellfire is zinging their way as xxx battles,
"Even with so much anger and rage coursing through him, xxx didn't falter...using his body as a living shield."Gray still gets hit anyway. No problem that the whole fight is xxx's fault in the first place. (Sorry, couldn't help it--I had to comment.) I'm thinking Stockholm Syndrome.
His vision began to darken, no longer a warning of a vision creeping in--now, a sign of death come to claim him. As he lay on the floor gasping for breath.."Wait, huh? It takes breath to gasp. Oh and now he asks a question. He really is magic. Most humans can't talk when they're unable to breathe and on the true verge of death. He can't even take a last breath of air but now he's struggling to breathe and able to ask Demos a question. You have to be breathing fairly well to talk. And he can flinch, too.