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If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back?: Surviving in the Land of the Gifted and Twice Exceptional
When is life like a prize fight, a garden, and a quiz show, all hurtling down the road on an office chair, wrapped in song? When you're living in the land of the gifted and twice exceptional.Jen Merrill, author of the "Laughing at Chaos" blog, brings laughter, tears, and honesty to her latest book by GHF Press, "If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back?: Surviving in the Land of the Gifted and Twice Exceptional." Join Jen on her journey through discovery, understanding, and acceptance, as she copes with the challenges that only the gifted and twice exceptional can create.So, pull up a chair, pour a glass of wine, and start reading. You'll swear Jen's written about you!
80 pages, Paperback
First published August 2, 2012
10 people are currently reading
182 people want to read
About the author
Jen Merrill
1 book15 followersJen Torbeck Merrill is an Illinois-based writer and gifted family advocate. The mom of two teen sons, she homeschools one while happily sending the other off to public school every morning. She is a music educator by trade, with degrees in music education and flute performance. Long before she picked up a flute as a child, however, Jen wanted to be a writer, something that didn’t happen until she opened a Blogger account in 2006 and never looked back. Since that time, her writing has focused more on gifted families and advocacy. Her book, If This is a Gift, Can I Send It Back?: Surviving in the Land of the Gifted and Twice-Exceptional, struck a nerve with families who suspected Jen was living in their closet. Her second book, on the needs of gifted parents and self-care, is in progress; it is taking significantly longer than anticipated because the author herself struggles mightily with self-care and has been spending a lot of time banging her head on the keyboard and hyperventilating in writerly frustration. In the meantime she continues to blog at Laughing at Chaos.
From writing, Jen has branched out into greater advocacy in gifted issues, particularly the needs of parents, personalized learning for gifted and twice-exceptional kids, and giftedness as wiring throughout life. She has partnered with Kate Arms of Signal Fire Coaching to develop an online class on self-care for parents of complex kids, and with Kate and Dr. Chris Wells of the Gifted Development Center to present a series of webinars on Thriving With Complexity.
Jen is a Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Ambassador and has presented at the National Association for Gifted Children conference (2013), the World Council for Gifted and Talented Children conference (2013), the Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted conference (2016, 2017, 2018), the Illinois Association for Gifted Children Parents’ Day (2017, 2018), and was the keynote speaker for the Twice-Exceptional Children’s Advocacy conference (2016). She is slated to be one of the SENG keynote speakers at the annual convention in Houston, July 2019. Her intention is to support the parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids, because they are the ones doing the heavy lifting and are too often ignored, patronized, and discredited. It is her hope that her sons never have to deal with these issues when they raise their own likely gifted children.
From writing, Jen has branched out into greater advocacy in gifted issues, particularly the needs of parents, personalized learning for gifted and twice-exceptional kids, and giftedness as wiring throughout life. She has partnered with Kate Arms of Signal Fire Coaching to develop an online class on self-care for parents of complex kids, and with Kate and Dr. Chris Wells of the Gifted Development Center to present a series of webinars on Thriving With Complexity.
Jen is a Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Ambassador and has presented at the National Association for Gifted Children conference (2013), the World Council for Gifted and Talented Children conference (2013), the Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted conference (2016, 2017, 2018), the Illinois Association for Gifted Children Parents’ Day (2017, 2018), and was the keynote speaker for the Twice-Exceptional Children’s Advocacy conference (2016). She is slated to be one of the SENG keynote speakers at the annual convention in Houston, July 2019. Her intention is to support the parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids, because they are the ones doing the heavy lifting and are too often ignored, patronized, and discredited. It is her hope that her sons never have to deal with these issues when they raise their own likely gifted children.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
August 5, 2012
Jen Merrill hits it out of the park with If This Is A Gift, Can I Send It Back, her personal experiences in raising gifted children. Written with a sense of humor guaranteed to make parents laugh out loud, Merrill openly talks about the good, the bad, and the stressful aspects of parenting twice-exceptional children. Using lists, letters to teachers, and real world anecdotes, Merrill says what every parent of an exceptional child has thought and/or felt, but not had the guts to say aloud. Not a book of strategies or theory, If This Is A Gift is the companion book parents need as they venture down the road of parenting a group of children often misunderstood by mainstream education and mental health professions, providing the support and understanding families have been screaming for. A clear must-have in any Gifted Education library.
August 5, 2012
I only give five stars to books I enjoy so much that not only would I read it again, but I must have it on my shelf. Well, not only would I read this many times AND have it on the shelf, but I wrote it and therefore is doubly deserving of my five stars. ;) LOL
August 23, 2012
Wonderful! We have the Legos, Schrodinger's cat t-shirt, boxes of wine and the stress lines around my eyes!! Spot on again Jenn!!
May 4, 2013
I have two gifted, 2E children. As a parent wondering, "What the heck do I do now," I have read a lot of gifted books. A lot. Exactly one book made me laugh out loud. This is it. I swear there were moments when I got to laughing so hard that my husband looked over at me like I'd gone round the twist.
This is a great book. She doesn't have the type of answers that will turn your oddball kids into plain, ordinary children. And frankly, if you're looking for that, this is not the book for you. I'm not sure there is one. What Jen Merrill does that's really, really amazing is make those heavy days when you're not sure how to cope anymore seem like what they will be when you look back in ten years -- amusing anecdotes. So maybe she didn't tell you how to fix the kids. Did they really need "fixed" anyway? What she teaches you so effectively is how to laugh at it, lighten up, and find a way to cope. For that reason, this is the sort of book you should buy two copies of, one for you and one for a friend when you find one that really, really needs it.
Love your work, Jen Merrill. Love, love, love it.
This is a great book. She doesn't have the type of answers that will turn your oddball kids into plain, ordinary children. And frankly, if you're looking for that, this is not the book for you. I'm not sure there is one. What Jen Merrill does that's really, really amazing is make those heavy days when you're not sure how to cope anymore seem like what they will be when you look back in ten years -- amusing anecdotes. So maybe she didn't tell you how to fix the kids. Did they really need "fixed" anyway? What she teaches you so effectively is how to laugh at it, lighten up, and find a way to cope. For that reason, this is the sort of book you should buy two copies of, one for you and one for a friend when you find one that really, really needs it.
Love your work, Jen Merrill. Love, love, love it.
August 24, 2012
This book is a must-read for anyone who comes in contact with a gifted or twice-exceptional child. It describes in hilarious detail the difficulties and joys of raising a child with exceptional abilities and frustrating disabilities. It gently teaches about giftedness and the challenges associated with asynchrony, over-excitabilities, and educating a voracious learner. I'm keeping my copy on the table by our front door, and forcing every visitor to our home to read every page.
September 26, 2012
Five stars, not only because I know the author! Jen writes about life with her gifted son with humor and compassion, sharing the frustrations and fear with a healthy dose of wit. As she says, no one can really understand living with a gifted, brilliant, but also trying child, without actually experiencing it, but she does a remarkable job of providing a glimpse into that life.
August 18, 2012
I really enjoyed this book. It's part funny memoir and part road map for parents dealing with twice-exceptional kids. I think every parent will relate to some of the stories, and gasp at others. If you're looking for a textbook-type read on giftedness, this is not it. This is a book you can take on a plane, read on the beach, or in between your kids' activities. I loved it.
August 20, 2012
A great book for anyone feeling alone in the world of "they just don't get it". The combination of honesty and humor balances well together. Jen Merrill does a wonderful job of saying-it-like-it-is and writes what we all wish we could say outloud without getting flogged! Way to go Jen for describing what goes on in our heads, hearts, and behind those closed doors.
February 4, 2019
"Wouldn't it be great if there were a handbook for raising gifted and twice-exceptional kids? Not descriptions of them, because we all know those from living with them, but something more. Perhaps coping skills for when they prove, yet again, that they are smarter than their parents. Or, how to keep your cool when advocating for their social, emotional, and educational needs. Or, what to do when their asynchrony and over-excitabilities butt heads at the worst possible moment. Yeah... a handbook of practical assistance with a 24-hour helpline.
This is not that handbook -- and I screen my calls. Sorry.
What you will find here is humor, compassion, frustration, astonishment, and the eerie sense that I live in your closet. I am not interested in living in your closet -- unless it is a floor to ceiling wine cellar with high-speed internet and the guarantee of uninterrupted thought; for that, I'll let your call go through." Introduction, If this is a Gift...? Jen Merrill
-----
This quote from the introduction provides a good idea of Ms. Merrill’s writing style and content. As the author promised, I found a lot of humor and compassion in this brief text (80 pages hard copy, but I read on Kindle in a couple hours -- with many interruptions). The book provides a welcome, if fleeting, cheering squad for your efforts in parenting 2E kids. I wept through passages, and did feel encouraged in my parenting journey, as well as consoled in our educational struggles. The Appendices were well done and made a significant contribution. The discussion on giftedness and all its nuance was insightful, particularly because it was written by an adult that grew up as a high achiever with the Gifted label and who is now raising a 2E child. I was not raised with the gifted label, so her perspective was valuable to me. The list of resources will be helpful to parents struggling with a new diagnosis, but likely to age quickly. Nonetheless, I was able to add one to my toolbox. And, perhaps the best resource in the long term is Ms. Merrill herself, who I followed on Twitter.
Basically, this is $5 of encouragement, no more, no less.
However, this book might not be for you.
If the glib, sarcastic, drowning in modern randomization memoir written by someone who is very satisfied with their own outrageousness is not your thing, you might want to pass on this book. It is not enduring literature, though it would give future historians a view into current life with 2E kids.
If you don’t know what a twice exceptional child is, this probably isn’t the book for you. It’s intent is to encourage those in the know, not answer questions from those on the outside looking confusedly in. If this isn't your tribe, it may even come across as shrill, condescending and mean spirited.
I would not give this book to my 2E son, or any other 2E that is not yet both an adult and a parent. This is a somewhat self-absorbed account of a parent's experiences with a child that is, by no intention of their own, complex and difficult to raise. To see himself from the perspective of his parents' refining difficulties is not something that he has the maturity to handle in his formative years. Maybe when he gets to be an adult and is raising his own 2E child, but not now.
But if, like I was, you are feeling beat up, tired, misunderstood and alone, this short read may give you the infusion of “atta-parent!” that you need for your sisyphean tasks of the day.
2.5 stars/5
This is not that handbook -- and I screen my calls. Sorry.
What you will find here is humor, compassion, frustration, astonishment, and the eerie sense that I live in your closet. I am not interested in living in your closet -- unless it is a floor to ceiling wine cellar with high-speed internet and the guarantee of uninterrupted thought; for that, I'll let your call go through." Introduction, If this is a Gift...? Jen Merrill
-----
This quote from the introduction provides a good idea of Ms. Merrill’s writing style and content. As the author promised, I found a lot of humor and compassion in this brief text (80 pages hard copy, but I read on Kindle in a couple hours -- with many interruptions). The book provides a welcome, if fleeting, cheering squad for your efforts in parenting 2E kids. I wept through passages, and did feel encouraged in my parenting journey, as well as consoled in our educational struggles. The Appendices were well done and made a significant contribution. The discussion on giftedness and all its nuance was insightful, particularly because it was written by an adult that grew up as a high achiever with the Gifted label and who is now raising a 2E child. I was not raised with the gifted label, so her perspective was valuable to me. The list of resources will be helpful to parents struggling with a new diagnosis, but likely to age quickly. Nonetheless, I was able to add one to my toolbox. And, perhaps the best resource in the long term is Ms. Merrill herself, who I followed on Twitter.
Basically, this is $5 of encouragement, no more, no less.
However, this book might not be for you.
If the glib, sarcastic, drowning in modern randomization memoir written by someone who is very satisfied with their own outrageousness is not your thing, you might want to pass on this book. It is not enduring literature, though it would give future historians a view into current life with 2E kids.
If you don’t know what a twice exceptional child is, this probably isn’t the book for you. It’s intent is to encourage those in the know, not answer questions from those on the outside looking confusedly in. If this isn't your tribe, it may even come across as shrill, condescending and mean spirited.
I would not give this book to my 2E son, or any other 2E that is not yet both an adult and a parent. This is a somewhat self-absorbed account of a parent's experiences with a child that is, by no intention of their own, complex and difficult to raise. To see himself from the perspective of his parents' refining difficulties is not something that he has the maturity to handle in his formative years. Maybe when he gets to be an adult and is raising his own 2E child, but not now.
But if, like I was, you are feeling beat up, tired, misunderstood and alone, this short read may give you the infusion of “atta-parent!” that you need for your sisyphean tasks of the day.
2.5 stars/5
May 30, 2023
A hilarious, comforting look at life parenting Gifted and twice-exceptional kids. This was an easy one-sitting read from a mom and writer who gets the laugh-so-you-don't-cry, deep love, always surprising, never-ending chaos of parenting 2e children. There are no miracle pills or new systems here, just sympathy and a hearty dose of "you're not alone".
April 21, 2018
I found this book impossible to read. Too many one liner breaks, asides to the reader, unfunny jokes; I tried hard to get into it but just couldn't. Incredibly disjointed and sloppy writing. After 10 minutes I just gave up having my brain jangled in this way...
August 13, 2017
So right!
out Gifted kids years ago. Great read! Recommend to any parent that discovers they have been "blessed" with a Gifted child.
out Gifted kids years ago. Great read! Recommend to any parent that discovers they have been "blessed" with a Gifted child.
October 24, 2019
A wonderful book on gifted and 2e children. It's a story all about the mother's struggles and how she used to feel alone in her ideas but is one in a sea of many.
July 9, 2025
It's very well written! But I don't have kids...
I suppose it's not the author's fault, but it wasn't clear that this book was about parenting gifted/twice excepcional kids.
I suppose it's not the author's fault, but it wasn't clear that this book was about parenting gifted/twice excepcional kids.
January 12, 2014
This book is a heaven sent for this mom dealing with 2e gifted children, dealing with 2e gifted in herself, and her husband and loving every losing my ever living freaking mind minute of it! My Walter Mitty dream with all its shear cliff drop offs, shark infested oceans, and beautiful moutain sunsets.
I like how Jen, doesn't go through and explain a 2e gifted person. We already know. We have been through all the tests and professionals, who have told us in technicolor dream coat spectacularity to which we leave their offices and live the color enhanced, Dolby digital sound quality of it day in and day out.
This book describes my family to a T! Minus the wine (insert Nutella). It is nice to hear it from someone else, who is in the trenches of figuring this out and boldly going where 2e gifted families have never gone before.
I am very quiet about our little journey, mainly because most people just don't understand or are very critical. Others take it as bragging when I am just trying to connect with others in a similar boat, and I refuse to be a whiner or griper.
Life is full of lemons, let's make mile high lemon meringue pies! Lots of lip service goes to griping, but digging in a getting your hands dirty only provides results, progress, and the little miracles that make a huge beautiful difference down the road, even when it is mucky muck most of the time.
Thank you Jen Merrill for putting into words what all of us wish to scream to the universe who are at the helms of our own 2e gifted ships! I am glad I am not the only 2e gifted call screener, hide in my closet, down a jar of Nutella, I'm not going to make it, okay, maybe I will, can the house withstand the next "let's see what this will do!" explosion, sleepless since birth, "because I'm wired this way!" 2 steps away from a 2e gifted meltdown from hell, person out there!
I like how Jen, doesn't go through and explain a 2e gifted person. We already know. We have been through all the tests and professionals, who have told us in technicolor dream coat spectacularity to which we leave their offices and live the color enhanced, Dolby digital sound quality of it day in and day out.
This book describes my family to a T! Minus the wine (insert Nutella). It is nice to hear it from someone else, who is in the trenches of figuring this out and boldly going where 2e gifted families have never gone before.
I am very quiet about our little journey, mainly because most people just don't understand or are very critical. Others take it as bragging when I am just trying to connect with others in a similar boat, and I refuse to be a whiner or griper.
Life is full of lemons, let's make mile high lemon meringue pies! Lots of lip service goes to griping, but digging in a getting your hands dirty only provides results, progress, and the little miracles that make a huge beautiful difference down the road, even when it is mucky muck most of the time.
Thank you Jen Merrill for putting into words what all of us wish to scream to the universe who are at the helms of our own 2e gifted ships! I am glad I am not the only 2e gifted call screener, hide in my closet, down a jar of Nutella, I'm not going to make it, okay, maybe I will, can the house withstand the next "let's see what this will do!" explosion, sleepless since birth, "because I'm wired this way!" 2 steps away from a 2e gifted meltdown from hell, person out there!
January 24, 2016
This was a brief little book and to be truthful it was slight in content. But it was wonderful to read a book from the perspective of someone who GETS it. Just knowing that that there are other parents and other kids out there in the same boat made me feel better. I wish the author had spent a little more time talking about what happened after their move to make them decide to pull their child out of school (how do you know when to give up on the school system?) as opposed to getting a bit repetitive at the end. But I do appreciate that somebody understands what life is like.
October 14, 2012
This is a fun read and is especially good if you need encouragement and humor to help you get through some difficult times. The book is not meant to be a guide through getting through issues, though. I found that a tad disappointing. I enjoyed reading it, but there isn't much to refer to when you are done.
January 13, 2013
A seemingly rare book on the subject that hit enough of a chord that I want to share it with others despite something off-putting about the style. I can't quite put my finger on what I did not like, maybe a little too casual and disjointed for my taste.
February 20, 2013
I found the author's writing style lame,sarcastic and condescending in tone. I'm not sure why this one was recommended to me.
September 21, 2013
Excellent perspective on parenting a gifted/2e kid from blogger Jen Merrill ("Laughing at Chaos")
February 14, 2014
FUNNY. And, someone, somewhere out there gets it. Yay!
December 12, 2015
I felt like I was reading my own diary at times. Super helpful to parents of twice-exceptional kids and very funny, too.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews