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The Ladies Auxiliary
When free-spirited Batsheva moves into the close-knit Orthodox community of Memphis, Tennessee, the already precarious relationship between the Ladies Auxiliary and their teenage daughters is shaken to the core. In this extraordinary novel, Tova Mirvis takes us into the fascinating and insular world of the Memphis Orthodox Jews, one ripe with tradition and contradiction. Warm and wise, enchanting and funny, The Ladies Auxiliary brilliantly illuminates the timeless struggle between mothers and daughters, family and self, religious freedom and personal revelation, honoring the past and facing the future. An unforgettable story of uncommon atmosphere, profound insight, and winning humor, The Ladies Auxiliary is a triumphant work of fiction.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
123 people are currently reading
3539 people want to read
About the author
Tova Mirvis
14 books346 followersI am excited to share that I have a new novel WE WOULD NEVER coming out in February, 2025. This book was inspired by a true crime story that I have followed over the years and could never quite stop thinking about. How, I wondered, could this tragic story - and so many others like it - happen? Not how did the actual crime occur, but how does a family do something so awful? How does a divorce spiral so out of control? While the news supplied me with an endless array of facts, I always came away from my Google searches feeling dissatisfied, my questions unanswered. As a novelist, I relish the way that fiction lets us go inside character's heads and really delve into their inner lives and all the complexities that we might otherwise hover above. And so I felt compelled to use this story as a springboard and turn those questions into a novel. I was interested in exploring how a family comes to do something they would have once believed they never would; how a divorce can escalate out of control; how people can lose sight of their moral compass; how the inability to forgive can have devastating consequences. We WOULD NEVER is a mystery about a murder but it's also about the mysteries of family loyalty and love and betrayal.
A little bit about me: I grew up in the small Jewish community in Memphis, Tennessee, where I felt both what was grounding about being part of a such an enclosed world as well as what was stifling. This became the subject of m first novel, The Ladies Auxiliary. My second novel, The Outside World, is also set in an Orthodox Jewish world, and is about two families whose children marry each other. In that book I wanted to write about the conflict between tradition and modernity, and also about marriage and dreams and belief and doubt. My third novel Visible City began when I moved from New York City to a Boston suburb. I was so homesick for a city I had come to live, and longed for the anonymous intimacy that comes from living among so many strangers. Visible City is about a woman who watches her neighbors from her windows and becomes entangled in their lives.
After these three novels, I wrote a memoir called The Book of Separation. It originated with an essay I wrote in the New York Times about leaving my marriage and my Orthodox Jewish faith. After the piece came out I was flooded with emails from people telling me their own stories of loss and change and it inspired me to write this book. The Book of Separation is about wrestling with doubt, about trying to be the person I was expected to be and about decided to change, when change felt as terrifying as anything I could do.
I live outside of Boston now and have three kids and three step kids. Besides writing, I love to read, run and play with my beloved dog.
A little bit about me: I grew up in the small Jewish community in Memphis, Tennessee, where I felt both what was grounding about being part of a such an enclosed world as well as what was stifling. This became the subject of m first novel, The Ladies Auxiliary. My second novel, The Outside World, is also set in an Orthodox Jewish world, and is about two families whose children marry each other. In that book I wanted to write about the conflict between tradition and modernity, and also about marriage and dreams and belief and doubt. My third novel Visible City began when I moved from New York City to a Boston suburb. I was so homesick for a city I had come to live, and longed for the anonymous intimacy that comes from living among so many strangers. Visible City is about a woman who watches her neighbors from her windows and becomes entangled in their lives.
After these three novels, I wrote a memoir called The Book of Separation. It originated with an essay I wrote in the New York Times about leaving my marriage and my Orthodox Jewish faith. After the piece came out I was flooded with emails from people telling me their own stories of loss and change and it inspired me to write this book. The Book of Separation is about wrestling with doubt, about trying to be the person I was expected to be and about decided to change, when change felt as terrifying as anything I could do.
I live outside of Boston now and have three kids and three step kids. Besides writing, I love to read, run and play with my beloved dog.
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October 17, 2017
This is a very Jewish story.....
......about a traditional Orthodox Jewish Community in Memphis, Tennessee. The families considered their city as the Jerusalem of the south. They felt that they were “part of a chain of the Jewish Memphians that would extend into the future forever, as long and as far away as God in heaven.”
When that didn’t happen, it was the last thing their community expected.
Author, Tova Mirvis, was an Orthodox Jew at the time she wrote “The Ladies Auxiliary”. Today she is no longer practicing Orthodoxy. I found this novel extremely interesting to read ‘today’ knowing her now present history. It’s a very UNorthdox semblance of an unbalanced Jewish Community: candidly plausible!
There were expectations for the children. Once they were of age, boys were to go away to Yeshiva or college in New York. Yeshiva University for the boys, Stern College for the girls. They would get married and return to Memphis.
There are many characters in this novel - yet surprising easy to keep track of who is who. Very interesting characters.... characters you’d like to slap - washed their mouths out with soap- and others you feel really sorry for.
Batsheva was new to the community. Many of the ladies immediately had concerns about her for a variety of reasons. Everything about Batsheva was different. The Auxiliary ladies prided themselves as being a tight knit group.....(perhaps a little ‘too tight).
Orthodoxy doesn’t exactly applaud freedom of choice when it comes to food, clothing, traditional religious rituals, and many other subtleties.
Batsheva dressed more provocatively, she would sing louder in shul, she held herself more freely, and she said things with an openness that others would never say.
Batsheva chose to become an Orthodox Jew. Her husband had died - and she was raising her daughter, Ayala, as a single woman.
Other woman - the “We Narration” women judged Batsheva on the way she raised her daughter, kept her house, cooked, and they judged her past life before she converted to Judaism.
They had many concerns about her friendship with the Rabbi’s son, (they felt it was inappropriate) and they blamed her for when their own daughters were rebellious.
The gossip - the backstabbing- and accusations were so thick you could cut it with a knife.
As the drama got thicker and thicker....I started to crave a bowl of matzoh ball soup.
However- I admit I wouldn’t want to be accountable for cooking as much as these women did - MY GOD —� I WAS EXHAUSTED from Holiday to Holiday.....and I KNOW these holidays. ( shhhh but I never take them to extreme).
I’d hate MY LIFE centered around cooking - cleaning - more cooking - more eating - more clean up -Too many obligations of Orthodoxy for me.
Being a reform Jew works just right for me.
I related with the teen girls who wanted to bolt from their community.
This is a great book to pick if looking for a great juicy ‘discussion’ book in a group.
There are many characters to ‘pick a part’ to talk about: Mrs. Levy is first on my list... I HATE WOMEN LIKE HER.... lol
Other characters to definitely talk about: Mimi: (The Rabbi’s Wife) ....and Shira, Ilana, and Hadassah ( the teen girls), Yosef, ( the Rabbi’s son)....etc. etc.
Woman’s groups, mothers, and religious community groups especially could find this novel compelling.
Sorry men: The husbands in this book were chopped liver....didn’t have much power. Even the Rabbi was mostly in the background.
Tova Mirvis did a great job. This was her first novel. The prejudices and hypocrisies were all handled well.... written well. Serious themes ..... but
YOU’LL LAUGH YOUR TUSH OFF IN A FEW SCENES TOO! Laugh at the old witches!
Great novel! 4.5. Your turn Violet! ( discussions await)
Beware .... this book could make you hungry!
......about a traditional Orthodox Jewish Community in Memphis, Tennessee. The families considered their city as the Jerusalem of the south. They felt that they were “part of a chain of the Jewish Memphians that would extend into the future forever, as long and as far away as God in heaven.”
When that didn’t happen, it was the last thing their community expected.
Author, Tova Mirvis, was an Orthodox Jew at the time she wrote “The Ladies Auxiliary”. Today she is no longer practicing Orthodoxy. I found this novel extremely interesting to read ‘today’ knowing her now present history. It’s a very UNorthdox semblance of an unbalanced Jewish Community: candidly plausible!
There were expectations for the children. Once they were of age, boys were to go away to Yeshiva or college in New York. Yeshiva University for the boys, Stern College for the girls. They would get married and return to Memphis.
There are many characters in this novel - yet surprising easy to keep track of who is who. Very interesting characters.... characters you’d like to slap - washed their mouths out with soap- and others you feel really sorry for.
Batsheva was new to the community. Many of the ladies immediately had concerns about her for a variety of reasons. Everything about Batsheva was different. The Auxiliary ladies prided themselves as being a tight knit group.....(perhaps a little ‘too tight).
Orthodoxy doesn’t exactly applaud freedom of choice when it comes to food, clothing, traditional religious rituals, and many other subtleties.
Batsheva dressed more provocatively, she would sing louder in shul, she held herself more freely, and she said things with an openness that others would never say.
Batsheva chose to become an Orthodox Jew. Her husband had died - and she was raising her daughter, Ayala, as a single woman.
Other woman - the “We Narration” women judged Batsheva on the way she raised her daughter, kept her house, cooked, and they judged her past life before she converted to Judaism.
They had many concerns about her friendship with the Rabbi’s son, (they felt it was inappropriate) and they blamed her for when their own daughters were rebellious.
The gossip - the backstabbing- and accusations were so thick you could cut it with a knife.
As the drama got thicker and thicker....I started to crave a bowl of matzoh ball soup.
However- I admit I wouldn’t want to be accountable for cooking as much as these women did - MY GOD —� I WAS EXHAUSTED from Holiday to Holiday.....and I KNOW these holidays. ( shhhh but I never take them to extreme).
I’d hate MY LIFE centered around cooking - cleaning - more cooking - more eating - more clean up -Too many obligations of Orthodoxy for me.
Being a reform Jew works just right for me.
I related with the teen girls who wanted to bolt from their community.
This is a great book to pick if looking for a great juicy ‘discussion’ book in a group.
There are many characters to ‘pick a part’ to talk about: Mrs. Levy is first on my list... I HATE WOMEN LIKE HER.... lol
Other characters to definitely talk about: Mimi: (The Rabbi’s Wife) ....and Shira, Ilana, and Hadassah ( the teen girls), Yosef, ( the Rabbi’s son)....etc. etc.
Woman’s groups, mothers, and religious community groups especially could find this novel compelling.
Sorry men: The husbands in this book were chopped liver....didn’t have much power. Even the Rabbi was mostly in the background.
Tova Mirvis did a great job. This was her first novel. The prejudices and hypocrisies were all handled well.... written well. Serious themes ..... but
YOU’LL LAUGH YOUR TUSH OFF IN A FEW SCENES TOO! Laugh at the old witches!
Great novel! 4.5. Your turn Violet! ( discussions await)
Beware .... this book could make you hungry!
November 17, 2017
The way things are going in the world it’s becoming easy to grow less and less enamoured by groups who identify themselves too belligerently with race, nationality or religion. At the heart of all such postures can often be detected an elitism, an attempt to aggrandize one’s own cult by belittling outsiders. As such the tightly knit community is a fascinating conundrum. On the one hand it’s often in these groups of people that cultural tradition is preserved – no one wants to live in a world where the entire human race wears jogging pants and eats at McDonalds and Pizza Hut; on the other they can be seen as exclusive hostile cults with the purpose of keeping out all critical outsiders. I can’t help thinking of the many medieval hilltop villages in Italy – beautiful to behold but impossible to enter on a long term basis as anything but a tourist unless you’re willing to subscribe to a rather draconian set of rules. Against that I think of Venice where the local community are being uprooted by tourists and many of their customs are being caricatured for the entertainment of all these visitors. It’s a place that is in danger of losing its heart and soul. And this is the problem that faces most small communities. To what extent should they adapt to the changing times?
The Ladies Auxiliary is about a woman called Batsheva who has converted to Judaism and after her Jewish husband dies joins an Orthodox Jewish community in Memphis. What soon becomes evident is the women of the community are like a benign form of the Gestapo. The novel is written in the first person plural so we have a sense of a collective witchhunt in progress. These women watch her every move, eavesdrop on her every conversation, avid to find fault with her. I have to say I can’t recall ever reading a novel that presents such a deplorable depiction of women in general. Batsheva has a couple of allies but against that faces a pack of poisonous busybodies Several times I wanted to slap their ringleader so incensed was I by her bullying self-righteousness. She’s a baddie Charles Dickens would be proud of. Interestingly men are absent in this novel except for the rabbi’s son Yosef whose soul is like the prize the two warring camps are fighting for.
I learned a lot about Jewish customs and holidays from this novel and Mirvis did a great job of evoking the magical quality of these rites. I hugely enjoyed this enlightening aspect of the novel. The spiritual side of the religion she constantly exalts; it’s the secular dogma she takes issue with. For example the restrictions placed on women and it’s this kind of stuff that has nothing to do with religion and lots to do with an outdated patriarchal control which needs an intellectual overhaul. You could say Batsheva was the 21st century battling against the petty prejudices of the 19th. It was fascinating that it was the women who most staunchly defended the misogyny latent in so many restrictions though perhaps not surprising in a world where the working classes have begun supporting right wing politics. This novel wasn’t an attack on the essence of Jewish Orthodoxy so much as a stringent criticism of the entrenched prejudices and mistrust of exotic strangers harboured by all overly conservative communities.
Thanks to Elyse, my buddy read cohort.
The Ladies Auxiliary is about a woman called Batsheva who has converted to Judaism and after her Jewish husband dies joins an Orthodox Jewish community in Memphis. What soon becomes evident is the women of the community are like a benign form of the Gestapo. The novel is written in the first person plural so we have a sense of a collective witchhunt in progress. These women watch her every move, eavesdrop on her every conversation, avid to find fault with her. I have to say I can’t recall ever reading a novel that presents such a deplorable depiction of women in general. Batsheva has a couple of allies but against that faces a pack of poisonous busybodies Several times I wanted to slap their ringleader so incensed was I by her bullying self-righteousness. She’s a baddie Charles Dickens would be proud of. Interestingly men are absent in this novel except for the rabbi’s son Yosef whose soul is like the prize the two warring camps are fighting for.
I learned a lot about Jewish customs and holidays from this novel and Mirvis did a great job of evoking the magical quality of these rites. I hugely enjoyed this enlightening aspect of the novel. The spiritual side of the religion she constantly exalts; it’s the secular dogma she takes issue with. For example the restrictions placed on women and it’s this kind of stuff that has nothing to do with religion and lots to do with an outdated patriarchal control which needs an intellectual overhaul. You could say Batsheva was the 21st century battling against the petty prejudices of the 19th. It was fascinating that it was the women who most staunchly defended the misogyny latent in so many restrictions though perhaps not surprising in a world where the working classes have begun supporting right wing politics. This novel wasn’t an attack on the essence of Jewish Orthodoxy so much as a stringent criticism of the entrenched prejudices and mistrust of exotic strangers harboured by all overly conservative communities.
Thanks to Elyse, my buddy read cohort.
June 4, 2008
The Ladies Auxiliary is essentially the Jewish version of Relief Society, complete with all the gossip, the cleaning fetishes and the casseroles. It's at once hilarious and heartbreaking. Narrated (brilliantly) in the first person PLURAL, it underscores the insider/outsider mentality. The main character is an artist from New York who moves into an Orthodox Jewish community in Memphis. It echoes in many ways my experience moving to Utah, this artist from California, and frequently feeling like an outsider. The themes are universal, and we get a fresher look at ourselves by reading about these women. I have read this with three different book groups, and it always generates a lively yet insightful discussion.
I have underlines on nearly every page. Here's one of many resonant quotes I love:
"When we were teenagers, we would imagine that when we had daughters of our own, we wouldn't be so strict. We would give them room to explore, let them decide for themselves if they wanted to follow this way of life. But once we were in the parental role, it wasn't as simple. We wanted our daughters to grow up and get married, to have Jewish homes and raise Jewish families. We wanted them to pass on this tradition to their children and to their children's children. We didn't want them to be exposed to bad influences, ones that might make them steer from this path that had been set out for them since birth. We wanted them to avoid the confusion of the modern world, where no one seemed to believe in anything anymore. We wanted them to always feel rooted in their tradition, to be close to their families, their community, and God. And we didn't know how to do that if we made no ground rules, set down no boundaries."
I think any young mother can relate to this dilemma. The ending's not as satisfying as I'd hoped it would be, but overall I consider this a very rich and delightful read.
I have underlines on nearly every page. Here's one of many resonant quotes I love:
"When we were teenagers, we would imagine that when we had daughters of our own, we wouldn't be so strict. We would give them room to explore, let them decide for themselves if they wanted to follow this way of life. But once we were in the parental role, it wasn't as simple. We wanted our daughters to grow up and get married, to have Jewish homes and raise Jewish families. We wanted them to pass on this tradition to their children and to their children's children. We didn't want them to be exposed to bad influences, ones that might make them steer from this path that had been set out for them since birth. We wanted them to avoid the confusion of the modern world, where no one seemed to believe in anything anymore. We wanted them to always feel rooted in their tradition, to be close to their families, their community, and God. And we didn't know how to do that if we made no ground rules, set down no boundaries."
I think any young mother can relate to this dilemma. The ending's not as satisfying as I'd hoped it would be, but overall I consider this a very rich and delightful read.
August 28, 2008
I really enjoyed this book. About a convert to Orthodox Judaism who moves with her daughter to a small Orthodox community in Memphis after her husband dies. She tries to fit in.
As an LDS reader, I found it fascinating. Lots of interesting questions: How often are we like the Mrs. Levys in this novel? Are we so stuck in our customs that we forget about our religion? How can we raise our children when the world lives so differently than we do?
As an LDS reader, I found it fascinating. Lots of interesting questions: How often are we like the Mrs. Levys in this novel? Are we so stuck in our customs that we forget about our religion? How can we raise our children when the world lives so differently than we do?
June 1, 2008
This novel is set in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood in Memphis, Tennessee. The story begins when a single mother moves into the neighborhood in hopes of starting a new life after the passing of her husband. She is a convert to Judaism, but as a fellow Orthodox Jew, she is confident that she will be welcomed to the community. Things begin to unravel from there.
This book is written in first person plural voice, which is unusual, but you get used to it very quickly. It is as if "The Ladies Auxiliary" is telling the story collectively, which really fits with the whole idea of a small, close religious community where no one dares to express an individual opinion.
As a member of a religious community myself, I appreciated the chance to reflect on how people react to someone who is labeled as "different" or an "outsider" or someone with a "past." It made me want to be like the Rabbi's wife, Mimi, who was open, understanding, nonjudgmental, and forgiving.
The author explores the question of how much freedom parents should give their children. As a parent, I can relate to the delicate balance between allowing a child to make choices for himself and wanting to protect and shelter him from the world.
I also enjoyed learning more about the Jewish religion. Each holiday is explained, and I was impressed with how much meaning and tradition is embedded in their rituals.
This book is written in first person plural voice, which is unusual, but you get used to it very quickly. It is as if "The Ladies Auxiliary" is telling the story collectively, which really fits with the whole idea of a small, close religious community where no one dares to express an individual opinion.
As a member of a religious community myself, I appreciated the chance to reflect on how people react to someone who is labeled as "different" or an "outsider" or someone with a "past." It made me want to be like the Rabbi's wife, Mimi, who was open, understanding, nonjudgmental, and forgiving.
The author explores the question of how much freedom parents should give their children. As a parent, I can relate to the delicate balance between allowing a child to make choices for himself and wanting to protect and shelter him from the world.
I also enjoyed learning more about the Jewish religion. Each holiday is explained, and I was impressed with how much meaning and tradition is embedded in their rituals.
March 13, 2016
I read this book my friend Brandy recommended back in Iowa. I think it speaks much more to those who belong to a small, tight-knit religious community: like the Jews in the book or (like me and my friends) the LDS community.
I think I learned a lot from the book -- it really makes you think about what true worship is and the meaning behind all out traditions and rituals. It makes you think about how we treat one another and how silly we are when we all put on fronts that life is perfect and we're perfect and everything's perfect -- whereas if we used each other as a sisterhood to help and support and open up to, life would be better. I also learned about tolerance and love and family life and neighborliness :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just finished the second read -- the main reason I like the book is that it causes me to reflect . . . to evaluate myself. After reading it again I am actually very disappointed in the ending. I feel the main character, Batsheva, never truly evaluated herself and apologized for her mistakes, yet they tied up the end with a little bow on how great she still is. I think that no matter where you are religiously you're on track if you CAN evaluate yourself and make course corrections, but it never felt like she did (to me).
I think I learned a lot from the book -- it really makes you think about what true worship is and the meaning behind all out traditions and rituals. It makes you think about how we treat one another and how silly we are when we all put on fronts that life is perfect and we're perfect and everything's perfect -- whereas if we used each other as a sisterhood to help and support and open up to, life would be better. I also learned about tolerance and love and family life and neighborliness :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just finished the second read -- the main reason I like the book is that it causes me to reflect . . . to evaluate myself. After reading it again I am actually very disappointed in the ending. I feel the main character, Batsheva, never truly evaluated herself and apologized for her mistakes, yet they tied up the end with a little bow on how great she still is. I think that no matter where you are religiously you're on track if you CAN evaluate yourself and make course corrections, but it never felt like she did (to me).
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 14, 2014
I loved this book! I would have given it 5 stars, but some of the writing was just a little awkward. The ladies, members of a tight-knit orthodox Jewish community in Memphis, were so much fun to get to know. I am a Mormon and grew up in a community where there were not many other Mormons, but now live in a majority Mormon community. I could relate to these Auxiliary ladies who have strong religious traditions and feelings, and who want to pass those on to their children. Their foibles, fears, insecurities, goodness, etc. resonated with me because I have seen these same qualities in myself and my community.
April 21, 2009
I had a hard time getting into this book and never really did. The Ladies Auxiliary were just a bunch of gossiping busybodies. They drove me crazy with how judgmental they were. There group reminded me of an LDS ward were everyone knows your business. I did like how it raised the question of do we practice our religious beliefs out of tradition or because we truly want to draw closer to God.
I wish I could be at book club to discuss the book with you gals.
I wish I could be at book club to discuss the book with you gals.
December 14, 2008
I loved this book. I think it was because I could relate to so much of the story. Small communities are like that, hiding problems and protecting the status quo at all cost. What I love best about Oakland is that we celebrate diversity and seem to thrive on uncovering dirt to discuss.
And I loved the references to Jewish tradition. Although I was raised in a Reform congregation, my grandparents were very much a part of that Orthodoxy. And we all stuck together, supporting each other, even when it made no sense, like eating at the Chinese restaurant owned by a member of the temple and only going to Jewish doctors and dentists.
I own this book and plan to lend it out because it is such a fun read.
And I loved the references to Jewish tradition. Although I was raised in a Reform congregation, my grandparents were very much a part of that Orthodoxy. And we all stuck together, supporting each other, even when it made no sense, like eating at the Chinese restaurant owned by a member of the temple and only going to Jewish doctors and dentists.
I own this book and plan to lend it out because it is such a fun read.
February 7, 2017
The Ladies Auxiliary is, the on the surface, a story of an Orthodox Jewish community in Memphis, Tennessee. A newcomer, Batsheva, moves into the neighbourhood and she unintentionally causes the traditional group of women to question her actions, faith and purpose against their rigid rule bound society. Chaos and transformation ensues, none of which is easy on anyone. This is a deeply felt, thoughtful and universal story about the expectations of societal norms, the choices and attitudes over individualism within a group as a perceived danger or growth and the hope we all carry forward in our families to better their lives. I highly recommend you read this story with these themes in mind.
March 8, 2017
This book left me thinking. Am I open to change? Am I open, welcoming, and friendly to someone who thinks differently than I do? Do I see the beam in my own eye (see Matthew 7:3)? How do I worship? Do I just go through the motions? Or do I connect with God? How can I be the mother my children need? How can I love them not matter what they choose even when it might break my heart?
Now six and a half years later (3/2017), I would change that last sentence to "Will I still love them no matter what they choose even if it breaks my heart?" I'd like to think so. I hope so.
Now six and a half years later (3/2017), I would change that last sentence to "Will I still love them no matter what they choose even if it breaks my heart?" I'd like to think so. I hope so.
October 7, 2018
Meh, I’m calling this one done at 150 pages. I cannot engage with this book no matter how hard I try. There are only 270 pages on my ebook and I just don’t see it getting better for me at this point because I’m bored with it.
Life is too short when my bookcase is overflowing with books.
Life is too short when my bookcase is overflowing with books.
December 22, 2025
I found it difficult to engage with this book and. ultimately, found it disappointing. The constantly shifting point of view was confusing and made it hard to connect with the characters. More troubling, however, was the portrayal of the Ladies Auxiliary themselves, who came across as gossiping, judgmental, unfulfilled busybodies rather than thoughtful representatives of a faith community. The novel often felt like a shanda fur di goyim, presenting Jewish women in a way that does not reflect Judaism well to a non-Jewish audience and offers few positive role models. As a Jewish reader, this left me uncomfortable and defensive rather than seen or understood. Not a good feeling to have in this moment in time!
The book’s one redeeming quality is its attempt to raise an important question: whether religious observance is practiced out of rote tradition or from a genuine desire to draw closer to God. This would be an interesting topic at a book club or Sisterhood meeting.
The book’s one redeeming quality is its attempt to raise an important question: whether religious observance is practiced out of rote tradition or from a genuine desire to draw closer to God. This would be an interesting topic at a book club or Sisterhood meeting.
January 31, 2016
Mirvis definitely made me feel the conflict: the white lies and gossiping, the appearance that most people didn't seem to be in the religion out of true conviction, the judging, etc. were too much at the start. What really got to me was the way I related to the backstabbing and scapegoating that can occur in a community that's supposed to be close because of their love for God. I've been in the same position as Batsheva and it's very painful.
I feel like my Mormon-ness could relate to a lot of the Jewishness, but I was fascinated by the cravings for non-kosher things like shrimp or ham since I haven't craved alcohol or smoking. Later someone said that living kosher was so ingrained that they didn't think twice about it and I could relate to that.
At first I didn't like the "we" narration because it confused me. Who was talking? But as the novel progressed, I appreciated it for its uniqueness and way of being able to portray the views of the community. I even appreciated the way individual differences were still able to work.
I finished the book feeling like I wish life were less like that. I also wanted to learn more about Judaism.
I feel like my Mormon-ness could relate to a lot of the Jewishness, but I was fascinated by the cravings for non-kosher things like shrimp or ham since I haven't craved alcohol or smoking. Later someone said that living kosher was so ingrained that they didn't think twice about it and I could relate to that.
At first I didn't like the "we" narration because it confused me. Who was talking? But as the novel progressed, I appreciated it for its uniqueness and way of being able to portray the views of the community. I even appreciated the way individual differences were still able to work.
I finished the book feeling like I wish life were less like that. I also wanted to learn more about Judaism.
December 22, 2013
As much I enjoyed the personalities of this easy read, it also made me sad. Incredibly sad within a heavy view of nostalgia and yearning for the "we are all quite the same in perception" of my immigrant and 1st generation neighborhood of my childhood. The support and the conflicts, both, were considerable- but never reflected the types of dissociation, nor abandonment of individuals, nor violence so common in the same city today. All the identical issues and interactions applied for us as did within this novel, although we were centered on our Roman Catholic parish, schools and our European and religious traditions instead of the tenets and life of Orthodox Jewish life. Until you lose such a precious commodity, it is hard to describe how much it can be missed.
June 3, 2014
I would've given this book a four... I really enjoyed it all the way through until the end, which just left everything unresolved and hanging! :( If only the end had had more closure! But, I guess that makes it more like real life. I'm just not a real life kinda girl when it comes to my fiction, I like endings that resolve the issues that are going on. Small town, Memphis, with a close knit Orthodox Jewish community where everybody knows everyone else's business. A new girl moves to town and shakes everything up. The youth struggle with the restrictions placed on them and rebel, and the newcomer is blamed -- because someone has to take the fall and the overly strict Jewish parents can't believe that it could be their fault that their kids are falling away from the faith.
January 17, 2018
I enjoyed this book, it was written well, it was easy to read, and the characters seemed very real and lived on in my memory after the book. The setting is the Memphis orthodox Jewish community, which is a real community and the characters are universal stereotypes of every community regardless of religion. ( I think I read that the maternal grandmother of Elvis Presley was a member here.)
There are many references to practices and concepts of Judaism, such as the red heifer, the mishkan, tsnias, tesuvah, and the mikvah so that some readers may not appreciate the book if these ideas are unfamiliar to them; but on the other hand, those who want to understand judaism better may really appreciate this book. It had soul.
There are many references to practices and concepts of Judaism, such as the red heifer, the mishkan, tsnias, tesuvah, and the mikvah so that some readers may not appreciate the book if these ideas are unfamiliar to them; but on the other hand, those who want to understand judaism better may really appreciate this book. It had soul.
February 12, 2018
The writing in this book is exquisite. Really enjoyed learning more about Orthodox Judaism. The characters are well developed and the story itself is interesting. And I even got to hear the author speak a couple weeks ago. Looking forward to reading more of her books.
August 24, 2025
This is a very interesting novel about the small insular orthodox Jewish community in Memphis Tennessee. They call themselves the Jerusalem of the South. Good read!
March 28, 2018
This was the pick for September for my church book club. It sounded interesting and I was excited to read it. This book is an enigma to me in many ways. Just when I think I have formed an opinion about it...wham...my opinion changes.
When I first started this book I had a really hard time getting into it. There are about 20 main characters and none of them are the narrator exactly. The story is told in first-person plural which took a bit to get into plus the pace of the book is very slow. For the first third of the book I really didn't care for it and was very tempted to put it down and pick up something else. But I persevered since it was for a book club. By half way through I liked it. The book describes in detail the beliefs, holidays, rituals, spiritual practices, morals and values of Orthodox Judaism. I found this fascinating...truly. Mirvis does an exceptional job of describing these to the non-Jewish and non-informed reader.
By the end of the book I really liked it. As a religious person who has lived in a religious community I found that I could relate to the book and the women of the Ladies Auxilary. How easily comparisons can be drawn to people of my own faith in ways both good and bad. Mirvis does a great job of looking objectively at this community (one she was raised in) and not just viewing it through rose-colored glasses. There are characters who are self-righteous; characters who are religious purely out of habit and tradition; characters who just go through the motions and are afraid to ask themselves what they truly believe; and characters who are unaccepting of outsiders and those who deviate from the "norm". But there are also characters who are warm, loving, supportive who truly live their religion and exude that warm sense of "community".
I also found myself feeling a rejuvenation for my own religion. Last week in Family Home Evening Tyler and I were talking to our kids about how they needed to start preparing for Sunday on Saturday night so that Sunday would be a much more peaceful day. I grabbed my book and read the section on how the women prepare for Shabbos (the Sabbath) and how they set it apart from other days and make it holy. For instance... they light their candles, park their cars, shut off TV, don't answer the phone, dress nicely, have dishes they only use on the Sabbath, special foods they eat etc.
"We reserve the day for God and for family...and spend it in a peaceful pattern of prayers, meals and relaxation. The outside world vanishes, even if only for one day" (pgs. 18-19)
Our kids really got inspired and came up with some great ideas for things we could implement in our own family to make the Sabbath day holy.
In our book club we had a great discussion about the questions this book raises. The one that struck me the most is...how does one raise a religious child to become a religious adult? Most parents want their children to be religious in the same way they are...I am no exception. But there really isn't any way to ensure that your children will be religious in the same way that their parents are...no matter how much we wish there was. Our children are individuals who learn and grow at their own pace and take their own path to spirituality...just like we did.
The ideas of this book have stayed with me for over a week now. Having had more time to digest the concepts and ideas I am finding this book to be even more meaningful. While not a quick read or a page-turner I found this book to be a gentle contemplative reminder of how we ...the collective we...are more alike than we are different and I am left feeling a deeper connection to my own spirituality.
My rating: Good...meaningful.
When I first started this book I had a really hard time getting into it. There are about 20 main characters and none of them are the narrator exactly. The story is told in first-person plural which took a bit to get into plus the pace of the book is very slow. For the first third of the book I really didn't care for it and was very tempted to put it down and pick up something else. But I persevered since it was for a book club. By half way through I liked it. The book describes in detail the beliefs, holidays, rituals, spiritual practices, morals and values of Orthodox Judaism. I found this fascinating...truly. Mirvis does an exceptional job of describing these to the non-Jewish and non-informed reader.
By the end of the book I really liked it. As a religious person who has lived in a religious community I found that I could relate to the book and the women of the Ladies Auxilary. How easily comparisons can be drawn to people of my own faith in ways both good and bad. Mirvis does a great job of looking objectively at this community (one she was raised in) and not just viewing it through rose-colored glasses. There are characters who are self-righteous; characters who are religious purely out of habit and tradition; characters who just go through the motions and are afraid to ask themselves what they truly believe; and characters who are unaccepting of outsiders and those who deviate from the "norm". But there are also characters who are warm, loving, supportive who truly live their religion and exude that warm sense of "community".
I also found myself feeling a rejuvenation for my own religion. Last week in Family Home Evening Tyler and I were talking to our kids about how they needed to start preparing for Sunday on Saturday night so that Sunday would be a much more peaceful day. I grabbed my book and read the section on how the women prepare for Shabbos (the Sabbath) and how they set it apart from other days and make it holy. For instance... they light their candles, park their cars, shut off TV, don't answer the phone, dress nicely, have dishes they only use on the Sabbath, special foods they eat etc.
"We reserve the day for God and for family...and spend it in a peaceful pattern of prayers, meals and relaxation. The outside world vanishes, even if only for one day" (pgs. 18-19)
Our kids really got inspired and came up with some great ideas for things we could implement in our own family to make the Sabbath day holy.
In our book club we had a great discussion about the questions this book raises. The one that struck me the most is...how does one raise a religious child to become a religious adult? Most parents want their children to be religious in the same way they are...I am no exception. But there really isn't any way to ensure that your children will be religious in the same way that their parents are...no matter how much we wish there was. Our children are individuals who learn and grow at their own pace and take their own path to spirituality...just like we did.
The ideas of this book have stayed with me for over a week now. Having had more time to digest the concepts and ideas I am finding this book to be even more meaningful. While not a quick read or a page-turner I found this book to be a gentle contemplative reminder of how we ...the collective we...are more alike than we are different and I am left feeling a deeper connection to my own spirituality.
My rating: Good...meaningful.
May 19, 2013
This is an intellectual story and not chick-lit so I really liked the themes and thought-provoking messages. It was told from the POV of the collective, a plural "we", so that the idea of the newcomer coming to town and not being part of the community was always at the forefront of the reader's mind. It was an interesting way to write the novel and made it seem as though all the women felt the same way about everything, but really underneath, they all had different viewpoints. I found the lack of male influence quite interesting. The Rabbi, as the most important person in the community, was around and had a little personality, as well as his son, but the other husbands were almost absent. They were referred to obliquely, but they were always off doing something religious or working and thus the women were left to "manage the community". They never seemed to discuss things with their husbands and there were several comments throughout the novel of the women having to deal with things on their own. I wondered if this was a Jewish phenomenon or simply a Jewish Memphis one.
I liked many of the personal changes the women ultimately made at the end, but I felt like since Batsheva was drawn as the outcast and the martyr, she never had to answer for her actions, some of which were really against Jewish rules and not just community customs. The whole push and pull of the parents and teens about rules and choices is something parents of any religion has to face, but when there is an adult who is allowing your children to do things that you don't allow, there should be some respect for a parent's role. Batsheva was blamed for many things that weren't her fault, but she also deserved a little blame and didn't receive it in the end. Maybe the women were too busy feeling guilty and so Batsheva didn't have to feel guilt. I can't decide if that part of the ending was a positive or negative to the book.
The book raised many questions on religion and personal choices, faith, parenting, friendship, and community that were interesting and made me think.
I liked many of the personal changes the women ultimately made at the end, but I felt like since Batsheva was drawn as the outcast and the martyr, she never had to answer for her actions, some of which were really against Jewish rules and not just community customs. The whole push and pull of the parents and teens about rules and choices is something parents of any religion has to face, but when there is an adult who is allowing your children to do things that you don't allow, there should be some respect for a parent's role. Batsheva was blamed for many things that weren't her fault, but she also deserved a little blame and didn't receive it in the end. Maybe the women were too busy feeling guilty and so Batsheva didn't have to feel guilt. I can't decide if that part of the ending was a positive or negative to the book.
The book raised many questions on religion and personal choices, faith, parenting, friendship, and community that were interesting and made me think.
October 22, 2010
This was such a good book. Even though this deals wiht a Jewish community. It really can apply to any community that is not very tolerant of others. I am Morman, but did not grow up in a Morman household. Living in Utah is not very easy for those who are not of the Morman faith. I did not find my faith until college, so like Batsheva, I chose this and was not raised with this. There were many characters in this book who remind me of the people I now live around. I know what it is like to move into a community and at first be accepted by many people, to get caught up in the gossip, to be a part of what some may call the "in-crowd", to gossip about others and to judge others by what we may think their intentions are. Then you realize, if these ladies are talking about others when I am around, what are they saying about me when I am not around? Then you find out that yes, they do judge you and they do opine what they think your intentions and actions may mean and yes they do talk about this among each other and spread their opinions to others in the community. It hurts to know that ones you thought were your friends, but in reality they are not. However, you can not be mad at them because at one time you were once one of them spreading your opinion about others as well. So, the only choice you have is to distance yourself from them, be cordial to them, but tell yourself you must never get caught up in the gossip again. It hurts to be talked about the way Batsheva's friends talked about her, and like Batsehva, I do not want to make others feel the way I was made to feel when others gossiped about me. The parallells betweeen this small Jewish community are so similar to how it is to live in a mostly Morman small town in Utah. Highly recommended to anyone who wants to reflect on how they treat others and how others may perceive or treat them. I am sure that anyone who reads this will find a bit of themselves in each of the characters Tovis has created.
January 5, 2010
So far I am enjoying this book. It could easily be translated into Mormon culture. A good example of how xenophobia causes disunity and conflict in a tight knit communities.
Finished: WOW! What a powerful book. Essential reading for women in the LDS culture. Touches on the theme of examining our own lives instead of examining/criticizing the lives of other. Also about how we treat people who don't fit into the mold we have created for the typical LDS woman. Most importantly, it reminds me of the need to develop our own testimony and share it with our children through word and deed. Lastly, that each of us has to develop and receive our own testimony and that we can't simply rely on the tradition of our faith to get us through.
This would make an excellent discussion for an LDS book group.
Finished: WOW! What a powerful book. Essential reading for women in the LDS culture. Touches on the theme of examining our own lives instead of examining/criticizing the lives of other. Also about how we treat people who don't fit into the mold we have created for the typical LDS woman. Most importantly, it reminds me of the need to develop our own testimony and share it with our children through word and deed. Lastly, that each of us has to develop and receive our own testimony and that we can't simply rely on the tradition of our faith to get us through.
This would make an excellent discussion for an LDS book group.
March 31, 2010
I so wanted to like this book more than I did. I was expecting light-hearted sisterhood stuff, but, instead, I got so upset every time I sat down to read it. It made me so mad and even furious at times! A great example of religion taken to the realm of zealot and the ugly nature of women involved in everyone elses business but their own. A good lesson in beam and mote ideology. This isn't just a Jewish problem tho, I see it in my own religion. Especially living here in Utah. Anyway, I just wanted to strangle those self-righteous bitties that were using Batsheva as their scapegoat. Heaven forbid anyone take responsibilty for their own actions and how those actions affect the ones they love.
June 17, 2008
This book surprised me how it sucked me in. The characters were so complex and well-developed. I especially liked how the author dealt with prejudices within a close-knit religious community. She treats the topic with sensitivity, but a certain amount of irony and sarcasm. Reading this book helped me take a look at my own hypocrisies and prejudices, especially those that masquerade as religion. Mirvis really brings home the idea that being religious for appearance's sake can be soul-deadening and that hanging onto traditions blindly takes away from spirituality. I couldn't put this book down. As serious as some of the themes, there were points in the book where I laughed out loud.
May 21, 2013
I wanted to poke my eyes out! I really had a hard time with the book. I'm not sure I liked the flow; I can't seem to put my finger on it. It was just plain odd to read.
The cycle of the way women treat each other will never end.
It's so much easier to blame someone else then take a long hard look at yourself.
All the ladies in this book are sinners, they just seem to think that their sins aren't as bad as someone else's.
The cycle of the way women treat each other will never end.
It's so much easier to blame someone else then take a long hard look at yourself.
All the ladies in this book are sinners, they just seem to think that their sins aren't as bad as someone else's.
March 4, 2016
The narrative is third-person plural: "Little changed in this city where we have always lived..." So you are hearing the story through the community viewpoint, which accentuates the insularity of the Jews in Memphis. At first I thought it a strange point of view and then I was hooked because it made me feel part of the story, part of that "we."
Beautiful story, beautiful characters... I really have no words to describe how much I loved this book.
Beautiful story, beautiful characters... I really have no words to describe how much I loved this book.
September 15, 2019
I found this to be a very compelling narrative. I felt that both sides of the community were represented well and I liked the third person narration. Although I disagreed with the viewpoints of some of the characters I felt that, from my experience that their feelings were portrayed accurately. I also liked that the ending made you think about what happened to all of them and it wasn’t “happily ever after.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 10, 2009
This book is an excellent book club book, especially among a religious crowd. It makes one ponder what is tradition vs. based on gospel principles. It makes you squirm in your seat as you identify yourself in one of the less desirable characters. It gives you hope as you see change can happen for everyone. I read it in a book club years ago...perhaps it's time to suggest it again.
March 29, 2012
It was a fascinating read. I love how it was a world I have never been in before and probably won't ever be in, but it hit so close to home. Its hard to fit in and find a place in a close knit community, especially one thats so old and hard fast in their traditions. Even though I'm not jewish I could still relate to the feelings in this book. It is well written and worth the read.
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