Not What I Expected: A 20-Year Journey to Reclaim A Child's Voice

by Avremi Zippel

Avremi Zippel always knew his life would be different. With a commitment to follow in his father's footsteps and serve as the Rabbi in Salt Lake City, he knew his life would defy stereotypes.
However, nothing could prepare him for the truly unexpected twists and turns reality had in store.
Not What I Expected tells the story of a young adult coming to terms with the decade of childhood sexual abuse experienced at the hands of the family caregiver and the decision to pursue a path of healing and embark on a perilous journey of seeking justice...
It is a tale of faith, of hope, of belief―both in oneself and in something larger than self. It's a reminder that you can learn to find your voice when you commit to listening to yourself. Ultimately, it's a reminder that the most powerful and fulfilling life you can live is often the one you aren't expecting...

Genres: Nonfiction, Religion, Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

Published May 30, 2023

About the author

In December of 2013, Avremi Zippel was ordained at the Rabbinical College of America in Morristown, NJ. After his marriage in January of 2014, Avremi and his wife, Sheina, moved to Utah to serve the Jewish community of Salt Lake City. Avremi and Sheina currently reside in Utah with their three children.

In February of 2019, Avremi came forward and spoke publicly for the first time about the decade of sexual abuse he’d endured at the hands of a childhood caretaker. Since coming forward publicly, Avremi has been an advocate for survivors, working hard to combat sexual abuse in communities around the world.

Avremi has lectured in cities across the nation and around the world, speaking out to bring awareness and healing to the religious communities he cares so deeply about. In his debut work, Rabbi Avremi Zippel tells his story with bravery and candor, giving hope to survivors and working towards a future free from the horrors of abuse.

Reviews

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written memoir that fearlessly addresses the unfortunately taboo subject of discussing male sexual assault and sexual assault for those in the orthodox community.

I have the honor of knowing Rabbi Zippel a person. Rabbi Zippel the author doesn’t disappoint. Not only does his story shed light on such such an important issue, but is an inspiration for anyone that has felt real pain and has considers sharing their story to help advocate for others.

This is a beautiful, hopeful, empowering book. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring others to turn pain into something worthwhile.

[Shan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very well written and a fast read. With that said, it was a hard read. What a heartbreaking story but Avremi really is a hero in the end. I learned so much about the orthodox Jewish faith and the overarching role that played in his waiting so long to report the crimes against him.

I don't want to give too much time to Vina, the despicable woman who annihilated Avremi's childhood. I was cheering that justice was served after such a horrible re-victimization for Avremi through the justice system.

This book left me with the concern for any other victims of Vina's. Sexual predators like her do not usually stop with one victim. I hope that this book reaches any other victims and they find the courage to come forth. They deserve justice as well.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a powerful account of what sex abuse survivors go through. The author shared his inner most thoughts and feelings with the world on what he experienced, from victimization through his court experience. I hope it gives other survivors courage and strength, knowing they are not alone and they will be believed. Well done Avremi!

[Courtney Curtis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful. Touching. Personal yet oh so approachable. I read it in a single day.

[Bethany Crisp · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was wonderfully written and I learned a lot. The impact statement at the end was so powerful. Rabbi Zippel is a wonderful advocate and I have no doubt this book will change many lives.

[Avremi Zippel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arrived from Amazon at about 11:30, started it at 12:15 and was spellbound until finishing it at 4:00. Literally could not and did not put it down!

[Haley Kittrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most impactful things I have ever listened to. This victim impact statement was at the end of the book Not What I Expected, and the courage to stand up in front of his abuser and say these words will forever stay with me.

I have heard, read and cried along with so many statements from survivors of childhood sexual abuse and this one put into words so many feelings that victims have tried to explain or try to shut in a box, hoping no one will open.

I highly recommend Rabbi Zippel's book, and especially the audiobook as he narrates it himself. You will not regret it.

In terms of potential triggers, there is not a lot of graphic detail of physical actions of abuse, but there is a lot of discussion about how the victim felt in intense description of emotions including self-blame, guilt and shame. It is a hard read (or listen), but so impactful and meaningful.

[Polly Berman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard about this book because he came to speak at our States Attorney conference. Rabbi Zippel is a phenomenal speaker, and his story is incredible (to be clear, not the sex abuse but his path forward and his determination to fill a “void” and speak out for other victims). Rabbi Zippel is equally a good writer as he is a speaker. While what happened is horrendous, I enjoyed reading about the process he went through to get justice not only for himself but past and future victims.

[Stacy Kaplan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Must Read!

Rabbi Avremi Zippel tells his heartbreaking story with such courage and inspiration. I read the whole book in two sittings because it was so gripping. The end (no spoilers!) leaves readers with a profound and unforgettable lesson.

[Conor Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

i am lucky enough to know Rabbi Zippel and be able to go to him for guidance. I cried and laughed but mostly cried and was filled with rage while reading this. I am so proud of him for coming forward and for the work that he is doing.

[Moshe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried my way through this book in one sitting.

[Jessica Hirsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

FLEW through this on audible over the course of a day. Superbly written and super important.

[Hadassah Holl · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's an interesting story about horrific intimate abuse. Seeing the intricacies of really how hard it is as a victim to come forward even more so because of his community. Definitely worth a read.

[Noah · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the few books I read straight through. Captivating, engaging, and inspiring

[Lexie Mann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Avremi, thank you for sharing your story

[Julianne Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A faithful survivor's journey to justice

Survivor validation, justice, & commitment to the truth, are what struck my soul, with this gripping and relatable account.
One man's battle within himself, and against his decade-long abuser. Mr Zippel gets revictimized by the justice system, yet holds into his faith and hope for victory.

For a man that didn't want his name in the headlines, at first, he's definitely making a name for himself, with this moving memoir.

This book is for anyone who's been affected by abuse, in their lifetime. This book is for anyone wishing to understand the impact of child abuse on others. This book is for you.

[George Blue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly well done! It’s one of those books that you stay up way too late to finish because you just can’t put it down. Very easy read and finished it in one session. Great storytelling!