What do you think?
Rate this book
If You're Talking to Me, Your Career Must Be in Trouble: Movies, Mayhem, and Malice
Now in paperback--the hilarious and scandalous book that skewered Hollywood. Infamous Tinsel Town journalist-"hatchetman" Joe Queenan presents the interviews and essays that made him persona non grata among Hollywood's stars and movie moguls.
288 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 1994
64 people want to read
About the author
Joe Queenan
46 books90 followersJoe Queenan is a humorist, critic and author from Philadelphia who graduated from Saint Joseph's University. He has written for numerous publications, such as Spy Magazine, TV Guide, Movieline, The Guardian and the New York Times Book Review. He has written eight books, including Balsamic Dreams, a scathing critique of the Baby Boomers, Red Lobster, White Trash, and the Blue Lagoon, a tour of low-brow American pop culture and Imperial Caddy, a fairly scathing view of Dan Quayle and the American Vice-Presidency.
Queenan's work is noted for his caustic wit.
Queenan's work is noted for his caustic wit.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
January 18, 2015
This book was a compilation of columns that the author has written for several publications. The first few were the best. My favorite was the one where he was Mickey Rourke for a day. There were several "Oh Sh*t" moments in the book. This was published in 1994, in the book he often wrote about how terrible Christopher Reeves was as an actor. In one part he said something to the effect that God needs to save us from him, how awful it must have been when a year later he was paralyzed in a horseback riding accident.
September 14, 2008
The best distillation of Queenan's mean-spirited film writing. Includes his classic attempt to live 24 hours in the life of Mickey Rourke, his attempt to prove that movie tricks are stupid and don't work in real life, and some surprisingly insightful essays on Alfred Hitchcock and Woody Allen.
October 5, 2015
I heart him deeply. And I'm counting it as part of the great book res of 2011 even though I probably would've read him anyway.
He crystallizes a lot of my thoughts for me. And makes me want to watch movies even more. And I'm saddened how timely it all still is. Alas. I read and re-read parts of this book.
He crystallizes a lot of my thoughts for me. And makes me want to watch movies even more. And I'm saddened how timely it all still is. Alas. I read and re-read parts of this book.
February 26, 2015
If you think current Hollywood is at an all time low, this book reminds you that multiplex selections were actually worse 25 years ago. Interesting how harsh Queenan is to Christopher Reeve and River Phoenix, as this predates their tragedies. Some essays are skippable, but the writings on Mickey Rourke, Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese and Hitchcock hold up.
August 22, 2015
Read it before and laughed all the way through again. Even when you disagree with him, he is pretty hilarious.
October 2, 2014
Since this is a collection of articles written 20-25 years ago, its a bit dated. Plus, numerous articles by one humorous critic on one subject is a lot to digest in a short period of time.
My observation having finished this book is--anyone who thinks the movie industry is tacky now can read this book to find out it was about as bad two decades ago.
My observation having finished this book is--anyone who thinks the movie industry is tacky now can read this book to find out it was about as bad two decades ago.
July 19, 2007
a series of movie articles and interviews from rolling stone. extremely funny with lots of info about movies i really enjoyed this book, but more on queenan later.
October 20, 2018
Extremely sarcastic, yet funny, critical account of movies and actors.
September 14, 2009
Great writing, but rather dated now.
Read
May 16, 2013Droll reviews of terrible crap from a bizarre and long-lost time when film was the dominant cultural medium (the 1980s).
August 27, 2019
Mostly the latter
I picked this up at the library after reading Queenan's My Goodness (2000), a very funny book in which he pretends to seek redemption for his many journalistic sins. You might want to actually purchase this book, not to help Joe, who is beyond help, but to encourage Amazon's stock to migrate north of Antarctica. I certainly could use the money.
Anyway, I was talking to Joe Queenan the other day and I ventured the opinion that he is the undisputed king of snide remarks and deprecating asides. He responded, "I am the king," a line he stole from a mattress retailer out of L.A. He repeats that line to himself aloud every once in a while because he likes the way it sounds. "I am the king." There is a certain quick tempo to the "am" as though he is realizing as he says it that he is indeed the king.
Queenan is actually an entertainment biz critic who came up the hard way, a man who has mastered the fine art of the gratuitous put down and the non sequitur character assassination. He is a kind of like a low rent George Sanders from All About Eve (1950)--a film I know he saw as a kid because I can see his unconscious self still striving to emulate the Sanders character because, after all, the guy's girl of the evening was Marilyn Monroe in in something close to her cinematic debut. Ah, how the unrealized dreams of our youth do so guide our wayward path! Although he tries to keep hidden which babes he really likes in the movies, usually insulting one and all, especially the young and fetching ones (slyly kissing it up to his nonexistent female readership), it can be seen that he goes for those blond bombshells, but apparently doesn't want somebody, perhaps his wife, to know.
Our hero, for all that, does have a certain brassy felicity with words that commands attention, the same way a loud highschool band outside your bedroom window might. And the indefatigable choir boy from the mean streets of Philly really has seen more movies, especially bad ones, than I could ever sit through, and so has picked up a little bit of the art of cinema, enough anyway to qualify as a couch potato afficionado. Reading his rude lectures to semi-admired directors and his haranguing of actors he doesn't approve of (that appears to be ALL actors with the exception of David Bowie (yes!)and perhaps John Gielgud on a good day, and certainly NOT, e.g., Olivier, whom he refers to as "Lord Larry"), reminds me of a beer league basketballer critiquing the state college coach's substitution patterns. You have to sort carefully through all the snide remarks and deprecating asides to sift out a kernel of evidence that Queenan actually liked something he saw. My lord, what a life, to spend a significant part of your waking hours watching films you hate. But apparently somebody has to do it. Occasionally in a campy aside on a very bad film, Queenan will pretend to like something. He's like the tough kid who can't allow that he likes anything other than blood and guts for fear of losing face and looking like a wuss.
Anyway, this collection of his work ("essays" is what he calls them) from mostly Movieline Magazine and Rolling Stone in the early nineties will afford one a few chuckles and some real delight if he is lambasting one of your bêtes noires. Otherwise you might find that our boy grates rather annoyingly on the nerves. But, hey, that was the idea.
--Dennis Littrell, author of the mystery novel, “Teddy and Teri”
I picked this up at the library after reading Queenan's My Goodness (2000), a very funny book in which he pretends to seek redemption for his many journalistic sins. You might want to actually purchase this book, not to help Joe, who is beyond help, but to encourage Amazon's stock to migrate north of Antarctica. I certainly could use the money.
Anyway, I was talking to Joe Queenan the other day and I ventured the opinion that he is the undisputed king of snide remarks and deprecating asides. He responded, "I am the king," a line he stole from a mattress retailer out of L.A. He repeats that line to himself aloud every once in a while because he likes the way it sounds. "I am the king." There is a certain quick tempo to the "am" as though he is realizing as he says it that he is indeed the king.
Queenan is actually an entertainment biz critic who came up the hard way, a man who has mastered the fine art of the gratuitous put down and the non sequitur character assassination. He is a kind of like a low rent George Sanders from All About Eve (1950)--a film I know he saw as a kid because I can see his unconscious self still striving to emulate the Sanders character because, after all, the guy's girl of the evening was Marilyn Monroe in in something close to her cinematic debut. Ah, how the unrealized dreams of our youth do so guide our wayward path! Although he tries to keep hidden which babes he really likes in the movies, usually insulting one and all, especially the young and fetching ones (slyly kissing it up to his nonexistent female readership), it can be seen that he goes for those blond bombshells, but apparently doesn't want somebody, perhaps his wife, to know.
Our hero, for all that, does have a certain brassy felicity with words that commands attention, the same way a loud highschool band outside your bedroom window might. And the indefatigable choir boy from the mean streets of Philly really has seen more movies, especially bad ones, than I could ever sit through, and so has picked up a little bit of the art of cinema, enough anyway to qualify as a couch potato afficionado. Reading his rude lectures to semi-admired directors and his haranguing of actors he doesn't approve of (that appears to be ALL actors with the exception of David Bowie (yes!)and perhaps John Gielgud on a good day, and certainly NOT, e.g., Olivier, whom he refers to as "Lord Larry"), reminds me of a beer league basketballer critiquing the state college coach's substitution patterns. You have to sort carefully through all the snide remarks and deprecating asides to sift out a kernel of evidence that Queenan actually liked something he saw. My lord, what a life, to spend a significant part of your waking hours watching films you hate. But apparently somebody has to do it. Occasionally in a campy aside on a very bad film, Queenan will pretend to like something. He's like the tough kid who can't allow that he likes anything other than blood and guts for fear of losing face and looking like a wuss.
Anyway, this collection of his work ("essays" is what he calls them) from mostly Movieline Magazine and Rolling Stone in the early nineties will afford one a few chuckles and some real delight if he is lambasting one of your bêtes noires. Otherwise you might find that our boy grates rather annoyingly on the nerves. But, hey, that was the idea.
--Dennis Littrell, author of the mystery novel, “Teddy and Teri”
November 25, 2019
very funny.
September 15, 2025
Funny stuff! I remember reading Joe Queenan's "Movieline" articles (many of which are featured in this collection) back in the '90s. This was a fun trip down memory lane.
January 26, 2008
if im reading this i must hv no life
May 11, 2008
A true gut-buster... had me laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my eyes.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews