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How to Land an A330 Airbus and Other Vital Skills for the Modern Man.
Being given yet another pointless 'man manual' that told him fifty ways to tie a bow tie in under 30 seconds made James May certain there was a need for another kind of book. This book, in fact. He reckons there are nine vital things that a chap should be able to do. Not stuff you can download from the internet, but really important things. You never know when you might need to land an A330 Airbus, or deliver twins. And there may well be a moment when being able to play a bit of classical music on the piano is absolutely crucial to your success with women. So read, learn and be prepared - you'll wonder how you ever lived without it.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2010
49 people are currently reading
394 people want to read
About the author
James May
87 books188 followersJames May is a British television presenter and award-winning journalist.
May is best known as co-presenter of the motoring programme Top Gear alongside Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond. He also writes a weekly column for The Daily Telegraph's motoring section. On Top Gear, his nickname is "Captain Slow", owing to his 'careful' driving style. He has, however, carried out some exceptionally high-speed driving (including taking a Bugatti Veyron to its top speed).
May is best known as co-presenter of the motoring programme Top Gear alongside Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond. He also writes a weekly column for The Daily Telegraph's motoring section. On Top Gear, his nickname is "Captain Slow", owing to his 'careful' driving style. He has, however, carried out some exceptionally high-speed driving (including taking a Bugatti Veyron to its top speed).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
May 5, 2023
i rate 5 stars because i fancy james may tbh
November 6, 2022
I don't think it's possible to read this and not hear it in James May's voice.
January 14, 2011
‘Do not actually do any of this. This book is intended for male fantasy entertainment purposes only.
’
Yes, you should judge this book by its cover. And take, very seriously, this advice:
‘Neither the author nor the publisher can accept any legal responsibility or liability for any harm arising from the techniques, advice or situations described in this book.’
But if you want step-by-step instructions on how to land an A330 Airbus in an emergency, how to fight a duel, or invade the Isle of Wight then this may well be the book for you. Especially if you are a man who reads (and follows) step-by-step instructions. You may (or may not) be enlightened by the chapters telling you how to drive the Peppercorn Class A1 4-6-2 Pacific Locomotive ‘Tornado’ and how to deliver twins, and I certainly wouldn’t suggest defusing an unexploded World War II German bomb, or preparing and eating your best mate. The other two chapters tell you how to escape from Butlins and how to play the first movement of Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight’ sonata.
I enjoyed the first chapter most, and liked the underlying idea that the book came about because James May was bored with the portrayal of men as endearingly hopeless and that there was a need for a book like this which showed men how to do really useful things instead of things like tying a bow tie in fifty different ways in less than 30 seconds.
Whether or not you find this book funny will depend a lot on your sense of humour. I found some parts funny but thought that others were too silly to be funny. But, then, I’m not really part of the target audience.
‘The chances that you will ever meet with the circumstances outlined here are, frankly, very remote.’
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
’
Yes, you should judge this book by its cover. And take, very seriously, this advice:
‘Neither the author nor the publisher can accept any legal responsibility or liability for any harm arising from the techniques, advice or situations described in this book.’
But if you want step-by-step instructions on how to land an A330 Airbus in an emergency, how to fight a duel, or invade the Isle of Wight then this may well be the book for you. Especially if you are a man who reads (and follows) step-by-step instructions. You may (or may not) be enlightened by the chapters telling you how to drive the Peppercorn Class A1 4-6-2 Pacific Locomotive ‘Tornado’ and how to deliver twins, and I certainly wouldn’t suggest defusing an unexploded World War II German bomb, or preparing and eating your best mate. The other two chapters tell you how to escape from Butlins and how to play the first movement of Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight’ sonata.
I enjoyed the first chapter most, and liked the underlying idea that the book came about because James May was bored with the portrayal of men as endearingly hopeless and that there was a need for a book like this which showed men how to do really useful things instead of things like tying a bow tie in fifty different ways in less than 30 seconds.
Whether or not you find this book funny will depend a lot on your sense of humour. I found some parts funny but thought that others were too silly to be funny. But, then, I’m not really part of the target audience.
‘The chances that you will ever meet with the circumstances outlined here are, frankly, very remote.’
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
July 28, 2013
You'll chuckle out loud at some of May's commentary in this unusual book.
On delivering twins he writes:
"But be assured that this manual is not a thinly disguised exhortation to become a new-age post-feminist male who understands the occult mysteries of the menses and all that nonsense. That stuff helps no one save the publishers of of wishy-washy condescending "parenting" magazines. You cannot possibly know what it means to be a woman and should not offend them by trying. Neither do you fully understand the dark labyrinth of plumbing that is the human female's reproductive system, which is a bit like a helicopter. You don't really know how it works, you just know that it does, and any attempt to understand it properly will simply leave you too frightened to go anywhere near it."
On delivering twins he writes:
"But be assured that this manual is not a thinly disguised exhortation to become a new-age post-feminist male who understands the occult mysteries of the menses and all that nonsense. That stuff helps no one save the publishers of of wishy-washy condescending "parenting" magazines. You cannot possibly know what it means to be a woman and should not offend them by trying. Neither do you fully understand the dark labyrinth of plumbing that is the human female's reproductive system, which is a bit like a helicopter. You don't really know how it works, you just know that it does, and any attempt to understand it properly will simply leave you too frightened to go anywhere near it."
August 17, 2025
I now have full confidence that I can land an A330. #I'mabird
January 13, 2026
A nice and easy, relatively smaller read which was a welcomed break from my usual reading. You can’t help but read it in James May’s voice - it is quite literally like a glimpse inside his head.
Am I ever going to use anything I’ve read in this book? No. Am I glad I read it anyway? Absolutely.
Am I ever going to use anything I’ve read in this book? No. Am I glad I read it anyway? Absolutely.
April 18, 2023
I enjoyed this book. As someone else mentioned, it was impossible to read this and not hear him talking!
October 29, 2023
It didn't have any obvious editorial mistakes but that was about the only thing going for it. For some reason I expected James May would have done a better job of it.
August 31, 2016
Impressively bipolar in its scope, How To Land an A330 Airbus and Other Vital Skills for the Modern Man comes off as both flippantly satirical and disturbingly researched, to the point that I'm not quite clear who the book was supposed to be written for.
The book itself lists several situations and issues that a man may have to deal with over the course of his life, explained with sardonic detail by Top Gear host James May. While there are some useful and interesting passages in this book, namely practical advice like how to deliver twins, the majority of the situation are devoted to absurd scenarios like flying a jumbo jet, playing a complicated piano piece, cannibalism(!) and how to defuse a bomb.
The strange part is how well-researched all these scenarios are (like an overview of the laws and conditions that would conceivably allow one to invade the Isle of Wight), yet several disclaimers remark that this is all just satire and none of it should be taken seriously.
I don't get who this book was written for. It's too impressively detailed to be a straight satire, yet the situations included therein are so unlikely and impossible that it has no relevance to 99% of the male population.
The book itself lists several situations and issues that a man may have to deal with over the course of his life, explained with sardonic detail by Top Gear host James May. While there are some useful and interesting passages in this book, namely practical advice like how to deliver twins, the majority of the situation are devoted to absurd scenarios like flying a jumbo jet, playing a complicated piano piece, cannibalism(!) and how to defuse a bomb.
The strange part is how well-researched all these scenarios are (like an overview of the laws and conditions that would conceivably allow one to invade the Isle of Wight), yet several disclaimers remark that this is all just satire and none of it should be taken seriously.
I don't get who this book was written for. It's too impressively detailed to be a straight satire, yet the situations included therein are so unlikely and impossible that it has no relevance to 99% of the male population.
July 2, 2014
This has to be one of the weirdest little books I have ever read. The title is self explanatory, and the contents extremely educational. I ran the part on "How to drive a Steam Locomotive" by a friend of mine who is a serious train nut and was informed that the instructions are accurate!
Of course, as James May himself points out, the book is really just male fantasy fuel, and extremely funny fantasy fuel at that.
The section on "How to Deliver Twins" had me falling off my chair as I was laughing so hard. James May's comparison of the female reproductive system to a helicopter was as hilarious as it was disturbing.
I am a modern woman, rather than a modern man, but I do think it is vital to know how to land an aircraft in the event of an emergency (provided you can get into the cockpit), and everyone could do with learning how to deliver babies. Escaping from Butlins I will probably never need, and God alone knows why anyone would want to invade and occupy the Isle of Wight. I visited it once and was bored out of my tree.
All in all this is a delightfully eccentric little book and a source of a little light entertainment on a cold evening.
Of course, as James May himself points out, the book is really just male fantasy fuel, and extremely funny fantasy fuel at that.
The section on "How to Deliver Twins" had me falling off my chair as I was laughing so hard. James May's comparison of the female reproductive system to a helicopter was as hilarious as it was disturbing.
I am a modern woman, rather than a modern man, but I do think it is vital to know how to land an aircraft in the event of an emergency (provided you can get into the cockpit), and everyone could do with learning how to deliver babies. Escaping from Butlins I will probably never need, and God alone knows why anyone would want to invade and occupy the Isle of Wight. I visited it once and was bored out of my tree.
All in all this is a delightfully eccentric little book and a source of a little light entertainment on a cold evening.
October 8, 2010
This is a typical ‘lads mag’ type of audio book that features James May’s typical sardonic wit interspersed with a mixture of crude language and a know-it-all attitude.
Although read very quickly by the author, he keeps up an easy-on-the-ear voice, maintaining the humour level that he is obviously trying to create.
The sounds effects, special effects and music accompanying the text add a small element of interest, but little extra to the long-winded themes of each chapter-it is as though the author has set himself a ‘target’ of words for each one, and keeps talking until he has achieved it.
This audio book will probably appeal the boy racer Top Gear fan who can be happily browsing car photos on the internet whilst chuckling at James May’s boyish wit-it’s like listening to one of his television programmes without the pictures.
Although read very quickly by the author, he keeps up an easy-on-the-ear voice, maintaining the humour level that he is obviously trying to create.
The sounds effects, special effects and music accompanying the text add a small element of interest, but little extra to the long-winded themes of each chapter-it is as though the author has set himself a ‘target’ of words for each one, and keeps talking until he has achieved it.
This audio book will probably appeal the boy racer Top Gear fan who can be happily browsing car photos on the internet whilst chuckling at James May’s boyish wit-it’s like listening to one of his television programmes without the pictures.
December 20, 2016
I am now definitely a more well rounded individual.
February 19, 2024
Have you ever wondered how to drive a steam locomotive? Or how about defusing an unexploded WW II bomb that you just happened to unearth? Or what if your dream was to learn how to play Beethoven's Piano Sonata in C- Sharp without years of lessons? Well, this book is for you!
James May, of Top Gear, The Grand Tour, and countless other specials on UK & streaming channels fame, presents to the reader a how-to book with easy to follow step-by-step directions.
Writing with May's witty sense of humor, the reader can't help but laugh as they imagine James giving a lecture on the topics of the books. And as any James May fan knows, he would deliver said lecture as if his life depended on it!
James May, of Top Gear, The Grand Tour, and countless other specials on UK & streaming channels fame, presents to the reader a how-to book with easy to follow step-by-step directions.
Writing with May's witty sense of humor, the reader can't help but laugh as they imagine James giving a lecture on the topics of the books. And as any James May fan knows, he would deliver said lecture as if his life depended on it!
March 8, 2025
A very amusing and barely educational book on a smattering of obsolete skills. A few typos in the first edition but lovely page thickness in hand. A very nice present from mum to entertain and perhaps look nice on a bookshelf.
I can’t say I know have well rounded knowledge but I did pick up the occasional titbit of information like how diffusion of WW2 bombs work by ruining the clock and roughly how steam trains work. That being said, I do feel more equipped to be able to help in midwifery should the circumstances force my hand, or more confident anyway.
My favourite quote: “the man who put that deposit in the sacred vault of humankind’s future”.
I can’t say I know have well rounded knowledge but I did pick up the occasional titbit of information like how diffusion of WW2 bombs work by ruining the clock and roughly how steam trains work. That being said, I do feel more equipped to be able to help in midwifery should the circumstances force my hand, or more confident anyway.
My favourite quote: “the man who put that deposit in the sacred vault of humankind’s future”.
February 5, 2023
This is a fantastic book as it teaches you things you won’t regularly need to use, yet it is fascinating. The weirdest part is that the book teaches you how to invade the Isle of Wright as an average person won’t plan or even think about how to invade an island. For every part of the story, it first explains the history of the skill the reader is about to learn, then describes every step clearly, and includes some dos and don’ts for every process. My favorite part is when the writer teaches you how to land an A330, as I am interested in planes.
April 25, 2022
James May's humor is fun, but the book as a weird dichotomy of pinging from surface overviews and super nuanced in-depth dives, and the back and fourth fails to captivate me. I reckon I'd have preferred it more if it were just the first chapter off in a field by itself, but the others following serve at the book's detriment.
January 6, 2024
Ok, I admit that some of it, due to its very English nature, is not totally relatable to an American audience. That said, it is still well worth the read. If you enjoy May’s dry sense of humor and love of useless details then this is a book for you. It’s well written and funny. For me I heard the whole thing in narrative form in my head in the voice of James May.
June 20, 2017
It's a mixed bag of nine short stories (or long magazine articles). Some are pretty funny (How to Invade and Occupy the Isle of Wight), some just kind of went over my head (the one about driving a locomotive). Anyhow, if you have a dry sense of humor and like to read things imagining James May doing a voice over, it's not bad.
August 28, 2019
No está mal el libro, pero hay capítulos que se me hicieron harto largos.
Sin embargo, es altamente recomendable para pasar un rato excelente y adquirir conocimientos que nunca voy a usar. Está bonito
Sin embargo, es altamente recomendable para pasar un rato excelente y adquirir conocimientos que nunca voy a usar. Está bonito
June 30, 2022
Interesting skills-guide from a man who seems to know what he's talking about, even about organising an escapade from Butlin's, and cooking his best mate to survive after a tragic plane-crash. Three stars for the characteristic May humour.
August 15, 2017
Entertaining.
September 28, 2018
Duelling was my favourite
November 29, 2018
Useful book for every gentleman.
January 20, 2021
James May. What more must be said? Just don't do any of what he says.
July 14, 2021
British wit and humor.
August 25, 2022
“Do not actually do any of this. This book is intended for male fantasy entertainment purposes only”. James may is James may. Totally pointless to read, but totally brilliant.
February 1, 2023
This book fell well short of my expectations - not only was the humor a trifle dry, but the topics either went into full unneeded detail, or ignored the problem completely.
March 15, 2023
Nice little books of fun facts
November 22, 2013
When you think about it, we do a lot of things in preparation for events that are very unlikely to happen to us. Fire drills, first aid training... we end up with decent knowledge of what to do in situations which, chances are, we won't find ourselves in. But that doesn't stop those training courses from being useful, interesting, and sometimes even entertaining.
That's why this book of James May is actually quite a good read. It gives detailed instructions on what to do in a variety of situations which, let's face it, we're never going to find ourselves in. And in fact, as the book states quite clearly several times, if you should find yourself in one of these situations there's usually someone more qualified than you to handle it, so you still don't need to know this stuff.
But that's not the point. It's just interesting to know what all those controls in a commercial aircraft do, how a steam train actually works, and where the Isle of Wight's defensive frailties are. It was with some trepedation that I approached the chapter on eating your best mate, but even that was interesting, and thankfully not as gruesome as I thought it was going to be.
While the book is lighthearted in tone, May has taken the research seriously. Each chapter has been meticulously researched and, as is apparent from the acknowledgements at the end, written in cooperation with the relevant subject matter experts. This isn't a joke book; if you really did need to land an Airbus A330, disarm an unexploded WW2 bomb, deliver twins or drive a steam train and you found yourself there with this book in your hand, it would indeed be incredibly useful, albeit a bit late to start reading it.
Reviewing and assessing this book is quite hard as there's not much to compare it to. The great things is, there's a whole heap of other fantastical situations we might find ourselves in that I would happily read James May's instructions for; the book could easily be the first in a long series, should May wish to continue in the same vein. I would happily read the lot, which means this book must have been good.
That's why this book of James May is actually quite a good read. It gives detailed instructions on what to do in a variety of situations which, let's face it, we're never going to find ourselves in. And in fact, as the book states quite clearly several times, if you should find yourself in one of these situations there's usually someone more qualified than you to handle it, so you still don't need to know this stuff.
But that's not the point. It's just interesting to know what all those controls in a commercial aircraft do, how a steam train actually works, and where the Isle of Wight's defensive frailties are. It was with some trepedation that I approached the chapter on eating your best mate, but even that was interesting, and thankfully not as gruesome as I thought it was going to be.
While the book is lighthearted in tone, May has taken the research seriously. Each chapter has been meticulously researched and, as is apparent from the acknowledgements at the end, written in cooperation with the relevant subject matter experts. This isn't a joke book; if you really did need to land an Airbus A330, disarm an unexploded WW2 bomb, deliver twins or drive a steam train and you found yourself there with this book in your hand, it would indeed be incredibly useful, albeit a bit late to start reading it.
Reviewing and assessing this book is quite hard as there's not much to compare it to. The great things is, there's a whole heap of other fantastical situations we might find ourselves in that I would happily read James May's instructions for; the book could easily be the first in a long series, should May wish to continue in the same vein. I would happily read the lot, which means this book must have been good.
July 29, 2012
I'm a big fan of the UK version of Top Gear on the BBC network, which James May is one of the co-hosts of. When I saw this book at a book sale, first the name caught my eye (since I work in the airline industry) and then the author sealed the deal. I knew I had to read it.
The book itself is pretty small, and I read it all in about 2 hours. I'd categorize this book as part humor, part instructional - and honestly, I doubt I'll ever use any of the instructions since the categories are pretty random and unlikely to ever happen. Still, it was funny and it did have some interesting tidbits, therefore it accomplished its purpose, in my mind :)
A light, fun read. I'll pass this along to others who will appreciate it -- mostly notably, my pilot boyfriend who adores Top Gear along with me ;)
The book itself is pretty small, and I read it all in about 2 hours. I'd categorize this book as part humor, part instructional - and honestly, I doubt I'll ever use any of the instructions since the categories are pretty random and unlikely to ever happen. Still, it was funny and it did have some interesting tidbits, therefore it accomplished its purpose, in my mind :)
A light, fun read. I'll pass this along to others who will appreciate it -- mostly notably, my pilot boyfriend who adores Top Gear along with me ;)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews