50 Reasons to Say Goodbye

50 Reasons #1

by Nick Alexander

Mark is looking for love in all the wrong places.

He always ignores the warning signs preferring to dream, time and again, that he has finally met the perfect lover until, one day, he really does.

Through fifty different adventures, Nick Alexander takes us on a tour of modern gay society: bars, night-clubs, blind dates, Internet dating It s all here.

Funny and moving by turn, '50 Reasons to Say Goodbye' is ultimately a series of candidly vivid snapshots and a poignant exploration of that long winding road; the universal search for love.

Genres: Gay, Fiction, LGBT, Romance, Drama, M M Romance, Contemporary

152 pages, Paperback

First published May 16, 2004

About the author

My novels:

Where Do We Go From Here (2025)

The Imperfection of Us (2023)

Perfectly Ordinary People (2022)

From Something Old (2021)

The Road to Zoe (2020)

You Then, Me Now (2019)

Things We Never Said (2017)

The Bottle of Tears (2016) (also published as Let the Light Shine).

The Other Son (2015)

The Photographer's Wife (2014)

Two novels featuring Hannah:
- The Half-Life of Hannah.
- Other Halves (Dec 2013)

Two novels featuring CC:
- The Case Of The Missing Boyfriend
- The French House (May 2013)

The Fifty Reasons Series, following the life of lovelorn Mark
- 50 Reasons to Say Goodbye
- Sottopassaggio
- Good Thing, Bad Thing
- Better Than Easy
- Sleight Of Hand

And the standalone novel
- 13:55 Eastern Standard Time

The Case Of The Missing Boyfriend, The French House, and The Half-Life of Hannah have all been huge kindle hits, reaching number #1 in Amazon's kindle chart.

I live in the southern French Alps with three mogs (Mangui, Pastel & Pedro) and a very special ferret.

Reviews

[Mark Porton · Rating 4 out of 5]

50 Reasons to Say Goodbye by Nick Alexander surprised me. I grabbed it on my Kindle one night as it was on special - $2.99, a bargain!! I do enjoy Nick Alexander’s work and have read some of his books – the Hannah series, and really enjoyed them, not too heavy, just good to read.

This story was about Mark a young Gay man who travels along a path most of us have traversed, looking for love. I didn’t count the chapters, but I hazard a guess there are 50 of them, as each is a vignette describing an encounter with some guy which usually ends in a “Goodbye”, but sometimes the “Goodbye” is only until next time.

Well, I’ll be honest, I expected this to be a tiresome procession of failed encounters and short relationships and I anticipated it to be a tad tedious. In fact, after the first few chapters I was close to calling it a day and to start looking for another read. However, I am delighted to report this book ended up being terrific.

Nick Alexander, you’ve done it again!!!

This is way more than just a Conga Line of Mark’s meaningless brushes with other guys, there is a wonderfully believable and genuine narrative. The author carries the reader along and creates a totally absorbing story of Mark’s situation in life and the struggles he experiences trying to find ‘the one’.

I know that all relationships start with the search for similarity, I also know that they all end with affirmation of difference

I like that, because it’s TRUE!!!!!!

Several times during the latter half of this book, I literally found myself with my hand over my mouth just HOPING it would all end up okay for our hapless hero. Note: There’s another 4 books in this series, so one can only assume he has another 200 encounters to work through, I’m not sure how the author will pull that off with any degree of credibility. I suppose we’ll have to read all 5 to find out!

Oh little bird, if now is the moment then that is fine, for I have lived and loved, and I am ready

This little gem took me by surprise (and my breath away) and played a little too close to home – but I also really get this one. It is a Buddhist meditation on death our hero read, I really like it – it’s a keeper!!

If you’re after a highly entertaining story which sneaks up on you and is deceptively deep and meaningful. If you’re due for a few laughs and shocks. If it’s been a while since you’ve read about some tender and other (to be frank) surprisingly unusual sex scenes. If you’re in need of a hero, who you want to do well and are really invested in seeing him succeed. Well you might just enjoy this offering from Nick Alexander.

I think I’ll proceed through the other books, in good time though. 50 encounters are quite enough for me for the moment, I need to wind back the pace a bit.

Surprisingly good.

4 Stars

[Ije the Devourer of Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book in which we get to see life through the eyes of Mark as he journeys from adolescence and spends his early twenties and thirties trying to work out love, career and life.

Written in the style of a journal and in first person perspective, Mark leads us through various friendships, loves and encounters as he tries to find a meaningful relationship and companionship.

Mark does this with a wry humour which at times touches melancholy and desperation, while at other times touch fun and laughter. It is a lovely read, a bit like reading Gillibran Brown but without the menage and the discipline. The book has a funny way of starting out really snarky and humorous but bit by bit as love remains elusive the feel of the book becomes much more serious. It doesn't end in a HEA but rather in a place of hope. The end sneak up on the reader quite suddenly and you are left to realise that the story isn't quite funny at all. I thought this was really excellent and it made the story real and nicely leads into the next book.

But it has a lovely side too because not only does Mark ramble through various encounters but he also lives life to the full, travelling, working abroad and making home and friends in new places. I enjoyed these vignettes of Mark's life and I know that at some point in the series he eventually settles down. I am going to enjoy working my way through the rest.

[Rosemary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Depressing. If you are looking for romance with a happy ending, do not read this! The protagonist, Mark, spends 50 short chapters looking for love, and usually doesn't find it. When he does, it is either one-sided or ends badly. Plus he is not always the most attractive character himself. You have to applaud one of his dates who walks out because Mark has been poking fun at somebody who had benign but unusual sexual habits - which had actually given Mark a lot of pleasure at the time. But if you want to congratulate yourself on not having to live in the gay demi-monde, this is the book for you. Still, it rang very true to a certain kind of lifestyle. I am sure I will read the rest of the series.

Edited to add: the series gets a lot better. While Mark never becomes the most attractive character, there is increasing depth to the novels as they go on. I would almost say skip this one and start with Sottopassaggio, you would not miss much.

[Roger Kean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sorry to see some GR friends whose opinion I rate highly didn't like this, a book which I come to rather late in the day… well, just a decade. I happen to enjoy first-person perspective, present tense, although I understand it can be pretty uncompromising. And perhaps a series of anecdotal chapters rather than an actual story puts some readers off, but for me this worked very well. Alexander has a knack for finding the right way of describing situations and feelings without ever over-writing. In fact I have never come across a better description of the tawdriness of Hollywood, the physical repugnance of the place, and this skill finds many other echoes throughout this unique book, or its equally excellent first sequel, Sottopassagio.

[Liam Ostermann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've read this book three times, the first time with great pleasure and enjoyment. the second time less so and the third time, upon acquiring my own copy, with nothing but annoyance. Now I have glanced again at it and determined I will not be reading it for a third time. My lack of enthusiasm may say more about me than the book but honestly although it is not a really bad book, it is not a great or memorable one and for that I passing my copy on to my local charity in the hopes it will find a home with someone who will appreciate it.

[Ian Sear · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't expecting much from this so was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked this story. I could relate to a lot of this - that feeling that it's not worth trying anymore when every relationship goes wrong or when someone turns out to be someone completely different from what they first appeared to be.

I really liked the writing style and the short chapters worked really well. The ending was like "noooooo" but I guess that's life.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I will feel no guilt.
Take the joy wherever it is to be found.”


Mark is a gay man. We follow his adventures in life (somewhat) and trying to find love (a lot) throughout his twenties and thirties.

Born and raised in England. From early life highlights to accepting his homosexuality.

Immediately relatable, casual style of narrative.

Eastbourne, Cambridge, Brighton.

Friendship with Nick, who takes him under his wing.

First infatuation: Dirk.

And so with the love comes the pain. The pain of wondering if he has ever loved me. Wondering if it’s possible that someone I have always known so clearly that I love, can really feel nothing for me at all.

Friendships and roommates. Love and lust. Infatuations.

Really gets going once Mark finishes college.

Los Angeles. Italy. Nice, France.

Bars, clubs, parties, motorcycle clubs. Internet dating.

Mark’s constant erections are candid, hilarious, and endearing.

Figuring out what he likes, and doesn’t like: Finding his Goldilocks man is quite the endeavor.

Disarmingly honest. Good humor. Excellent slices of life style.

Mark has the worst luck. Anyone who has spent a chuck of time single in his life can relate to Mark’s tales and misadventures.

…then why am I still single? Why am I so lonely? Why is my life so far from how I had hoped?

The weirdness and rudeness in Sydney, Australia.

Earnest, but with a sort of levity that is difficult to describe. A unique approach, to say the least.

I like to have opposing advice; it lets me do what I like and still feel justified.

Legit lost track of how many times I said, “Oh, Mark” in completely different manners.

Eventually, he even drops the masc4masc vibe.

Happiness and joy. Heartbreak and depression.

Steve.

Interesting ending…


I push back against his chest, fold myself deeper into his being and a tiny tear squishes from the corner of my eye. It could just be the cold wind making my eyes water, but it isn’t—it’s the pain of letting myself hope.”

**Thank you, Pete, for the glorious recommendation.

[Meg Onthemove Reading · Rating 2 out of 5]

A 2.5.

Less a novel or a story than a series of casual sexual encounters drawn together into a very depressing history of looking for love, but actually only finding sex. So the subject matter of the book was not something I would have imagined from the title.

The writing got better as the book progressed however, as did the level of insight. But in general I just found it very sad, especially the ending when you think Mark will finally be happy, and then ...

[Joe Queen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dreadful!

I didn't like any of it I am surprised it was written by the author of Things We Never Said. I enjoyed it much more. I might read more of his books but not the gay ones . I prefer Patrick Gales books the are more relevant to me.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book and I'm going to continue reading the series. As lovers came and lovers passed I felt Mark's depression and disappointment. I was a bit disappointed that he didn't manage to find love by the end of this book. Of course, there's always the next book in the series...

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Each chapter is a snapshot of Mark's experiences, from his childhood/ background, coming to terms with his sexuality, trying to find love, and many an odd or unsuccessful encounter along the way. Sometimes funny, sometimes poignant.

[Phil Mews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest writing. Loved it! Went on to enjoy the other four books in this series

[Amanda Murdoch · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is where I started my journey with Nick Alexander.
I have read every book since.
Some on pre-order.

[Meryl Falvey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sadly I found this book very boring. It was basically the same story repeated over every chapter. Sorry Nick not one of your best

[Peter Schinkel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this excellent book. Very relatable. Well written and edited.
One guys journey through the early years of coming out and having fun.

[Josh Hogan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quite possibly the most depressing book I have ever read. It gets one star for being fairly well written, and another for being a vaguely realistic portrayal of gay life in the early 21st century. I don't just want a book to be well written and realistic - I want the protagonist to learn something. To go on a journey. Sadly, the protagonist in this short book does neither. Stumbling from one romantic disaster to another, he spends twenty years labouring under the preposterous belief that only a boyfriend will rescue him from his miserable existence. I couldn't stand it. Not only does he fail to show any kind of character that might attract the type of person he wants, he starts every single date by weighing up the person's physical attributes. Everyone is immediately judged on their clothing, their hair, what they do for a living. And sex is ALWAYS without fail confused for love. If this book is to be believed then a great loving relationship is one that consists of 24/7 sex. Now to some that might sound brilliant. If only it were true, ey?

When some of the long string of boyfriends in this book dare to fall in "love" with the narrator it is far too much for him. Only he is allowed to fall in "love" with anybody, and when he does it is only expected that they will be absolutely fine with it, because he is different and special somehow.

Maybe that is the point of this book: to make the sad, desperate truth of the narrator's life so abundantly clear you can't possibly go and make the same mistakes yourself. I found myself feeling rather sick by the end. It's hard enough being gay in the real world without books like this telling everyone we're all clingy sex pests with no emotional boundaries.

Knowing that there are people in the world who actually think like the narrator makes me quite angry. I wanted to reach in to the story and give Mark a good shake. Tell him to take a good long look in the mirror, reflect on the person who is really creating all the shit. I doubt I will go to the trouble of reading the rest of the series to find out whether he ends up learning the ultimate lesson: that his made up Hollywood fairytale love story fantasy doesn't exist. At the moment, I really don't care.

[Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Yay cheesy romance" might have been what I was thinking when I stumbled across this book and decided to buy it. It wasn't really what I thought when I read it, though. Mark goes on 50 dates, most of which end in varying amounts of distasterousness. It's hilarious. It's kinda sad. I so want Mark.

I don't know if there's anything particularly ground breaking about this book. There's a lot of wit, the ending it expected (at least I expected it) and it makes me think I'm not going to bother ever trying dating.

Then, the very ending comes and I wasn't expecting that at all. It kind of had the feel that Nick Alexander decided at the last moment that he wanted to make this into a series and needed some last-minute drama to bridge the gap. Maybe that's just me being cynical. It worked, I suppose; I did end up getting the next book. More because I really like Mark and the writing than the last-minute drama, but whatever.

Not really anything else to say about this. I only gave it three stars because it wasn't the kind of book which kept me thinking about it forever. It wasn't the kind of book to make me stop going to class to read. (I don't do that. What?) I probably won't read it again. However, I did like it, I thought it was well written and funny; I bought and read the next book in the series and will probably someday get around to reading the rest of the series, too.

[Ian · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got so frustrated with this book and its main character that I had to skip to the end to find out what happened - and even then couldn't care!

I think that Nick has a lovely way of writing and the overall idea of the book was a charming one. It's incredibly hard to find good gay fiction and that fact that Nick doesn't linger too long on the sex side of things prevents this from becoming a tiresome 50 shades knock-off.

However, the main character was just horrible. Self-centred, whining, depressive and not the kind of gay man that I would ever hold up as one who represents the kind of gay man I am, or that other gay men should aspire to be. I was hoping that at some point through the book there would be a maturing or at least understanding from the main character but he was so involved in his own life that this never came about.

I applaud Nick for creating something original but I wish he had left Mark sat by himself in that pub moping over a drink and concentrated on the myriad of much more interesting people that were met along the way. I would much rather have spent time with them!

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another Kindle freebie and a book I wasn't sure what I'd make of but actually it was very enjoyable. The story revolves around Mark, a young gay guy who drifts from relationship to relationship trying to find love.

Written as a series of short stories which sometimes entwine with each other, Mark travels from England to France to New York and back again, meeting men wherever he goes. In some ways it's quite shocking how quickly sex follows a chance encounter, but the stories are actually sweetly told and I grew to love Mark as the book progressed. The ending ... Well I don't want to spoil the ending but I will certainly be downloading the next book in the series to find out how Mark fares. If you like chick lit and you're not likely to be shocked by the gay sex (which isn't especially graphic .... Except for the egg, beware it's bizarre!) then this book will make a refreshing change.

[Christopher Winterburn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't too sure what to expect though of course I knew it was a book with the subject of gay romance/relationships. I loved the format, listening to the main character, Mark, tell me about his various encounters with various men. It has it's highs and lows, sadness and laughter, as I suppose all relationships go through.

His life reflected mine, the life I had in the 90's. Though not as well travelled as Mark, I met an lot of people. At the time I didn't analyse anything I was doing, me/him/it....I just did it but now all this time later when I look back and what I did and what Mark did, we have a few shared experiences.

The book is very well written, builds some really good characters and is a fine example of just how complex the human relationship can be.

I can't wait to read the next instalment, which I have but I'm going to read a couple of other books before I go back to it.

[Tracey · Rating 2 out of 5]

l'll be honest here and i didn't really enjoy this book.
I've read 3 other Nick Alexander books and enjoyed them so much i couldn't put them down but this was read so fast just so i could finish and move onto something different.
I had read in reviews how graphic the story was so i was prepared for that but i didn't enjoy it and thats what has put me off reading the others in the series.
I didn't connect to Mark until almost at the end of the book and found him very annoying and needy. I would have found it helpful to know more about his life and who he was rather than just the boyfriend search.
It won't put me off reading more Nick Alexander books in future as i do like his style of writing, this time though the subject just wasn't for me.

[Tayanna Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually hate stories where it jumps and there's not just a total linear timeline for me to follow. However, I loved this. I loved how it was sexy without being explicit (but don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a good explicitly sexy story every once in a while, this just wasn't the place), and how it dealt with feelings and so many things that just needed to be dealt with. Homosexual relationships aren't that different from hetero. There's the same worries, there's the rejections, there's the online ads. I thought it was charming, funny and I will definitely be reading it again and the next book by this author. I was drawn in.

[Gill · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've seen this described as chicklit for gay men; being neither a gay man nor a reader of chicklit I'm not best qualified to judge! It's certainly no Tales of the City but it's well-written and shows some emotional depth as the story progresses.

This is the first in the series and is a free download for the Kindle. I found it an easy read and the protagonist Mark is likeable enough that I will probably look for the others in the series.

[Jen aka jazzee2 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found and read this book on my Kindle. A series of cameos of potential and actual relationships, a roller-coaster ride through the humour and emotions of the search for love. Whilst one of the reviews warns against it being explicit, I certainly didn't find it to be so - much more intuitive in search of 'something missing' than graphic. Well written, feels quite autobiographical.

The story happens to be from the perspective of a gay man; it could equally be written about anyone in search of love and life.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what to think at first. The writing style is different, but that's actually what kept me reading. I like different! This book actually reminded me of my dating days. Some funny, some awkward. I love that this included things like simple exchanges on a bus. Seeing another person somewhere, and briefly hoping, wondering, if this person could mean something to you, and then they disappear, and you never see them again.
I'm reading the sequel right now, and am enjoying it as much as the first!

[Zachariah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was okay. It was very, very sad and hard watching Mark go out on these dates and be sure that they were going to end in disaster. However, it was an endevour worth taking.
There isn't anything really spectacular about this book that just felt be thinking about it forever but it sure did keep me reading. It even got me to buy the whole series.
I, personally, didn't care for the writing very much and the not-so-linear storyline; I loved Mark. Mark is a very strong character and his journey was one that I will never take back.

[Sally · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was a bit surprised by this book if I am honest - not like the other books I had read by the same author. To be honest I was bored by it - it was just a series of stories about one night stands. I can see what the author was trying to do and I know that it has morphed into a series of books about the same chap - but I am not sure I will be inclined to read any more of them. I am quite happy to read about sex encounters and people's angst over their lives but this just did not flow well. It felt disjointed and self indulgent.

[Sucajo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the journey with Mark as he looks for someone to love. Parts of the story are laugh-out-loud funny and parts are heartbreakingly sad as Mark meets men who range from slightly odd to just plain weird. Through his international quest for love, I wanted him to meet someone who he could spend his life with and be happy. I don't want to spoil the ending but I will definitely be reading the next book to see where Mark's life goes from here.

[Anwen Ross · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't wowed by this but it was interesting. There's a feeling of despondency as we watch the main character Mark search unsuccessfully for a loving relationship instead of a series of one-night stands. His negativity doesn't help. But it is just the first of a series and it looks like both Mark and the writing style will develop in the later books. Don't read this expecting a happy ending - at least, not in this instalment.

[D.E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first book in a series that I devoured with a passion... An unconventional search for love through many gay bars and doomed relationships with an equal measure of laughs and tears along the way.

This first book is more of a series of encounters as Mark searches for "the one" whereas the rest of the books settle down into a more conventional story telling as Mark's relationships begin to progress to more than just one night stands