The Sex Diaries Project

by Arianne Cohen

In the tradition of "The Vagina Monologues" and "PostSecret," this provocative collection takes a peek behind bedroom doors?satisfying our insatiable desires to look into the private lives of ordinary peopleArianne Cohen spent four years collecting 1,500 Sex Diaries and in this book she takes us on a tantalizing tour of American bedrooms through the all-new, provocative, often moving, sometimes shocking, always entertaining real diaries of forty Sex Diarists. From the Madly-In-Love 17-Year-Old Who Might be Pregnant to the Cheating Father of Three and the Grandma Who Is Perfectly Happy Alone, these tales of love, lust, longing and leaving will shock, titillate, and educate. Cohen serves as tour guide, drawing on her deep database of Sex Diaries for her incisive and illuminating commentary. Cohen was the first editor of the Sex Diaries column, a popular feature in "New York" magazine, editing it from 2007 to 2010. Her work regularly appears in "Marie Claire" and the "New York Times" and she is a contributing editor at "Woman's Day." She is executive producing a TV reality series based on this book.Presents a groundbreaking portrait of relationships in America?including myriad options beyond single, dating, and marriedIncludes Sex Diaries of straight, gay, bi, single, married, young, and older Sex Diarists, published here for the first timeGives readers tips on how to evaluate their own relationships and sex lives

Sex is everywhere in our culture?yet how people best connect and disconnect is largely a mystery. "The Sex Diaries Project" turns the lights on to reveal the secrets that lie behind closed bedroom doors.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sexuality, Psychology

368 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2011

Reviews

[Monica Benning · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s funny that sex diaries is less about sex and more so about relationships and our worrying, inner monologue surrounding them. It breaks people down to 3 different categories: lovers, partners and aspirers. I had never thought about what drives others to partners, outside of my own core, lover/emotional connections.

We have more in common with each other than we think, and there is no ‘normal’ regarding sex and relationships. Being honest with yourself, and allowing yourself to be honest with your partner/s, is more important than uncomfortable.

[Cece · Rating 1 out of 5]

Eh. The only reason that I finished this book was that I didn't feel comfortable about leaving a scathing review without having completed it and giving it a fair shot. All the entries sounded like they were written by the same person because they were all in the same tone and had similar syntax, and honestly, even the writer's "insights" didn't teach me anything new. I especially hated reading the sex accounts of men who cannot, for the love of god, see women as equal human beings, let alone respectable sex partners. Don't waste your time on this book.

[Dunrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed her analysis and the stories as well. It is true, these are things we don't discuss with even our closest friends.

Her categorization of relationship types into three categories gave me some food for thought:

Lover Partner Aspirer

And with those categorizations in mind, I looked at strangers on the street differently for a few days. For instance, as I walked to work one morning, I saw on two different downtown Ann Arbor street corners women handing men to-go cups of coffee. In each case, I hadn't expected the pair was even a pair (perhaps in each case they were meeting up after separate errands). The two couples were of different generations, had different levels of stylishness, and very different airs about them, yet in each case, they were caring for each other, so there was a fundamental thread.

I would never haven noticed except for reading this book.

My only complaint is a selfish one. I seem to have a "partner" relationship, yet her portrayals of partners were entirely of quite conservative religious folk. She mentioned that the two things that threaten partner relationships include "leaving the church". I joked with my husband that we were entirely safe on that front, since we have no common church. So, I feel partners were a little one-dimensional in the book, but perhaps that's a little justified if the partner ideal is the one more promulgated by society....? And Cohen imagined this book opening up our eyes to alternatives?

[Nicola · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most fascinating books of my life. It wasn't so much that I learned a lot about sex, but that I learned a lot about the degree to which it concerns people and the inner mono- and dialogues going on (so I now believe) all around us, a great deal of the time. I'll buy this one day, and I know I'll re-read it.

If you're remotely judgemental about people's sexuality, or put off by diversity, I'd say avoid this book ... except that I'd really like to say, READ IT and learn about the extraordinary, wide-ranging and almost always harmless expressions we've found for love, lust and sex.

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative & insightful, this is a great book to read to gain a better idea about different types of relationships. It might even give you a better idea of your own relationship & what you're looking for. If you enjoy a voreyeistic look into other people's lives you'll likely enjoy this book. There is sex naturally but there is also feelings, worries, hopes, openness and all the other things that are part of our romantic relationships.

[Karah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm grateful for books that present honesty with sex. How else will anyone learn? Boundless wonders erupt when we pair truthfulness with sexuality. Particularly for those of us who live in sexually reticent homes.

I wanted it longer!!!

[Bakari · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book turned out better than I thought it would be. Though it's titled Sex Diaries, it's really about relationships. It seems when people give themselves permission to write about their sex lives they are more open and direct about themselves and their partners.

Some parts of Cohen's analysis of the dairies tend to drag on a little too long, but just feel free to skip what you don't want to read.

If you've been in relationships, I guarantee there will be diary entries you can relate to, and you won't feel alone about some of your taboo habits or fantasies.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I learned more about my own relationships and choices from this book than most any other book that is supposed to be about relationships specifically. The first few chapters were a bit painful and boring to read, but that was because of the particular diarists featured and necessary for Arianne's analysis and conclusions that come later. I really appreciated this book's open, honest, and respectful look at human nature and our societies!

[Jordyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed parts of this book. I felt like it went on alittle too long and kind of got boring towards the end.
It was also interesting that for a book titled 'The Sex Diaries' there ironically wasn't all that much sex. It was more focused towards people's relationships and their feelings. Which I enjoyed but also would have liked a bit more graphic detail.
All in all. It was a good book just felt that it was a little too long.

[Spidermonkeyloo · Rating 2 out of 5]

After the initial intrigue, this book grew a bit tired for me. Personally, I think it could have been half the length. Good to dip in and out of due to the short diary entries (no person was given more than a few pages for their account), but by the halfway mark I had had enough and wanted it to be over! Some of the later entries actually made me feel uncomfortable, as they were so graphic.
To anyone intrigued like I was... I suggest flicking through but not reading cover-to-cover.

[Christin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by a friend of mine, it's a interesting view into the intimate thoughts and lives of a very diverse group of people. While there are certainly racy sections, as the title suggests, the book is more of a refreshing take on different types of relationships and their priorities. A quick, fun, and interesting read!

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the first book I read of 2013. I plan to read 24 this year, starting small.
I really enjoyed this book, it gave a very open view into our lives behind closed bedroom doors. I particularly enjoyed her breakdown of relationships into three categories based on how people meet their needs. Overall I think this book is worth reading.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful conclusions drawn from a variety of diaries, led to some introspection about what motivates my relationship choices, both successful and failed. Great stimulus for discussion on the role of sexuality in one's own life.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting that our sex diaries are not primarily about sex. I had the opportunity to meet Ms Cohen and she is as articulate and funny and thoughtful as her collection of diaries. Something for everyone.

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess I expected this book to be more, well, sexy. It turned out to be a little bit boring. I did find interesting the segments about relationships that end at death. And the material about polyamory was eye-opening. How would I ever know about this?

[Cherise Stone · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting look into the lives of others. It is more about relationships than sex so don't be fooled by the title!

[Daniela · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quite interesting- it is about relationships really.

[Jeff Rosendahl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure I agree with her categorizations - maybe if I read 1500 diaries like she did. But it's hard to see the connections with just a few examples...they looked to me to be all unique with few similarities.
And nothing super-interesting, just mostly complaining about current partner.

[Liz De Coster · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting, behind-the-scenes take at people's private lives and relationships.