Your Ten- to Fourteen-Year-Old

by Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. Ilg, Sidney M. Baker

The years from ten to fourteen are undeniably trying and turbulent years for parents and children alike. Adolescents develop by leaps and bounds during these years, and often find themselves uncomfortable with who they are and what they’re feeling. Parents, too, don’t know what to expect from the adolescent child who is at one moment hostile and glum, at the next carefree and happy. Your Ten- to Fourteen-Year-Old was written by renowned child-care experts Louise Bates Ames, Frances Ilg, and Sidney Baker to help prepare parents for the incredible changes their children will be going through.
 
Included in this
• Boy-girl relationships and sexual curiosity
• Clubs, hobbies, activities, sports
• Trouble at school
• Family life and relationships with siblings
• Physical development—the awkward adolescent
• Summer jobs and independence
• Money matters
• Personal hygiene
• Moodiness, loneliness
• Smoking, drinking, drug use
 
“Louise Bates Ames and her colleagues synthesize a lifetime of observation of children, consultation, and discussion with parents. These books will help parents to better understand their children and will guide them through the fascinating and sometimes trying experiences of modern parenthood.”—Donald J. Cohen, M.D., Director, Yale Child Study Center, Irving B. Harris Professor of Child Psychiatry, Pediatrics, and Psychology, Yale School of Medicine

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Childrens, Reference

346 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1988

About the author

Louise Bates Ames was an American psychologist specializing in child development.[1] Ames was known as a pioneer of child development studies, introducing the theory of child development stages to popular discourse. Ames authored numerous internationally renowned books on the stages of child development, hosted a television show on child development, and co-founded the Gesell Institute of Child Development in New Haven, CT.

Ames's work found that children go through clear, discrete developmental phases based on age. She demonstrated that various age groups feature unique behavioral patterns, to be considered by parents and doctors in monitoring children's development. Perhaps the best-known legacy of her work was the coining of the term "Terrible Twos," to describe the rigid, conflict-laden behavioral patterns of two-year-olds.

Reviews

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series is indispensable in child raising. They shoot at letting you know what typical children are doing at each age and stage, rather than promoting a philosophy so much. It really helped us know what was normal and what was not. And mainly, it was normal. Who knew? Ms. Ames did.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m really sad I procrastinated two years to read this book, finishing it right before my boys turn 12. I’m sad because the book highlights how difficult 11 is... happy because it highlights how great 12 is. I’ve read every book in this series and love them all, finding them to be so insightful about each age. Highly recommend all of these.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is valuable information here about child development, but some of the expectations are based on only one subset of society. It could have greatly benefited from including a wider demographic. In addition, this is extremely dated—last published in the ‘80s. It talks about kids using the phonograph, for goodness’ sake. Also, some of the questions in the interviews were leading questions. The same information gathered would be useful in an updated book in which the interviews given were less biased toward a certain response.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

this series of developmental books seem perfect for my daughter. I have read many of the ages ( mostly when I am stressed about parenting) and find them to be helpful in realizing what is normal behavior in my girl. My aunt recommended them to me after reading them when my cousin was young. Ageless information.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very helpful for a mom of kids who will be 10, 12, and 14 when the birthdays come up in a couple of months.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've generally loved this series as my kids have grown up to help me expect developmental stages. Unfortunately the dated nature of the series is really getting in the way of me enjoying the last volume. With kids hitting puberty earlier and earlier these days, the sections on physical development are way off (and not just the fat-shaming stuff about "mesomorphs"). This is also where the limited variety in their large sample population causes the most problems. For a very small subsection of kids the majority of these chapters are still helpful, for the rest, just the cliff notes of their observations on developmental stages is what's most helpful.

Age 10: Equilibrium and Good Adjustment stage (mirroring ages 2 and 5); tends to be good natured, friendly, and happy with the status quo; family-oriented; their rooms and belongings are more likely to be a mess; more into physical activity than at 9, but may be a little clumsy about it

Age 11: Breaking Up stage (mirroring ages 2.5 and 5.5-6); egocentric and contrary in their sudden disinterest to cooperate; a sudden inability to sit still because of their constant need to be moving and/or talking; generally blaming parents for every little thing as they start to figure out how to be more independent of them

Age 12: Equilibrium and Expansion stage (mirroring ages 3 and 6.5); having come through the trials of 11, Age 12 is content to let their parents live their lives more independently; beginning to show more interest in friends and others outside the family; generally a pleasant age with a more secure and confident child; as their focus turns outward, they begin to place more emphasis on wanting to fit in with the group at large

Age 13: Inwardization stage (mirroring ages 3.5 and 7); often a drastic change - withdrawn, uncommunicative, uncertain, suspicious, critical; seeking more separation from family as their own personality begins to truly develop but is still too uncertain to share with family; friends are becoming increasingly important

Age 14: Vigorous Expansion stage (mirroring ages 4 and 8); verve, vigor, excitement; boundless energy and optimism; continuing to expand into the world around them and be more adventurous, often at the expense of their relationships with their parents

The majority of the book is focused on ages 10-14, but the last chapter contains brief synopses of ages 15 & 16.

Age 15: Inward stage (mirroring ages 4.5 and 9); continuing the the theme, 15 often wants to be free of their family and generally craves independence, but not from their friends; teachers may also be on the receiving end of their fight against authority figures

Age 16: Equilibrium and Good Adjustment stage (mirroring ages 2, 5, and 10); regained sense of security in their place in the world and so more giving in relationships; having gained more independence they're now willing to use it in service of others as well as their own needs

[Jersc · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't get to finish it because I had to turn it back in to the library, but I wasn't too impressed. I liked their earlier age specific books, but this one was done differently. For one, it was very repetitive. When they described the research they did to come to their conclusions, I found it highly lacking and not at all thorough. They basically took 100 upper-middle class kids from the same town and interviewed them. I don't see how you can tell what a kid is really like from just an interview. They also promoted to just let the bad behavior slide which I don't agree with at all. The author also gravely complained about how awful 11 year olds are. I've had one so far, and while there were times that were challenging, overall it was a wonderful year. In short, I don't recommend this book.

[Jennifer Buczynski · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read just the ten year old section but wanted to keep track of it for later. Had to hide in my bedroom for 37 minutes to read it 😂 can’t seem to read around the kids. Very helpful info, as always. I love being equipped and knowing what is normal for children when they reach each age and this one is no different.

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate how it is broken up and how they combine these ages together, helpful in understanding this age group. I don't love that it's a small sample survey and that it is obviously pretty outdated. Some things are not addressed now, like social media cell phones etc but still helpful and understanding the psyche.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent as usual, just wish it could be updated with today's issues. However, most info is easily transferred to current situations.

[Chukwuezugo Aluka · Rating 5 out of 5]

The ten year olds to fourteen.

[Sundos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this series. Slightly dated language, but very helpful advice.

[Lendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read most ages in this book series. They are outdated, but if you look past that some of the information is spot on. Simple quick reads by age.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Still very good development information but due to subject age ends up being more dated/less relevant than younger age books.

[Robyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read up to 11, where we are now. Not looking forward to these changes. Ugh

[Dolly]

I have read many of the age-specific books about children by Louise Bates Ames et al and I have appreciated their timely reminders of what is considered normal for a child that age. It has helped me realize just how age-appropriate our girls' behaviors are.

I borrowed this last book in the series from our local library as our oldest approached the 'double digits.' I have to admit, though, that I procrastinated too long and had to return the book before I was finished. All of the other books are such quick reads, but with five years contained in this book, I just didn't leave myself enough time to read the whole thing. Still, I read all about ten year olds and I really liked the information provided. It really made me see my oldest in a new light. Perhaps I'll have to borrow it again next year on her birthday...

[Naomi Kenorak · Rating 4 out of 5]

It always amazes me how on-target these books are given their age. It goes to show that while our cultural norms (such as how often we wash our hair) may have changed considerably in the last 30-50 years, the stages of human development haven't. When you're parenting an adolescent, it's easy to feel uncertain about whether certain kid behavior is temporary insanity or regular teenage acting-out. This book helps to answer that question by describing the general trends and changes in thoughts, behaviors, emotions, physical growth, etc. that can can be expected at each age. The authors take care to point out that each child is an individual and individuals vary tremendously, but we are all a lot more alike than we are different, including how we develop and grow.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's important to note that the research for the Ames series ("Your __ -year old) was conducted decades ago, and even the updated edition is pretty old. Some of the societal assumptions are fairly dated, and the families studied are overwhelmingly, if not entirely, white and middle class. Nevertheless, Ames and her colleagues were among the first to study childhood and adolescence as distinct stages, and some of the observations are timeless. I picked this up last summer when my darling girl suddenly gave me whiplash with unexpected snark and moodiness. Consulted the book: Incredibly self-absorbed? Check. Extremely sensitive? Check. Devastated when her rudeness is pointed out to her? Check. Okay, we're good.

[Diane Zwang · Rating 3 out of 5]

I only read the chapters on 11 year-old and 12 year-old because that is the age and stage I am dealing with. I have read several books by Louise Bates Ames over the years. I seem to check them out when my relationship with my kid hits a snag. Originally published in the 1950s some of the information is dated. This is not a parenting book but information about the age and development of the child and that information has stayed the same over the years. I always find her descriptions of behavior useful. I look forward To-reading the rest of this book when needed during the teenage years.

[Nina R. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm reading different sections of this book! I hope it is promising - kids are tough!!

It did not include specific guidance on academic discipline, as I was hoping for, but I am sure this book will provide useful knowledge for others.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

While some of the detail about our contemporary society will feel out of date, these books remain as invaluable as ever in thinking about the changes children are going through and what is developmentally appropriate.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

All of Louise Bates Ames books are wonderful parenting tools. This one is especially helpful tiptoeing into the teenage years.

[Shannon Wallner · Rating 4 out of 5]

These are always insightful.

[Carolyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

haven't liked it as much as others in this series. seems 'dated'.

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Should re'read this one and skip to the 13/14 yr old part for a refresher.

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the statistics are outdated in terms of generational trends, and when this book was first written. But the overall message is still relevant, and very insightful.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

old but great information. It's hard for parents to know what the 'norm' is and although all kids are unique it is a great springboard.

[Will Mitchell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Since this book covers the wide range of 10-14 year olds, and I only have the pleasure of teaching 10 year olds on a daily basis, I stuck with the sections about Tens.

[Malina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the gesell institute books on child development. Picked this one up this week for reassurance about my oldest as he grows.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

These can be helpful reads, even though they are dated. I think the younger ages are a little bit better but maybe I am just shell shocked about the upcoming years.