Don't Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce

by Bill Eddy

In this tenth anniversary edition of Don't Alienate the Kids! attorney, mediator, and therapist Bill Eddy shows listeners how to protect children from the harm of alienation and high-conflict divorce, boosting their resilience by teaching them to think flexibly, manage their emotions, and moderate their behaviors. We all know breakups can get ugly. But sometimes they can get downright vicious, with badmouthing, brainwashing, and allegations of alienation, child abuse, and domestic violence, all leading to nasty custody battles. No one can solve this problem alone. That's because the wall of alienation between parent and child is built the family's own patterns of conflict; family court professionals who get emotionally hooked; society's rapidly escalating culture of blame. But there's hope! Listeners can help kids learn flexible thinking, emotion regulation, effective behaviors, and healthy relationships. Everyone involved must work together. This book shows how parents, family members, friends, counselors, lawyers, parenting coordinators, divorce coaches, and family court judges can become part of the solution, giving children a foundation of resilience that will last a lifetime.

Genres: Parenting, Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction

295 pages, Paperback

Published March 30, 2010

About the author

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training on this subject to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners’ association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 25 states, several provinces in Canada, Australia, France and Sweden.

As an attorney, Bill is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California and the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. Prior to becoming an attorney in 1992, he was a Licensed Clinical Social worker with twelve years’ experience providing therapy to children, adults, couples and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics. He has taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years and he is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College. He is the author of numerous articles and several books, including:

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
It’s All YOUR Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns

He is also the developer of the “New Ways for Families” method of managing potentially high conflict families in and out of family court. He is currently developing a method for managing potentially high conflict employees titled “New Ways for Work.”

Reviews

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good book. Provides a thorough understanding of why HCP act the way they do which has been the hardest part of the whole process. Understanding their behavior helps calm anxieties while also providing you with a more appropriate approach to address issues. The only suggestion I have a hard time agreeing with 100% is the authors idea that judges should encourage parents to come to agreements on their own rather than the judge making decisions for them. While this may seem ideal, HCP tend to be manipulative which may just encourage their manipulative behavior to get what they want while the passive parent gives in yet again. It is unlikely that HCP will cooperate in seeking professional assistance to come to an agreement as the author suggests. What I have seen courts do recently is a more realistic solution where they require parents to go to mediation in attempt to come to an agreement before being seen in front of the judge. What I agree with 1000% is the suggestion that any plan that has been "agreed to" that is NOT 50/50 parenting time should be looked into further to ensure neither parent was coerced into agreement.

[Nancy Sturm · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good read for parents, attorneys and Judicial Officers dealing with custody and placement issues in a divorce.

[Cameron Rahimian · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for reasonable parents, lawyers, and judges. Unfortunately, the author makes it sound like it would not help the HC parent see their mistakes.