You're On Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years

by Marjorie Savage

Offers valuable guidelines on how parents can maintain essential communication and involvement with their college-age child, while respecting a child's need for independence, with helpful advice on when parental intervention is critical, how to know when to back off, how to handle financial and credit issues, and more. Original. 35,000 first printing.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, College, Education, Reference

259 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2003

Reviews

[Nadine in NY Jones]

I sent my oldest off to college this year, and I picked up this book from the library. I read the first chapter, and felt that none of it applied to me. I set it aside, planning to get back to it. I never got back to it, and now I'm out of library renewals, so that's that. I'm just not interested in this book.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book for parents with kids heading off to college. I've already had one go through it all, and I really agree with the advice offered.

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book with advice to help as parent/child role shifts to parent/mentor.

[Suzette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parents of upcoming college freshmen (and their students) will appreciate this book for its checklist of healthy conversations and habits for positive college experiences.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dated (2003). Pretty down on Gen X (calls us "the slacker generation") and has a chapter titled "What can you do with a sociology degree?" so overall I was pretty offended by this entire book.

[Palmtreeh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good reference book that has covered almost everything one can think about or may encounter with their college kids. The insights are reassuring and the advice is practical enough to be helpful.

[Delores · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having recently dropped off my first at college, I wish I had read this book before her senior year of high school - I would have been better prepared for a variety of unexpected moments leading up to move-in day. The author offers a lot of practical and advice on moving from parent (making all the decisions) to the role of mentor/coach. There are some great tips on conversation starters and setting expectations for parent weekend and your child's first visit back home. It is a bit outdated in terms of technology and lack of social media references but the message is still relevant. The topics covered are as expected: senior year, college apps, choices, dorm life, drinking, etc. I earmarked a lot of pages and no doubt will refer to them as the year progresses. It was nice that at the end of each chapter, the author listed tips for students although I'm not sure how many students would actually read them. I highly recommend this book to parents of seniors or parents of college freshmen.

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Revised comments, to make my review a little clearer! =)

Perhaps reading this on the heels of "I'll Miss You Too" has skewed my impressions of this book, and made it seem really good. By comparison, it *is* good. "You're on Your Own" went into greater depth on the issues of children going off to college, and did so with greater intelligence, than "I'll Miss You Too". The discussions were straightforward and clear. Many of the topics are not surprising - anyone with any kind of imagination can predict where issues will arise - but she often presented perspectives that I hadn't previously considered.

[Lesa Parnham · Rating 1 out of 5]

Blah, nothing new, I think I read this book with a different cover (perhaps a different edition.) I get angry with myself when I do this, spend good money to buy the same book, at least it was a used purchase.
All in all, I have to stop reading these books, I am throwing myself into more of a panic than I am already in with two kids (who I really like to be with) are heading for college in the fall.

[Diane Knauff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful for a parent going through this stage for the very first time, especially when the student is moving far away from home. It confirmed my innate philosophies on handling issues and I think knowing that will help me from dealing with situations based on immediate impulses. The book also made me aware of some challenges my student will face that I had not considered, particularly past the first semester.

[Janet Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely essential reading for any parent of a college-bound child. I learned so much regarding situations and expectations about practical stuff and emotional stuff.

Chock full of great advice--I gave it to my daughter to read, so that she knows where I'm coming from, and to my husband to read, so that we are on the same page about issues.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful! (I purchased the ebook version.) Good advice from a professional who is in a position to clearly understand BOTH parent & student perspectives of this transitional time in our lives. I hope there will be an updated edition in another 8 years to accommodate all the changes between now & when I get to ride the college 'coaster again!

[Mckinley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nicely done. While aimed at parents, each chapter at the end also covers same issues in short question form for the student.
Best for families with high schoolers or first semester college students.

See also : What the Best College Students Do by K Bain. And Making the Most of College: Students Speak Their Minds by Richard Light

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book would be of most use to a parent of a child searching for a college and during the child's early months on campus. Reading it as the parent of a soon to be sophomore, I didn't learn a lot. However, I could see where it would be very useful for starting out.

[Michellena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend for parents of high school seniors and college freshmen. Helped me know what to expect when sending my firstborn off this fall, and it's helping me talk to him. This will probably be on my bedside table for reference throughout the year!

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

Useful tips for a parent whose child is still searching for a college or just entering college.

[Shellie G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really found this book to be helpful with the onset of our first child leaving for college. Lots of info.

[Shelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical advice . . . good lists.

[Lynn V · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful for the parent of a first time kid heading to college

[Paulette]

Good way to do some bibliotherapy on Thomas' upcoming college transition.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good! Practical advice that covers any parent/child relationship and can be applied to children younger than college age.

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a valuable resource to understand the process of my child going through college. It helped to reassure me and our family. I felt like the author was honest and factual.

[Suzanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, practical advice. Nice to read or keep around if you're sending a child off to college, but nothing special.

[Barb · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good reference for the next four years.