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In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists
Why do so many women develop profound feelings for their therapists? What makes the therapy bond different from any other, and what factors make it therapeutic? In Session enters the consulting room and cuts straight to the heart of the complex psychotherapy relationship.
336 pages, Paperback
Published March 6, 2000
12 people are currently reading
461 people want to read
About the author
Deborah A. Lott
2 books22 followersDeborah A. Lott is a writer of narrative nonfiction and creative nonfiction. In addition to her two books, her essays, op-eds, and memoirs have been published widely. Recent publications include a Los Angeles Times op-ed, "Fear of Covid-19 Won't Make You Safer," and essays in the Alaska Quarterly Review, Scoundrel Time, the Rumpus, the Bellingham Review, the nervous breakdown, and other places. She teaches literature and creative writing at Antioch University, Los Angeles, where she is faculty editor of Two Hawks Quarterly.com
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
August 2, 2007
A must-read for women in therapy
February 23, 2012
*The power of the therapeutic bond*
In Session illuminates how the heart of therapy lies not in the therapist's theory or dogmatic beliefs, but in the relationship that exists in session between the client and therapist. Seamlessly weaving together the information she collected through interviews, research, and her own personal experiences in therapy, Deborah Lott reveals how this crucial bond between women and their therapists requires the therapist be professional enough to adhere to the boundaries of the "approximate relationship" while also being human enough to be empathically and emotionally present as the client's unique complexity unfolds. This book serves as both a "buyer beware" book that guides women in evaluating their own therapies, as well as a poignant reminder to clinicians about the powerful healing/harm duality inherent in the therapeutic relationship. With the closing words of her book, Deborah summarizes how the therapeutic journey can ultimately be a healing one: "Only by revealing what she is really feeling about herself, her therapist, and their relationship might a woman in therapy have the profound pleasure of being truly seen and understood."
In Session illuminates how the heart of therapy lies not in the therapist's theory or dogmatic beliefs, but in the relationship that exists in session between the client and therapist. Seamlessly weaving together the information she collected through interviews, research, and her own personal experiences in therapy, Deborah Lott reveals how this crucial bond between women and their therapists requires the therapist be professional enough to adhere to the boundaries of the "approximate relationship" while also being human enough to be empathically and emotionally present as the client's unique complexity unfolds. This book serves as both a "buyer beware" book that guides women in evaluating their own therapies, as well as a poignant reminder to clinicians about the powerful healing/harm duality inherent in the therapeutic relationship. With the closing words of her book, Deborah summarizes how the therapeutic journey can ultimately be a healing one: "Only by revealing what she is really feeling about herself, her therapist, and their relationship might a woman in therapy have the profound pleasure of being truly seen and understood."
April 17, 2016
This book made a huge difference to my relationship woth my therapist and also had a great effect on what I gained from therapy.
Transference, especially the romantic kind, can cause all kinds of issues in therapy and it is something that I was struggling with a great deal. This book came along at just the right time and saved me from abandoning my therapy.
The author is not a psychotherapist but a journalist engaged in therapy so her view point is that of the reader. She does not approach the subject of falling in love with your therapist from a theoretical point but from a personal point which makes all the difference when you, the reader, are purposely seeking reassurance for your own feelings.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling in therapy due to transference as well as therapists.
Transference, especially the romantic kind, can cause all kinds of issues in therapy and it is something that I was struggling with a great deal. This book came along at just the right time and saved me from abandoning my therapy.
The author is not a psychotherapist but a journalist engaged in therapy so her view point is that of the reader. She does not approach the subject of falling in love with your therapist from a theoretical point but from a personal point which makes all the difference when you, the reader, are purposely seeking reassurance for your own feelings.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling in therapy due to transference as well as therapists.
April 29, 2017
the whole book kinda felt like an 'I'm not the only one!' moment. overall, it was very helpful & informative.
October 10, 2020
As a therapist, I was drawn to this book for a deeper understanding of relationships between women and their therapists. Given the title my expectations were high. Published in 1999, Deborah A. Lott's research and interest went back twenty years prior. To me the book feels dated and the much of her approach to therapy seems like a warning.
Of her own therapy she says, "Overall, I found therapy a beneficial and often moving experience. I made the most progress when I gave up the fantasy of my therapist's being perfect and accepted that he could misunderstand my feelings, make mistakes, and still help me. Much of my therapy occurred outside of sessions in my own processing of our exchanges and my own reconsideration of the lessons of my childhood." Well of course! In the work I've done as a social worker there was always the question, who is doing more of the work, the worker or the client. It's the client's life so responsibility lies in their hands. A therapist is a guide who listens and asks questions.
The book is basic. It might be helpful to women who are beginners seeking to start therapy. Her coverage of therapists who overstep their boundaries to bring love/sex into the relationship I also find dated. A therapist could easily lose their license; in my experience I have not witnessed these transgressions. However, the general tone of the book is a warning. She provides education about some of the approaches, in particular psychoanalytical and humanistic psychology. Her definition of humanistic psychology does not fit the work of Carl Rogers I studied. I consider humanistic psychology one of my foundations; her explanation of it surprised me.
There was one sentence I loved, in the chapter The Lessons of Love, "The past is not over if there is any hope of being able to reverse it in the present." One important thing to listen for is how someone speaks, in the past or present tense.
A useful section of the book is the chapter Mothers Lost and Found. She raises the work of Winnicott and Melanie Klein who are explicit that a mother is the source of regulation for a child's nervous system and internal states. The explanation of this is exact and useful. I was glad I kept reading for this one chapter.
Other chapters: Boundaries, Making Sense of Transference, and The Gaslighting Bind, have some good points but again, she tends to talk about transgressions that might scare someone about to enter therapy. Especially in The Gaslighting chapter, which contains a story about a therapist who totally oversteps his boundaries to have a relationship and sex with the client. An extreme case. Perhaps these are good to know about. Here she references a therapist who did not know how to manage his own feeling about the client without acting on them. But this is why therapists either get supervision or do their own therapy and work!
Of her own therapy she says, "Overall, I found therapy a beneficial and often moving experience. I made the most progress when I gave up the fantasy of my therapist's being perfect and accepted that he could misunderstand my feelings, make mistakes, and still help me. Much of my therapy occurred outside of sessions in my own processing of our exchanges and my own reconsideration of the lessons of my childhood." Well of course! In the work I've done as a social worker there was always the question, who is doing more of the work, the worker or the client. It's the client's life so responsibility lies in their hands. A therapist is a guide who listens and asks questions.
The book is basic. It might be helpful to women who are beginners seeking to start therapy. Her coverage of therapists who overstep their boundaries to bring love/sex into the relationship I also find dated. A therapist could easily lose their license; in my experience I have not witnessed these transgressions. However, the general tone of the book is a warning. She provides education about some of the approaches, in particular psychoanalytical and humanistic psychology. Her definition of humanistic psychology does not fit the work of Carl Rogers I studied. I consider humanistic psychology one of my foundations; her explanation of it surprised me.
There was one sentence I loved, in the chapter The Lessons of Love, "The past is not over if there is any hope of being able to reverse it in the present." One important thing to listen for is how someone speaks, in the past or present tense.
A useful section of the book is the chapter Mothers Lost and Found. She raises the work of Winnicott and Melanie Klein who are explicit that a mother is the source of regulation for a child's nervous system and internal states. The explanation of this is exact and useful. I was glad I kept reading for this one chapter.
Other chapters: Boundaries, Making Sense of Transference, and The Gaslighting Bind, have some good points but again, she tends to talk about transgressions that might scare someone about to enter therapy. Especially in The Gaslighting chapter, which contains a story about a therapist who totally oversteps his boundaries to have a relationship and sex with the client. An extreme case. Perhaps these are good to know about. Here she references a therapist who did not know how to manage his own feeling about the client without acting on them. But this is why therapists either get supervision or do their own therapy and work!
August 2, 2023
Excellent. Should be required reading for all therapists (and people in therapy, for that matter).
September 10, 2023
This is written as a response to another review, which didn't seem to take into account how often abuse in therapy actually does happen and how difficult it can be to have the therapist held accountable.
I understand your perspective; reading this book as a therapist is likely to affect your response. However, I would argue that books of this nature are needed. Unfortunately, therapists do not easily lose their license, even in extreme cases. I have personally witnessed the failure of my state to hold unethical therapists accountable. The regulatory system is overwhelmed and cases are dismissed in huge batches. Or, as in my case, they waited a year and a half for the therapist's license to expire, and, therefore, they lost jurisdiction. Now, the therapist has reinstated his license despite my unresolved claim. The only reason they have reopened my case is because I was able to get a local news station involved.
I encourage you to look at T.E.L.L.'s website. Abuse in therapy isn't talked about enough. Education can serve as a tool to equip people to still move forward with seeking therapy while also making them less vulnerable to the devastating consequences of being abused by their therapist.
I understand your perspective; reading this book as a therapist is likely to affect your response. However, I would argue that books of this nature are needed. Unfortunately, therapists do not easily lose their license, even in extreme cases. I have personally witnessed the failure of my state to hold unethical therapists accountable. The regulatory system is overwhelmed and cases are dismissed in huge batches. Or, as in my case, they waited a year and a half for the therapist's license to expire, and, therefore, they lost jurisdiction. Now, the therapist has reinstated his license despite my unresolved claim. The only reason they have reopened my case is because I was able to get a local news station involved.
I encourage you to look at T.E.L.L.'s website. Abuse in therapy isn't talked about enough. Education can serve as a tool to equip people to still move forward with seeking therapy while also making them less vulnerable to the devastating consequences of being abused by their therapist.
June 8, 2007
absolutely fascinating look at the relationship between women and their therapists, and the difference between having a male therapist and a female one. talks candidly about how often sexual boundaries are crossed, and has some rather shocking statistics for someone who wants to be in this field. i should read it again, since i forget most of the case studies, but a lovely read that you can pick up at any point and simply enjoy. written very accesibly and smartly, as well.
January 20, 2009
I have been looking for a book like this for years. If you are a woman who is engaged in therapy (or has been, or is considering being) this is a great read! It has so much good information on what may make or break the therapeutic relationship, one that I find to be extremely difficult to define. I will keep this book in my reference library. The book is out of print, and has to be purchased on the second-hand market.
March 29, 2009
This book helped me so much earlier on in my therapeutic journey with my current therapist. I was dazed and confused over the process and Ms. Lott captures perfectly what goes on "in session"...
Want to read
September 5, 2012Honestly, I think I got stalled on this at the end of last year because it was hitting too close to home. But I do still really, really want to read it.
September 8, 2012
Kind of scary from client's perspective, but fairly true, especially in psychoanalytic therapy. Better to be aware of than be ignorant about.
August 25, 2013
Great book. Sometimes a bit too descriptive rather than interpretative.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews