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Sex, Sin, and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything In Between
With his one-of-a kind blend of autobiography, pop culture, and plainspoken Buddhism, Brad Warner explores an A-to-Z of sexual topics — from masturbation to dating, gender identity to pornography. In addition to approaching sexuality from a Buddhist perspective, he looks at Buddhism — emptiness, compassion, karma — from a sexual vantage. Throughout, he stares down the tough Can prostitution be a right livelihood? Can a good spiritual master also be really, really bad? And ultimately, what's love got to do with any of it? While no puritan when it comes to non-vanilla sexuality, Warner offers a conscious approach to sexual ethics and intimacy — real-world wisdom for our times.
304 pages, Paperback
First published August 15, 2010
85 people are currently reading
1174 people want to read
About the author
Brad Warner
22 books595 followersBrad Warner is an ordained Zen Master (though he hates that term) in the Soto lineage founded in Japan by Master Dogen Zenji in the 13th century. He's the bass player for the hardcore punk rock group 0DFx (aka Zero Defex) and the ex-vice president of the Los Angeles office of the company founded by the man who created Godzilla.
Brad was born in Hamilton, Ohio in 1964. In 1972, his family relocated to Nairobi, Kenya. When Brad returned to Wadsworth three years later, nothing about rural Ohio seemed quite the same anymore.
In 1982 Brad joined 0DFx. 0DFx caught the attention of a number of major bands on the hardcore punk scene. But they soon broke up leaving a single eighteen second burst of noise, titled Drop the A-Bomb On Me, as their only recorded legacy on a compilation album called P.E.A.C.E./War.
In 1993, Brad went to Japan to realize a childhood dream to actually work for the people who made low budget Japanese monster movies. To his own astonishment, he landed himself a job with one of Japan's leading producers of man-in-a-rubber-dinosaur-costume giant monster movies.
Back in the early 80s, while still playing hardcore punk, Brad became involved in Zen Buddhism. The realistic, no bullshit philosophy reminded him of the attitude the punks took towards music. Once he got to Japan, he began studying the philosophy with an iconoclastic rebel Zen Master named Gudo Nishijima. After a few years, Nishijima decided to make Brad his successor as a teacher of Zen.
In 2003 he published his first book, "Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth About Reality." In 2007 he followed that up with "Sit Down and Shut Up," a punk-informed look at 13th century Zen Master Dogen. His third book is "Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate."
Brad was born in Hamilton, Ohio in 1964. In 1972, his family relocated to Nairobi, Kenya. When Brad returned to Wadsworth three years later, nothing about rural Ohio seemed quite the same anymore.
In 1982 Brad joined 0DFx. 0DFx caught the attention of a number of major bands on the hardcore punk scene. But they soon broke up leaving a single eighteen second burst of noise, titled Drop the A-Bomb On Me, as their only recorded legacy on a compilation album called P.E.A.C.E./War.
In 1993, Brad went to Japan to realize a childhood dream to actually work for the people who made low budget Japanese monster movies. To his own astonishment, he landed himself a job with one of Japan's leading producers of man-in-a-rubber-dinosaur-costume giant monster movies.
Back in the early 80s, while still playing hardcore punk, Brad became involved in Zen Buddhism. The realistic, no bullshit philosophy reminded him of the attitude the punks took towards music. Once he got to Japan, he began studying the philosophy with an iconoclastic rebel Zen Master named Gudo Nishijima. After a few years, Nishijima decided to make Brad his successor as a teacher of Zen.
In 2003 he published his first book, "Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth About Reality." In 2007 he followed that up with "Sit Down and Shut Up," a punk-informed look at 13th century Zen Master Dogen. His third book is "Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate."
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 94 reviews
October 30, 2017
Brad Warner got himself into hot water with the Buddhist community when he started writing a column for the Suicide Girls website (that’s a website of punk/metal/Goth/emo/alterna-whatever erotica, e.i. pictures of tattooed and pierced girls with little to no clothes on). Some people thought that was not something a Zen master should be remotely associated with, for all kinds of reasons. One of those reasons is a blatant misunderstanding of what actually constitutes pornography, but let’s save that conversation for another time and place.
What seems to have gotten people’s panties in a twist, is that one of the precepts of Buddhism is “Do not misuse sexuality”. Obviously, that can mean a lot of different things. And in this interesting world we live in, that can be especially difficult to understand, much less apply to life. Sex is an important part of human life, and sexual ethics are therefore extremely important: this is clearly something people want to know more about because Warner got bombarded with questions from readers who wanted his “Zen take” on abortion, polyamory, BDSM and everything in between. So he wrote this book to attempt to address these questions with a Buddhist outlook. Since desire and ego are a huge part of our relationship with sexuality, looking at the topic from a Buddhist perspective can bring insights about many other topics that aren’t necessarily related to nooky.
Because Brad Warner is Brad Warner, he doesn’t give his readers hard answers, or tries to tell them how to live their lives; he’s just not that kind of guy – which is precisely why I love him so damn much. What he does do is challenge the readers to think for themselves (which is kinda what Buddha wanted his followers to do anyway). It can be tricky to interpret the precepts with a modern outlook, so he spends time giving a good context of how Westerners tend to think of their relationship with sex, why it’s often associated with sin (which is not a concept Buddhism even has) and how we deal with it; and then he explains that in the Buddhist view, the mind and the body are not separate, so concluding that sex is of the body and the physical desires must be rejected because they are somehow less noble or important than the desires of the mind, is a huge mistake. The complete denial of physical desires is just as bad as the over-indulging of said desires; his point is that we should come back to the idea of the Middle Way (which is basically the balance of extremes), acknowledge our desires and deal with them in the most reasonable way we can. From that, he goes into more details about various topics: masturbation, sex-work, etc.
If you are familiar with Zen Buddhism, you might not learn any new information here, but the fact that he even addresses a topic most Buddhist teachers stay away from and tries to give the readers the tools to put teachings into practice when it comes to sex, is a big deal. He tries his best to cover as much as he can here, in terms of gender identity, preferences, etc., but the fact remains that he is a straight dude, so he doesn’t cover other perspectives as thoroughly. That’s a flaw of the book, but I feel that it’s also unreasonable to ask him to fully understand then entire spectrum of genders and sexual orientations. I feel like he really did the best with what he knows, and extrapolated the rest very sensibly.
I first got this book when it first came out years ago: I was single, dating and trying to figure out what I wanted from a relationship – and if I was even properly wired to be in a relationship. I knew I enjoyed sex a lot, that it was important to me and I knew I wanted to be respected in my sexuality. If you are a girl who dated in the last decade, you’ll understand that this is not as easy as it might sound. At that time, “Sex, Sin and Zen” gave me a lot to think about when it came to new relationships; it helped me clarify what my motivations were vis-à-vis said relationships, and reinforced my intuition that it was OK to be honest and to demand honesty back from partners. It was not that difficult to be a mindful person and still enjoy being single in my twenties. I don’t mean to say that there weren’t any misunderstandings and messes, but more that it helped me look at those differently, and work through them with a better internal balance. Re-reading it now, my perspective is completely different: I’m happily married, so while sex is still important, it’s also less complicated because my husband and I have been committed to each other for a long time, and we are good communicators. On this read, I found myself focusing more on Warner’s thoughts about non-attachment (not caring is being a sociopath; understanding that nothing is permanent so you roll with it and enjoy the moment is non-attachment), the history of women’s place in Buddhist traditions, his thoughts about the exchange of power and the importance of personal responsibility. Its also nice to simply be reminded that our partners (sexual, romantic, domestic, what-have you) are not responsible for our emotional well-being: that's our own job and we should not expect them to take that on.
I highly recommend this for people interested in reconciling their sex lives with Buddhist practices, or just people who are looking for a sex-positive book on Buddhist (so many books just ignore the subject entirely). It’s a very thought-provoking and relatable book that can give a lot of useful insight in this strange sex-obsessed-and-yet-pretty-repressed society we live in.
What seems to have gotten people’s panties in a twist, is that one of the precepts of Buddhism is “Do not misuse sexuality”. Obviously, that can mean a lot of different things. And in this interesting world we live in, that can be especially difficult to understand, much less apply to life. Sex is an important part of human life, and sexual ethics are therefore extremely important: this is clearly something people want to know more about because Warner got bombarded with questions from readers who wanted his “Zen take” on abortion, polyamory, BDSM and everything in between. So he wrote this book to attempt to address these questions with a Buddhist outlook. Since desire and ego are a huge part of our relationship with sexuality, looking at the topic from a Buddhist perspective can bring insights about many other topics that aren’t necessarily related to nooky.
Because Brad Warner is Brad Warner, he doesn’t give his readers hard answers, or tries to tell them how to live their lives; he’s just not that kind of guy – which is precisely why I love him so damn much. What he does do is challenge the readers to think for themselves (which is kinda what Buddha wanted his followers to do anyway). It can be tricky to interpret the precepts with a modern outlook, so he spends time giving a good context of how Westerners tend to think of their relationship with sex, why it’s often associated with sin (which is not a concept Buddhism even has) and how we deal with it; and then he explains that in the Buddhist view, the mind and the body are not separate, so concluding that sex is of the body and the physical desires must be rejected because they are somehow less noble or important than the desires of the mind, is a huge mistake. The complete denial of physical desires is just as bad as the over-indulging of said desires; his point is that we should come back to the idea of the Middle Way (which is basically the balance of extremes), acknowledge our desires and deal with them in the most reasonable way we can. From that, he goes into more details about various topics: masturbation, sex-work, etc.
If you are familiar with Zen Buddhism, you might not learn any new information here, but the fact that he even addresses a topic most Buddhist teachers stay away from and tries to give the readers the tools to put teachings into practice when it comes to sex, is a big deal. He tries his best to cover as much as he can here, in terms of gender identity, preferences, etc., but the fact remains that he is a straight dude, so he doesn’t cover other perspectives as thoroughly. That’s a flaw of the book, but I feel that it’s also unreasonable to ask him to fully understand then entire spectrum of genders and sexual orientations. I feel like he really did the best with what he knows, and extrapolated the rest very sensibly.
I first got this book when it first came out years ago: I was single, dating and trying to figure out what I wanted from a relationship – and if I was even properly wired to be in a relationship. I knew I enjoyed sex a lot, that it was important to me and I knew I wanted to be respected in my sexuality. If you are a girl who dated in the last decade, you’ll understand that this is not as easy as it might sound. At that time, “Sex, Sin and Zen” gave me a lot to think about when it came to new relationships; it helped me clarify what my motivations were vis-à-vis said relationships, and reinforced my intuition that it was OK to be honest and to demand honesty back from partners. It was not that difficult to be a mindful person and still enjoy being single in my twenties. I don’t mean to say that there weren’t any misunderstandings and messes, but more that it helped me look at those differently, and work through them with a better internal balance. Re-reading it now, my perspective is completely different: I’m happily married, so while sex is still important, it’s also less complicated because my husband and I have been committed to each other for a long time, and we are good communicators. On this read, I found myself focusing more on Warner’s thoughts about non-attachment (not caring is being a sociopath; understanding that nothing is permanent so you roll with it and enjoy the moment is non-attachment), the history of women’s place in Buddhist traditions, his thoughts about the exchange of power and the importance of personal responsibility. Its also nice to simply be reminded that our partners (sexual, romantic, domestic, what-have you) are not responsible for our emotional well-being: that's our own job and we should not expect them to take that on.
I highly recommend this for people interested in reconciling their sex lives with Buddhist practices, or just people who are looking for a sex-positive book on Buddhist (so many books just ignore the subject entirely). It’s a very thought-provoking and relatable book that can give a lot of useful insight in this strange sex-obsessed-and-yet-pretty-repressed society we live in.
September 23, 2011
Not Warner's best. Some sections felt like was just filling up space with his random thoughts on a sexual topic that someone had written to him about at some time. It seemed like so many of his opinions went something like: "Weellll, Buddhism doesn't really have a strong opinion about abortion per se...buuuut, here are my opinions, if I as a Buddhist were forced to have one on this issue". He then proceeds to ramble about his ideas on abortion, and how he would approach it if he were ever close to the issue, and then any possible tangential reference from Buddhist texts that may relate to the issue.
Nothing here will be shocking if you are fairly familar with Buddhism, but I suppose if you are wondering what Buddhism would say about polyamory or strip clubs, it makes for an interesting read. I can summarize his overall advice pretty easily, though: "There is no sin in Buddhism, but sex is heavy stuff: be careful".
Nothing here will be shocking if you are fairly familar with Buddhism, but I suppose if you are wondering what Buddhism would say about polyamory or strip clubs, it makes for an interesting read. I can summarize his overall advice pretty easily, though: "There is no sin in Buddhism, but sex is heavy stuff: be careful".
August 23, 2010
I popped this book's cherry.
There are a lot of great options for how to start this review so I guess maybe it will just keep restarting.
On my review of warner's last book I gave one sentence summaries of his books, to continue this practice this book basically is saying:
"keep your grubby hands of my god damn practice you bastard."
This is why I love brad Warner. Also the what makes you not a Buddhist guy. I can't be part of a spiritual practice. I cannot be attached to a moral dogmatism that claims to know better than I do. I was simply not raised that way. Or I suppose in reality I didn't raise myself that way. I never so much lived by rules as made them up. Yeah I have strong, if strange, morals. But as almost a uniform group they were made up by me between the ages of five and ten. I don't need god to tell me what to do and it bugs me when he tries. There was a joke about me growing up among my friends that the best way to get me not to do something was to act like you wanted me to. This was true. Brad Warner is like me, he just isn't a rules kind of guy. He says in this book without his teacher who cursed he wouldn't have felt pure enough for Buddhism. Well without Mr. Warner I wouldn't have felt "grouply" enough to be a Buddhist. Given, when I have gone to a sangha it hasn't been zen it has been theravaden, Noah levine type theravaden in fact. But this wasn't so much that it felt like the right place but that I knew no one was going to try to talk me into a god or reincarnation. Basically it was that I thought I already agreed with enough that I could pretend there wasn't a gigantic gulf between them and my personal desires for five miles of personal space and ten miles of intellectual space. (at one point school we were forced to do a practice group therapy session I was the only person who had to be told to join the circle and then to complain about not having enough room. Now in therapy I'm sure these are common in patients. In training therapists not so much). Brad Warner is my boy because he makes me feel like my personal inability to belong actually isn't something I have to overcome for my religion (thankfully since I don't think I could).
I told bernie brad Warner was my boyfriend. She believed me it was funny. But he is definately on the scale with Kundera and yalom of guys that I will be in love with no matter what.
I actively date. Apparently these days this isn't common. I get why. It's hard, but you know what once in a while it's worth it. I mean the moment you realize the person next to you hates the band as much as you do, the look on someone's face when they realize that there is a connection, throwing something at somebody and having them not get mad. These are not things I am willing to give up. However as Ben folds says there is a problem of "selfless, cold, and composed". Anyone who knows me in a friend sense might not see this. But there is a level not unrelated to the independence I was talking about earlier that causes a lot of problems in relationships, not so much for me but for the other person. The average advice I get about this: "they aren't your problem." perhaps that is true. But I am my problem and my effect on the world is my problem. I have a date Tuesday, yesterday a friend offered to teach me how to act like a girl for my date (a male friend). This was a nonsolicted offer and I turned it down, for reasons directly related to my Buddhism. I am not willing to create a conceptual picture of myself that I can't fulfill. Not to say I don't act like a girl, I am a girl and I don't believe in gender stereotyping so. However, his meaning was probably more along the lines of I will check if your skirt is short enough and tell you the right answers to his questions. I have gotten this before. When leaving work for a date a few weeks ago I was asked what I was going to wear because apparently what I had on wasn't "Datey" enough. Well I don't have a datey side. "I am what you see, I'm not what they say. But if I turned out to be could you live anyway." in reality everyone is both these things. Things people say about me they say for a reason because they seem true to them. But I Also am not faking my personality this is it. That is because faking it does more harm then good. Let's say I "act like a girl" whatever that means and on the third date I get sick of acting. Someone gets hurts. I can't be blamed for those people who insist on projecting fantasies on me but I can be blamed for playing into them or not bothering to correct them. I am my actions and i dont want to be the kind of person that leaves a trail of broken men, it isnt my idea of fun. This brings us back to Ben folds and "selfless cold and composed" this is a song referencing those people who can be exceptionally nice because they don't really care(or they are too empathetic to everything to come down to one emotion) I don't mesn this as a bad thing. Basically there is a separation in the chain between feelings and emotions. They have feelings but these never get quite strong enough to change the outside actions. I think of two examples:
1. A guy will dump a girl and cry. The girl says same here and walks away.
2. A girl is upset and a guy offers to help, she says no I'd rather go for a run.
Clearly I have done both of these more than once. They can be done vindictively but I don't do them that way. This really comes down to a level of distance. I am probably upset under both circumstances but buddhism allows you to cash in your feelings in ways that work for you. Warner calls this compassion. This is the ability to listen to the moment and feel right action then take it. That takes care of the taking care of me side but what about the other person. Well I believe this is just like the projections issue it is my responsibility to say, "hey man I am not going to act the way you expect a girl to. I won't cry. I won't fight. And I'm not going to talk about what's wrong." I could say it is a guys job to understand me. However, I strongly believe in "do no harm" and the thing about relationships is they cause a lot of harm and it is easy to get too deep before you realize the harm you've caused. I know it seems demeaning to explain to a guy that he won't like me or I'm going to disappoint him, but I think being a little demeaned is better than being a lot broken. I think in reality if people were more open in saying this is how I am and this is what I like then we would all be in a lot less trouble in all relationships. Listen closely i am not saying people like this arent liked, they just arent right for everyone, you have to find the type of person you can create a "perfect love" with (tom robbins not warner, he also suggests cheese cake as a way to make love stay, that is a great idea especially if it is chocolate cheese cake) Everyone doesn't have to like you, everyone doesn't have to think you're sexy. It would be nice but it is not going to happen. Because of that we need to realize relationships can do harm to both parties(remember the guys that were crying while they dumped me two paragraphs ago?). And if people can potentially get hurt we shouldn't take these things lightly. Warner says "casual sex should next be approached casually" I think he is right. What ever practices you follow feel free but be open so that another person knows what they are agreeing to. Be honest say, "you're hot I'd like to fuck you then fuck that girl in the corner after I'm done with you" you might not get laid but you'll get a lot more respect in my book. Sex is by no means the only time this is an issue but it is an extremely important time that we can extrapolate the rest from.
There are a lot of great options for how to start this review so I guess maybe it will just keep restarting.
On my review of warner's last book I gave one sentence summaries of his books, to continue this practice this book basically is saying:
"keep your grubby hands of my god damn practice you bastard."
This is why I love brad Warner. Also the what makes you not a Buddhist guy. I can't be part of a spiritual practice. I cannot be attached to a moral dogmatism that claims to know better than I do. I was simply not raised that way. Or I suppose in reality I didn't raise myself that way. I never so much lived by rules as made them up. Yeah I have strong, if strange, morals. But as almost a uniform group they were made up by me between the ages of five and ten. I don't need god to tell me what to do and it bugs me when he tries. There was a joke about me growing up among my friends that the best way to get me not to do something was to act like you wanted me to. This was true. Brad Warner is like me, he just isn't a rules kind of guy. He says in this book without his teacher who cursed he wouldn't have felt pure enough for Buddhism. Well without Mr. Warner I wouldn't have felt "grouply" enough to be a Buddhist. Given, when I have gone to a sangha it hasn't been zen it has been theravaden, Noah levine type theravaden in fact. But this wasn't so much that it felt like the right place but that I knew no one was going to try to talk me into a god or reincarnation. Basically it was that I thought I already agreed with enough that I could pretend there wasn't a gigantic gulf between them and my personal desires for five miles of personal space and ten miles of intellectual space. (at one point school we were forced to do a practice group therapy session I was the only person who had to be told to join the circle and then to complain about not having enough room. Now in therapy I'm sure these are common in patients. In training therapists not so much). Brad Warner is my boy because he makes me feel like my personal inability to belong actually isn't something I have to overcome for my religion (thankfully since I don't think I could).
I told bernie brad Warner was my boyfriend. She believed me it was funny. But he is definately on the scale with Kundera and yalom of guys that I will be in love with no matter what.
I actively date. Apparently these days this isn't common. I get why. It's hard, but you know what once in a while it's worth it. I mean the moment you realize the person next to you hates the band as much as you do, the look on someone's face when they realize that there is a connection, throwing something at somebody and having them not get mad. These are not things I am willing to give up. However as Ben folds says there is a problem of "selfless, cold, and composed". Anyone who knows me in a friend sense might not see this. But there is a level not unrelated to the independence I was talking about earlier that causes a lot of problems in relationships, not so much for me but for the other person. The average advice I get about this: "they aren't your problem." perhaps that is true. But I am my problem and my effect on the world is my problem. I have a date Tuesday, yesterday a friend offered to teach me how to act like a girl for my date (a male friend). This was a nonsolicted offer and I turned it down, for reasons directly related to my Buddhism. I am not willing to create a conceptual picture of myself that I can't fulfill. Not to say I don't act like a girl, I am a girl and I don't believe in gender stereotyping so. However, his meaning was probably more along the lines of I will check if your skirt is short enough and tell you the right answers to his questions. I have gotten this before. When leaving work for a date a few weeks ago I was asked what I was going to wear because apparently what I had on wasn't "Datey" enough. Well I don't have a datey side. "I am what you see, I'm not what they say. But if I turned out to be could you live anyway." in reality everyone is both these things. Things people say about me they say for a reason because they seem true to them. But I Also am not faking my personality this is it. That is because faking it does more harm then good. Let's say I "act like a girl" whatever that means and on the third date I get sick of acting. Someone gets hurts. I can't be blamed for those people who insist on projecting fantasies on me but I can be blamed for playing into them or not bothering to correct them. I am my actions and i dont want to be the kind of person that leaves a trail of broken men, it isnt my idea of fun. This brings us back to Ben folds and "selfless cold and composed" this is a song referencing those people who can be exceptionally nice because they don't really care(or they are too empathetic to everything to come down to one emotion) I don't mesn this as a bad thing. Basically there is a separation in the chain between feelings and emotions. They have feelings but these never get quite strong enough to change the outside actions. I think of two examples:
1. A guy will dump a girl and cry. The girl says same here and walks away.
2. A girl is upset and a guy offers to help, she says no I'd rather go for a run.
Clearly I have done both of these more than once. They can be done vindictively but I don't do them that way. This really comes down to a level of distance. I am probably upset under both circumstances but buddhism allows you to cash in your feelings in ways that work for you. Warner calls this compassion. This is the ability to listen to the moment and feel right action then take it. That takes care of the taking care of me side but what about the other person. Well I believe this is just like the projections issue it is my responsibility to say, "hey man I am not going to act the way you expect a girl to. I won't cry. I won't fight. And I'm not going to talk about what's wrong." I could say it is a guys job to understand me. However, I strongly believe in "do no harm" and the thing about relationships is they cause a lot of harm and it is easy to get too deep before you realize the harm you've caused. I know it seems demeaning to explain to a guy that he won't like me or I'm going to disappoint him, but I think being a little demeaned is better than being a lot broken. I think in reality if people were more open in saying this is how I am and this is what I like then we would all be in a lot less trouble in all relationships. Listen closely i am not saying people like this arent liked, they just arent right for everyone, you have to find the type of person you can create a "perfect love" with (tom robbins not warner, he also suggests cheese cake as a way to make love stay, that is a great idea especially if it is chocolate cheese cake) Everyone doesn't have to like you, everyone doesn't have to think you're sexy. It would be nice but it is not going to happen. Because of that we need to realize relationships can do harm to both parties(remember the guys that were crying while they dumped me two paragraphs ago?). And if people can potentially get hurt we shouldn't take these things lightly. Warner says "casual sex should next be approached casually" I think he is right. What ever practices you follow feel free but be open so that another person knows what they are agreeing to. Be honest say, "you're hot I'd like to fuck you then fuck that girl in the corner after I'm done with you" you might not get laid but you'll get a lot more respect in my book. Sex is by no means the only time this is an issue but it is an extremely important time that we can extrapolate the rest from.
January 31, 2011
From the first page of HARDCORE ZEN when I read it in 2004, I've been a Brad Warner fan. His humor and ease within his literary voice masks the depth of his topics, which I find amazing in a philosophical text. Reading his work through four books always feels like I'm having a series of talks with the man about whatever subject has been kicking around his brain recently and, like all such good talks, seems to dovetail flawlessly into whatever's been kicking around my own brain as well. In this case, it was sex (I'm now in month two of celibacy thanks to my beautiful fiancee's occupation as a touring actor this winter and spring).
Warner addresses the use and abuse of sex with compassion, curiosity and respect, yet never shies away from discussing his own opinions and those of others. His thoughts on Buddhist views toward sex in thought, word and deed are from a considered point of view, allowing for social changes to adapt within his own views and his interpretation of Buddhist views. One of the most striking chapters is his interview with porn actress, registered nurse and zen practioner Nina Hartley, whose outlook of "sex as zen practice" I find absolutely fascinating. It's a frank discussion of the joys and responsibilities Hartley faces both in the porn industry (she's in her third decade in porn!) and in a polyamorous marriage. In this chapter, as throughout the whole book, Warner approaches his topics with respect and curiosity even if he disagrees.
Warner remains one of my favorite nonfiction writers because of that basic openness, which makes this book a fun, funny, touching (heh heh) look at getting off and how it can help us be better people. Loved it.
Warner addresses the use and abuse of sex with compassion, curiosity and respect, yet never shies away from discussing his own opinions and those of others. His thoughts on Buddhist views toward sex in thought, word and deed are from a considered point of view, allowing for social changes to adapt within his own views and his interpretation of Buddhist views. One of the most striking chapters is his interview with porn actress, registered nurse and zen practioner Nina Hartley, whose outlook of "sex as zen practice" I find absolutely fascinating. It's a frank discussion of the joys and responsibilities Hartley faces both in the porn industry (she's in her third decade in porn!) and in a polyamorous marriage. In this chapter, as throughout the whole book, Warner approaches his topics with respect and curiosity even if he disagrees.
Warner remains one of my favorite nonfiction writers because of that basic openness, which makes this book a fun, funny, touching (heh heh) look at getting off and how it can help us be better people. Loved it.
November 4, 2010
Brad Warner is the best thing that happened to zen buddhism in a long time. He has a completely down to earth approach to zen while not watering down any of the philosophical stuff. Plus he is a punk rocker, curses in his books and is pretty laid back about the whole enlightment business. Now he wrote a book about different aspects of sexuality from his/a zen buddhist point of view. A lot of topics are included: celibacy, masturbation, bdsm, porn, prostitution, love, polyarmory, abortion, queer sex and everything in between. This is not about what zen master so and so said about the topic 200 years ago but what a modern buddhist monk that lives in the real world of the 21st century thinks about these issues. Most of this stuff has never been written about with a buddhist approach and therefore this is not a book of answers. Brad challenges the reader to think for himself, like any real buddhist teacher should. While reading this book I felt like chatting with an older friend about stuff I never thought about. Very relevant, very important and very inspirational. Highly recommended!
October 14, 2010
This was a fun read. My "first time" with Mr. Warner was partaking of his razor-sharp wit in "Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate" and holding him in pretty close company to the great Buddha himself. This man is a hilarious writer! I've always been interested in Buddhism and my current foray into religion via a college classroom sparked a renewed fascination of the topic. There is no better way to approach sexual ethics and intimacy than the Buddhist way and Brad Warner makes the journey worthwhile.
January 7, 2015
I think this topic would make for a really great long form essay. But as a book I found it superfluous. I kept thinking that perhaps Warner was just choosing a sexy subject (sex) to sell Buddhist books, and his constant wink-wink footnotes imploring you to buy his other books did nothing to assuage my suspicions. That being said, he often presents a clear and fresh take on Buddhist topics. I just felt like I've gotten that take before and this was a bit repetitive. It was aimed more at attracting a new audience than at those who have read Warner's previous books.
March 28, 2022
4.5 stars
December 12, 2018
I was incredibly excited to see this book existed. So excited, in fact, that I dropped what I was currently reading to start it. After all, it combined two of my favorite things - minority religions/philosophies and a comprehensive study on sexuality from a unique perspective! What could possibly go wrong!
Yeah... about that...
I won't say this book is bad. I certainly learned a lot (although way more about Buddhism than sex. But that was kind of to be expected). It's worth your time to pick it up just to read the interview with Nina Hartley, a queer stripper/porn star. The perspective she gives on how to honor yourself and others through the lens of Buddhism while engaging in a profession many see as filthy and self-deprecating is amazing. She's so well spoken and expressed what I feel far more beautifully than I ever could. There were a few other chapters as well that really hit home the balance between too much and not enough, the pursuit of a good sex life and contentment in other areas.
That said, there were some... issues. The writing style grated on my nerves. It felt like Warner never finished a thought. He'd start to make a point and then say "but I'll get to that later" almost every other page. The effect was I felt manipulated. Like I was forced to make incorrect leaps in logic because nothing was complete.
The other main problem was Warner's tone. The book was written by a straight white dude and it REALLY shows. There's nothing particularly wrong with that, but there are some absolutely jaw-dropping examples of mansplaining in this book. Like, holy nutballs, the levels of ignorance should be preserved in a museum. Which is weird, because other times he writes with pure respect, and makes really valid points while treating his readers with dignity. Sometimes his "jokes" were super offensive, but other times I felt he did a good job representing communities he's not a part of. It was hit or miss to say the least, but you should know going in that there's a chance you'll be pissed off.
On the whole, I'm glad I read the book. I got enough out of it that I happily finished it and looked past all the nonsense. Will I read his other books? No. Will I recommend this one? ...ehhh... sure. It's flawed, but there's a few good gems.
Yeah... about that...
I won't say this book is bad. I certainly learned a lot (although way more about Buddhism than sex. But that was kind of to be expected). It's worth your time to pick it up just to read the interview with Nina Hartley, a queer stripper/porn star. The perspective she gives on how to honor yourself and others through the lens of Buddhism while engaging in a profession many see as filthy and self-deprecating is amazing. She's so well spoken and expressed what I feel far more beautifully than I ever could. There were a few other chapters as well that really hit home the balance between too much and not enough, the pursuit of a good sex life and contentment in other areas.
That said, there were some... issues. The writing style grated on my nerves. It felt like Warner never finished a thought. He'd start to make a point and then say "but I'll get to that later" almost every other page. The effect was I felt manipulated. Like I was forced to make incorrect leaps in logic because nothing was complete.
The other main problem was Warner's tone. The book was written by a straight white dude and it REALLY shows. There's nothing particularly wrong with that, but there are some absolutely jaw-dropping examples of mansplaining in this book. Like, holy nutballs, the levels of ignorance should be preserved in a museum. Which is weird, because other times he writes with pure respect, and makes really valid points while treating his readers with dignity. Sometimes his "jokes" were super offensive, but other times I felt he did a good job representing communities he's not a part of. It was hit or miss to say the least, but you should know going in that there's a chance you'll be pissed off.
On the whole, I'm glad I read the book. I got enough out of it that I happily finished it and looked past all the nonsense. Will I read his other books? No. Will I recommend this one? ...ehhh... sure. It's flawed, but there's a few good gems.
June 13, 2019
It took me a good chunk of time to actually get through it, becoming a little boring in some sections as I made my way through it. This book was a learning experience for me as I've never read anything on Buddhism.
Warner's essays on sex are a bit of a mixed bag, discussing the ethics of celibacy, polyamory, LGBTQ relationships, BDSM, and hook-ups. Though there are some rather progressive views expressed, Warner's discussion of LGBTQ relationships and culture are outdated and misinformed.
The hands-off approach to a majority of what's talked about here had me a little irritated and wondering why he even decided to discuss it.
Warner's book is a series of interesting thoughts but fails to complete nearly any of them here, opting for "I'll get to that later" several times. Though this one didn't really sit well with me, I'd be interested in reading another of his books on Zazen.
Warner's essays on sex are a bit of a mixed bag, discussing the ethics of celibacy, polyamory, LGBTQ relationships, BDSM, and hook-ups. Though there are some rather progressive views expressed, Warner's discussion of LGBTQ relationships and culture are outdated and misinformed.
The hands-off approach to a majority of what's talked about here had me a little irritated and wondering why he even decided to discuss it.
Warner's book is a series of interesting thoughts but fails to complete nearly any of them here, opting for "I'll get to that later" several times. Though this one didn't really sit well with me, I'd be interested in reading another of his books on Zazen.
August 20, 2025
Brad Warner’s fourth book, Sex, Sin and Zen is thankfully a hell of a lot better than his last! It may not be as good as his first two, but it does offer plenty to think about. There is one trait that runs through his books that I do have an issue with, however. Though he will at times remind his readers that he is not speaking for all of Buddhism (in fact, he doesn’t speak for all of Zen!), he still falls into many generalizations and does indeed say things like “Buddhists believe….” when the truth is that the qualifiers "most" or "some" modifying what comes after would help the accuracy of what follows! Additionally, when he speaks for Buddhism, he all too often whitewashes the tradition or out and out offers wrong or misleading information.
Some examples:
1. Like many Zen teachers, he likes to talk up zazen as something ‘special’ or ‘unique,’ and perhaps not even being ‘meditation.’ For instance, he says that most meditation is an attempt to “empty the mind” or “develop concentration,” while zazen has no goal and is not about concentration nor emptying the mind. While that is correct in how it is often taught and practiced nowadays, all one need do is read some of the old Chinese texts to see that they speak endlessly about “stopping the mind stream” and about developing various samadhis (which are nothing if not deep states of concentration!).
2. In response to the question: “Are Buddhists allowed to jack off?” he responds, “They’re encouraged to!” I’d LOVE to see him find a sutra where someone is encouraged to masturbate! Now, I want to be clear, I wholeheartedly endorse masturbation as a healthy and natural expression of sexuality. However, the Buddhist tradition generally sees it as unskillful (not sinful or evil) because of its sensual nature which it sees as tending to increase desire and craving. There's really no way to rationalize this away. Sometimes, the Buddha, and the Buddhist traditions get it wrong!
3. He really blows it when he says “In Western culture we’ve been steeped in the religious view that sex itself is a sin. Whether it’s… within the bounds of holy matrimony or outside it…the act of sex itself is seen as a sinful activity.” This is plain bullshit wrong! First of all, in Judaism, sexual activity between married partners is a mitzvah (both a duty and a blessing) and in fact, the husband is required to make sure the wife is ‘pleasured.’ After all, the Torah says to "be fruitful and multiply". And even in Christianity, the whole point of it being called “holy” matrimony is that marriage is a sacrament, making married sex truly holy and sacred! Within Christianity, sex in marriage is seen as a 'gift from god'. It is only sex outside of marriage that is considered sinful.
4. He repeatedly falls into the Zen error of speaking of some kind of “underlying reality” behind or grounding the subjective and objective aspects of experience. This monistic dhatuvada view is more Vedantic than Buddhistic, though it is an error that many in Eastern and Northern Buddhism fall into. This is the tendency that the Japanese Critical Buddhism movement was responding to.
5. It’s become kind of “avant-garde” to criticize mindfulness and while there is some justification in the criticism of the “mindfulness industry” as it is now taking shape, there’s a lot of inconsistency and hypocrisy in the criticism. Brad says: “When you say, ‘I am mindful of (fill in the blank),’ you are already creating separation between you and your activities…This is the kind of separation we’re trying to uproot through our Zen practice.” Yet, only two pages earlier he writes, speaking of habits and attachments: “But once you become aware of them you find that you always have a clear choice whether or not to respond habitually…. If you can recognize your attachments, that in itself is very good…It’s useful to see your attachments for what they are, just thoughts inside your head.” Well, well, well. This is exactly the practice of the Third Foundation of Mindfulness! How would one become ‘aware’ of attachments and see them as mental formations without mindfulness?!
Mindfulness is more than “paying attention,” which is what he seems to think it is, and because of his misunderstanding of sati, he argues that mindful sex would only bring about that ‘separation’ he seems to think mindfulness always implies.
6. His attachment to view leads him to say: “I’m not a fan of guided meditation. Meditation should never be guided.” Aside from the fact that guided meditation has its place and many have found it helpful, he can have his opinion, but he seems to go further in that absolutist condemnation. If someone is dependent upon guided meditation, I agree that is problematic, but to be an absolutist about this is the height of unskillfulness.
7. He seems confused as to whether he really thinks Buddhism is a religion or not. He argues that it isn’t, that it isn’t even “spiritual,” but doesn’t explain how he can think of himself as a “monk,” or that Buddhism has its “clergy.” It may or may not have been a “religion” at the time of the Buddha and for those first few centuries, but it most certainly became one! Now, one can argue that they think that was an error, and many do as in the Secular Buddhism movement, but address the issue with more clarity next time, please! To be even more historically precise, the very concept of "religion" is a western one and would not be appropriate to describe what are now referred to as "eastern religions".
8. He writes: “the powerful patricarchal religions of the modern world have mostly treated women like shit. Except for Buddhism.” I used to have such an idealized view until I actually met and practiced with Asian women! In many of these countries, women are told the best they can hope for is rebirth as a man and then they can practice toward liberation. There are many books, written by women practitioners and academics that offer a more accurate portrayal of the lived actuality. A recent survey said that women fare best in Korea out of all the Asian Buddhist countries, where women have about 80 -85% parity with men! So, the BEST situation has women at 85% parity, and it goes down to less than 25% in other countries. This is a terrible historical situation, that thankfully, modern Western values are being brought to bear upon.
9. His weakest moment is in his handling of “right livelihood.” First, he snidely says that American Buddhists put more thought into other people’s livelihood and whether it is ‘right’ or not than into their own. This is just an example of loose talk, as I know people who, unfortunately, torment themselves with questions about their livelihood! But, he misses the boat right from the start on this topic when he says that the Buddha never offered any list of jobs or occupations that were disapproved of by him. Well, dear sir, what do we make of the following then:
"A lay follower should not engage in five types of business. Which five? Business in weapons, business in human beings, business in meat, business in intoxicants, and business in poison." — AN 5.177
Again, I actually liked this book. I just have my own issues with Brad’s often all-too-loose scattershot teaching. And yet, this is all along with some really wonderful points, and even tender, thoughtful, and compassionate ones at that! I went into this book with some trepidation – after the crapola he churned out in his third book – but I have to say I’d recommend this book to anyone curious enough about one Buddhist’s take on sexuality... after I shared my caveats!
Some examples:
1. Like many Zen teachers, he likes to talk up zazen as something ‘special’ or ‘unique,’ and perhaps not even being ‘meditation.’ For instance, he says that most meditation is an attempt to “empty the mind” or “develop concentration,” while zazen has no goal and is not about concentration nor emptying the mind. While that is correct in how it is often taught and practiced nowadays, all one need do is read some of the old Chinese texts to see that they speak endlessly about “stopping the mind stream” and about developing various samadhis (which are nothing if not deep states of concentration!).
2. In response to the question: “Are Buddhists allowed to jack off?” he responds, “They’re encouraged to!” I’d LOVE to see him find a sutra where someone is encouraged to masturbate! Now, I want to be clear, I wholeheartedly endorse masturbation as a healthy and natural expression of sexuality. However, the Buddhist tradition generally sees it as unskillful (not sinful or evil) because of its sensual nature which it sees as tending to increase desire and craving. There's really no way to rationalize this away. Sometimes, the Buddha, and the Buddhist traditions get it wrong!
3. He really blows it when he says “In Western culture we’ve been steeped in the religious view that sex itself is a sin. Whether it’s… within the bounds of holy matrimony or outside it…the act of sex itself is seen as a sinful activity.” This is plain bullshit wrong! First of all, in Judaism, sexual activity between married partners is a mitzvah (both a duty and a blessing) and in fact, the husband is required to make sure the wife is ‘pleasured.’ After all, the Torah says to "be fruitful and multiply". And even in Christianity, the whole point of it being called “holy” matrimony is that marriage is a sacrament, making married sex truly holy and sacred! Within Christianity, sex in marriage is seen as a 'gift from god'. It is only sex outside of marriage that is considered sinful.
4. He repeatedly falls into the Zen error of speaking of some kind of “underlying reality” behind or grounding the subjective and objective aspects of experience. This monistic dhatuvada view is more Vedantic than Buddhistic, though it is an error that many in Eastern and Northern Buddhism fall into. This is the tendency that the Japanese Critical Buddhism movement was responding to.
5. It’s become kind of “avant-garde” to criticize mindfulness and while there is some justification in the criticism of the “mindfulness industry” as it is now taking shape, there’s a lot of inconsistency and hypocrisy in the criticism. Brad says: “When you say, ‘I am mindful of (fill in the blank),’ you are already creating separation between you and your activities…This is the kind of separation we’re trying to uproot through our Zen practice.” Yet, only two pages earlier he writes, speaking of habits and attachments: “But once you become aware of them you find that you always have a clear choice whether or not to respond habitually…. If you can recognize your attachments, that in itself is very good…It’s useful to see your attachments for what they are, just thoughts inside your head.” Well, well, well. This is exactly the practice of the Third Foundation of Mindfulness! How would one become ‘aware’ of attachments and see them as mental formations without mindfulness?!
Mindfulness is more than “paying attention,” which is what he seems to think it is, and because of his misunderstanding of sati, he argues that mindful sex would only bring about that ‘separation’ he seems to think mindfulness always implies.
6. His attachment to view leads him to say: “I’m not a fan of guided meditation. Meditation should never be guided.” Aside from the fact that guided meditation has its place and many have found it helpful, he can have his opinion, but he seems to go further in that absolutist condemnation. If someone is dependent upon guided meditation, I agree that is problematic, but to be an absolutist about this is the height of unskillfulness.
7. He seems confused as to whether he really thinks Buddhism is a religion or not. He argues that it isn’t, that it isn’t even “spiritual,” but doesn’t explain how he can think of himself as a “monk,” or that Buddhism has its “clergy.” It may or may not have been a “religion” at the time of the Buddha and for those first few centuries, but it most certainly became one! Now, one can argue that they think that was an error, and many do as in the Secular Buddhism movement, but address the issue with more clarity next time, please! To be even more historically precise, the very concept of "religion" is a western one and would not be appropriate to describe what are now referred to as "eastern religions".
8. He writes: “the powerful patricarchal religions of the modern world have mostly treated women like shit. Except for Buddhism.” I used to have such an idealized view until I actually met and practiced with Asian women! In many of these countries, women are told the best they can hope for is rebirth as a man and then they can practice toward liberation. There are many books, written by women practitioners and academics that offer a more accurate portrayal of the lived actuality. A recent survey said that women fare best in Korea out of all the Asian Buddhist countries, where women have about 80 -85% parity with men! So, the BEST situation has women at 85% parity, and it goes down to less than 25% in other countries. This is a terrible historical situation, that thankfully, modern Western values are being brought to bear upon.
9. His weakest moment is in his handling of “right livelihood.” First, he snidely says that American Buddhists put more thought into other people’s livelihood and whether it is ‘right’ or not than into their own. This is just an example of loose talk, as I know people who, unfortunately, torment themselves with questions about their livelihood! But, he misses the boat right from the start on this topic when he says that the Buddha never offered any list of jobs or occupations that were disapproved of by him. Well, dear sir, what do we make of the following then:
"A lay follower should not engage in five types of business. Which five? Business in weapons, business in human beings, business in meat, business in intoxicants, and business in poison." — AN 5.177
Again, I actually liked this book. I just have my own issues with Brad’s often all-too-loose scattershot teaching. And yet, this is all along with some really wonderful points, and even tender, thoughtful, and compassionate ones at that! I went into this book with some trepidation – after the crapola he churned out in his third book – but I have to say I’d recommend this book to anyone curious enough about one Buddhist’s take on sexuality... after I shared my caveats!
November 30, 2019
I love this book, and Brad Warner, so much. This is my favorite besides his first book, Hardcore Zen. It’s hilarious, insightful, and empowering. The chapter titles are the icing on the cake (my favorite is “Chapter 14: How Can I Play With Myself if I Don’t Have a Self?: Sex and Nonself”). Thank you, Brad.
October 30, 2021
Although I enjoyed all of Brad Warner’s books up to this point I found this one a little cringy In places. Some great stuff about Buddhist attitudes and practices regarding sex: basically unlike Christianity where your immortal soul can go to hell for letting “Satan” tempt you into too much fucking, a Buddhist reminds you that 1) you don’t have an immortal soul and 2) if you fuck too much or unhealthily then the negative effects are on you. Can’t blame some supernatural entity if you get herpes.
What I found cringy though are the parts where he talks to adult film stars who are also zen practitioners. All of which is fine but where got uncomfortable was the way the sex industry uses people who suffer from abuse and trauma and continually plays with and reinforces power games and power/masochism. If Buddhism is about choices and freedom then it’s a little tough to see where the freedom exists for a sex abuse survivor in the porn industry.
Also he discusses prostitution as being someone’s choice but glosses over how the profit motive will commodify human bodies and force people to trade sex for survival.
Maybe it was the subject matter but I didn’t enjoy this one as much as the books on Dogen or his own personal stories. Still he writes well and reminds me of a David Foster Wallace who might have survived if he discovered zen.
What I found cringy though are the parts where he talks to adult film stars who are also zen practitioners. All of which is fine but where got uncomfortable was the way the sex industry uses people who suffer from abuse and trauma and continually plays with and reinforces power games and power/masochism. If Buddhism is about choices and freedom then it’s a little tough to see where the freedom exists for a sex abuse survivor in the porn industry.
Also he discusses prostitution as being someone’s choice but glosses over how the profit motive will commodify human bodies and force people to trade sex for survival.
Maybe it was the subject matter but I didn’t enjoy this one as much as the books on Dogen or his own personal stories. Still he writes well and reminds me of a David Foster Wallace who might have survived if he discovered zen.
June 1, 2015
As a long time student of zen, I really appreciated the frank manner in which Brad takes up the hot-button topic of sexuality, not just in zen, not just in Buddhism, but how our sexuality functions in life in general. Tho' I don't agree w/him on all counts, this is nevertheless a useful & thought-provoking exploration of sex, the benefits & misuses of our sexuality, & things to consider when one engages in sex, casual or committed, in relationship(s) or outside of one.
He takes up the difficult topic of Dharma teachers & dating, which I suspect could be a book in & of itself. I'm a little disappointed he didn't really deal w/the predators out there, or the obvious disparity in gender ratio...way more men are caught in various transgressions than women (I would say that Brad is mildly male-biased, despite the occasional 'she' pronoun w/regard zen teachers). But the discussion of teacher-student relations, the NORMAL tendency to find someone in your spiritual community who shares a significant part of your life is extremely valuable. I know of three 'zen masters' who had relationships w/students...one I would consider a predator, who misused his power & authority, cheated on his wife, abused the trust of his women students, physically & emotionally abused the women he was involved with, & incited the male students to regard women as sexual objects. The other two were just guys who fell in love, cheated on their wives, divorced & married the new woman...kinda the normal mess we as humans make. Still a mess, still not as skillful as one might wish, but I think it's VERY important to make a distinction between the two types of teacher-student sexual relationships. Brad does make this distinction, noting that it's important to consider the impact of having sex w/someone, while also calling the rest of the sangha to examine themselves & what buttons might be getting pushed. He doesn't use the actual word, but he clearly points to the very common transferences & projections that cause so much disharmony & psycho-drama in spiritual communities.
Some other observations: Brad's interview w/Nina Hartley, daughter of Blanche & Lou Hartley who helped establish San Francisco Zen Center, alone makes this book worth the read. Nina is both an actress in & producer of porn movies, & has some of the most intelligent & insightful perspectives on sex & porn I've come across in my limited reading. I wish SHE'D write a book, informed by both her work & life experience & her clear zen practice.
He takes up the difficult topic of Dharma teachers & dating, which I suspect could be a book in & of itself. I'm a little disappointed he didn't really deal w/the predators out there, or the obvious disparity in gender ratio...way more men are caught in various transgressions than women (I would say that Brad is mildly male-biased, despite the occasional 'she' pronoun w/regard zen teachers). But the discussion of teacher-student relations, the NORMAL tendency to find someone in your spiritual community who shares a significant part of your life is extremely valuable. I know of three 'zen masters' who had relationships w/students...one I would consider a predator, who misused his power & authority, cheated on his wife, abused the trust of his women students, physically & emotionally abused the women he was involved with, & incited the male students to regard women as sexual objects. The other two were just guys who fell in love, cheated on their wives, divorced & married the new woman...kinda the normal mess we as humans make. Still a mess, still not as skillful as one might wish, but I think it's VERY important to make a distinction between the two types of teacher-student sexual relationships. Brad does make this distinction, noting that it's important to consider the impact of having sex w/someone, while also calling the rest of the sangha to examine themselves & what buttons might be getting pushed. He doesn't use the actual word, but he clearly points to the very common transferences & projections that cause so much disharmony & psycho-drama in spiritual communities.
Some other observations: Brad's interview w/Nina Hartley, daughter of Blanche & Lou Hartley who helped establish San Francisco Zen Center, alone makes this book worth the read. Nina is both an actress in & producer of porn movies, & has some of the most intelligent & insightful perspectives on sex & porn I've come across in my limited reading. I wish SHE'D write a book, informed by both her work & life experience & her clear zen practice.
September 18, 2013
I really liked Brad Warner's first two books. I'm not a Buddhist, but more of a Thelemite. And Brad Warner's description of zazen is closer to what Crowley refers to as yoga than what most people do today when they use the term.
There are many little bits of silver nuggets in this book if have the time and patience to sift through sand and straw. At times, it is like listening to a friend who has had too much coffee and really wants to express/share their stream of consciousness before they forget what they were thinking.
There are also points in which you feel he's a little naive. Such as his theory that pair-bonding is human evolution because children need both parents, not one. Naive in the sense that he doesn't seem to realize that the nuclear family is a relatively new concept. (Before the 20th Century- the entire family and neighborhood raised each child, And often, grandparents, as well as an aunt/uncle or two, still lived together with mommy daddy and baby in each household) At one point Nina Hartley even points that out in a Hilary Clinton sort of way, but it apparently didn't stick.
Speaking of Nina Hartley; in his interview with him, she doesn't seem to realize that much of 21st Century feminism has gotten past the "Second Wave" in regards to BDSM.
Many times I read a passage and thought "That is so Thelemic", and a second later realized that before Thelema, Crowley was a Buddhist.
There are many little bits of silver nuggets in this book if have the time and patience to sift through sand and straw. At times, it is like listening to a friend who has had too much coffee and really wants to express/share their stream of consciousness before they forget what they were thinking.
There are also points in which you feel he's a little naive. Such as his theory that pair-bonding is human evolution because children need both parents, not one. Naive in the sense that he doesn't seem to realize that the nuclear family is a relatively new concept. (Before the 20th Century- the entire family and neighborhood raised each child, And often, grandparents, as well as an aunt/uncle or two, still lived together with mommy daddy and baby in each household) At one point Nina Hartley even points that out in a Hilary Clinton sort of way, but it apparently didn't stick.
Speaking of Nina Hartley; in his interview with him, she doesn't seem to realize that much of 21st Century feminism has gotten past the "Second Wave" in regards to BDSM.
Many times I read a passage and thought "That is so Thelemic", and a second later realized that before Thelema, Crowley was a Buddhist.
January 6, 2022
I reread this book recently, and found it to be even more enjoyable than when I first read it. Primarily because the first time I read it was so many years ago, and I remembered very little of it. I’ve written a number of Brad Warner‘s books, all of them I think lol. And I’ve come to see them in a very different way than most people.
They’re not necessarily books on a specific topic through the lens of Buddhism, they end up being more books on Buddhism through the lens of a specific topic. And those make for two very different experiences.
I greatly appreciate Brad‘s candor and all of his writing, but I especially appreciate it here in this book, discussing this extremely difficult topic. One of the driving forces in the book is the interview with Nina Hartley that is interspersed throughout. The fact that the two of them have such different views on the matter in some areas but still manage to have a very fruitful conversation with one another speaks volumes. I would recommend this book to anybody looking too deep in their understanding of the stuff behind the practice through the lens of exploring human sexuality. With the read
They’re not necessarily books on a specific topic through the lens of Buddhism, they end up being more books on Buddhism through the lens of a specific topic. And those make for two very different experiences.
I greatly appreciate Brad‘s candor and all of his writing, but I especially appreciate it here in this book, discussing this extremely difficult topic. One of the driving forces in the book is the interview with Nina Hartley that is interspersed throughout. The fact that the two of them have such different views on the matter in some areas but still manage to have a very fruitful conversation with one another speaks volumes. I would recommend this book to anybody looking too deep in their understanding of the stuff behind the practice through the lens of exploring human sexuality. With the read
November 17, 2011
So far I'm really enjoying this book. This is the first American zen teacher/author I've read who speaks on the topic more like an activity with pros and cons vs a sacred spiritual endeavor. Having spent many years practicing with an uber-serious lineage in my 20's ("...gasp...MUST...reach...kensho...TODAY!! Life...and...death...in the...balance!!"), this book has been a cool wind refreshing a oppressed and suffocated practice. This is my first experience with a teacher who on some level is still skeptical of himself as a teacher, and I honestly give thanks for that example.
While I may disagree with a few of his opinions on practice, or believe that I would have said/done something differently, I celebrate the fact that I feel comfortable doing so without a sense of blasphemy. I like the 'peer teacher' model vs the pedestal guru. (Yes, I know I contribute energy to either model)
So far so good!
While I may disagree with a few of his opinions on practice, or believe that I would have said/done something differently, I celebrate the fact that I feel comfortable doing so without a sense of blasphemy. I like the 'peer teacher' model vs the pedestal guru. (Yes, I know I contribute energy to either model)
So far so good!
November 3, 2011
I love Brad Warner. I've read all of his books and would happily attend one of his talks. Brad Warner used to be work at a Japanese monster movie studio, and played in a punk band. Now he's a Zen monk. In this book, he tries to give a Buddhist analysis of sex and the Buddhist attitudes to sex.
I am happy to say that I really agree with the Buddhist attitudes toward sex as outlined by Warner. It's healthy! It's natural and not a sin! Who cares what you're doing as long as you're not hurting anyone! Treat sex and sex partners with respect; it is not something to be taken lightly.
This was a chatty, fun book and there's a lot of fodder here. I found myself nodding during some sections.
Great book.
I am happy to say that I really agree with the Buddhist attitudes toward sex as outlined by Warner. It's healthy! It's natural and not a sin! Who cares what you're doing as long as you're not hurting anyone! Treat sex and sex partners with respect; it is not something to be taken lightly.
This was a chatty, fun book and there's a lot of fodder here. I found myself nodding during some sections.
Great book.
June 27, 2018
I feel like I got to the end of this book and it had basically said nothing. In general, Buddhism doesn't have one official stance or a lot of restrictions for lay people when it comes to sex other than the wonderfully vague precept to not commit sexual misconduct. So most of this is just Brad Warner waffling on about his own opinions and experiences with little to nothing to back them up. Half the time he seems to say "I haven't had to deal with or think about this but if I was forced to I guess this is what I might say". As he says at the end, "Ultimately you are going to have to make the call yourself. So there's no sense asking me about it anyways," which sums up the whole book quite well.
November 18, 2012
You know I really felt the need to come back and reassess this book. I wanted to like it, I really did, but months after I read it my dissatisfaction with it is just as fresh. I felt the idea for this book was wonderful but I'm extremely disappointed with the author's delivery. He basically said "I'm no expert, there are other books that say more about this" in every chapter.
I wanted facts, not a recommendation to look elsewhere. DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY ON IT, rent it from the library as an outline of issues to look up in other sources.
I wanted facts, not a recommendation to look elsewhere. DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY ON IT, rent it from the library as an outline of issues to look up in other sources.
July 31, 2011
I've read several of Brad Warner's books so I knew what to expect from this one. I enjoyed it highly with few exceptions. The extensive question and answer format he used to write about his interviews with Nina Hartley got annoying after awhile, but that might not be so irritating in a paper edition of the book. His story about the utter normalcy of seething with hatred towards the person seated on the next cushion at meditation retreats was particularly well told.
April 11, 2013
I've read all of Brad Warner's books, and read everything he's written on the web, and I feel the same way about all of it. I disagree with things he says about various subjects, like music, politics. But everything he actually says about Zen practice seems right on the money to me. This book is not groundbreaking in what it says about sex. It's actually fairly naive. But what he says about Zen in the book seems great to me. He really has a deep understanding of Zen and Zen practice.
October 4, 2010
I loved his first book Hardcore Zen, but not this one. I don't know how you can have a book about sex and about Buddhism either of which should be interesting that is SO BORING. I think he put sex in the title to get people to buy the book, but it was just an odd mix of topics some of which seemed completely unrelated. I felt like parts of it came across as bitter.
April 24, 2011
Lots of good ideas. He's a lot more "these other people are doing it wrong!" than I expected, but he also comes right out and says not to listen to him if you don't want to, so it balances out. Makes me want to look into Zen more... Interesting that the whole idea behind Zen is to not get too excited about anything... but in a drama-is-uncomfortable way, not in a robot way. Hmmm...
August 9, 2016
he was intriguing when discussing buddhism and sex, but his sense of humor seems cheesy and immature.
August 23, 2015
Excellent, entertaining, and thought provoking.
December 31, 2018
I have read a bunch of Brad Warner books. Now I realize that what got me hooked was his simple writing and a down to earth proposition of Zen concepts. And that's also what is, in my opinion, the limiting factor of the rest of his collection.
As my practice evolved and my understanding of some Zen notions developed, his books started feeling kind of dry. They simply aren't challenging, but they will provide food for thought and a step in the door on a variety of subjects. And this includes sex ans sins.
I don't think Brad is an authority on sex though, it would have been interesting to get a co-author with more experience on that matter, to perhaps challenge Brad's view. The interview with the porn star was interesting, but again, it was one sided as they both seemed to be on the same line of thought.
I also did not enjoy his use of footnotes in this one, most of them were farces or jokes or apologies for something he had said. His defensive writing style on this sensitive subject also limits the depth of his arguments.
As my practice evolved and my understanding of some Zen notions developed, his books started feeling kind of dry. They simply aren't challenging, but they will provide food for thought and a step in the door on a variety of subjects. And this includes sex ans sins.
I don't think Brad is an authority on sex though, it would have been interesting to get a co-author with more experience on that matter, to perhaps challenge Brad's view. The interview with the porn star was interesting, but again, it was one sided as they both seemed to be on the same line of thought.
I also did not enjoy his use of footnotes in this one, most of them were farces or jokes or apologies for something he had said. His defensive writing style on this sensitive subject also limits the depth of his arguments.
November 4, 2018
Funny, insightful and interesting look at sex in Buddhism and sex in general. Not one boring moment-I laughed, literally out loud, many times throughout. Once again, Warner brings his trademark sarcasm wrapped in dark humor to the table while begrudgingly teaching us about Zen because though he is a zen monk, he doesn’t take himself or Zen too seriously because in his opinion that is basically the opposite of what Zen stands for.
Even though sex is a serious topic, somehow I find Warner lightened the topic drastically. This reads like a combination of Mary Roach’s Bonk and Zen Mind, Beginners Mind.
Even though sex is a serious topic, somehow I find Warner lightened the topic drastically. This reads like a combination of Mary Roach’s Bonk and Zen Mind, Beginners Mind.
April 27, 2024
This book started off poorly for me. Unfamiliar with the author it felt like an enlightened master trying to establish cool credibility with vulgarity. Further into the book I found what I was looking for. Or rather not looking for but confirmation that what is … is. There is no sin. There is no need to cling to identities or practices. How very zen of me. I feel like many will find this book a letdown. It’s not permissive or encouraging but neutral.
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