Unhappy Teenagers: A Way for Parents and Teachers to Reach Them

by William Glasser

The bestselling author of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy offers a powerful approach for helping troubled teens. During his decades-long career as a therapist, Dr. William Glasser has often counseled parents and teenagers, healing shattered families and changing lives with his advice. Now, in his first book on the lessons he has learned, he asks parents to reject the "common sense" that tells them to "lay down the law" by grounding teens, or to try to coerce them into changing their behavior. These strategies have never worked, asserts Dr. Glasser, and never will. Instead he offers a different approach based upon Choice Theory. Glasser spells out the seven deadly habits parents practice, and then shows them how to accomplish goals by changing their own behavior. Most important, however, in Unhappy Teenagers, Dr. Glasser provides a groundbreaking method that all parents can use with confidence and love to keep a strong relationship with their child.

Genres: Psychology, Parenting, Counselling

198 pages, Hardcover

First published May 15, 2002

Reviews

[Ariel · Rating 3 out of 5]

William Glasser created a kind of therapy called Choice Theory which as far as I understand it to be means you no longer argue with your teenager or anyone really, you give them a choice. All unhappiness is created by trying to externally control the people around you. When you stop trying to make people do what you want then you become closer to them emotionally and as a result they are more likely to do what you want. You cannot force anyone to do anything and if you try both parties will be miserable. You need to remove the seven deadly sins which are criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control from your relationships.

Glasser goes on to present some case examples including disobedience and anorexia which illustrate how his choice theory is beneficial. One of the things that stood out to me is how Glasser points out repeatedly in the book that you should not worry if your child is not doing their homework because the public school system is inherently stacked against them. He supports a non structured school environment where a student can study anything they choose. If they don't feel like taking Algebra 1 they don't have to. One of his patients dropped out of school completely and got pregnant. That's not okay or what I want for my kid. I want her to be emotionally healthy and succeeding in school. Not one or the other. Plenty of kids do well in public school, it's not bad for everyone. He also does not seem to have hard data for how his choice theory works. He loses touch with his patients but feels that if things got worse for them he would have heard. What if he didn't hear because they killed themselves or were in jail? Glasser does not seem concerned about kids having sex or trying drugs. He advises the parents of the anorexic to not even mention food to their daughter and to stop being concerned about a situation that could kill their child. I am still somewhat confused on how you offer choices about things that could potentially ruin your child's life.

I found the book to be thought provoking and it had useful points but it also generated a lot of questions in my mind. It was short and referenced a lot of Glasser's previous books. I think if I had read his more in depth work on Choice Theory this book would have been more helpful. I did however understand enough to want to learn more about choice theory but this book was probably not the best place to start.

[Pam Seale · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is encouragement for anyone who has had difficulty relating. I don't condone everything the author is saying 100%, but if it's good relationships you are looking for, this will help 100%. I would like to see this book read by more parents and educators.

[Claire Cleary · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read for those parenting at any stage, not just for 'unhappy teens', the approach can be applied to most relationships we emark on.

[Jen Marin · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Unhappy Teenagers, William Glasser uses Choice Theory to help families navigate their way through some rather difficult situations. From suicidal thoughts to anorexia, he looks at the problems teens face as issues of control. Choice Theory regards everything we do as a choice, even behaviors we would never want to admit to consciously choosing.

From this vantage point, he encourages parents and counselors to look at the actions teens take as attempts to assert some control over their own lives. Rather than exerting more external control mechanisms, such as punishment and rules, he suggests recognizing that we really can't control other people. In doing so, we can empower teens to recognize the choices they are making and learn how to make choices that better serve them.

Glasser feels that relationships are the fundamental thing. Since we can't control teens when they are out of earshot (or even when they are nearby), we need to control how we treat them, so that they will continue to feel that we are in their corner. By supporting the relationship and our connection with them, we can help them to develop their relationship with their own inner knowing. When they no longer feel that we are against them, they can free up their energy to figure out just exactly what it is that they are for.

[Tisha · Rating 1 out of 5]

Useless waste of time. Horribly written, with no explanations of his theories, just numerous examples that were hokey and fake-sounding. None of the conversations he shares are anything a teenager would say. He says there are seven deadly communication habits, but then only lists them in the text- no explanation, no talking about what they include and why they're so problematic. If they're deadly, shouldn't they get more than two sentences of coverage? Similarly, the seven habits to replace them with are also written but not expounded on. He may be a decent psychiatrist but he's a terrible author and teacher.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here's what I took from this book: the most important thing for parents to do is maintain a relationship with their teens. Without that relationship, nothing else will work anyway. They do so by replacing the Seven Deadly Habits (Criticizing, Blaming, Complaining, Nagging, Threatening, Punishing
Rewarding to control) with the Seven Connecting Habits (Caring, Trusting, Listening, Supporting, Negotiating, Befriending, Encouraging).

[Carly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Glassers books are meant to be able to be read by anyone, not just counselors and counseling students. This makes them easier to read, however at times, also pretty repetitive of previous books (I feel).

However, this is a good book for parents and potential school counselors (and really some teachers and admins too)...with some concrete examples.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good advice to follow for anyone raising teenagers.

[Cath · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read with information that can be applied to our relationships with anyone close in our lives. Made me want to read more about choice theory and its applications.

[Farshad Mc]

nothing now

[Jenny Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

about Choice Theory