I Am Not a Psychic!

by Richard Belzer

RICHARD BELZER plays the acerbic Detective John Munch on Law & Special Victims Unit. He has made television history by portraying Detective Munch in ten different television series, including Homicide, The Wire, and Arrested Development. A veteran stand-up comic, actor, and talk-show host, he is the author of I Am Not a Cop!, UFOs, JFK, and Elvis, and coauthor of How to Be a Stand-Up Comic. He divides his time between France and New York City.

Comedy legend Johnny Leland has called in his chips. He’s organizing a charity telethon and needs TV cop Richard Belzer to cohost. Not one to let down an old friend—much less the guy who gave him his start in stand-up comedy—The Belz gets ready to head out to Las Vegas when he receives a mysterious phone call from Paul Venchus, a newspaper colleague from way back. Twenty-six years ago, beautiful starlet Bridget Burgeon was found dead in her Hollywood apartment. Sleeping pills, the coroner ruled, but many questioned whether her relationship with handsome, up-and-coming California congressman Mark Kaye played a role. Conspiracy theorists have been working overtime ever since, and Venchus claims that he has made a breakthrough in the case. A well-known conspiracy theorist himself, The Belz can’t resist hearing him out and agrees to meet. Then Venchus turns up dead, and a wacky, self-proclaimed female psychic shows up at Belzer’s hotel in Vegas insisting that he continue their investigation. Relying on his TV cop know-how and celebrity status, they begin to piece together a series of mysterious deaths that, while rooted a quarter of a century in the past, present some very real dangers in the present. As the bodies start piling up, Belzer finds a legendary hit man hot on his trail and must utilize all of his talents not only to pull off a successful telethon but to solve one of our history’s most scandalous conspiracies before his Vegas stint becomes his closing act.

Genres: Mystery, Fiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published September 14, 2009

About the author

Richard Jay Belzer was an actor, a stand-up comedian, and author. He is best known for his role as Detective John Munch on Homicide: Life on the Street and Law and Order: SVU.

Belzer authored four books, the last two of which were a crime fiction series co-written with Michael Black that featured Belzer as the mystery-solving protagonist. I’m Not a Cop, the first of the two, was published in 2008, followed by the sequel, I’m Not a Psychic, in 2009. Belzer penned UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don’t Have to Be Crazy to Believe in 2000, and co-authored How to Be a Standup Comic in 1988 with “Borat” director and writer, Larry Charles, and Catch a Rising Star owner Rick Newman.

Reviews

[Ali]

By no means great literature, exactly what it is supposed to be- a dumb/funny self-insert book by a C-list actor with excellent snark. He made sure to mention, of course, all the people who recognize him, and how little he has to worry about money. Shameless self promotion? Of course. But who cares, you're only going to read it if you're reading it *because* it was written by Richard Belzer, and it is very very Richard Belzer.

[RICK "SHAQ" GOLDSTEIN]

RICK “SHAQ” GOLDSTEIN SAYS: “I AM NOT AS AMUSED WITH THE SECOND BOOK.”
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Richard Belzer is back with a follow up to his “I AM NOT A COP” mystery novel which plays on the “Hey it’s me!… A real life actor in “LAW AND ORDER SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT!”… but “wink-wink” the crime thriller I’m involved in is fiction. The uniqueness of the first novel has worn off… so the author needs to come up with a compelling story and characters that are strong enough to be able to stand on its own merits. Unfortunately the new story is not gripping nor unique enough. “Belz” is contacted out of the blue by an old friend Paul Venchus who he hasn’t heard from in a quarter-of-a-century. Paul is a lush who says he has info that can solve a famous Hollywood murder case from twenty-six years ago. As the reader is made aware of the fictitious characters involved in this long ago “conspiratorial” murder… there is not even a hint of intrigue. Belzer is on his way to Vegas to help out his “mentor and best friend” Johnny Leland run an annual charity telethon. (Sound familiar… in Vegas… for charity?) If the lack of creativity here isn’t enough for you… add on the fact that Johnny Leland used to be one-half of the hottest Hollywood entertainment duo twenty-five years ago. Johnny was a comedian and his partner Sal Fabell was a hard drinking… handsome Italian singer. Johnny and Sal split up and haven’t talked in… you guessed it… twenty-five-years. So while everyone Belzer talks to regarding the decrepitly old non-titillating murder case… becomes murder victims themselves… he also arranges a tear-jerking telethon reunion between Johnny and Sal. (How about a little more creativity regarding Dean Martin-Jerry Lewis-Vegas-telethon?)

Added to the mix is the title “character”… a totally boring… self-proclaimed… run of the mill (supposed) psychic… who was Paul’s girlfriend and also related to one of the long ago murder cast of characters. With all the possibilities the author has at his disposal such as unlimited real-life names for cameos… and nothing but his imagination to limit his choice of a unique crime subject… this story comes up awful short.

[Karen]

Richard Belzer plays a cop on a TV show. When two friends call with separate reasons for him to head west, Belz goes. One friend, whom he hasn't seen in years, wants him in LA to help solve a conspiracy-laden cold case (In real as well as fictional life, Richard Belzer is a conspiracy nut.) The other, an old mentor, needs him in Vegas to assist in writing and working on a telethon. Belz sets up in Vegas and heads out to LA. Before he gets there, however, his friend is killed. Though Belz wants to leave the investigation to the police, his friend's "psychic" (true???) girlfriend wants him to solve the murder as well as the cold case and pesters him until he starts looking into things. Then, new bodies start to pile up. Plus he's having trouble with an asinine comedian who's supposed to appear on the telethon. On top of that, his Vegas buddy has a heart scare.

I almost gave this three stars because I liked the mystery to this one better than the first book in this series (2 books to date, hopefully no more on the way!), I Am Not a Cop! (My review.). I had the same trouble with this book as I did the last. I just could not get the words/paragraphs to flow for me. I had the book out of the library for the longest period I could get, 21 weeks, because I kept allowing myself to get distracted by other reads. I finally forced myself to speed-read and finish it the last week I could have it out.

The story is written in first-person noir style. I didn't mind the first-person POV, I just could not make the words and paragraphs flow. I don't know what it is. Again the story was good, again I liked the characters, and again I like the humor. Overall, I just didn't like the book.

As I did with the other, I would suggest that anyone who wants to read this book to peruse pages to see if the writing style will cause you problems. If I had to do it all over, I would have done that and most likely left the two books on the shelf.

The books are co-written with author Michael Black, who looks like he has a few books I could add to my to-read list. However, if they're written as these are, I think I'd pass.

[Joe Juarez]

Two words describes Richard Belzer's personality, smart ass. In "I'm Not A Psychic," he uses his smart ass tactics to help a distraught woman solve a two decade old murder mystery in a city where smart asses are free to speak freely while inebriated, Las Vegas.

The plot's simple: Richard Belzer travels to Las Vegas to meet up with a few old stand-up comic buddies for a benefit. But instead of preparing for jokes and punchlines, Belzer is met with a situation that could have possibly required the services of his Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit co-stars. But lucky for him he was able to fend for himself through his partial mixed martial arts training.

I always believe that whenever a person calls someone else a smart ass,he or she has made it into whatever they put their mind to. For Mr. Belzer he used his "smart assery" to solve a crime and be back in time to entertain. I hope Benson and Kragen took some notes.

[Reader57]

Belz needs to stick with acting (Det. Munch on Law & Order: SVU). This story is set in Las Vegas with a long dead glamor star (ala Marilyn Monroe) who was having an affair with an influential politician (JFK) from an influential political family (Kennedys) and who may have been killed via a conspiracy related to that family, possibly involving organized crime. A long ago team of a suave singer (Dean Martin) and comedian (Jerry Lewis) haven't spoken since a split due to the comedian growing in popularity. Belz writes himself in as a character and if the real Belz is the same as the book character he is not a person I want to meet. Skip this book.

[Susan]

Actor and artial arts buff Richard Belzer is asked to appear at a telethon in Las Vegas by his mentor and good friend comic Johnny Lyman. At the same time, he gets a call from an old friend who is now investigating the mysterious death of a Hollywood starlet decades ago. When the friend is killed before Belzer can meet with him, the friend's self-described psychic informant descends on Belzer's Las Vegas hotel and demands his help. The body count climbs until the Belz himself is under threat.

[Wendy]

This was disappointing. I wasn't expecting great literature or anything, but it was a bit overindulgent and a lot of that Belzer wit actually felt kind of nasty. I especially was annoyed with the makeover bit. You'll understand if you read the book -- don't want to write a spoiler here. Would I recommend it? Well, if you like Belzer and a light read, and not a lot of required thinking you probably would. If you tend to be a feminist you might prefer to skip it.

[Jessica]

Having read "I Am Not a Cop!" I knew what to expect as Richard Belzer turns his real life into a fictional one. This was a good read, but I think setting it in Vegas caused a loss in authenticity. Belz in New York I believe. Belz in Vegas is a bit out there. Especially when he just happens to know a photographer who just happens to be replicating a 20+ year old photo shoot, etc. I liked it, but I like the first book more.

[Mark Isaak]

Good characters, but the plot is contrived; the major events happen because the scriptwriter wants them to happen, not because they are what the characters or situation would dictate. Few of Belzer's wisecracks are funny, so humor does not help the book at all.

[Valerie]

Reviewed for ALA's "Booklist" magazine -- appears in the October 15, 2009 issue. If you have a subscription, you can read my review at BooklistOnline.com at: http://www.booklistonline.com/I-Am-No...

[Juliana]

he's not a writer either.

[Jen]

Entertaining enough, but required a huge suspension of disbelief. I found the female protagonist to be extremely unlikeable.

[Anita]

Couldn't finish it. I initially thought that using your own name in a work of fiction was an interesting change, but I decided I didn't like it.

[Susan]

If you like your mysteries easy to read this is for you. The story is not bad and I found it entertaining.

[Brandon]

A light, entertaining page-turner from the Belz. There is a lot of the Belzer wit in this semi-plausible mystery.

[Amy]

Love the humor it was a fun read.

[Karen Kenney]

Who knew the guy could write too? I liked it, could have done without the cursing, but it fit the character.