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160 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 1987
He recalled an old Huntsville con who used to quote a ditty as Royce dressed the man's persistently gangrenous leg:
"Life is a game of poker.
Happiness is in the pot.
You're dealt five cards from the cradle.
And you play them whether you like it or not"
...Three days later the man died anyway. Just before he lost consciousness for the last time, he half opened his eyes and recognized Royce at the foot of his bed. He winked and said, "Life is just a game of poker..."
"Einstein said something about God and dice," the old man said to him once. "But God doesn't use dice. He runs a poker game. There's a difference."
God my ass, Royce thought.
Which is a bigger waste? A man born with a chance who blows it, or a man born with no chance who fights it? They're both losers, aren't they?
Yes and no, he decided. Bobby Mencken's death had shown him a true wrong dealt a man whose life, on its own level, had probably been no more or less screwed up than Royce's. Had such an injustice been perpetrated on Royce instead of Mencken, Royce would have fought tooth and nail for what he perceived as his God-given right to be allowed to continue his trivial suffering, rather than go through the twisted fate of being condemned to die for an act he hadn't committed.
Wouldn't he?
God-given indeed. Who was he kidding? You dance with your fate, or your fate dances with you. And nobody knows his fate until he's looking at it, until it's too late, until it practically over.
God my ass...
Justice, even retroactive justice, seemed a clear alternative to that final outrage. And in the act of securing justice for Bobby Mencken, Royce thought he could see a way to secure a modicum of dignity for his own miserable life - justification, even.
But there was more to it than that. More than justice. More than justification. More than dignity. Nothing less than, perhaps, revenge.
Revenge for whom? For Mencken?
Mencken didn't need any avenging, he was beyond it. Technically, morally, that's what Royce was up to. But, as the say in Pravda sometimes, Royce was technically and morally worn out. What he wanted was revenge for the miserable, vacuous betrayal his own life had become.
Go home? No. No more home.
Which is the bigger waste? A man born with a chance who blows it, or a man born with no chance who fights it? They're both losers in the end, aren't they?