He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: A Memoir of Finding Faith, Hope, and Happily Ever After

by Trish Ryan

Trish Ryan was the quintessential successful thirtysomething woman -- she had a career as an attorney, a nice car, and a succession of men clamoring for her affection. But despite all her accomplishments, the things by which she defined her life continually left her disappointed, especially when it came to dating. Like the heroines of chick-lit novels and Sex and the City, she couldn't escape her bad luck with men who cheated, who left her, who made her a lesser version of herself. After years of trying everything out there to make love work -- new age philosophy, feminist empowerment, myriad of self-help programs -- she finally, hesitantly, decided to give God a try. This is Ryan's story of how her search for the right guy turned into the search for the right God, and (spoiler alert!) how she ended up with the happily-ever-after ending.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Relationships, Chick Lit

Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

My dream, ever since I was a little girl, was to be a superhero. Specifically, I wanted to be one of the Wonder Twins, meeting with Superman and Wonder Woman at the Hall of Justice on Saturday mornings to fight evil and save the world. Lacking a twin, I got a law degree instead, thinking it would give me evil-fighting superpowers.

As it turns out, I was wrong. Shortly after realizing that I hated billable hours, I ended (read: fled) my career in law, and spent the next few years trying to make sense of the world. I couldn’t shake the belief that things could/should/would be different – better, somehow – if only I could figure out what really mattered. I wanted to know how things like spirituality and luck and intuition worked, and how I could make them work for me. So I embarked on a quest to find the right God, but spent much of my time trying to find the right guy. At a certain point, after acquiring a heaping pile of mistakes on both counts, I came to see that the two might be intertwined.

The good news is, after much trial and error, I finally found them both: the God, and the guy. Now I live in Cambridge, Massachusetts with my superhero husband, Steve, and our genetically-improbable mixed breed dog, Kylie.

I wrote a book about my search, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: A Memoir of Finding Faith, Hope, and Happily Ever After, and then a sequel, A Maze of Grace: A Memoir of Second Chances.

And while I sit at my laptop typing each day, the Wonder Twin dream lives on…

Reviews

[silvermoon777 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Trish Ryan is a good writer but this book is chock full of problems. In my view, she found a man because she attended a church full of Fundamentalists who believe in female submission. It had little to do with God, although she claims regularly to hear from him personally. That puts her right up there with saints, prophets, and schizophrenics. She is also anti-feminist and believes in being "covered" by her husband.

The most hilarious thing is that in her sequel, there is an entire chapter devoted to how she starts lusting after some guy in a band as a now married woman. I think the problem is that Trish has a roaming eye (pretty evident from this book, as she leaps from man to man like a leap frog on a lily pad) and some family issues she's never sorted out. I wonder how someone from such a loving family as she claims to come from would marry an abusive man initially?

The book reads like some sort of Christian fantasy story, as she leaves the world of the law behind, enters into new age territory, and then finally gives it all up to be a submissive Christian woman. It's entertaining but I'm dubious as to its veracity. She wanted men to rescue her - then she wanted Jesus to rescue her - and finally someone named Steve does (an Italian guy who likes women to cook for him and do his laundry, unsurprisingly). I think there is a heaping helping of denial in Ms. Ryan's world, but I'm not a submissive woman. I am a progressive Christian if one were to slap a label on me, and I think Jesus was a feminist.

A good read if you buy into her beliefs, otherwise much to nitpick here.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

The second book in the The Flower Shop Sisters series a well written story that held my interest until the end. This is Irishman Liam Gallagher and Marigold/ Mari Wright's story of how they get married in Vegas and then have to decide what to do. There are somethings with Liam being married that will help his sister Niamh out. I laughed throughout this book. I want to read Kate's story. The ring Liam gives Mari sounded really nice Rose Gold with Morganite and engraved with A ghrá geal which he was meaning as 'my bright love'. I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Denise Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shared unsuccessful experiences with men and astrology. As she got closer to God she met her husband. I liked the quote “the problem isn’t tat you keep meeting the wrong man. It’s that you keep giving them your number”

[Carrie Runnals · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first read the book jacket on He Loves Me, He Loves Me NOT (HLMHLMN), I thought I was in for some light-hearted chick lit or a God on a Harley type ride. Trish Ryan's desperate hubby hunt turned faith quest ended up far more meaningful than finding Prince Charming.

Spirituality/Religion can be a heavy topic and can put many a reader on the defense, but Trish reveals her journey with such candor and humor, I, for one, walked away appreciating her process.

In her twenties, Trish threw around the common disclaimer that she was "spiritual, but not religious." She embraced everything from A Course in Miracles, astrology, tarot cards, feng shui, crystals, chakras, Native American spirituality--you name it, she tried it. If she hadn't already made her choice, you better bet, Trish would be first in line to buy Oprah's Book Club pick, Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth Awakening To Your Life's Purpose. With painful self-dissection and heartache, all that changed...

Even if you're not exploring enlightenment, you can glean clarity from Trish's memoir. I appreciate her willingness to allow us a glimpse into her spiritual and psychological trenches--she admits her insecurities and speaks openly about the dreaded "D-word," depression. Don't be detered--HLMHLMN is by no means a downer. Think Sex in The City meets Women of Faith ~ Trish's relentless self-effacing humor inspires quick page turning.

I doubt we'll find many people, especially women, who won't find themselves relating to Trish, at least on some level. She reminds me of our tendency to project our ideals onto our latest man crush--the biggest trap we can set for ourselves. Instead of seeing others--specifically, prospective mates--for what they truly are, we throw our notions of perfection at them in hopes they'll stick, so we'll finally find our elusive soul mate glazed in shiny flawlessness. Then, “Life Happens,” and inevitably things heat up and that glaze begins to melt, slowly dripping off to reveal the faulty individual underneath...and we're left with our disappointment wondering “What happened? Why did THEY change? I appreciate Trish's comitment to digging deep in HLMHLMN to determine that the hole she thought she could fill with a man truly could not be satiated by someone of this world.

I must admit, I was left wanting her to explore just a bit more:

**WHY she had such a deep sense of insecurity in the first place ~ From her account, she comes from a strong Catholic in-tact loving family--anything BUT dysfunctional compared to today's standards--so where does this deep internal abyss originate? Without God, does that unfillable hole reside in us all?

**Like Trish, in my twenties, I fell into the trap of thinking my boyfriend could complete me . On page 26 of HLMHLMN she admits: "Dating Josh marked an evolution for me: it was my first experience with lying about who I was and what I wanted, of guessing what a guy wanted and then pretending to be eactly that." That was me. I didn't know myself or what I wanted and I thought finding a guy would fill that void--in was unconscious, unintentional. After reading HLMHLMN, I found myself wanting Trish to explore her own individual passions and purpose apart from her quest for landing a man. Hmmm, maybe visiting her website will provide those answers. You can also visit Trish's Forty Days of Faith website.

Just a sidenote: As a young twenty-something "yankee," living very much like Trish--very defensive to condescending "Christianese." I had a number of Born Agains hit me with well-intended phrases like "Don't you want to be washed in the blood of the lamb?" and “My heart is burdened for your salvation" ~ Huh? That, quite frankly, felt far from loving--only sanctimonious--and turned me OFF from Christianity. It's no wonder Christianity gets a bad rap these days. Conversely, I think Trish does a superb job of articulating the Christian tenets in a nonthreatening conversational tone--very much like a discussion you may have with a nonjudgmental loving girlfriend. Admittedly, I've lived in the southern Bible Belt for nearly fifteen years now and embrace the Christian perspective, so maybe I'm immune at this point, but I’d be interested to hear how you recieve Trish’s message.

What are your impressions? Let's start a conversation...

Bottom line: HLMHLMN obviously evokes much introspection. I recommend it and would love to hear your thoughts on the book and the points I've raised in this post.

Please go to my website to comment about this book or call 206-309-7318 and leave a voice mail.

I have one copy of HLMHLMN that I'll throw in the giveaway hat...Let me know if you want to be entered to win.

[Rhonda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to say that I really enjoyed this book. When I first decided to check it out I thought it was going to be a fiction story but I found out that it was a nonfiction story which then piqued my curiosity even more.
While the author was writing about finding a husband and having the happily ever after life, she was going about it in every way imaginable she could to attain it.
I could often see myself in similar situations; however I am not looking for love but rather a peace in my life so I could relate to her in many situations as I too have tried many of the things she's tried to find my peace.
Trish Ryan eventually turns to God because nothing else has seemed to work and alas she finds something new and different. Even though the path she must now follow is a new and sometimes hard path to follow she does perservere.
I could also relate to many of the things she was writing about with her new spirituality, as I am also newly finding myself on that same path.
I find that Trish's words are very encouraging and her thoughts are some of the same thoughts I am now having.
I felt like I could be friends with the author.
The only question that remained when I finished the book was Ms. Ryan talked about her friend Amy who also prayed diligently to God to bring her a husband that would be pleasing to God, and I am wondering if Amy found a husband too.

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

True chick lit for the Christian woman! Trish follows a Sex in the City lifestyle in Boston, going from one failed relationship to another, and one spiritual experience to another. She finally decides to give God a try and finds out Christianity is nothing like she expected.

Interesting scene: her perplexed impressions of Vineyard on the first day she attends. (The fact that my son also attends this same church, and met his wife there, made this part rather gripping for me! I've watched the same rock band play in that same school gymnasium.)

August 19, 2008: I'm editing my review to move it up a notch. I happened to be in Boston this weekend with my daughter-in-law. Finding out I have read this book, my daughter-in-law pulled me around a corner and introduced me to the author, Trish Ryan! Apparently Trish was her small group leader! I now have independent verification that the memoirs are true, not fictionalized.

[Jackie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trish was a woman on a mission--she wanted to find true faith and true love, preferably all at the same time. She cycled through various spiritual practices almost as fast as
she cycled through several less than enlightened men. She was a lawyer until she got married for the first time--then, when the marriage became abusive, she fled and lived in
hiding several years, eventually becoming a spiritual teacher. But it all still left her empty and alone until she "stumbled" over Christianity and the Vineyard Church. What follows is sometimes funny, sometimes agonizing as she tries to come to terms with the concept of Jesus and what it means to chose him as a savior--and as a matchmaker. Preachy at times, it's still a great read because she redefines "happily ever after" in a charming and hopeful way.

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was slightly skeptical when I first picked up this book. As I was perusing the shelves at Borders the title caught my eye and I felt like something was telling me read this one . I really didn't want to read another relationship book.. however; I was in for a big surprise. The book for me, was so riveting, that I drove back to Border's the next day to finish the book.

Trish's book is not just about a quest for love or waiting for God's best.. but a refreshing reminder of how God truly is the ultimate pursuer. Through Trish's journey of faith, the reader can see that if we seek God out will all of our heart we will be found by him. Not to mention the fact that God really does have the most amazing gifts in store.

I definitely recommend this book to anyone who needs encouragement on the journey of finding faith, career, and love.

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

My 17-year-old brother proceeded to tease me for about 10 minutes over the fact that I was reading a book with a prince-frog on the cover. *sigh*

I wish I could say it was worth it.

Mom went to see Trish Ryan speak a month or so ago and I told her I would read Ryan's memoir for her :-P Ryan's story about finding love and faith (simultaneously) was interesting and somewhat funny at first-- what with all her dating mishaps and whatnot, despite a not-so-remarkable story.

But then Ryan finds Jesus half way through the book and it simultaneously becomes un-funny. Bummer. (However, I was told at dinner last weekend that Christian humor is of a particular brand, so maybe I'm just out of the loop.)

If you liked "Eat Pray Love," consider this Glibert's younger, Christian sister.

[Elizabeth De Marco · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved the first half of this book, but not so crazy about the second half. I agree with some of the things she says, mostly her views of sexuality, respecting yourself and relationship standards. Kirkegaard won't like me saying this, but I cannot accept either/or situations with spirituality, and in this book, either you have to be a Christian or....what? you will not find a good man? you will be doomed to a life cut off from God? I am still unclear on her message here. I think it is great that Christianity works for her, but I don't understand how you can lump all new age books into one category--and as a Librarian, I was HORRIFIED when she talked about burning them. Some new age ideas are drippy, but what is wrong with the chakra system exactly? Her Christianity borders on too superstitious and neurotic for me.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is about Trish's journey through many different spiritual practices and relationships, while searching for happiness, and ultimately a husband. Her candid sense of humor comes through in her casual, yet gripping style of writing. I appreciated her ability to communicate that not all (in fact probably most) Christians do not fall into the stereotypes that are thrown at them, whether it be that they are Republicans, Bible-thumpers, etc. Her style/experience with faith is one that draws people in wanting to experience it for themselves. I'm not a fast reader, but finished this book in two days because I couldn't put it down.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took this to Lake Powell and couldn't get enough. Trish has such a happy way of exploring how she "found Jesus" and described the ups and downs of her dating sagas. I thought I've had it rough but Trish is an inspiration to all of us in unsatisfying relationships that there is a "right one" for us, and our prince charmings are out there. We need to learn to trust in God, and how we need to be patient. I liked how everything we go through is a learning process, and makes us better equipped to handle other relationships.

I loved this book a lot!

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not is Trish's spiritual & emotional journey through singledom (how is that for a word). She gives everything over to God & trusts him to lead her to the man meant for her. And when she least expects it, it happens. She gets her "Happy Ever After".

What I learned from Trish & her story, is that I do deserve someone who respects me, loves me & cherishes me. I need to re-discover my Church Community. I need to give this all to God & trust that He will lead me in the right direction.

[Elyse · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED this book. Although the premise initially seems like she's just telling her journey from single to married, it is so much more than that. Trish Ryan is an excellent writer...both transparent and funny! She shares about a lot of relationships, including her spiritual journey. Laughed, teared up, and felt challenged spiritually and mentally by this book. AWESOME. Will be looking for her other ones soon.

[Jeanne Quigley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whether you are searching for God or already have a strong friendship with Him, are longing for a spouse or want to pray in a more meaningful way, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not will guide and inspire you in your Christian life. Trish Ryan writes with honesty, warmth, wit and grace. I am particularly grateful for the introduction to the Forty Days Of Faith practice. You will be better for having read this book. And when you’re done, check out Ryan’s follow-up, A Maze Of Grace.

[Angel · Rating 5 out of 5]

So I read this book because I know Trish, but after reading it I would say that anyone could read this and get something out of it. It is a really great book about finding love and finding faith something alost all of us are looking for in some respect. I found my own journey in her journey it was really great!

[Mara · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not finish this book because I really didn't enjoy it. Perhaps because it was the 3rd memoir I've read in the past month, but I think more because it wasn't well written. I'm glad that the author's life seems to have worked out according to the book jacket, but it wasn't something I wanted to read about.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book reads like a novel but is a memoir- so much drama! i love that the author is so honest in sharing her story. i finished reading it the day after i watched Sex in the City. very interesting combo! I've also met the author- she attends my church, so i may be a little biased. =]

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nice story. I'm definitely not the target audience, though. I'd suggest for someone who's either looking for God or thinking about getting married (definitely good thoughts on what to look for in a good relationship - and what to avoide).

[Susie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in just a few days. It is an autobiography of a woman who looked for love in all the wrong places (men,self-help books, etc.-haven't we all?) and finds her one true love, God (and then finds Mr. Right too!) Written in the first person, I felt like they were my own words at times!

[Krystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! I really liked it. However, JUST once I want to read about a girl who follows God, does everything "right," and still doens not meet the man of her dreams! Oh, wait! That's my life! I need to get started on that book of mine....

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book to prepare for a talk and I wish I had read it when I was single. It's a great memoir on finding God in order to find the right man. Loved her honesty and her writing. HIGHLY recommend.

[Dr. Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a voyage of self discovery written by a high school chum of mine. I appreciated her raw honesty and humor and admire her for revealing so much of herself. I learned some religious facts and respect the path she's chosen as it is evident that it makes her happy.

[Alexis Hyndman · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Of course the man I have for you will know Me. How else will he know how to love you?"

This was a great autobiography of a woman's journey through religion and dating. She asked so many of the same questions I've wrestled with and I enjoyed reading about her exploration through them all.

[Renee A. Richards · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes! Read this.

I was so anticipating the eventual good stuff and the writing of all the junk to get sorted raised just enough frustration in me to help me empathize with the author.

[Larramie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trish tells of her journey to love -- both Divine and human -- in this honest-to-goodness memoir.

[Meredith Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was the right book at the right time. that's it.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Candid yet heart-warming memoir about a woman seeking love. she discovers christianity along the way and discovers the beauty of Gods grace.

[Trish Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's my story, and my frog...how could I not give it 5 stars???

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest and funny. I would recommend it to anyone interested in spiritual journeys and/or stories about finding Mr. Right in the real world.

Disclaimer: I know the author.