What do you think?
Rate this book
An Affair of the Mind
Laurie Hall's story reveals pornography's subversive side and offers comfort, encouragement, insight, and a plan of action to women whose husbands are addicted.
268 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1996
13 people are currently reading
256 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
August 18, 2016
After recently reading and reviewing Divorce Gamesmanship Expert Janie McQueen's Hanging On By My Fingernails - a must-read that Ms. McQueen pulled out of her very soul - I decided to revisit this truly gut-wrenching story by Laurie Hall. She, too, lays bare her ordeal; and like Ms. McQueen, she pulls no punches.
I first read An Affair of the Mind several years ago, and have turned to it countless times since, for help when I'm talking with women whose lives are being destroyed by their husband's porn hobby.
(Not "addiction" - hobby.)
Most notable is the whistle-blowing that Ms. Hall engages in. She systematically, and with full Biblical reference, dismantles the cowardice of the religious types that populate far too many churches; more than that, though, she tells the truth about the effects of pornography on the culture. She brings to light the abusive impact on women and children - those who endure the living hell of the husband/father who, unwilling to live in the real world, feels entitled to escape into the fantasy of a one-dimensional encounter with Miss July.
God help the woman who can't measure up to his fantasies - and the children who don't understand why Dad hates Mom.
I don't know what became of Ms. Hall's marriage - the book doesn't clue us in on that - but I'd be shocked if it survived. The only improvement I would make to An Affair of the Mind would be to add more cautionary/preparatory suggestions for the divorce that will likely occur, because choosing porn over masculinity is probably the most effective way to end a family.
So if you're living with a guy whom you can't please, who disappears regularly, seems tuned-out much of the time, likes to flash-rage, and who seems to live in an alternate reality - read this book. And if you're a Christian woman, and you find yourself trying harder to please him than your God, then definitely read this book. ASAP.
I first read An Affair of the Mind several years ago, and have turned to it countless times since, for help when I'm talking with women whose lives are being destroyed by their husband's porn hobby.
(Not "addiction" - hobby.)
Most notable is the whistle-blowing that Ms. Hall engages in. She systematically, and with full Biblical reference, dismantles the cowardice of the religious types that populate far too many churches; more than that, though, she tells the truth about the effects of pornography on the culture. She brings to light the abusive impact on women and children - those who endure the living hell of the husband/father who, unwilling to live in the real world, feels entitled to escape into the fantasy of a one-dimensional encounter with Miss July.
God help the woman who can't measure up to his fantasies - and the children who don't understand why Dad hates Mom.
I don't know what became of Ms. Hall's marriage - the book doesn't clue us in on that - but I'd be shocked if it survived. The only improvement I would make to An Affair of the Mind would be to add more cautionary/preparatory suggestions for the divorce that will likely occur, because choosing porn over masculinity is probably the most effective way to end a family.
So if you're living with a guy whom you can't please, who disappears regularly, seems tuned-out much of the time, likes to flash-rage, and who seems to live in an alternate reality - read this book. And if you're a Christian woman, and you find yourself trying harder to please him than your God, then definitely read this book. ASAP.
May 4, 2016
A friend recommended this book to me as preparation for a sermon I was giving on the dangers of pornography. Hall provides a detailed first-hand account of all the ways pornography can ruin a marriage. Essentially, addiction to pornography is similar to other types of addictions in that it brings with it all of the problematic behaviors associated with addictions: betrayal of trust, financial issues, increasingly risky actions, et al. Hall is a Christian, and so more than just writing a memoir of being married to an addict, Hall attempts to reveal the spiritual dangers of sexual addiction (e.g. the breaking of the marital covenant, the breaking of intimacy with God, the impact on a person's character and personality and soul) and attempts to lay out spiritual solutions (prayer, reframing one's perspective, dependence on God for strength). Overall, I had a mixed reaction to this. On one hand, Hall's transparency paints a starkly clear picture of the problem with pornography. On the other hand, I was looking for something less personal and something more ordered, structured, and Biblically grounded -- essentially a clear doctrinal position on sexual sin as it relates to pornography. A heart-rending read, but not quite what I was expecting or looking for.
March 25, 2012
The author writes from the heart, avoiding superficialities, intellectualization and spiritualizing. Her journey has not been smooth or easy ... this is not a success story with a fairy tale ending. I have to disagree, however, with the reviewers who think it is too pessimistic and without hope. The progress seen by the end of the book (which is certainly not the end of the story) is marked and more representative of the healing in addict families than is a quick, happy ending.
Good insights on forgiveness, especially regarding the pain that it involves.
After reading this book, I found myself wondering whether it should be required reading for pre-marital counseling. Given that the problem is so prevalent, would earlier awareness of the issues promote their resolution before the sexual addiction and family patterns cause such destruction?
Good insights on forgiveness, especially regarding the pain that it involves.
After reading this book, I found myself wondering whether it should be required reading for pre-marital counseling. Given that the problem is so prevalent, would earlier awareness of the issues promote their resolution before the sexual addiction and family patterns cause such destruction?
March 9, 2008
A friend of mine who's husband had a pornography addiction read this, but was going through so much pain, she couldn't absorb much of it. I borrowed it from her so I could be more empathetic towards her situation, and found it an incredible book of a woman's faithfulness to her husband who had become totally immobilized from his addiction to the point of not being able to function in his job or overall life. A very important book for these times we live in.
January 1, 2009
I saw this woman speak at a Woman's Aglow Conference and felt she was telling my story. Very touching book about the devastating affects of pornography on a relationship. Very convincing and informative.
March 17, 2008
Awesome book! Gives great advice for wives, whether their marriage difficulty is tied to porn or not.
April 23, 2009
Blech.
March 5, 2024
As a Christian woman I wanted to understand my husband, be able to communicate my feelings, and restore our marriage. This is one of the few christian books out there for such a taboo topic. I was eagerly cautious to read this as a review warned of feeling hopeless at the end. I made it 100 pages in, didn't understand why it was so repetitive, hated the negative thoughts it puts out there repeatedly with no fruit to it, and did not receive any of the help I was hopeful for. I will say her story was beautifully written, heart wrenching, and I feel for her sorrow. But the only useful thing I believe this book offers is community in a tough situation. I was hopefully when she talked about how relied on God so much at the beginning but it quickly unraveled to focus in on shaming people for partaking in such an addictive, and hurtful act. I agree it is deeply shameful and if your audience were the viewer of porn rather than the victim of porn I would recommend this book. Maybe it would also be useful if it were well after the fact and your marriage was already restored. I do give it 3 stars because the writing is decent, the message portrayed, and the story gripping. I believe she did do her best to pour herself into the book but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone actually going through this situation, except those that need community.
October 18, 2019
I really wanted this to be a memoir. It was more a self-help book. Thus the three stars.
Hall did share bits and pieces of her experiences with her porn-addicted husband, and they were devastating. But the path to healing was obscured by all the research on pornography and the chapters on how to read the Bible and other religious right-wing-y stuff. Don't get me wrong. A lot of what Hall says is VERY compassionate and could be just the comfort that someone who identifies as Christian of any sort needs when they are dealing with betrayal in their marriage. But because the book was written in the nineties, a lot of the research is outdated. The pornography landscape has TOTALLY changed. So while the spiritual advice and the memoir aspects are fairly evergreen, a lot of it also feels really dated.
Plus, you have to put up with the conflagration of pornography with the things right-wingers are always fear-mongering over: homosexuality, masturbation, etc.
It was more compassionate than I expected something from Focus on the Family to be. But there were still parts that needed to be rejected wholesale, no questions asked.
Hall did share bits and pieces of her experiences with her porn-addicted husband, and they were devastating. But the path to healing was obscured by all the research on pornography and the chapters on how to read the Bible and other religious right-wing-y stuff. Don't get me wrong. A lot of what Hall says is VERY compassionate and could be just the comfort that someone who identifies as Christian of any sort needs when they are dealing with betrayal in their marriage. But because the book was written in the nineties, a lot of the research is outdated. The pornography landscape has TOTALLY changed. So while the spiritual advice and the memoir aspects are fairly evergreen, a lot of it also feels really dated.
Plus, you have to put up with the conflagration of pornography with the things right-wingers are always fear-mongering over: homosexuality, masturbation, etc.
It was more compassionate than I expected something from Focus on the Family to be. But there were still parts that needed to be rejected wholesale, no questions asked.
April 9, 2025
Very good and thoughtful. It's good to hear this viewpoint, and very valuable both to the women it's targeted at, and men who want to understand more of the problem too. I don't necessarily agree with everything in here, but it's a very good read.
January 4, 2019
Extremely helpful, encouraging, and honest.
September 18, 2024
Profoundly troubling to know the path that pornography can take a person.
August 18, 2013
This book was ok, but the author seemed more hurt her husband's pornography than this physical affairs. She also failed to realize there was a reason behind his porn and infidelity. I am not saying he is justified in his actions, but he was broken (just like the author's own codependence). I personally had a lot of problems with this book. Shattered Vows by Deb Laaser is a much better book on a similar topic.
December 2, 2007
I heard about this book on a "Focus on the Family" radio program broadcast. It was was I really needed and I can't recommend it enough for any woman who has a husband struggling with pornography.
August 13, 2008
Hard read but good. This took me a while to read as it had some very deep insight that needed to be pondered along the way.
September 12, 2012
A must read for wives of sexually addicted husbands!
May 21, 2015
A vital tool for counselors.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews