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The Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing the Four Key Causes of Depression and Aggression
From the best-selling author of Male Menopause comes another life-transforming book for men-and the women who love them-on overcoming the mood and behavior changes caused by fluctuating male hormones It turns out that it's not only women who suffer from hormone related irritability. Depression, anger, fatigue, moodiness, anxiety, lethargy, low libido, and confusion are just some of the symptoms of a recently identified condition that affects men. IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome) is in some ways similar to male menopause, but it can affect men of all ages. What often triggers IMS is acute or chronic stress. Focusing on two crucial times of life when male hormones are shifting rapidly-adolescence/young adulthood and midlife-Jed Diamond reports on the latest research from international experts on men's health and hormones; describes in detail the symptoms of IMS; explains how the volatile mood swings of the syndrome can wreak havoc with a man's closest relationships and provides advice on preventing, diagnosing, and treating IMS. Just as when he began researching his landmark book on male menopause, Jed Diamond is at the forefront of this controversial subject. He offers readers the most comprehensive, insightful coverage of IMS-and the practical wisdom he imparts will help millions.
- GenresNonfictionPsychology
291 pages, Hardcover
First published September 29, 2004
21 people are currently reading
147 people want to read
About the author
Jed Diamond
38 books14 followersJed is Director of the MenAlive, a health program that helps men live long and well. Since its inception, Jed has been on the Board of Advisors of the Men’s Health Network. He is also a member of the International Society for the Study of the Aging Male and serves as a member of the International Scientific Board of the World Congress on Men’s Health.
Diamond has been a licensed psychotherapist for over 40 years and is the author of seven books including the international best-selling Male Menopause ... His PhD study on gender and depression developed vital new information for treating depression in men.
He lives with his wife, Carlin, on Shimmins Ridge, above Bloody Run Creek, in Northern California. They are proud parents of five grown children and eleven grandchildren.
Diamond has been a licensed psychotherapist for over 40 years and is the author of seven books including the international best-selling Male Menopause ... His PhD study on gender and depression developed vital new information for treating depression in men.
He lives with his wife, Carlin, on Shimmins Ridge, above Bloody Run Creek, in Northern California. They are proud parents of five grown children and eleven grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
January 4, 2009
An important book that helps to look at behavior such as aggression and self destruction among men in a different light. See also Absent Fathers, Lost Sons, by Guy Corneau.
September 24, 2020
At first, this was not a pleasant read. It seemed like every man in the world suffers from Irritable Male Syndrome because I saw it in myself and my father so much. I thought the last the I or the world needs is another diagnosis or label. As I read on, hearing stories from so many men and their loved ones, I saw that IMS recognition is a good thing. There are different causes and results and not having them labeled as something else is beneficial.
By the time the book gets to solutions, I was relieved. There I read so many of the techniques and practices I've done for myself and healing that I lead clients through. There is a light at the end of the irritable tunnel.
Men suffer most from a spiritual disorder, a shutting from deeper connections with themselves and others, that we all long for, but too many men have been told isn't "manly."
By the time the book gets to solutions, I was relieved. There I read so many of the techniques and practices I've done for myself and healing that I lead clients through. There is a light at the end of the irritable tunnel.
Men suffer most from a spiritual disorder, a shutting from deeper connections with themselves and others, that we all long for, but too many men have been told isn't "manly."
February 26, 2012
This book talks about male depression and it is a very depressing book to read. Unfortunately, the author does not have a solution; generally the book is about multiple case histories. When males are unsatisfied with their life they make hell for everyone around them. The book suggests that women in similar situation are more willing to look for help and share their emotions. Males are more doomed to suffer because they are not in touch with their feelings. There were a lot of stereotypical statements; generally the author did not say anything new or revolutionary.
November 5, 2023
I really enjoyed this book. Jed Diamond is a really neat guy. I learned a lot reading this book. One of them was an expansion on how our brains are wired. I'd never heard of the "tend and befriend" reaction as a feminine counterpart to "fight or flight." This really intrigued me.
Dr. Diamond presented a scenario, where we were back in the times of villages and tigers... Imagine you're a guy, and you're hanging out with the other men after a good day of hunting, telling stories, and winding down for the day. The women are hanging out chatting nearby, and children are running around doing things that children do. Suddenly a tiger appears. This is when you have your "fight or flight" moment. Can you fight and scare the tiger off or kill it, to save your family? Or will you "flee," to draw the tiger away from your family, still for the purpose of saving them? Now imagine you're a woman. You're not really likely to do either. You're likely to get your kids, and find a place to hide, and nurture your children while doing so. You don't necessarily have a "fight or flight" response. You "tend and befriend." BOOM. Why have I never heard this before? This makes so much sense!
So, men's stress response is "fight or flight." (I've heard a third option is "freeze.") They'll get all pumped up, ready to slay or flee, both with heroic intentions. In today's life, this is tough, because there's SO much stress around, and the constant pumping in of self-made chemicals to keep you able to fight or flee is ripping up our minds and bodies. And yes, of course, sometimes that's how we women react too.
But then there's the "tend and befriend" reaction. Which I really recognize.
Dr. Diamond described a study concerning men and women coming home from a rough day at work. If it was a busy day, the man wanted to be left alone for a bit to recharge. But if it was a stressful day where things went terribly wrong at work, the man was likely to snap at his family, due to the increased hormones raging through his body and his fight or flight response. However, the women reacted differently. When they had terrible days at work, they were actually more likely to be extra nurturing to their kids when they came home. They'd "tend and befriend," because that's what our brains are wired to do, to overcome stressful situations. They'd snuggle up with the kids and heal and recover that way. That's what I used to do, when I worked, and had really rough days. I couldn't wait to get home and snuggle my kids. And now I know why.
So that's why we (women) are likely to want to bundle up with others when we're struggling - while men are less likely to seek that as an outlet.
Oh and there were stuff in there about guys too. And it made a lot of sense. I was given this book over ten years ago, when I worked for a nonprofit organization mentioned in the book. I wish I had read it back then, but the title sort of scared me. I was surprised to find it in my stash recently, and I am glad I chose to read it. It really helped me understand myself and those around me better.
I also enjoyed Dr. Diamond's distancing from the Freudian inspired psychodynamic psychotherapy approach, in which Dr. Diamond was trained, but then through his work with his clients found the repeated expressing of rage and dwelling on the past to be really counterproductive, and shifted to a "now and future" kind of approach, where he's starting in what's alive right now and working toward the future his clients yearn for.
Dr. Diamond presented a scenario, where we were back in the times of villages and tigers... Imagine you're a guy, and you're hanging out with the other men after a good day of hunting, telling stories, and winding down for the day. The women are hanging out chatting nearby, and children are running around doing things that children do. Suddenly a tiger appears. This is when you have your "fight or flight" moment. Can you fight and scare the tiger off or kill it, to save your family? Or will you "flee," to draw the tiger away from your family, still for the purpose of saving them? Now imagine you're a woman. You're not really likely to do either. You're likely to get your kids, and find a place to hide, and nurture your children while doing so. You don't necessarily have a "fight or flight" response. You "tend and befriend." BOOM. Why have I never heard this before? This makes so much sense!
So, men's stress response is "fight or flight." (I've heard a third option is "freeze.") They'll get all pumped up, ready to slay or flee, both with heroic intentions. In today's life, this is tough, because there's SO much stress around, and the constant pumping in of self-made chemicals to keep you able to fight or flee is ripping up our minds and bodies. And yes, of course, sometimes that's how we women react too.
But then there's the "tend and befriend" reaction. Which I really recognize.
Dr. Diamond described a study concerning men and women coming home from a rough day at work. If it was a busy day, the man wanted to be left alone for a bit to recharge. But if it was a stressful day where things went terribly wrong at work, the man was likely to snap at his family, due to the increased hormones raging through his body and his fight or flight response. However, the women reacted differently. When they had terrible days at work, they were actually more likely to be extra nurturing to their kids when they came home. They'd "tend and befriend," because that's what our brains are wired to do, to overcome stressful situations. They'd snuggle up with the kids and heal and recover that way. That's what I used to do, when I worked, and had really rough days. I couldn't wait to get home and snuggle my kids. And now I know why.
So that's why we (women) are likely to want to bundle up with others when we're struggling - while men are less likely to seek that as an outlet.
Oh and there were stuff in there about guys too. And it made a lot of sense. I was given this book over ten years ago, when I worked for a nonprofit organization mentioned in the book. I wish I had read it back then, but the title sort of scared me. I was surprised to find it in my stash recently, and I am glad I chose to read it. It really helped me understand myself and those around me better.
I also enjoyed Dr. Diamond's distancing from the Freudian inspired psychodynamic psychotherapy approach, in which Dr. Diamond was trained, but then through his work with his clients found the repeated expressing of rage and dwelling on the past to be really counterproductive, and shifted to a "now and future" kind of approach, where he's starting in what's alive right now and working toward the future his clients yearn for.
July 18, 2022
I should not have kept it on my to read list for years. Very clear, helpful. Easy to read. Equal parts personal stories and importantly, cited research. Recommend to anyone else having midlife troubles and not sure why.
March 23, 2018
I was looking for help - no solutions, just labels and if you are in relationship with someone with ims, never, never, never use labels or you will discover the 4 traits very quickly.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 19, 2019
FANTASTIC explanation of Mid-life or Male Depression/Anxiety... it's very different from Womens, and this book explains why!!! BEST BOOK i read through my rough marriage/divorce
April 23, 2025
3.5 Stars.
April 19, 2013
While almost all "self help" books have something of value in them (as does this), this is not terribly well written, its conclusions are patently obvious and it reeks throughout of someone desperate for some kind of validation of his work in the real scientific world. That seems unlikely.
There's a paragraph (written by the author, a man probably in his 50s or 60s) towards the end that reads something like: "I was feeling depressed and lonely and I was upset with my wife. A friend of mine called and asked me to talk a walk down on a San Francisco beach near the Golden Gate Bridge..."
Well, uh, no. He didn't. You never got a call like that. It's completely made up.
I'd advise skipping this one.
There's a paragraph (written by the author, a man probably in his 50s or 60s) towards the end that reads something like: "I was feeling depressed and lonely and I was upset with my wife. A friend of mine called and asked me to talk a walk down on a San Francisco beach near the Golden Gate Bridge..."
Well, uh, no. He didn't. You never got a call like that. It's completely made up.
I'd advise skipping this one.
September 6, 2016
A very interesting concept, Irritable Male Syndrome, likened to female menopause, but affecting males. The author referenced a lot of other books, authors, psychologists, etc, many of which intrigued me. The exploration of the infamous hormone 'testosterone' was especially interesting, and the discussion on its effects (the oversupply or lack thereof) was fascinating. The author referenced a lot, drawing a lot from his own experiences; therefore, I felt, he married the worlds of fact-based objectivity with experiential subjectivity. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and look forward to following up on many of his references.
June 10, 2011
I don't mind telling you that this book was very, very topical for me.
It explains a whole lot about men and the phases we go through in regards to physical, chemical, emotional, and horomonal changes in our bodies and the states of our being because of them.
It is interesting that this book and its topic and the way it is presented as an adjunct to depression and aggression and andropause (male menopause) would be so controversial. It makes perfect sense to me!
All men and their partners should read this book no matter your age!
It explains a whole lot about men and the phases we go through in regards to physical, chemical, emotional, and horomonal changes in our bodies and the states of our being because of them.
It is interesting that this book and its topic and the way it is presented as an adjunct to depression and aggression and andropause (male menopause) would be so controversial. It makes perfect sense to me!
All men and their partners should read this book no matter your age!
August 13, 2016
I'm interested in this subject because of issues that may be affecting relationships. This book is very comprehensive, in some ways I prefer 'Mr Mean' though both are a good adjunct to 'Male Menopause'.
It's insightful to learn how hormones, and stress could be contributing to difficulties.
It's insightful to learn how hormones, and stress could be contributing to difficulties.
March 4, 2010
It all makes sense now.
January 10, 2011
Do men get PMS? The answer here is yes. The whys of male behavior. Insightful. One piece in the puzzle.
June 4, 2012
Priceless look at a little known and rarely talked about problem.
June 18, 2012
Could see guys I know - interesting. Not much help if guy won't admit he is depressed.
September 29, 2025
A lot of truth in this with a few wacky paragraphs here and there.
Currently reading
December 9, 2008just bought it..and so excited that there is a cure...
June 30, 2017
Around me I've watched men over 50 suddenly dissolve marriages, maltreat their spouses, trade long-cherished values for whim, fall victim to depression, or withdraw into impenetrable cocoons. And I've wondered why. It was logical to blame and disrespect them for their transgressions ... their failings of character.
That's until a sensitive psychotherapist had the consciousness and conviction to search for the origin of these problems. Why have so many loving and giving women and children had to endure so much heartache from men in their lives? Is this just selfishness or immaturity?
Finally, Jed Diamond provides answers with an empowering revelation that IMS is both manageable and treatable. This gently fulfilling book brings empathy, perspective, solutions and solace to those who suffer and those who suffer the consequences.
His articulate and sensitive voice belongs in any home where people are trying to understand and manage the inevitable and sometimes unwholesome consequences of male passages through life stages. The author speaks to a new awareness akin to the discovery of PMS and the liberation that this insight has brought to women.
Men deserve, and with this book receive, their own measure of social sensitivity to the most challenging times of life. So much pathology can be eliminated in families and relationships when enough people read this book.
Jed Diamond has given many a second chance to make their "third-age" more productive, happier, and less fraught with tribulation. His book is a breakthrough that this aging country - which tends to marginalize and disenfranchise its aging males - sorely needs.
That's until a sensitive psychotherapist had the consciousness and conviction to search for the origin of these problems. Why have so many loving and giving women and children had to endure so much heartache from men in their lives? Is this just selfishness or immaturity?
Finally, Jed Diamond provides answers with an empowering revelation that IMS is both manageable and treatable. This gently fulfilling book brings empathy, perspective, solutions and solace to those who suffer and those who suffer the consequences.
His articulate and sensitive voice belongs in any home where people are trying to understand and manage the inevitable and sometimes unwholesome consequences of male passages through life stages. The author speaks to a new awareness akin to the discovery of PMS and the liberation that this insight has brought to women.
Men deserve, and with this book receive, their own measure of social sensitivity to the most challenging times of life. So much pathology can be eliminated in families and relationships when enough people read this book.
Jed Diamond has given many a second chance to make their "third-age" more productive, happier, and less fraught with tribulation. His book is a breakthrough that this aging country - which tends to marginalize and disenfranchise its aging males - sorely needs.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews