Traveling Through Grief: Learning to Live Again after the Death of a Loved One

by Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge, Robert C. De Vries

When a loved one dies it can seem like life will never be normal again. The world can become a blur of flowers, relatives, cards, and well-meaning visitors; and the griever may feel that he or she cannot come up for air. But there is normalcy after death, say authors Zonnebelt-Smeenge and De Vries; it just takes some time--and help--to get there.

Traveling through Grief takes readers on the journey toward life after death, focusing on five common tasks of grief: accepting the reality of death, embracing all the emotions associated with death, storing memories, separating oneself from the deceased, and reinvesting fully in one's own life. This book is the perfect gift for a grieving friend or tool for a loved one in need.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Grief

160 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2006

Reviews

[Jennifer Townsend · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you are or have very Christian loved ones experiencing grief, this book might be helpful to you. I found it to take a very judgmental, cold, and rigid view on how grief should be experienced and processed. Such a shame.

[Debbie Hoskins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book. The best I have read. A woman who is a certified labyrinth facilitator and active in her Christian Reformed Church's Stephen's ministry gave me this book. As she said it's small and is divided into easy chunks to read. There are exercises, which also makes for helpful digestion of the material.

To summarize the book in 3 words, I would use: Take Your Time.

One of the focuses is believing in your head and heart that your loved one is gone. He has died. The authors suggest avoiding the euphemisms: passed, deceased, etc.
The tone can be authoritarian, but I have found there suggestions, even if I disagree, worth thinking about.
They suggest being as involved with the body as possible. Have a viewing, funeral, and internment at 3 separate times. Make sure you see the body. Be personally involved in going through your loved ones personal things.
Stuff you shared together are not our's they are your's.
One of the exercises is smelling and touching an article of clothing. My husband had a shirt that had a pretty big hole in it. When he was alive, I would tease him and poke my finger through the hole. I have decided to hang it on the door where I go by it all the time.
I agree that really believing he is dead is hard. I look at his picture and can't believe he'll never be in my life again. He was such a big part of it when he was alive.

They suggest waiting on the headstone. And strongly suggest not getting a double headstone, which my cemetery was suggesting I do. They said if you get a single headstone, you can always still be buried beside your spouse.

The suggestion about removing your wedding and engagement ring is causing me to reflect. They say you are no longer married, so you should not still be wearing the rings.
Right now I am not ready to remove them. My husband died May 4, so as people say it is early in my grieving.
The authors say to wait a year before you make any major changes.
To me this includes removing my rings, but I will see as my grieving progresses.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm editing this review and changing my rating to one star. I read this (or tried to read this) three days ago and I still shudder when I think of how it hit me. Like someone else said, it came across as very cold and judgemental (my word). I read this on my lunch break and thankfully I was alone because part of it made me cry and not in the "normal" way. In all fairness the beginning of the book did touch on a part of my grief that I have been having trouble with since losing my husband unexpectedly in January, but I was left shaken after reading this, which wasn't very much. I couldn't even finish it. Even composing this review is difficult. It's very creepy to be told to view the body and to watch the funeral to cope with a loss, and not to use words like passed away, but rather start saying that the person is "dead".
I started having visions of my husband being gone and it really upset me. I didn't really mind the religion but I don't like the feeling that this book left me with.

[Austin Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very practical book to lead someone through after the death of someone special in his life. Some Scripture passages were stretched contextually, but most were helpful. Great resource for crisis counselors!

[Christina Pope · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. It was helpful and encouraging.

[Nancy Chambers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good suggestions but they do not fit everyone’s.circumstances. Maybe I’m just grieving too much to appreciate it.

[Dina Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful with some hard truths and also hope.

[C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good and succinct book on working through grief for a follower of Christ

[Elaine Long · Rating 5 out of 5]

After my husband died, I read everything I could find on grief and how to deal with it.
Out of over 20 books I read, this one gave the most information and help. I have read it over and over and I bought many copies and give them out to friends after they have lost a loved one.
I highly recommend it to anyone trying to cope with the pain of loss.

[Friendly Guy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If someone really special to you dies or your second marriage fails, this book can help you in making some sense of it and coping... At least, it helped me. I thank God for this book being one of the tools he used to help me take the next steps that initially seemed so hard.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

good book on grief

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book very comforting. It gives practical advice for dealing with the death of a loved one.