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If This Is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure?: Learn How to Deal With Anxiety, Jealousy, and Depression in Romance--and Get theLove You Deserve!
It doesn't have to hurt to be in love, yet for many otherwisde accomplished and confident people, romantic involvement means anxiety, insecurity, and pain. This provocative and authoritative sourcebook, filled with true-life stories and dramatic case histories, will set every reader on a path of greater self-understanding -- and increase the possibilities of finding an enduring love.
416 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published March 1, 1989
57 people are currently reading
406 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
July 26, 2013
As a therapist, I read this book with a great deal of interest. On behalf of the many women I see who ask exactly that question! I wanted to see what the book might offer them, and discovered that it offers a tremendous amount.
It is based upon extensive research the authors carried out. It is a self-help book, but not in the usual sense. That is, it does not offer pat answers to this terribly important question.
Rather, as the authors themselves say, “We will share our findings here for what they may contribute to self-awareness and personal growth.”
Through numerous case descriptions and checklists, it provides the readers with what I consider to be an outstanding outline for how to think about the situation they find themselves in. How come they to be in a situation they call love, and yet find themselves so unhappy, hurting so badly? By defining the possibilities so very clearly, the person is then in an outstanding position to understand, and grow beyond the situation. To find a love that FEELS like love. That does not hurt, but rather feels warm and caring and happy.
The aim is for the reader to “stop handicapping [oneself] in these ways, self-understanding and pattern-breaking experiences (which offer different rewards) are required”. Therapy is certainly suggested. But the book alone already offers so very much. Identifying the childhood origins of insecure love, complemented by “case histories case histories of self-discovery and personal growth”, the two together being extremely helpful to people who find themselves in this situation. The book is just so rich with these kinds of case studies.
It is based upon extensive research the authors carried out. It is a self-help book, but not in the usual sense. That is, it does not offer pat answers to this terribly important question.
Rather, as the authors themselves say, “We will share our findings here for what they may contribute to self-awareness and personal growth.”
Through numerous case descriptions and checklists, it provides the readers with what I consider to be an outstanding outline for how to think about the situation they find themselves in. How come they to be in a situation they call love, and yet find themselves so unhappy, hurting so badly? By defining the possibilities so very clearly, the person is then in an outstanding position to understand, and grow beyond the situation. To find a love that FEELS like love. That does not hurt, but rather feels warm and caring and happy.
The aim is for the reader to “stop handicapping [oneself] in these ways, self-understanding and pattern-breaking experiences (which offer different rewards) are required”. Therapy is certainly suggested. But the book alone already offers so very much. Identifying the childhood origins of insecure love, complemented by “case histories case histories of self-discovery and personal growth”, the two together being extremely helpful to people who find themselves in this situation. The book is just so rich with these kinds of case studies.
October 20, 2012
I got this book for someone else and I wasn't planning on reading it myself but I started reading the first chapter and couldn't put it down. They sucked me in with their sordid stories..."case studies," pshaw, it was better than daytime TV.
It was written by a couple of behavioral therapists and it all seems pretty solid. It's not really "self help"-y, it's more just informational. I think just about anybody could benefit from reading this book--we're social creatures who value relationships. If you don't suffer from insecure attachment yourself, it probably won't be long until you meet someone who does...
It's a pretty insightful book, they don't really make judgments, just try to lay out some ground rules for help. And the case studies are seriously engrossing.
It was written by a couple of behavioral therapists and it all seems pretty solid. It's not really "self help"-y, it's more just informational. I think just about anybody could benefit from reading this book--we're social creatures who value relationships. If you don't suffer from insecure attachment yourself, it probably won't be long until you meet someone who does...
It's a pretty insightful book, they don't really make judgments, just try to lay out some ground rules for help. And the case studies are seriously engrossing.
October 24, 2018
For me it was one of the most difficult and most rewarding books I've ever read.
I struggled through some chapters, especially the ones which required introspection and really looking at myself and at my relationships, but I was amazed at the insights from chapters 6, 9 and 11 and they helped me see my most important romantic relationship in a different light.
A big and heartfelt thank you to the authors for lending me a hand in navigating this wonderful experience called love.
I struggled through some chapters, especially the ones which required introspection and really looking at myself and at my relationships, but I was amazed at the insights from chapters 6, 9 and 11 and they helped me see my most important romantic relationship in a different light.
A big and heartfelt thank you to the authors for lending me a hand in navigating this wonderful experience called love.
July 13, 2013
ok so clearly it is a self help book. I have read so many! this one is thoroughly researched and offered me some new insights. I so recommend it if you have some - you know - issues in this department.
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March 7, 2008152.4
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November 11, 2012I registered a book at BookCrossing.com!
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July 28, 2017
Received this book from Book Rooster for review.
December 1, 2022
This book offers new insight beyond what is commonly known about insecure attachment styles in popular Psychology because it offers detailed real-life vignettes of couples experiencing conflict throughout the book. I still need to read the ending, but this book does not provide direct tips on overcoming insecurity but on how it manifests in life and its possible origins.
It did get a bit tough to read at times because of the nature of the book. I had to take some breaks. However, I recommend it if you want a deep dive into insecure attachment styles.
It did get a bit tough to read at times because of the nature of the book. I had to take some breaks. However, I recommend it if you want a deep dive into insecure attachment styles.
December 18, 2023
It’s a real shame that I could only give this book 2 stars in the end. Whilst the research was interesting and insightful, and the language poised and pleasant, I could not get past the consistent grammatical errors. The book could also have easily been half the length. It was very repetitive in many areas, particularly towards the end.
October 21, 2025
2.5 ⭐️ Some interesting nuggets of advice bit it definitely outdated when it comes to the research on family types that affect how men and women's pasts affect future relationships. Was also excruciating to get through and chapters were entirely too long.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews