The Successful Child: What Parents Can Do to Help Kids Turn Out Well

by Martha Sears, Elizabeth Pantley

Just what does it take to raise a responsible, compassionate child in a society whose overbearing media celebrates and encourages violence, promiscuity, and gluttonous materialism? Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha, a nurse, understand that instilling a moral code in one's children is among the most daunting, yet vital, of all parenting tasks. In The Successful Child, they've marvelously distilled 34 years' experience parenting their eight children and treating thousands of kids in their pediatric office--along with facts from recent scientific studies--into this collection of constructive, reassuring guidelines for nurturing children into healthy, well-adjusted young adults.

As Dr. Sears told his children, "Your success in life ... will not be measured by the money you make or the degrees you earn, but rather by the number of persons whose lives are better because of what you did." To that end, Sears advocates what he has coined "attachment parenting," or AP, the practice of listening to your parenting instincts and being sensitive to your baby's needs (such as by quickly responding to cries; by breastfeeding on cue, not bottle-feeding on a schedule; and by co-sleeping). By having his needs met immediately, Sears says the child learns to trust adults, and he in turn mirrors this behavior by acting sensitively to the needs of others later on.

Sears says, "It's never too late to try the AP approach with a child," but The Successful Child definitely will be most useful to parents who've raised their child according to AP guidelines through infancy and toddlerhood. Those who haven't may shudder when Sears writes that the developmental stage from birth to one year most influences a child's future success "because that's when caregivers leave the most lasting impressions on a child's brain." Nevertheless, the Searses have packed in a plethora of sensible tips here for all parents, including 16 ways to teach children how to make wise choices, 12 strategies for guiding spiritual development, seven questions to ponder when a teen wants to start working part-time, and a dozen ways to boost your child's intellectual abilities, such as by offering a diet high in brain-building omega-3 fatty acids. But the most important thing parents can do for their kids, the Searses say, is to hold high expectations: "Let her know that you expect her to do her best, no less and no more, and that you will love her no matter what." --Erica Jorgensen

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Reference, Childrens, Health

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

Martha is the mother of eight children, a registered nurse, a former childbirth educator, a La Leche League leader, and a lactation consultant. Martha is the co-author of 25 parenting books and is a popular lecturer and media guest drawing on her eighteen years of breastfeeding experience with her eight children (including Stephen with Down Syndrome and Lauren, her adopted daughter). Martha speaks frequently at national parenting conferences and is noted for her advice on how to handle the most common problems facing today's mothers with their changing lifestyles. Martha is able to connect with both full-time mothers and mother who work full-time, because she herself has experienced both styles of parenting Martha takes great pride in referring to herself as a "professional mother" and one of her favorite quips when someone voices their concern about her having eight children in an already populated world is: "The world needs my children."

Reviews

[Jamie Hornych · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you've read one Dr. Sears book, you've read half of them all. That's not a criticism but a statement of fact, and probably a good thing because you might pick up a book about nutrition and learn all about the benefits attachment parenting, so it helps spread the message, etc. I had a couple issues with this book, though, that prevented me from loving it as much as most of the other Sears books.

1. Some focus on a rewards system that I do not personally believe in.

2. In the section on spirituality, the Christian in the Sears' comes out in full force. There is a whole lot of focus on the importance of a belief in God. While I agree that spirituality can be important, can't we just believe in the power of the universe and nature? This whole "God" thing is just malarkey. I wish they would've taken a more generalized approach to spirituality.

I did like how they defined success and a lot of the information in the book was valuable, as long as you can throw out the garbage about God and stickers.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm reading this as a refresher course in prep for my third baby. It's just as good as any Dr. Sears book and exceeding my expectations still.

Dr. Sears uses research and experience to make the point that children who are listened to, responded to appropriately, and given the power to make their own decisions with proper limits from the very beginning become truly successful, self-reliant, and interdependent on the world and people around them. How do we achieve this with our children... by stopping the whole idea of scheduling our children, getting them involved in chores from the moment they chow interest rather than putting them in front of the tv while we do all the housework, by listening to them and following their cues, by taking little children out of the car seat and holding them. There are so many things that Americans do to their children rather than for or with their children in infancy that make a lasting impression on the souls and attitudes of these babies.

[DivaDiane SM · Rating 3 out of 5]

I actually didn't finish this. I read 3/4 though and had the impression I'd read enough. Lots of repetition and after a while you get it.

[Douglas Lord · Rating 5 out of 5]

Consistent with the Searses’ popular prior works (e.g., The Family Nutrition Book: Everything You Need to Know about Feeding Your Children from Birth Through Adolescence), The Successful Child is warm and loving. It extends the authors’ well-known “attachment parenting” philosophy and offers simple advice to help children succeed “in the things that matter most–relationships, values, human interdependence.” To foster responsibility, for example, they suggest “catch[ing] children in the act of doing good.” The calm, helpful tone will both comfort and challenge readers. Chapters are easily digestible, and numerous boxed insets focus attention on the topic. This general work will find a ready and appreciative audience everywhere.

Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.

[Turkana Allahverdiyeva · Rating 2 out of 5]

Etiraf edim ki, qalin bir kitab olmagina baxmayaraq coxlu tekrara yer verilib. Bezen 500 sehifede dediklerimizi 100 sehifede deye bilerik. Bu kitab onlardandir. Umumiyyetle kitabi bir nece cumle ile ifade etmek olar. Umumi megzi, ushaqlarimizla daim iletishim icinde olmali, onlarla duzgun unsiyyet yolunu secmeli, daim onlarla sohbet etmeliyik. Bu gelecekde ushaqin ozunu duzgun ifade etmesinde ve insanlarla duzgun unsiyyet qurmasinda esas amildir. Duzgun unsiyyet qurmaq ise her bir insani ugura apara bilecek bir faktordur. Valideynlere eger oxumaq maraqlidirsa, bu kitabi tovsiyye etmirem. Daha faydali kitablar oxuya bilersiniz.

[Lara Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's a lot of good advice for attachment parenting in the baby and toddler years, but not as many ideas for teenagers as I was hoping for.

[polly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Given that I have an infant, I really just skimmed this book. it is very commonsensical for those of us who were raised with involved, interested, psychologically balanced and kind parents. but there are also neat ideas (I liked the bits, applicable to me right now, on playing with babies). I will probably buy this in the future as a good reference as my son gets older. Also good: 'success' is defined in terms of relationships, not 'stuff' or career achievement, etc.

[AngiJo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Sears' parenting approaches make so much sense. Many of his recommendations go against the old school approach to parenting (do as I say because I said so, and I'm the parent), I can see how thoughtful use of these techniques could lead to compassionate, respectful, children that have a sense of self worth. I wish he would have given more concrete examples; still, I recommend this book for all parents, no matter how experienced you are.

[Danielle · Rating 1 out of 5]

Yeah, I really just skimmed this, but overall I found it a little silly. I mean, I'm all for loving your kid, and teaching with kindness and respect, but rather than the "the successful child" I would think this parenting style would turn out "the emotionally dependent child." Someone who can't function in society without their parent hovering nearby. I guess I would favor fostering a little more independence in my children.

[Lucinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned some good ways to test my parenting in this book. I read it when my first was a baby, and have often thought of it when in the midst of parenting trials. One important thing I learned was to let your child(ren) help. Give them tasks. At the grocery store, let them know what they can touch, and ask them to do simple things, like get the yellow box and put it in the cart, load the check-out conveyor, etc. Life takes longer when you let them help, but they will be happier.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another "theory" book from Dr. Sears. It was a good review of things I learned in my child development classes, but lacked very many "practical" tips. I agree with a lot of his philosophy, but am still looking for him to write a book with as many helpful "how-tos" as contained in his Baby book.

[Ryan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting book, with some good ideas. I definitely feel like it misses some aspects of modern life though, and reflects the aging (though brilliant) Dr. Sears's generation more than mine.
That said, some of the chapters are great, and overall it emphasizes some important points that parents can forget about.

[Alley · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's amazing to me that Dr. Sears was raised without a father and yet has become one of America's parenting experts. I love his insightful, loving guide to raising an emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and physically healthy child. His approach is always based on a deep respect for children.

[Elyse · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you've read Dr. Sears or Elizabeth Pantley before, the attachment parenting concept won't be a surprise and this may not hold anything new for you. But like most of their books, this has almost tangible tools to increase trust and respect between children and their parents, which they believe ultimately leads to a child's "success". I thought it was a nice refresher on well-worn topics.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love all the Sears books for parenting!

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great follow up to attachment parenting.

[sleeps9hours · Rating 3 out of 5]

Always love William and Martha Sears

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another excellent attachment parenting guide filled with intuitive and helpful suggestions to raise happy, trusting and caring children.

[Inder]

I keep thinking I am getting tired of Dr. Sears, but then I try to read other books on parenting and quickly change my mind.

[Nathalie]

Continuing my love affair with the Sears family...this will be something to read when the babe comes along.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great reference book.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far it's the same old... breastfeeding and baby wearing... can they really spin out another book on just these topics?

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of valuable tips but I'll definitely need to read it more than once!

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really great parenting book that I am sure I will continue to use as a reference as my parenting journey continues.

[Christa Pettis · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE! The Sears offers the best alternatives to anti-Dobson Christian parents. Highly recommend.

[Ronan Anthony O'Reilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Martha and William Sears are wonderful advocates of attachment parenting methodologies that do seem to help children succeed in various aspects of their lives.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book...as I did the few of Dr. Sears books I have read.