When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages: How to Stay Together When Life Pulls You Apart

by Les Parrott III

No matter how good your marriage is, it’s not invulnerable. Bad things happen to the best of marriages. The question isn’t whether you’ll face struggles as a couple, but how you’ll handle them when they come. When the going gets tough, what does it take to preserve--and in the long run, even strengthen--your union?Relationship experts and award-winning authors Les and Leslie Parrott believe the same forces that can destroy a marriage can become the catalyst for new relational depth and richness--provided you make wise choices. You can even survive any of the four most heartbreaking crises a marriage can infidelity, addiction, infertility, and loss. The stories and insights of couples who have made it through the worst will encourage you that your marriage is worth fighting for, not just because quitting is so devastating but because the rewards of sticking it out are so great.The Parrotts explain why every marriage starts out good but inevitably bumps into bad things. Then, drawing on their wealth of professional and personal experience as a married couple, they Three Good Things That Turn Bad for Some Couples One Bad Thing Every Marriage Can Make Better Six Bad Things That Sneak Up on Good Marriages Four Bad Things That Jolt Good Marriages to Their Core How Good Marriages Battle Bad Things In the next-to-last chapter, the Parrotts take you inside the very soul of your marriage--why it so often aches and how a vital connection with God can join your hearts together in ways you’ve never imagined.Designed for use with its accompanying, individual workbooks for husbands and wives, When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages could be a life saver for your relationship. It can make the difference between a marriage that founders on the shoals of circumstance and one that grows through hardship to release undreamed-of goodness and blessing in your lives.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Relationships, Christian, Self Help

192 pages, Hardcover

First published March 1, 2001

About the author

#1 New York Times best-selling authors, Les and Leslie. A husband-and-wife team who not only share the same name, but the same passion for helping others build healthy relationships. In 1991, the Parrotts founded the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University - a groundbreaking program dedicated to teaching the basics of good relationships.

Married in 1984, the Parrotts bring real-life examples to their speaking platform. Their professional training - Leslie as a marriage and family therapist, and Les as a clinical psychologist - ensures a presentation that is grounded, insightful and cutting-edge.

The Parrotts are New York Times #1 Best Selling Authors. Their books include the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Love Talk, Real Relationships, The Parent You Want to Be, The Hour That Matters Most and Crazy Good Sex.

Each year Les and Leslie speak in over 40 cities. Their audiences include a wide array of venues, from churches to Fortune 500 company board rooms. Their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages.

The Parrotts have been guests on many national TV and radio programs such as CNN, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The View with Barbara Walters, NBC Nightly News, and Oprah. Their work has been featured in USA Today and The New York Times.

Visit their website for lots of free resources at www.LesandLeslie.com

Reviews

[Shaimaa شيماء · Rating 3 out of 5]

"أحبك أكثر" هو العنوان في ترجمة مكتبة جرير

يقول الكاتب أن الهدف من الكتاب ليس التحدث عن مشكلات الزواج وكيفية حلها، لكنه يريد أن يبين كيف أن المشاكل التى لا يمكن تفاديها فى الحياة، ليس من الضرورى أن تضر بالزواج، ولكنها بالعكس تقويه، وتشد عوده، ولا تدمره.

يرى الكاتب أن من أهم الأسباب التى تؤدى إلى مشاكل بين الأزواج، التوقعات التى لا تحقق، وعدم اختبار الذات، وعدم مهارة الأزواج، والاختيارات غير الجيدة، والظروف الغير متوقعة.

ثم يعرض كيفية تقبل هذه المشكلات والسعى إلى حلها عن طريق قصص واقعية لأزواج وزوجات وكيف تغلبوا عليها.

وكذلك يضيف بعض التمارين والأسئلة التى تساعد القارئ فى التفكير فى حالته الشخصية وإيجاد حلول لها.

كما يذكر الثغرات الست الخفية التى تنخر جدار الحياة الزوجية وهى الانشغال، وحدة الطبع، والملل، والانفصام، والدين، والملل.

ويتحدث عن أنجح خمس أدوات تستخدم فى أى زواج مستقر وهى:

تشارك الملكية: تحمل المسئولية فى السراء والضراء.

الأمل: الإيمان بعلو الخير على الشر.

تقدير الآخر: أن تضع نفسك فى موقف الشريك الآخر.

الغفران: يداوي الجراح.

الالتزام: بأن تحيا الحياة المحبة التى وعدت بها شريك حياتك.

كما يتحدث الكتاب عن تأثير الإيمان بالله وقوة العلاقة الروحية بالله فى جعل الزواج أكثر استقرارا ومتانة.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some very good points in this book. The thing that stood out the most was how happiness was found in marriages.. and how as a couple we move each other toward God. One point at the end about how pain and anger can heal, but the slightest memory can trigger it and open up the scar again. I've experienced this. And it's horrible.

[Yadira Denisse · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the book very insightful. I particularly liked the section where the authors discuss how good marriages battle bad things as well as its discussion on spirituality. The spirituality discussion made me realized that I may not speak the same language as my partner and that is ok. It made me want to learn more about it and prove about its importance within my marriage. The book did not apply to me in some of the topics but the overall message was very important and very well presented. As a lesbian reader battling minor issues in my marriage, I think it applies to all couples gay or straight.

I did not like the fact that a workbook has to be purchase separately in order to follow with the exercises. However, some pointers/questions/recommendations were given at the end of each chapter which is a start.

The book, I felt, did not cover things in much detail but did a good job explaining issues for an overall understanding or a general view of things. Definitely, a book that must be combined with other reads in order to achieve a full understanding (but then again can you ever read enough books to really understand marriage????).


The book reads as follows:

1. As good as it gets

2. Every marriage starts out good

3. Three good things that turn bad for good couples (when intimacy becomes an invasion, when babies become a burden, and when sex becomes a thing of the past)

4. One good thing every marriage can improve (attitude)

5. Six bad things that sneak up on good marriages (business, irritation, boredom, drift, debt, and pain)

6. Four bad things that jolt a good marriage to their core (addiction, infidelity, loss, infidelity)

7. How good marriages battle bad things (ownership, hope, empathy, forgiveness, commitment)

8. Why the soul of a good marriage so often aches (spirituality)

9. The good that comes from a good marriage (happiness, health, wealth)

[Iwaswondering · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages is a must-read for all married couples. It is a tutorial about working with challenges that can occur in any relationship. It teaches how to be flexible when dealing with people and events.

I think the last chapter, "The Good That Comes from a Good Marriage," should be mandatory reading in school. Here is a great quote that sums up the chapter:

"...a good marriage helps us live longer, healthier, happier and more affluent lives."

[Rob · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really informative, practical book on real challenges that a marriage can face and some solutions on overcoming those challenges to maintain a good marriage. Well written, and it doesn't seem as redundant as some of Gary Smalley's books.

[Mark S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book for couples.