What do you think?
Rate this book
Alpacalypse
All good things must come to an end.
When Jeremy Clovenhoof is called up to serve his final role in the Apocalypse, he’s more than a little annoyed. He enjoys his quiet sinful life in suburban England and has some 2-for-1 vouchers for the local kebab shop he hasn’t spent yet.
While Clovenhoof is whisked away to the afterlife to become an unwilling general in Hell’s final battle with Heaven, his former housemate Nerys decides that she is not going to sit around and let the End of Days just happen to her. If this sad and sinful world needs to be transformed then she’s going to do it herself and avoid any need for angels and demons to get involved.
The eighth book in the Clovenhoof series is a joyful comedy featuring imaginary dogs, kinky cleaners, devious devils, squabbling angels and the most incompetent Armageddon ever conceived.
Praise for the Clovenhoof
“Clever and utterly hilarious!”
“Sharp, witty and intelligent. Easily one of the funniest books I've ever read.”
“You can't help but become immersed in the ridiculous plot and fabulous characters.”
“Full of dark humour, satire and surprising twists, I embarrassed myself more than once by laughing out loud at this book in the most inappropriate places.”
When Jeremy Clovenhoof is called up to serve his final role in the Apocalypse, he’s more than a little annoyed. He enjoys his quiet sinful life in suburban England and has some 2-for-1 vouchers for the local kebab shop he hasn’t spent yet.
While Clovenhoof is whisked away to the afterlife to become an unwilling general in Hell’s final battle with Heaven, his former housemate Nerys decides that she is not going to sit around and let the End of Days just happen to her. If this sad and sinful world needs to be transformed then she’s going to do it herself and avoid any need for angels and demons to get involved.
The eighth book in the Clovenhoof series is a joyful comedy featuring imaginary dogs, kinky cleaners, devious devils, squabbling angels and the most incompetent Armageddon ever conceived.
Praise for the Clovenhoof
“Clever and utterly hilarious!”
“Sharp, witty and intelligent. Easily one of the funniest books I've ever read.”
“You can't help but become immersed in the ridiculous plot and fabulous characters.”
“Full of dark humour, satire and surprising twists, I embarrassed myself more than once by laughing out loud at this book in the most inappropriate places.”
468 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 1, 2023
54 people are currently reading
17 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
March 6, 2023
I love all things Clovenhoof! I loved the odd jobs series! But this book doesn't live up to the series. What makes the series so great is all of the characters playing off Jeremy's zaniness. It's not just that the individual characters are funny, which they are, but the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Alpacalypse separated the characters too much, they spent too much time on their own. Nerys and Tina are fun frenemies, but Nerys would never work with her as a partner, yet alone a partner with no supervision?
Overall the book had its moments and some laugh out loud lines, but the right mixture just wasn't there. One reviewer complained it was yet another deus ex machina ending. I kind of expect that in this series, as it's become a running joke. In fact Nerys has become aware of this and demands to keep all of her memories up front before events kick off, which I think is hilarious.
To use an example from the book; when Michael met Lucifer, the serpent, the scapegoat, and 'Wang Doodle', he recognized all of them but realized he actually missed the combined hot mess that is Jeremy. That's how I feel about the book-you've got the right ingredients but they're not mixed up properly.
Not a bad read, but not as good as previous books.
While this book may have been a bit disappointing I certainly hope there are more Clovenhoof adventures to come!
Overall the book had its moments and some laugh out loud lines, but the right mixture just wasn't there. One reviewer complained it was yet another deus ex machina ending. I kind of expect that in this series, as it's become a running joke. In fact Nerys has become aware of this and demands to keep all of her memories up front before events kick off, which I think is hilarious.
To use an example from the book; when Michael met Lucifer, the serpent, the scapegoat, and 'Wang Doodle', he recognized all of them but realized he actually missed the combined hot mess that is Jeremy. That's how I feel about the book-you've got the right ingredients but they're not mixed up properly.
Not a bad read, but not as good as previous books.
While this book may have been a bit disappointing I certainly hope there are more Clovenhoof adventures to come!
March 5, 2023
I have been reading this series for quite a while and I LOVE IT!! The insane and bizarre adventures of Satan, in the earthly form of Jeremy Clovenhoof, his house mates Ben and Nerys their local The Boldermoor Oak, their neighbors Archangel Michael have all lead to this point...
When Jeremy is whisked out of existence to lead the Armies of Hell in the End Times he is really put out. As are Michael, zipped back to the Celestial City and Nerys who is the only human full aware that the End of Days have arrived.
While Michael tries logic and Jeremy tries just being himself Nerys with the help of a demonic machine tries to fix the world, alas it all goes horribly wrong. A trillion more bees sound good - a trillion more bees in Birmingham is bad. Same with restoring the old world flora and fauna and Doggerland and well just about everything
Meanwhile both heaven and hell are learning that when you promise folks a job for eternity that they don't take kindly to be told it's going to end...
And the theological arguments and product decisions for the end days are hilarious.
I hope this isn't the end of the series but if it is it works
When Jeremy is whisked out of existence to lead the Armies of Hell in the End Times he is really put out. As are Michael, zipped back to the Celestial City and Nerys who is the only human full aware that the End of Days have arrived.
While Michael tries logic and Jeremy tries just being himself Nerys with the help of a demonic machine tries to fix the world, alas it all goes horribly wrong. A trillion more bees sound good - a trillion more bees in Birmingham is bad. Same with restoring the old world flora and fauna and Doggerland and well just about everything
Meanwhile both heaven and hell are learning that when you promise folks a job for eternity that they don't take kindly to be told it's going to end...
And the theological arguments and product decisions for the end days are hilarious.
I hope this isn't the end of the series but if it is it works
March 5, 2023
Alpacalypticly Amazing.
I've read all of the Clovenhoof books and loved every one of them. This one is the best yet. The characters are so well defined I feel like I know them better than they know themselves. I could spot them in any pub, not just the Bouldermore Oak. Obviously it's extremely unlikely I'd find Michael in there. (Archangel Michael of course) But Jeremy Clovenhoof, a horny devil of a man who thinks Lambrini is nectar. Nerys stroking her beloved Twinkle and Ben (Who was probably paying for the drinks) Sat together in the bar, Leroy the barkeeper wiping the sticky drinks residue off the countertop whilst seeing all that's going on - Oh, this includes seeing Jeremy in his true form, Only Nerys and Michael being the others who see his red skin, horns and hoofs. I am not going to try and describe what occurs in this fantastic book and it leaves me to say. I pray this isn't the end of Clovenhoof's time on earth cos this series of books are heavenly to read, I don't think even Nerys can have more fun in bed than I do, and you can! by reading this book. I envy those who haven't started the Clovenhoof series yet. If you're one of them, Do it. Go on, you know you want to and once you start? You won't want to stop. Enjoy
I've read all of the Clovenhoof books and loved every one of them. This one is the best yet. The characters are so well defined I feel like I know them better than they know themselves. I could spot them in any pub, not just the Bouldermore Oak. Obviously it's extremely unlikely I'd find Michael in there. (Archangel Michael of course) But Jeremy Clovenhoof, a horny devil of a man who thinks Lambrini is nectar. Nerys stroking her beloved Twinkle and Ben (Who was probably paying for the drinks) Sat together in the bar, Leroy the barkeeper wiping the sticky drinks residue off the countertop whilst seeing all that's going on - Oh, this includes seeing Jeremy in his true form, Only Nerys and Michael being the others who see his red skin, horns and hoofs. I am not going to try and describe what occurs in this fantastic book and it leaves me to say. I pray this isn't the end of Clovenhoof's time on earth cos this series of books are heavenly to read, I don't think even Nerys can have more fun in bed than I do, and you can! by reading this book. I envy those who haven't started the Clovenhoof series yet. If you're one of them, Do it. Go on, you know you want to and once you start? You won't want to stop. Enjoy
March 26, 2023
Absolutely world endingly brilliant
I've been waiting eons for the latest Clovenhoof book, but it was worth it.
The Four Horsemen, Lucifer, The Almighty and the legions of the damned and the right and just all contribute to this story.
With a title like Alpacalypse, I can hardly give up any spoilers, can I? But I won't.
Grab a copy and enjoy the reality that is Hell on Earth. In Birmingham.
Where is book 9??
I've been waiting eons for the latest Clovenhoof book, but it was worth it.
The Four Horsemen, Lucifer, The Almighty and the legions of the damned and the right and just all contribute to this story.
With a title like Alpacalypse, I can hardly give up any spoilers, can I? But I won't.
Grab a copy and enjoy the reality that is Hell on Earth. In Birmingham.
Where is book 9??
December 24, 2023
Endings are hard. This one felt more structured than the previous stories. Clovenhoof books are fairly complex interwoven misadventures, which don't feel complex. The character's storylines seen to naturally meander until they bump into one another adding to a sense absurd chaos. Alpacalypse has everyone lined in the same direction and everyone stays on course. The climax feels like less of a hilarious culmination and more of a plot device. Some characters were missing their foils and others were inexplicably absent or underutilized. All in all it was fun but a not my favorite of the gang's misadventures.
April 19, 2023
I have read pretty much everything that the authors have written and never been disappointed. Occasionally 5 stars didn’t seem enough. Sadly I was very disappointed by this outing for Jeremy Clovenhoof. I couldn’t get into the plot and the usual character interactions were not as entertaining or engaging as previously. It almost felt like this book was written to fulfill a contractual obligation not because of inspiration. All of that being said, two stars might be a bit harsh and more a reflection on my enjoyment of this story compared to others books by Iain and Heide which are excellent.
July 5, 2024
The Apocalypse but EVERYONE is incompetent. I was laughing and shaking my head and rewinding going, "WHAT??" just to make sure I heard things right. This book jumps whole shark families and just barely maintains any semblance of internal continuity. I don't care. It was funny and wonderful and strangely insightful and at the same time, wholly ridiculous. Narris plays her part to perfection in the most "good intentions" way and I adored the scapegoat. Won't say too much because...I need to read it again anyway. What a wonderfully blasphemous interpretation of scripture! So much fun!
Read
March 10, 2023Bangin' ending!
Great fun, as G&G always are. The first half is less tightly constructed and doesn't have the screamingly funny set-pieces of, say, Beelzebelle or Hooflandia (2 of the finest comedic novels ever, IMO) and the plot is less Byzantine, but there are some excellent "wait-whajusshappened?" script-flips and a thrilling dénouement. The second half is worth the slight extra patience required in the first half.
Great fun, as G&G always are. The first half is less tightly constructed and doesn't have the screamingly funny set-pieces of, say, Beelzebelle or Hooflandia (2 of the finest comedic novels ever, IMO) and the plot is less Byzantine, but there are some excellent "wait-whajusshappened?" script-flips and a thrilling dénouement. The second half is worth the slight extra patience required in the first half.
April 4, 2023
It’s rare that I find such a long series of books that are so entertaining, but I love the characters in Clovenhoof. Nerys finally gets more focus and personal insights in Alpacalypse, which is great, and our favourite demons are back from hell. I’m a bit gutted that this appears to be the last in this series.
May 24, 2023
Another enjoyable book
I'm sad to see this series come to an end. I really enjoyed the different characters. I don't think this final book was quite as good as the others, but it was still entertaining.
I'm sad to see this series come to an end. I really enjoyed the different characters. I don't think this final book was quite as good as the others, but it was still entertaining.
August 3, 2023
Great book
Growing up Christian, this book was a little triggering for me, but the authors have a wonderful ability to write a story that heals anxiety. I noticed that when I read Clovenhoof and the Trump of Doom.
Growing up Christian, this book was a little triggering for me, but the authors have a wonderful ability to write a story that heals anxiety. I noticed that when I read Clovenhoof and the Trump of Doom.
May 7, 2023
If this is the end to the clovenhoof series, I'm sad to see it go, but it was a very fitting end. Great series, great book, highly recommended.
April 28, 2025
Almost very good
The idea was great but the main characters, who mainly have been hit players so far did not have the strength to carry the story.
The idea was great but the main characters, who mainly have been hit players so far did not have the strength to carry the story.
July 7, 2024
I had quite high expectations for this book as I thought it was the ending to the series (found out after writing this that they're releasing a new book in April so that's exciting). I found this one was along the same lines as Hooflandia. I prefer clovenhoof when it's more mundane chaos as opposed to the over the top absurdity that's present in this book.
Hard to say whether I liked the ending or not. I don't think the authors could win either way, unfortunately.
Was still funny in places and I overall found it enjoyable but have enjoyed other books more
Hard to say whether I liked the ending or not. I don't think the authors could win either way, unfortunately.
Was still funny in places and I overall found it enjoyable but have enjoyed other books more
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews