More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense

by Suzette Haden Elgin

More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Communication

284 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1983

About the author

Suzette Haden Elgin was an American science fiction author. She founded the Science Fiction Poetry Association, and is considered an important figure in the field of science fiction constructed languages. Elgin was also a linguist; she published non-fiction, of which the best-known is the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense series.

Born in 1936 in Missouri, Elgin attended the University of California, San Diego (UCSD) in the 1960s, and began writing science fiction in order to pay tuition. She has a Ph.D. in linguistics, and was the first UCSD student to ever write two dissertations (on English and Navajo). She created the engineered language Láadan for her Native Tongue science fiction series. A grammar and dictionary was published in 1985. She is a supporter of feminist science fiction, saying "women need to realize that SF is the only genre of literature in which it's possible for a writer to explore the question of what this world would be like if you could get rid of [X], where [X] is filled in with any of the multitude of real world facts that constrain and oppress women. Women need to treasure and support science fiction." [1]

In addition, she published works of shorter fiction. Overlying themes in her work include feminism, linguistics and the impact of language, and peaceful coexistence with nature. Many of her works also draw from her Ozark background and heritage.

Elgin became a professor at her alma mater's cross-town rival, San Diego State University (SDSU). She retired in 1980.

Reviews

[Bryon Brandt · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Stick and Stones will Break My Bones
But Words Will Never Hurt Me"
is simply not true for most people.

This book will help you learn about how to defend yourself from Verbal attacks that you cannot stop.

And hopefully you can find some assistance, so that it does stop.

[Robert Bacal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, and the others in the series have had a huge effect on my own work, including the various books I've authored on dealing with abusive customers. One caveat about the book and the series is that while each book contains somewhat different information, there's a lot of overlap so it may not be all that useful to read all of them.

One of the things I really like about this is that different from some other authors (Patricia Evans comes to mind) Haden Elgin really focuses on empowering the "victim" by identifying what may work to reduce the abuse. I say may, because every situation is different.

When you read the book you might have a negative reaction to one suggestion or another, and that's pretty normal. It takes a while for some of this stuff to sink in, and in some cases, some of the advice will never "feel right". I don't use, or teach everything in the book, just for that reason.

Of all the books on communication, and particularly dealing with difficult, manipulative and hostile people, I rate this book right up at the top. Even if you aren't dealing with situations where you might need these techiques, it's still a great read to understand how people talk, and use language. BUT, while the book isn't a hard read, I think you really have to take your time, not read too much at once, and let it percolate.

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

mentioned Ms. Elgin in his Authors series last month - her first book was already checked out (and I believe I'd already read it sometime in college), so I borrowed this from the library instead.

One topic I found particularly interesting was the concept of sensory modes* as a way of expressing yourself, and how using a conflicting sensory mode can inadvertently escalate conflict/confusion in a discussion.

Elgin also reviews the Satir modes of verbal behaviour: Blamer, Placater, Computer, Distracter and Leveler; and identifies 8 basic verbal attack patterns, including
-- "if you really X (loved me, wanted this job, cared about this class), then you wouldn't/would Y (smoke, be late for work, come to class)"
-- "Even X (you, a woman) should be able to Y (understand how I feel, do this basic calculation)"

She gives methods of responding to them. Her focus is on using techniques to recognize an attack, defuse the confrontation and help the person you're dealing with break their bad verbal habits.

Even though I read this more for general information than out of a particular need at the time, I found it interesting and will keep some of these "judo moves" in mind for future situations. Recommended for anyone with an interest in communication and/or conflict resolution.


* The sensory modes are as follows:
-- visual ("I see what you mean... looking at it this way...."),
-- auditory ("That sounds good to me.... I hear what you're saying...."),
-- tactile ("I've got a good feel for this..... I can't grasp what you're saying").

She also mentions gustatory ("What a sweet thing to say!") and olfactory ("This stinks!") but believes that these are less common, probably because English has fewer examples of these modes.

[Mckinley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some review such as Satir modes (blamer, placater, computer, distracter and leveler), sensory modes (see, hear, touch, smell, taste), basic 8 verbal attacks,