One Life to Give: A Path to Finding Yourself by Helping Others

by Andrew Bienkowski, Mary Akers

Find Yourself by Helping Others—Life Lessons from an Extraordinary Story of Sacrifice and Survival

In the winter of 1939, five-year-old Andrew Bienkowski was exiled to Siberia with his family. The two years of struggle that followed—especially his grandfather’s amazing act of sacrifice during their first long, cold winter—have informed the rest of Andrew’s life. Thanks to his devoted mother, his quick-witted grandmother, and the unexpected kindness of strangers, Andrew established an approach to life that emphasizes helping others as the essential path to finding our greatest human fulfillment.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

In 1940, at the age of six, Andrew Bienkowski and his family were banished to Siberia from their Polish homeland. The following years were harrowing, but had magical moments, and the life lessons learned in Siberia have influenced his entire life. The family were evacuated to Iran, then moved via Palestine to England and to the US, where Andrew joined the air force, before training as a psychologist. He has spent more than 40 years as a clinical therapist. Retired in upstate New York, he still has a small clinical practice and teaches courses.

He is co-author of RADICAL GRATITUDE: Life-Changing Lessons From Siberia with Mary Akers.

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read my interview with the co-author here:

http://beingandwriting.blogspot.com/2...

[Sean Goh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. - Jn 15:13

This aptly sums up the opening sacrifice of the author's grandfather, starving himself so that his family might have more food.

A shorter, but no less richer version of Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, One Life to Give distills life lessons from a Polish family's time of tribulation in the harsh Siberian wilderness.

The book flows seamlessly between chapter to chapter, with each closing paragraph seguing smoothly into the next opener.

Some takeaways: Hope is a virtue. It is the ability to long for a better outcome, to dream of a better future. There is no such thing as false hope, just like there is no such thing as false faith, or false charity. It can be misguided, but the choice to see outcomes in the best possible light is in itself authentic, and a great motivation in times of suffering. As such, 'false hope' is more akin to denial of reality.

Throughout the book there are stories of the author's grandmother experiencing visions in the form of dreams, and inexplicably surreal events occurring consequently (a dead but untouched calf, a unwanted sack full of flour). Such divine providence served to feed the author's spiritual side, a belief in something greater than himself.

We own nothing, and yet we have everything. 2 Cor 6:10b
This verse echoes a similar line in the book,
"We had nothing, and so learned to appreciate everything."
Bliss is bliss, no matter how fleeting it is. And oftentimes, such happiness arises from simply being, not doing.

"Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other." -Euripides
Love is the opposite of fear. One cannot exist together with the other. Which horse will you feed?

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very insightful book written by Mary Akers and Andrew Bienkowski that creatively uses the narrative of his life struggles to talk about things like practicing gratitude in a radical way and many more topics. It is well written, although I would have liked to know more about his life along with his advice. That is the only imbalance that I found with the book.

[Mette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed this book for the wisdom it imparted. It was incredible to hear his stories in Siberia and a lot of good life lessons learned. I didn't however, love the way it was written, hence the 3 stars. But I marked it up and will be returning to it when I need to be more grateful for my life.

[Kearnsail · Rating 5 out of 5]

So VERY well written, and then when you remember this story is REAL...so very inspiring! Well done!! I read it a few years ago and still remember some phrases and words of wisdom!

[Connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written by a psychologist whose family survived being exiled to Siberia from Poland. Excellent book with a lot of good suggestions.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. A gem of a book (thanks for the recommendation MB!). His story will always stay with me and I really enjoyed his thought-provoking exploration of the many virtues.

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bienkowski stated: "What I've learned in seventy-three years of experience is that happiness is not a product of knowledge but a product of wisdom" (page 77).
Love this book!

[Martin Goldberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful and touching story about his early life living in exile on the brink of starvation in Siberia.

[Dona · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was well written. I liked the way his true experiences were woven into his "self help" messages.

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many things to remember in this book. My copy is dog-eared and highlighted like crazy. I will definitely refer back to this book often.

[Sandie Mixa · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author has a unique background because of his family's experience in Siberia in the 1940's. His grandparents' and parents' strength of character and endurance formed his positive outlook on life. Fortunately Andrew became a psychotherapist and helped many people. I appreciate the gems of wisdom he shares in this book, both from his upbringing and his work with his patients.

[Diana Shulman · Rating 5 out of 5]

An inspiring story and a fascinating juxtaposition of Siberian exile and modern Buddhist thought

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like self help books, but to find one written within ones one biography is wonderful.
I thought it was a well written book.

[anonymousreader]

read

[Clifford · Rating 5 out of 5]

One Life to Give, written by Andrew Bienkowski with Mary Akers, is divided into fourteen chapters, each one a separate lesson derived from Bienkowski’s life as a child when he and his family were exiled from Poland to Siberia. They endured incredible suffering that the book can only really hint at. But through the suffering and the sacrifices of others, Bienkowski learned. And so the reader learns about the concept of “Radical Gratitude”—taking nothing for granted and remembering all the things in our lives with which we are blessed. We also learn about Listening, Hope, Perseverence, Kindness, and Love. But these are not abstract lessons at all. They are concrete suggestions for living a more fulfilled life skillfully crafted by Bienkowski, a therapist, and Akers, a talented writer. The total package is one that will be hard to put down and even harder to forget.

See my full review at Perpetual Folly.

[Diana]

not what i expected. but it was ok...