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Full Moon at Noontide: A Daughter's Last Goodbye
This is the story of my mother and father and my dashing, bachelor uncle, my father’s identical twin, and how they lived together with their courage and their stumblings, as they made their way into old age and then into death. And it’s the story of the journey from one twin’s death to the other, of what happened along the way, of what it means to lose the other who is also oneself.
My story takes the reader through the journey of the end of life: selling the family home, re-location at a retirement community, doctor’s visits, ER visits, specialists, hospitalizations, ICU, nursing homes, Hospice. It takes the reader through the gauntlet of the health care system with all the attendant comedy and sorrows, joys and terrors of such things. Finally it asks: what consolation is there in growing old, in such loss? What abides beyond the telling of my own tale? Wisdom carried from the end of the journey to readers who are perhaps only beginning theirs. Still, what interest in reading of this inevitable journey taken by such ordinary people? Turned to the light just so, the beauty and laughter of the telling transcend the darkness of the tale.
During the final revisions of this book, my husband was dying of cancer, and he died before I could finish it. What I know so far is this: how pure love becomes when it is distilled through such suffering and loss–a blue flame that flickers and pulses in the deepest heart.
As I finish this book he is gone three months.
My story takes the reader through the journey of the end of life: selling the family home, re-location at a retirement community, doctor’s visits, ER visits, specialists, hospitalizations, ICU, nursing homes, Hospice. It takes the reader through the gauntlet of the health care system with all the attendant comedy and sorrows, joys and terrors of such things. Finally it asks: what consolation is there in growing old, in such loss? What abides beyond the telling of my own tale? Wisdom carried from the end of the journey to readers who are perhaps only beginning theirs. Still, what interest in reading of this inevitable journey taken by such ordinary people? Turned to the light just so, the beauty and laughter of the telling transcend the darkness of the tale.
During the final revisions of this book, my husband was dying of cancer, and he died before I could finish it. What I know so far is this: how pure love becomes when it is distilled through such suffering and loss–a blue flame that flickers and pulses in the deepest heart.
As I finish this book he is gone three months.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
255 pages, Hardcover
First published November 23, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
July 8, 2016
This is a wrenching memoir about the last years of the author’s parents and uncle. The dynamic between this trio – lifelong bachelor Uncle Henry was her father’s identical twin and lived with them for many years – is unusual and makes for some narrative drama. Although the subject matter is similar to Roz Chast’s Can’t We Talk about Something More Pleasant?, Putnam’s tone is much more melancholy. A Hemingway scholar based in Washington State, she brings a literary style and a journalistic knack for recording details to bear on this bittersweet family story. “I was trying to see the figure in the carpet. I was trying to see the long arc of their lives in spite of what must have seemed the sad, dark end of it. A thing whole and complete has a beauty of its own, even when the things apart are too terrible to say.”
June 7, 2010
From my blog...[return][return]Ann Putnam has written a straightforward, honest and loving look at the process of aging, dying and death. A potentially frightening and morbid topic for many and yet Putnam writes her memoir, Full Moon at Noontide, about her parents, Grace and Homer, and her Uncle Henry, her father's twin, in the most loving and tender of manners. This is indeed a book about the struggles one faces at the end of life, yet it is so much more, it is a book about love, dignity, and humanity. The reader will be in tears one moment and smiling the next as Putnam takes readers through the last leg of life, a journey her parents and Uncle took and she captured every nuance with loving detail. Society prefers to overlook the elderly, the ill and the dying. I know this from working in nursing homes and dealing with death up front. Too many cannot handle it and prefer the phone call to actually being present, since physical presence at the side of a dying loved one is difficult, and real death is not accurately portrayed in movies or on television. As one loses abilities, life forever changes and this extraordinarily beautiful memoir talks of these changes that occur every day and are so often overlooked. We are all born and we all die and in our declining years we should not be forgotten simply because it is uncomfortable to others. Putnam's moving memoir speaks for those who cannot, to help show the world what it is like for the average person. Full Moon at Noontide is so lovingly and candidly written I would not hesitate to recommend it to any adult.
July 15, 2012
Ann Putnam had just reached home after a day at work, when her daughter tells her that "Grandpa had a stroke", with "no preamble and no way to soften it".
Ann's father and mother stayed just four hours away along with her uncle, who was her father's identical twin - all in their eighties. Her father's stroke was only the beginning of a long journey towards death and loss, accompanied by an endless frenzy of diseases, sadness, closure, regular visits to the doctor, a move to a retirement home first, then a nursing home. Ann will lose all three within a span of five years, and then just three months from the publication of her book, she loses her husband to cancer.
I cannot even begin to fathom the kind of tragedy that had befallen Ann Putnam. But why do I look at it like a third person when this could happen to anyone - in fact does happen to a lot of people lucky or unlucky to live all the way to the ripe 80s or 90s? In fact, our perspective to an old person on the verges of death is sometimes, if not all times, callous and lacks feeling. We have been through the infant-years, childhood, adolescence, teenage years, middle age, and so on, depending on where we stand on the age chart. But old age is something we haven't yet encountered, unless we have seen it in our own parents or grandparents. Full Moon at Noontide occasionally shows some of this lack of concern from a bystander, and then it slaps you in the face when you remember all the times you didn't smile at the old lady across the street, or that day when you just looked away from that sick man in the restaurant, still in his hospital clothing.
Full Moon at Noontide was a gut-wrenching reading experience. And I mean every word of that. There is a lot of sadness in this book, and I cried at almost every page. It reminded me of the grandparents I lost, and the other old folks I never got to know. As a friend of mine says, "life happens and so does death". But as in Ann's case, where do you even get the strength to watch three dearest people snatched from you suddenly within a few years? Add your spouse and your adorable dog to that equation, and I might even give up on life totally. And that is where this beautiful memoir scores. It doesn't leave you feeling depressed and upset at the rules of life and death. Instead, it teaches you several lessons in a subtle manner. It opens you up to the very realities of the lives of the people when they are old and near-death - that regular visit to the hospital, each time returning back leaving behind a part of you; that frequent lapse of memory and/or consciousness; that simple smile on their face when they see their child or grandchild; and that week-long waiting for the weekly ritual of a night out at a restaurant.
Death scares me a lot. It is the one big fear I have been having for years. And when I was about to start reading this, I was expecting to put it down every few pages. But as Thomas R. Cole, who wrote the introduction for this book said, I was also seduced by this book from the beginning. Ann weaves the characters of the twins - Homer (her father) and Henry, and her mother, Grace, so vividly, that by the time I turned the last page, I felt I lost someone so dear to me. These three amazing characters had very successful lives, and to see them struggle through their last years in life was very hard for me, and yet this is what happens in reality. But their life is not all tragedy, as there is plenty of humor in the book to get through the days of watching them slip away. I had never before looked at life from their perspective - it was always as a third person. But Full Moon at Noontide changed that. It made me want to reach out to Ann, hug her and tell her it's alright. Her experiences were tragic, but she faced them with a courage that I surely do not have.
And how often we regret that we don't spend enough time with them. I still have some, though I know it is too late to worry about it. In so many ways, I am really glad I read this book. I know many will refrain from reading a book such as this, simply because of all the sadness it may induce. But far from being a depressing read, this book is a knowledge mine - about families, identical twins, and relations; about love and sacrifice; about closure and courage; and about a daughter's last goodbye.
I received this book for free from the publisher via Pump Up Your Book.
Doesn't it always begin that way? A telephone call across the miles, one reality exchanged for another in an instant. Not that you weren't waiting for it all along in some dark place of your mind where you hold such things that cannot yet be brought into the light. You wish for a bad connection, crossed lines, a lapse in hearing, a rush into dream. But you're only hearing what you fear, though none of it seems real.
Ann's father and mother stayed just four hours away along with her uncle, who was her father's identical twin - all in their eighties. Her father's stroke was only the beginning of a long journey towards death and loss, accompanied by an endless frenzy of diseases, sadness, closure, regular visits to the doctor, a move to a retirement home first, then a nursing home. Ann will lose all three within a span of five years, and then just three months from the publication of her book, she loses her husband to cancer.
I cannot even begin to fathom the kind of tragedy that had befallen Ann Putnam. But why do I look at it like a third person when this could happen to anyone - in fact does happen to a lot of people lucky or unlucky to live all the way to the ripe 80s or 90s? In fact, our perspective to an old person on the verges of death is sometimes, if not all times, callous and lacks feeling. We have been through the infant-years, childhood, adolescence, teenage years, middle age, and so on, depending on where we stand on the age chart. But old age is something we haven't yet encountered, unless we have seen it in our own parents or grandparents. Full Moon at Noontide occasionally shows some of this lack of concern from a bystander, and then it slaps you in the face when you remember all the times you didn't smile at the old lady across the street, or that day when you just looked away from that sick man in the restaurant, still in his hospital clothing.
Full Moon at Noontide was a gut-wrenching reading experience. And I mean every word of that. There is a lot of sadness in this book, and I cried at almost every page. It reminded me of the grandparents I lost, and the other old folks I never got to know. As a friend of mine says, "life happens and so does death". But as in Ann's case, where do you even get the strength to watch three dearest people snatched from you suddenly within a few years? Add your spouse and your adorable dog to that equation, and I might even give up on life totally. And that is where this beautiful memoir scores. It doesn't leave you feeling depressed and upset at the rules of life and death. Instead, it teaches you several lessons in a subtle manner. It opens you up to the very realities of the lives of the people when they are old and near-death - that regular visit to the hospital, each time returning back leaving behind a part of you; that frequent lapse of memory and/or consciousness; that simple smile on their face when they see their child or grandchild; and that week-long waiting for the weekly ritual of a night out at a restaurant.
Death scares me a lot. It is the one big fear I have been having for years. And when I was about to start reading this, I was expecting to put it down every few pages. But as Thomas R. Cole, who wrote the introduction for this book said, I was also seduced by this book from the beginning. Ann weaves the characters of the twins - Homer (her father) and Henry, and her mother, Grace, so vividly, that by the time I turned the last page, I felt I lost someone so dear to me. These three amazing characters had very successful lives, and to see them struggle through their last years in life was very hard for me, and yet this is what happens in reality. But their life is not all tragedy, as there is plenty of humor in the book to get through the days of watching them slip away. I had never before looked at life from their perspective - it was always as a third person. But Full Moon at Noontide changed that. It made me want to reach out to Ann, hug her and tell her it's alright. Her experiences were tragic, but she faced them with a courage that I surely do not have.
I haven't stayed long enough or come often enough no matter how long I stay or how often I come.
And how often we regret that we don't spend enough time with them. I still have some, though I know it is too late to worry about it. In so many ways, I am really glad I read this book. I know many will refrain from reading a book such as this, simply because of all the sadness it may induce. But far from being a depressing read, this book is a knowledge mine - about families, identical twins, and relations; about love and sacrifice; about closure and courage; and about a daughter's last goodbye.
I received this book for free from the publisher via Pump Up Your Book.
July 26, 2010
4.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully Sad, July 26, 2010
A Kid's Review
This review is from: Full Moon at Noontide: A Daughter's Last Goodbye (MEDICAL HUMANITIES SERIES) (Hardcover)
Full Moon at Noontide is a beautiful book about a woman who loses her parents and uncle, and the trials they go through along the way. This wonderful look at the end of life, is a beautiful tribute to her parents and a stark reminder to all of us who live in the "Sandwich Generation" of what is important, our family and the love we all share. Ann Putnam was able to put into words exactly what it's like at the end, when you're having to take care of your parents and make sure they have those they love around them, and leave this world with dignity and grace.
I remember when my grandparents passed away. The years building up to it, the hospital visits, the surgeries, the pain, both physical and emotional that my mom and our entire family went through. Those were tough times, and I was just a teenager. Now, my own mother is turning 70 this year, and her health isn't as good as it once was. I worry about her all the time. Reading this book made me feel just a little better, knowing that I'm not alone in dealing with these issues as my mother gets older, and that we will be able to get through it, no matter what happens.
This book is beautifully written and will make you cry in many spots. It will also make you smile as you see some humor and a lot of love within these pages. Whether you have already lost your parents, or are taking care of them now, this is definitely a book that you'll want to read. It won't necessarily be easy to read, but it's worth it! I highly recommend this book to anyone with parents. Although it's this is definitely a book for the more mature reader, college age and above is who I would say this is best for.
Disclaimer: This book was provided to me by Pump Up Your Book Promotion for review purposes only. All opinions are 100% my own.
June 18, 2010
Full Moon at Noontide is a memoir of Putnam’s cherished moments with her family. Putnam is an English professor whose writing resonates with you. Aside from the fact that the material is touching, her writing just helps to push you over the edge until you do either one of two things: you laugh out loud or you just start crying.
The theme of this story was the issue of getting older and the little things that people do when they get to that stage in their lives. I found that the story was an attractive read simply because of the nature of it. There were times where I simply just could not put down this book. It reminded me of the fact that nothing lasts forever and that you should appreciate the elders in your life. At the same time, the story also made me become aware of the little signs of growing older and how these traits become more pronounced later on in life.
Hands down my favorite character was Henry. He provided most, if not all of the comic relief in the story. He made no apologies for the things that he said, he just did. I think that perhaps this trait was always a part of Henry and I could imagine him being a very brave, opinionated man in his youth.
There were several things that stood out for me in this story, more pertinent is the fact that no matter how independent you are in life or what profession you were in, at some point or the other old age gets the better of us and we are forced to seek the help of nursing homes and private nurses to take care of us. Personally, I am not looking forward to that moment for myself or for my loved ones, but seeing that in the story and how Ann dealt with it makes you want to prepare mentally for the moment.
Not many books can move me the way that this book did. It was a great read and I would recommend it to everyone.
The theme of this story was the issue of getting older and the little things that people do when they get to that stage in their lives. I found that the story was an attractive read simply because of the nature of it. There were times where I simply just could not put down this book. It reminded me of the fact that nothing lasts forever and that you should appreciate the elders in your life. At the same time, the story also made me become aware of the little signs of growing older and how these traits become more pronounced later on in life.
Hands down my favorite character was Henry. He provided most, if not all of the comic relief in the story. He made no apologies for the things that he said, he just did. I think that perhaps this trait was always a part of Henry and I could imagine him being a very brave, opinionated man in his youth.
There were several things that stood out for me in this story, more pertinent is the fact that no matter how independent you are in life or what profession you were in, at some point or the other old age gets the better of us and we are forced to seek the help of nursing homes and private nurses to take care of us. Personally, I am not looking forward to that moment for myself or for my loved ones, but seeing that in the story and how Ann dealt with it makes you want to prepare mentally for the moment.
Not many books can move me the way that this book did. It was a great read and I would recommend it to everyone.
January 17, 2011
This book was going to get a two until I read tearfully through the last quarter. I guess it took that long to connect. The story to tell was wonderful, but the author - though writing about her mother, father, and uncle - seemed disconnected. Considering the subtitle, I was expecting more of Putnam's thoughts and feelings throughout that period of caregiving, instead of a fairly objective re-telling of the trio's lives and last years together. But we all process grief and reflect in different ways, and I can't fault her book because of that. Full Moon at Noontide shares an important story with its readers.
January 27, 2016
A powerful book that really hit home for me in many ways. The writing was flowing and insightful, but I recognize that a lot of what drew me in was the relevance of what I'm going through in my own life right now. The location being the Puget Sound area didn't hurt either. Sad, thoughtful, empathetic, realistic. I could not put it down. I had to stop in places because I couldn't see the words through my tears. Ultimately uplifting, but with both feet on the ground.
Although it may be difficult to read, I will be recommending this book to my friends facing this situation, and ultimately, we all are.
Although it may be difficult to read, I will be recommending this book to my friends facing this situation, and ultimately, we all are.
March 22, 2016
This is the true story of old age and death in the United States, the nursing homes and falls down the stairs, the dirty details of dying and the transformative experience. Putnam uses beautiful prose that succinctly get to the heart of the matter, creating a surprisingly compelling read (you know how it ends before it begins) that I couldn't put down.
I loved this book, especially after having experienced much of the same with family members and in-laws, this story let me know that it is something we all experience: the doubt, the guilt, the sacrifice, the selfishness, the humility, the love.
I loved this book, especially after having experienced much of the same with family members and in-laws, this story let me know that it is something we all experience: the doubt, the guilt, the sacrifice, the selfishness, the humility, the love.
November 21, 2010
This is a good book to read about death and dying . However, I thought it was more depressing than spiritual and accepting. Her losses were profound. Her perspective brought the process of the aging body front and center. I could relate to so much of it in reference to my parents and to working as a hospice volunteer. However, it didn't really provide mne with peace and acceptance. It is more about acknowledging what happens to the body as we slowly die. Shas writes beautiful prose. I thought it would be upfiting; it wasn't.
April 18, 2010
A sobering but not hopeless look at aging. Also as a nurse I see the continuing need for coordination of care at the end of our lives.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews