Married to the Military: A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends, and Women in Uniform

by Meredith Leyva

Now revised to reflect the reality of military and economic unrest around the world, Married to the Military remains an invaluable resource for any military spouse or significant other.

When you marry a military service member, whether a reservist or active—you may feel as if you’ve also married the United States military! While there are plenty of orientation books on military training, there is not much information available about handling the personal aspects of military life. Married to the Military demystifies the often confusing military world so you can make the right choices for yourself and your family.

Meredith Leyva, an experienced military wife and founder of CinCHouse.com, the Internet’s largest community for military wives, girlfriends, and women in uniform, offers time-tested advice on everything you need to know—from relocation to deployment, protocol to finances, and career to kids,

-Keeping your love life together during deployments
-Relocating yourself and your family around the world
-Maintaining your own career when you're expected to move every three years
-Understanding what pay and benefits you're entitled to—and how to maximize them
-Dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other threats to your partner’s well-being

Whether you’re figuring out military protocol or trying to understand the medical system, this savvy, friendly yet authoritative guide details just what you need to know to manage day-to-day issues and get on with the adventure of military life.

Genres: Military Fiction, Nonfiction, Self Help, Adult

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

People will get mad but I'm only telling the truth. I have met some good people and some not so good people and haven't always been treated well but many wives aren't but don't speak out. They have a difficult life usually and it's stressful so speaking up isn't worth it. This isn't a life for the weak !
The author is very PRO MILITARY in terms of mentioning the good points and even sugar coating stuff. Some things are helpful to NEW wives/gf's but you will soon see it dosen't take a book to learn the ins and outs and in a few yrs you will see that the Army is like someone patting you on your back to make sure you don't get in the way and as a spouse what your really involved in is really more like community events. SOme wives get it twisted like THEY have power and are the ones employed by the military instead of the Soldier and this book does no more then add to that. Have issues with your Soldier and see what place you are REALLY in not to mention the spouses "friends" that will dump you for speaking out because to the Military speaking against them is speaking against the military and your a traiter !!! The spouses usually are in cliques which cirle around selling stuff like candles. Don't buy or sell stuff orhave parties to sell your friends will dwindle. They also tend to be jealouus of your mans rank if better then your husbands and if it's better justlike on Cinchouse ... they treat you as if you are less. You have a few who feel that others physical appearance is a treat.Skinny wives can be feared and not loved. Baby making is very important also. I have seen so many wivestry tokeephaving kids and really an't afford them and many even resort to IVF with several kids already ! Many wives I have met are always asking for favors like babysitting because Idon't have kids and "need ME time" and feel I should be happy they asked but it gets old and you see you have to say NO or they will use you up ! Also Ican't stress this enough... Do not trust the uniform or the family because because there are scams and also crimes in this community like all others. You will also run into people who expect you to zip it when it comes to things like wanting better health care because they say it's free. Your spouse is serving in a dangerous job that's stressful for you and them so speak up. Civilans on post may also be rude (way more then those in uniform) file written complaints because they have no right to treat you bad and everyone has a boss. They do this to those in the Military also and they can't complain as much so do them a favor and complain for them ! They deserve to be treated like heros not crap !
I just reread this book after being an Army wife for a few yrs and laughed. She makes it seem so glamorous to be a wife jet setting around the world and such but it's anything but that !!! You have no say over PCS so I suggest not nagging the Army or your husband for your own good. I love the Army and respect soldiers but I'm so much happier off base and away from that life and drama. Make a mixture of other wives as well as civilians is my advice. Like civilian jobs don't go to your husbands Unit or bosses and complain or suck up either. Make your life about you and not your husbands job and I promise you won't be sorry. They are busy and it can/will backfire. Love the good people you will meet and treat them like a rare jewel.

[Jas]

This book was an interesting read. I do believe it shouldn’t be advertised for military girlfriends, as it doesn’t really have any sections catering to them. This book is mostly for wives, and that’s okay, but it shouldn’t have girlfriends on the cover.

[Allison Stauts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great practical advice for military life. Definitely needs some updating and I think some language needs to be changed in order for it to be truly empowering of military spouses/significant others.

[Isabelle Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I some how ended up with a 2009 copie of this book- I'm not sure if it's been updated sience then but as my review pertains to the 2009 edition here what I have to say - it gives good information that is still relevant even 15 years later it's recommendations and reasonings for how to act/conduct yourself are good. Some things have changed but really were talking about the military other than the change in uniform that they cycle through ever 5-8 years and most frg/military spouse groups and clubs are mostly online now with occasional meeting. This will probably be the only book I will ever write in the margins of but again it's 15 years old maybe my annotations will help the next person.

[Machaia · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very lovely and well meaning 92-year-old woman with whom I go to church gave this to me as a gift. I wanted to be able to tell her I'd read it, but wow, it's very outdated and sexist. The website the author established and mentions over and over in the book no longer exists, and she has passages like this chestnut "Some women think they're cool by driving over the speed limit on base, dressing like prostitutes, and getting drunk at command functions. But this is not high school." The only reason it gets two stars is because I did have some good conversations with Connor when I would ask him about things she mentioned in the book.

[Maddie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful book! My husband is getting ready to leave for Air Force basic training in a few weeks and we are so excited! His Dad served in the Air Force so he already knows the military world. My brother is in the Marine Corp so I've learned a few things here and there, but apart from that my experience with the military is very small. There were helpful pieces of information that I wouldn't have otherwise learned.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a new military spouse I found this book a quick read, but also full of great information. Military life can be overwhelming at times and I thought this book did a great job going over everything from etiquette to moving to family life.

[Flor Quiroz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really doesn’t pertain to girlfriends, unless you’re really thinking about long term and getting serious and preparing for engagement/marriage. Also needs updates.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

My perspective reading this is a current girlfriend of an Army soldier with my own career established. The book has some really good pieces of advice about many things I hadn't even considered. However, at times the book felt insultingly dumbed-down. And the section about having a portable career was inadequate in my opinion (I'm sorry, but not everyone has the inclination to host a daycare in their home). Not necessarily geared towards women who have already figured out the essentials of independent living on their own (healthcare, budgeting, pay stubs, retirement savings).

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

In my opinion, this book is too generalized and outdated. It definitely displays every stereotype that hopefully people are avoiding. I definitely thing it needs to be rewritten. However for the clueless girlfriend or newlywed, the generalized knowledge is always good to have. They really need to make books targeting different branches of the military. Some of the things once branch does may be and is usually different than the other.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who came into military life knowing diddly squat about ranks or PCSes or how to obtain a power of attorney or why I'd even need one, this book was wonderful in letting me in on secrets to transforming my family into a knowledgable, working cog of Air Force brats and worked wonders on our self-confidence knowing that whatever happened in this crazy life of ours, we'd be prepared. Do yourself a favor and pick one up.

[Carlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is definitely for me; I will be buying it. If you are any woman(wife, military personnel, or girlfriend) this book is for you. It has been very helpful for me since I am a recent army wife. This book gives you the inside scoop on what your are allowed to control and how to control it, gives you ways to budget your money, and how to deal with deployment and post-deployment. It is a highly informational book to be used by the woman in military service.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very informative, even just used for general information. This was one of the only books I found that answered any of my questions and that at least somewhat informed me about military life. I found this right after my husband decided that he would like to join the military and wanted something to keep me from going into panic mode since I knew nothing about military life. I do wish it was updated though.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was a great book to read when my husband and I first were married. Now I feel a bit more seasoned, and might not benefit as much. But it was good to have and reference when I was a newbie military wife, just learning the ropes (and my husband was also just learning the ropes on what changes accompanied his duty now that he had dependants, etc.)

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has really helped me- a brand new military wife who gets lost in the world of acronyms and jargon sometimes. It has a list of ranks, how to read a military paystub, who to contact in case of various emergencies, what to do when your husband is deployed and you have issues, etc. A helpful resource for us "non"military military wives!

[Khinna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was very skeptical about this book. However, this book has been very revealing for the newbie military wife such as me. I can't believe I picked this up as an impulsive buy, while grocery shopping. It might not be for the "seasoned" military wife, but it has benefited me with factual information. Great for any wife, girlfriend, or currently engaged woman pondering the new change in her life.

[Shannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Helpful information but terrifying tone. Reinforces just about every stereotype I would hope military spouses would want to avoid. In the same page the author berates the military for not taking spouses seriously and then asserts that spouses should have their servicemember do a particular task "and nag him like his mother until he does it." How about a rewrite?

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

My new husband thoughtfully borrowed this from our local library so I could learn more about military life. I found it so helpful I read it twice. Also, I plan to get my own copy to use as a reference in the future. The book is written very well. It is easy to understand as a civilian with very minimal military exposure.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great for clueless military wife newlyweds like myself. I had no idea what my husband was talking about when he used certain acronyms but now I do! It's not the most exciting book since it's very "factual" but totally worth reading for every Military wife out there.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A great book to read if you are new to the military life. It breaks down the jargon, explains the ranks and helps you understand the lifestyle of the military a little bit better. However, it did refer a lot to websites online instead of explaining the information in the book itself.

[Lisa]

Really geared towards regular army, not National guards (which according to the author is the same thing as the Reserves). Some of it was helpful, but mostly information for those who's spouse is full time military.

[Shay · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book gave amazing information and really helped me out. It gave me some things to think about and brought up a few issues I hadn't considered. I'm ready to buy myself a copy to take with me when I relocate with my Army boyfriend.

[Sarah Edie]

everything that can possibly happen in a world revolving around the service member can be handled with strategy

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is awesome. It is the most helpful Military Spouse book that I have read. It has everything you need to know, want to know, should know, and more.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great go-to book for any military wife. A little outdated now but the general information is good to have.

[Beth Rhodes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very useful. It covers alot if things I hadn't thought about; I've saved my husband's ass more then a few times!

[Sheri · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is my friends book.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very good book. I am a first time army wife and my mother in law gave me this book.

[Beth Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

An essential book for a military wife. Explains everything from LES to moving to a base. Helps you deal with deployment with real advice.

[Linette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative. A little out-dated: They still note the USCG as part of the Navy, which it is now Homeland Security and the pay scales are from 2003. Other than that...very detailed!