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A Little Bit Married: How to Know When It's Time to Walk Down the Aisle or Out the Door
Are You “A Little Bit Married”?
We’ve been dating for more than a year.
I talk on the phone with his parents.
We go on vacations with each other’s families.
We’re planning to live together (or already do).
I often wonder, “Where is this going?”
Do I just wait around? How can I be sure this person is really “The One”? If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. It’s the dawning of an age when we’re not in any hurry to reach the milestones—house, spouse, and kids—that once marked adulthood, although we’d like to get there . . . soon.
In this practical, no-holds-barred guide, Hannah Seligson delivers an eye-opening look at why serial long-term relationships have become the new romantic rite of passage. From making life-changing sacrifices for your partner to dealing with doubts, Seligson explains how to make the most of this ambiguous state,
• What are the signs s/he’s ready for long-term commitment?
• How do you make decisions about careers, cohabitation, and religion when there isn’t a ring?
• What’s the best way to mention the “M” word to a commitment-phobe?
• How long should you stay A Little Bit Married before tying the knot . . . or moving on?
Combining expert advice with compelling anecdotes, A Little Bit Married will provide you with the roadmap you need to survive the life stage post–“Let’s Do It!” and pre–“I Do.”
We’ve been dating for more than a year.
I talk on the phone with his parents.
We go on vacations with each other’s families.
We’re planning to live together (or already do).
I often wonder, “Where is this going?”
Do I just wait around? How can I be sure this person is really “The One”? If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. It’s the dawning of an age when we’re not in any hurry to reach the milestones—house, spouse, and kids—that once marked adulthood, although we’d like to get there . . . soon.
In this practical, no-holds-barred guide, Hannah Seligson delivers an eye-opening look at why serial long-term relationships have become the new romantic rite of passage. From making life-changing sacrifices for your partner to dealing with doubts, Seligson explains how to make the most of this ambiguous state,
• What are the signs s/he’s ready for long-term commitment?
• How do you make decisions about careers, cohabitation, and religion when there isn’t a ring?
• What’s the best way to mention the “M” word to a commitment-phobe?
• How long should you stay A Little Bit Married before tying the knot . . . or moving on?
Combining expert advice with compelling anecdotes, A Little Bit Married will provide you with the roadmap you need to survive the life stage post–“Let’s Do It!” and pre–“I Do.”
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
3 people are currently reading
40 people want to read
About the author
Hannah Seligson
9 books3 followersHannah Seligson is a regular contributor to The New York Times Sunday Business Section, where she writes about Gen. Y, the workplace, and innovation, among other topics. Her work has also appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, and Slate.com.
Hannah first book, New Girl on the Job: Advice from the Trenches, a career guide for young women, was called "a must-read for every woman entering the work world" by the Houston Business Journal and the Washington Post said that it "covers the key things any young women needs to know to thrive at those first couple of jobs."
In 2010, De Capo Press published Hannah's second book, A Little Bit Married: How to Know When it's Time to Walk Down the Aisle or out the Door, about the long-term unmarried relationship. The book was optioned for a television series by CBS.
Hannah's professional speaking includes conference and seminar presentations at universities, business associations and corporations. Recent speaking engagements have included Harvard Business School, Viva, Beijing Professional Women's Network, and the Culinary Institute of America.
She has been featured in news outlets such as The Today Show, Fox News, USA Today, and Glamour.
Hannah serves as a mentor-editor at the Op-Ed Project. She graduated with a B.A. from Brown University in 2004.
Hannah first book, New Girl on the Job: Advice from the Trenches, a career guide for young women, was called "a must-read for every woman entering the work world" by the Houston Business Journal and the Washington Post said that it "covers the key things any young women needs to know to thrive at those first couple of jobs."
In 2010, De Capo Press published Hannah's second book, A Little Bit Married: How to Know When it's Time to Walk Down the Aisle or out the Door, about the long-term unmarried relationship. The book was optioned for a television series by CBS.
Hannah's professional speaking includes conference and seminar presentations at universities, business associations and corporations. Recent speaking engagements have included Harvard Business School, Viva, Beijing Professional Women's Network, and the Culinary Institute of America.
She has been featured in news outlets such as The Today Show, Fox News, USA Today, and Glamour.
Hannah serves as a mentor-editor at the Op-Ed Project. She graduated with a B.A. from Brown University in 2004.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
September 6, 2017
I read this book in a few hours. Fun, easy read.
February 24, 2013
More Lauren Conrad than I was hoping for
My foray into this self-help style book was motivated by the details of my own life. To her credit, Seligson identifies and characterizes this trend of living together before marriage quite accurately. Many dozens (if not hundreds) of singles and couples have been interviewed and their shared experiences are comforting in mirroring our own. Someone has left her boyfriend of five years because he’s “not ready” and “I’m not getting any younger.” At the same time, there are many more examples of successful marriages after long periods of living-in-sin, break-ups and reconnections, bargaining, confusion, and triumph.
My beefs are two-fold. While there is some sense of academic rigor (e.g. many citations from the Rutgers Marriage Project), Seligson also falls into intellectual sluggishness with frequency. For her fair characterization of infantilized boy-men (I myself qualify), she takes many tactical missteps. If you wish to hear examples from The Hills (this is an MTV show, apparently), When Harry Met Sally, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and other nonsense, you will be satisfied herein. Repeated use of these digressions can have no other effect except the alienation of male readers or serious female ones. These pop references also entrench me into feeling that the female dissatisfaction with modern social arrangements (ie long waits until marriage being undesirable) is fueled by a tacit Hollywood consensus. Just as the insidious DeBeers diamond company singlehandedly injected the idea of a diamond engagement ring into the public consciousness a century ago. Now it is a preposterous must-have. A serious discussion about the merits of prolonged courtship, out-of-wedlock relationships, and emotional commitments is not on offer here.
My foray into this self-help style book was motivated by the details of my own life. To her credit, Seligson identifies and characterizes this trend of living together before marriage quite accurately. Many dozens (if not hundreds) of singles and couples have been interviewed and their shared experiences are comforting in mirroring our own. Someone has left her boyfriend of five years because he’s “not ready” and “I’m not getting any younger.” At the same time, there are many more examples of successful marriages after long periods of living-in-sin, break-ups and reconnections, bargaining, confusion, and triumph.
My beefs are two-fold. While there is some sense of academic rigor (e.g. many citations from the Rutgers Marriage Project), Seligson also falls into intellectual sluggishness with frequency. For her fair characterization of infantilized boy-men (I myself qualify), she takes many tactical missteps. If you wish to hear examples from The Hills (this is an MTV show, apparently), When Harry Met Sally, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and other nonsense, you will be satisfied herein. Repeated use of these digressions can have no other effect except the alienation of male readers or serious female ones. These pop references also entrench me into feeling that the female dissatisfaction with modern social arrangements (ie long waits until marriage being undesirable) is fueled by a tacit Hollywood consensus. Just as the insidious DeBeers diamond company singlehandedly injected the idea of a diamond engagement ring into the public consciousness a century ago. Now it is a preposterous must-have. A serious discussion about the merits of prolonged courtship, out-of-wedlock relationships, and emotional commitments is not on offer here.
July 20, 2011
Ah, the book that launched a wave of Facebook speculation. On the minus side, it was sloppily edited, repetitive, and at times contradictory. Some of the people she interviewed as case studies were beyond annoying. (Especially in the "Female Proposal" chapter...I lost count of how many girls she quoted who used the phrase "If I don't have a ring on my finger..." Ugh.) And yet, there was some interesting food for thought here. I liked the fact that she delved into the socioeconomic factors that have contributed to this cultural shift, although I wish she'd probed a little bit deeper into the uniquely American approach to this status as merely a means to an end (as opposed to in Europe, where long-term cohabitating relationships are often an end unto themselves). The "how to know if your relationship will make a good marriage" bits were helpful, if only as conversation-starters. And I thought she did a good job of breaking down a lot of the romantic-comedy-perpetuated myths about "soul mates" and "happily ever after." Nothing earth-shattering or life-changing here (so don't worry, Facebook speculators, I am unlikely to be walking either down the aisle or out the door because of this book), but it was an easy and interesting read.
July 21, 2010
I think this book really aimed to help people in long-term relationships figure out why the relationship hadn't been elevated to marital status after so many years. The author looked at several societal, cultural, and economic changes which may have changed the way young people date today. Those were interesting to read, even though I found it down-right laughable that a two-year relationship was considered long-term. The truth is, though, that there is nothing you can to do get a partner to propose or want to make a solid commitment. You can wait it out, or simply move on. That's really all the author needed to say, I think. I left this book feeling slightly depressed.
February 21, 2012
I snagged this on a whim from the library shelf, and didn't really read the back carefully enough. I thought it was going to be more of an exploration of the concept of long-term monogamous and cohabiting relationships, along the lines of The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony.
May 23, 2010
I ran across this linked from an article and I thought it sounded interesting. I'm finding it a little off-putting at the beginning.
***
It had some interesting questions and food for thought, but there were no solid answers to build on.
***
It had some interesting questions and food for thought, but there were no solid answers to build on.
February 2, 2011
As a co-habiter myself, I found this book to be very interesting. It explains our culture & our relationship mentality. Being a little bit married is living together and sharing vacations and family time but not being engaged. It allows couples to "test drive" married life.
August 12, 2011
A bit superficial, a bit obvious, but hell, all of our conversations about this topic are both, so this book serves as a good overview of our limited cultural consciousness about the new forms of dating.
December 7, 2009
interesting topic, though the author can repeat herself a bit. i definitely learned a lot about what NOT to do in a relationship.
April 10, 2010
Very simply written and repetitive, but a good reality check for those of us in long-term, non-marrital relationships.
June 23, 2010
Heard about it on NPR. I thought it would be about cultural changes in relationships rather than a lot of blaming men and assuming that women have a burning desire to get married.
October 16, 2016
I love it when books are well structured and provide a wealth of references to scientific research, esteem authors, and even... music (i.e. Paul Simon's Train in The Distance)
:)
:)
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews