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I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression
Delving into the somewhat taboo topic of clergy and mental illness, this 100-page book published by LCMS World Relief and Human Care offers a rare glimpse into one LCMS pastor’s personal journey through depression while remaining reliant upon God’s grace. The book also offers suggestions to help a loved one battling depression.
102 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2009
12 people are currently reading
168 people want to read
About the author
Todd A. Peperkorn
4 books52 followersRev. Todd A. Peperkorn was educated at Concordia University, Nebraska (BA) and Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Indiana (MDIV, STM). His writings have been published in Logia, Concordia Theological Quarterly, the Concordia Historical Institute Quarterly, and Issues in Christian Education. He also served as founder and editor of Higher Things Magazine for its first five years.
Pastor Peperkorn is also the author of I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression, published by LCMS World Relief and Human Care, with a preface by Synodical President, Rev. Matthew Harrison. A frequent speaker at pastors’ conferences, he is also a regular guest on the radio program Issues, etc. He has served as an adjunct faculty member at Concordia University, Wisconsin.
He has previously served as an admission counselor at Concordia Theological Seminary, and as the pastor at Messiah Lutheran Church in Kenosha, Wisconsin. He also served as Senior Pastor at Holy Cross Lutheran Church in Rocklin, California.
He is currently an Assistant Professor of Pastoral Ministry and Missions at Concordia Theological Seminary.
You may find Pastor Peperkorn online at lutheranlogomaniac.com and at darkmyroad.org.
Rev. Peperkorn and his wife, Kathryn, have four children.
Pastor Peperkorn is also the author of I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression, published by LCMS World Relief and Human Care, with a preface by Synodical President, Rev. Matthew Harrison. A frequent speaker at pastors’ conferences, he is also a regular guest on the radio program Issues, etc. He has served as an adjunct faculty member at Concordia University, Wisconsin.
He has previously served as an admission counselor at Concordia Theological Seminary, and as the pastor at Messiah Lutheran Church in Kenosha, Wisconsin. He also served as Senior Pastor at Holy Cross Lutheran Church in Rocklin, California.
He is currently an Assistant Professor of Pastoral Ministry and Missions at Concordia Theological Seminary.
You may find Pastor Peperkorn online at lutheranlogomaniac.com and at darkmyroad.org.
Rev. Peperkorn and his wife, Kathryn, have four children.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
July 29, 2024
Written by a pastor likely for other pastors, I still feel really seen and heard regarding mental illness. A great read for anyone truly who suffers themselves or has someone in their life that suffers.
December 21, 2018
This is a short book that as of the writing of this post is available for free download online. It was unlike any other "self-help" book that I've read - and in a good way.
About 75% of the book is Reverand Todd Pepercorn's personal journey down the road of depression and coming out on the other side. Rev. Pepercorn is brutally honest about the process and what he went through. He doesn't sugar coat things, which is honest and refreshing.
The book is written primarily for other pastors, however I think it is something everyone should read. It reminds us depression can affect anyone. And as a Christian, it is a reminder that you didn't do anything wrong. That it isn't a matter of not having strong enough faith that made you feel this way.
Pepercorn provides some practical tips on items like establishing a support system and regulating medications. Anxiety and depression affect us all in one way or another. An important topic for everyone.
About 75% of the book is Reverand Todd Pepercorn's personal journey down the road of depression and coming out on the other side. Rev. Pepercorn is brutally honest about the process and what he went through. He doesn't sugar coat things, which is honest and refreshing.
The book is written primarily for other pastors, however I think it is something everyone should read. It reminds us depression can affect anyone. And as a Christian, it is a reminder that you didn't do anything wrong. That it isn't a matter of not having strong enough faith that made you feel this way.
Pepercorn provides some practical tips on items like establishing a support system and regulating medications. Anxiety and depression affect us all in one way or another. An important topic for everyone.
February 14, 2018
It is unlike a lot of books of the books I've read on the subject. It sounds more personal than the others.It also speaks of depression in a particular setting, the pastoral office.
Here's to feeling understood!
Here's to feeling understood!
August 21, 2023
Excellent for anyone who's ever dealt with depression, either their own, or someone lose to them.
August 7, 2018
Finally! A Christian book on depression that actually gets it. Not just that, but one from a Lutheran perspective! And not just that, but one from speaking from the office of pastor and speaking to a pastor's struggles!
I am so grateful to have found this book when I did. I was blessed to be assured that, no, depression doesn't mean I lack faith, love, or pure devotion. Depression doesn't mean God doesn't love me. Depression doesn't mean I just need to get it together. Depression means I'm broken and in need of Jesus. And, in that way, I am in the same boat as everyone else and have no need to be ashamed.
I also appreciate how he clarifies that depression is a medical problem, and that God, working through means as He usually does, can use medication to help bring you peace. And how he juxtapositions that against the real soul issues going on as well. Most people either preach Christ and no meds, or meds and no Christ.
He addresses familial patterns in a non-judgemental way, which is a factor I never thought of.
But what I most appreciated was how he discussed the travesty that is the mindset in the Church towards pastors. Pastors are seen to be islands of piety that the congregation looks to for guidance, rather than shepherds in need of love and guidance. He discusses how pastors are set up to believe they have to be self-sufficient in seminary where they are deprived of pastoral care, the very thing they need most. They go into the ministry believing they have to be everything for everyone, and yet have no earthly shepherd to guide them. He discusses the importance of seminaries hiring a pastor for the seminarians that can devote his time, energy, and love into caring for those preparing to enter the ministry, of pastors having mentors (preferably also pastors) to guide them and love them, and of the congregation seeing their pastor as an earthly man with a heavenly call.
I wish every seminary had a copy of this book, that every seminary head took his words into account, and that pastors were able to internalize the truths he expresses here in order to be better equipped for their own struggles.
I am so grateful to have found this book when I did. I was blessed to be assured that, no, depression doesn't mean I lack faith, love, or pure devotion. Depression doesn't mean God doesn't love me. Depression doesn't mean I just need to get it together. Depression means I'm broken and in need of Jesus. And, in that way, I am in the same boat as everyone else and have no need to be ashamed.
I also appreciate how he clarifies that depression is a medical problem, and that God, working through means as He usually does, can use medication to help bring you peace. And how he juxtapositions that against the real soul issues going on as well. Most people either preach Christ and no meds, or meds and no Christ.
He addresses familial patterns in a non-judgemental way, which is a factor I never thought of.
But what I most appreciated was how he discussed the travesty that is the mindset in the Church towards pastors. Pastors are seen to be islands of piety that the congregation looks to for guidance, rather than shepherds in need of love and guidance. He discusses how pastors are set up to believe they have to be self-sufficient in seminary where they are deprived of pastoral care, the very thing they need most. They go into the ministry believing they have to be everything for everyone, and yet have no earthly shepherd to guide them. He discusses the importance of seminaries hiring a pastor for the seminarians that can devote his time, energy, and love into caring for those preparing to enter the ministry, of pastors having mentors (preferably also pastors) to guide them and love them, and of the congregation seeing their pastor as an earthly man with a heavenly call.
I wish every seminary had a copy of this book, that every seminary head took his words into account, and that pastors were able to internalize the truths he expresses here in order to be better equipped for their own struggles.
July 1, 2009
This book should become a "Lutheran classic." It is disturbing to imagine how many pastors have engaged the same struggles as Peperkorn, all the while denying themselves the same grace they are called to give out to others. This book reminds all Christians that the Lord has not called them to be "supermen/women," but to make good use of the gift of faith in the midst of personal struggles and depression. Pastors especially should read this, whether they think they are depressed or not.
October 7, 2023
This is a short, heartfelt, first-person account of a pastor's personal experience with depression. It was helpful in describing what struggles a depressed person faces in trying to fulfill his day-to-day responsibilities. I learned about how exhausted a depressed person can become by doing even the smallest tasks, and how overwhelming life can become. I also learned that there are things a depressed person and his family can do to help ease the burden of depression.
December 29, 2015
It should go without saying, but Pastors need a pastor as well! This book is great for aspiring pastors, current pastors, and laymen all the same. We share our life and burdens with each other, but it's not without a cost to all of us. Thx Pr. Pepperkorn for opening up to the world and showing us again that "His strength is made perfect in our weakness" and that we may fall sometimes, but God's always there to comfort and reassure us that He's in control. Great resource!
March 5, 2017
This book is for pastors and you can extrapolate good information from it but it is focused on pastors.
September 26, 2024
An interesting perspective on depression
Do have to say this book shows a great gulf between have and have not church's. For most of us in a small parish we would not be given the latitude described in this book. Talks about how all concerned need to help the pastor, give him time and consideration. There's always been this divide, where many pastors are paid well, given all the material support and still need more. Small parishes where the pastor receives below scale, minimum pay, little material support, lives hand to mouth and would not receive the support described in this book. Suck it up buttercup, do what you are being underpaid for and don't bother us. My wife died this past December. This was afer suffering a stroke that left her incapacitated for 5 years and essentially being her sole care provider while doing 50+ hour a week ministry. One of the district officers did make himself available, and there was a dinner reception at the lightly attended funeral. I'm from New England I've been through many long, dark winters but this past one was bleak and lonely, left by myself in a place I am new at and struggling emotionally and financially. I'm in my 15th year, the word sabbatical has never been anywhere in my vicinity. I finished classes for a Doctor of Ministry but with my wife's condition and covid, have been shut out of doing my research project even though I've compiled a four page bibliography of my research to date. The LC-MS needs to develop a much more equitable system of pay and opportunity. I've been told by a number of people I am suffering from depression. Maybe so, but there are no options, no deep pockets. Keep ministering or see you by by. My financial resources are being quickly dissipated, even though attendance, revenue and activity have increased to the highest level in years. September is my anniversary month, no one has said a word. Last year after completing a successful first year I was told that even though I was below the minimum, I would not receive any increase in salary. When I vehemently protested I received a cost of living and no merit pay at all. It's a little hard to swallow this persons protest who has been well taken care off when I have gone through so much in the last six years. Needs to be some genuine effort in the LC-MS to level the playing field for all pastors for pay, benefits, opportunities and care.
Do have to say this book shows a great gulf between have and have not church's. For most of us in a small parish we would not be given the latitude described in this book. Talks about how all concerned need to help the pastor, give him time and consideration. There's always been this divide, where many pastors are paid well, given all the material support and still need more. Small parishes where the pastor receives below scale, minimum pay, little material support, lives hand to mouth and would not receive the support described in this book. Suck it up buttercup, do what you are being underpaid for and don't bother us. My wife died this past December. This was afer suffering a stroke that left her incapacitated for 5 years and essentially being her sole care provider while doing 50+ hour a week ministry. One of the district officers did make himself available, and there was a dinner reception at the lightly attended funeral. I'm from New England I've been through many long, dark winters but this past one was bleak and lonely, left by myself in a place I am new at and struggling emotionally and financially. I'm in my 15th year, the word sabbatical has never been anywhere in my vicinity. I finished classes for a Doctor of Ministry but with my wife's condition and covid, have been shut out of doing my research project even though I've compiled a four page bibliography of my research to date. The LC-MS needs to develop a much more equitable system of pay and opportunity. I've been told by a number of people I am suffering from depression. Maybe so, but there are no options, no deep pockets. Keep ministering or see you by by. My financial resources are being quickly dissipated, even though attendance, revenue and activity have increased to the highest level in years. September is my anniversary month, no one has said a word. Last year after completing a successful first year I was told that even though I was below the minimum, I would not receive any increase in salary. When I vehemently protested I received a cost of living and no merit pay at all. It's a little hard to swallow this persons protest who has been well taken care off when I have gone through so much in the last six years. Needs to be some genuine effort in the LC-MS to level the playing field for all pastors for pay, benefits, opportunities and care.
May 21, 2022
This is a book all Christians should read. This is about a Pastor, but it could be about anyone sitting in the pew next to you or anyone you may meet outside of church. Todd puts into words what I have only thought. And he does a brilliant job of describing what depression is like. Most people don't understand. I hope to use this book as a book study in our church very soon.
November 11, 2023
Useful for a pastor personally, and also for a pastor's members, on a topic that often goes without discussion or treatment.
This would definitely be useful in a pastoral counseling course, as well as in the library of every pastor.
This would definitely be useful in a pastoral counseling course, as well as in the library of every pastor.
June 15, 2025
If you are a Christian pastor, teacher, principal, etc - this is a great read about burnout/depression in the ministry. It’s profound, short, practical, and encouraging. I really needed to read this and God blessed me through Peperkorn’s words. Thanks for writing this!
November 14, 2018
Perhaps the 2 best book ever written about depression in real life.
May 24, 2020
Absolutely spot on. Thank you, Todd, for writing this.
October 13, 2013
A free copy of this book is downloadable from the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod web site: http://www.lcms.org/page.aspx?pid=726...
In many ways, this is an important work on the subject of depression. It will challenge those who believe that depression is a sin, or mistake depression for laziness, unfaithfulness to the call to ministry, or mere negative thinking. Pastor Peperkorn speaks the language of Christians, and yet describes the stages of his depression in a way that forces you to ask, what is depression?
It would be a good book for pastors to read together and discuss -- especially because the author says his life was saved by the faithful presence of a pastor. The Addendum by Dr. Harold L Senkbeil also provides a challenge to the current way that Lutheran pastors are spiritually isolated.
On the other hand, I wish that this book had more clarity regarding depression. While I recognized experiences I've known with depressed people, I felt that many people who have not understood depression would not have a clear understanding after reading this book. Of course, Pastor Peperkorn makes the case that depression differs from individual to individual, and even the degree of recovery differs, so maybe it's too much to expect that this book would be more clear on the subject. Maybe it's enough to look into one person's depression and be startled enough to no longer believe that we have all the answers. After all, it's when we humbly admit our ignorance and inability that we turn to the Lord for wisdom, strength, and guidance.
And that's where we need to turn at all times. Pastor Peperkorn clearly holds out the faithfulness of God, even in the darkest moments.
In many ways, this is an important work on the subject of depression. It will challenge those who believe that depression is a sin, or mistake depression for laziness, unfaithfulness to the call to ministry, or mere negative thinking. Pastor Peperkorn speaks the language of Christians, and yet describes the stages of his depression in a way that forces you to ask, what is depression?
It would be a good book for pastors to read together and discuss -- especially because the author says his life was saved by the faithful presence of a pastor. The Addendum by Dr. Harold L Senkbeil also provides a challenge to the current way that Lutheran pastors are spiritually isolated.
On the other hand, I wish that this book had more clarity regarding depression. While I recognized experiences I've known with depressed people, I felt that many people who have not understood depression would not have a clear understanding after reading this book. Of course, Pastor Peperkorn makes the case that depression differs from individual to individual, and even the degree of recovery differs, so maybe it's too much to expect that this book would be more clear on the subject. Maybe it's enough to look into one person's depression and be startled enough to no longer believe that we have all the answers. After all, it's when we humbly admit our ignorance and inability that we turn to the Lord for wisdom, strength, and guidance.
And that's where we need to turn at all times. Pastor Peperkorn clearly holds out the faithfulness of God, even in the darkest moments.
November 4, 2011
I was able to download the booklet for free.
I'm in the middle of a flare-up of my own anxiety and depression, so Pastor Pweperkorn's honest descriptions of his experiences and how he dealt with it is very helpful. I don't feel so alone and his advice of finding ways to rest and heal are helpful. His discussion on pastor burn-out can be applied to other professions, which is what I really need to look at. I also need to examine what my choices are and choose wisely. I agree with Pastor Peperkorn that the answer is a lot of prayer. He also is very good explaining that God is still with us when it is hard to pray or when we can't pray at all. He also lets me know that Christ gives me comfort. I like the help of Jesus's Mother, Mary and some of the other female saints, but that's going to open up a theological can of worms...
I was impressed with Pastor Peperkorn's writing ability. He did an excellent job incorporating quotes and references into his work. However, it makes the booklet read like a Master's or Doctorate Thesis paper. As he develops as a writer, perhaps he will try to rely on less quotations and use descriptions from his own experience and knowledge. Of course, he will have to balance his work, family responsibilities, and writing. The biblical references would stay in future work.
I was a little offended when he said he didn't agree with Catholic theology, because I'm Catholic - but that's my personal issue.
I'm in the middle of a flare-up of my own anxiety and depression, so Pastor Pweperkorn's honest descriptions of his experiences and how he dealt with it is very helpful. I don't feel so alone and his advice of finding ways to rest and heal are helpful. His discussion on pastor burn-out can be applied to other professions, which is what I really need to look at. I also need to examine what my choices are and choose wisely. I agree with Pastor Peperkorn that the answer is a lot of prayer. He also is very good explaining that God is still with us when it is hard to pray or when we can't pray at all. He also lets me know that Christ gives me comfort. I like the help of Jesus's Mother, Mary and some of the other female saints, but that's going to open up a theological can of worms...
I was impressed with Pastor Peperkorn's writing ability. He did an excellent job incorporating quotes and references into his work. However, it makes the booklet read like a Master's or Doctorate Thesis paper. As he develops as a writer, perhaps he will try to rely on less quotations and use descriptions from his own experience and knowledge. Of course, he will have to balance his work, family responsibilities, and writing. The biblical references would stay in future work.
I was a little offended when he said he didn't agree with Catholic theology, because I'm Catholic - but that's my personal issue.
May 30, 2013
This is an impressive book and one I found to be extremely helpful when ministering to members who were dealing with clinical depression or whose loved ones had been diagnosed. I have copies for myself and for our church library, although I have had to replace copies as I have handed this book out to those who needed it.
This book should be a standard text for reading in pastoral counseling and I hope to recommend it to the pastoral theology department at Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary for use there. Thank you, Pr. Peperkorn for sharing your experience and making fellow pastors like myself more sensitive to the many challenges that come with dealing with depression.
Here's another review of the book from The Shepherd's Study...
http://www.wlsce.net/content/review-i...
This book should be a standard text for reading in pastoral counseling and I hope to recommend it to the pastoral theology department at Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary for use there. Thank you, Pr. Peperkorn for sharing your experience and making fellow pastors like myself more sensitive to the many challenges that come with dealing with depression.
Here's another review of the book from The Shepherd's Study...
http://www.wlsce.net/content/review-i...
July 19, 2011
This book is a good one for anyone dealing with depression. He describes what depression is and that it is a medical condition. Peperkorn also tells his personal story in detail that one can feel his pain. He also gives ways a person can cope in addition to medication and therapy.
If you or a loved one dealing with depression, this is a book to read.
If you or a loved one dealing with depression, this is a book to read.
July 6, 2012
Interesting bio of clinical depression from a Pastor's point of view. This book hit my radar when a friend read it, and it seemed like something interesting to help understand some of the problems of those I know suffering from depression. It's a bit eye-opening.
March 20, 2012
A must read for anyone touched by depression.
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