What do you think?
Rate this book
I Have Something to Tell You: A Memoir
A candid and inspiring account of life with HIV from one of its least likely a straight, young woman with everything to lose— who ended up gaining more than she ever imagined.
For ten years, Regan Hofmann lived a double life. To the world, she was a woman from Princeton, who went to prep school, summered in the Hamptons, and rode Thoroughbred horses. She had her dream job, supportive family and friends, and the kind of good looks that stopped men in their tracks. From the outside, she seemed to have it all. On the inside, though, coursing through her veins and weighing heavy on her mind, was the truth. A truth considered the exclusive property of gay men, IV-drug users, and sex she was HIV-positive. Diagnosed in 1996, doctors told her she had a year to live. Regan contracted the disease from her boyfriend—a handsome, successful, “guy next door” type who she’d happily seat beside her mother at the Thanksgiving table. Petrified that people would assume she was promiscuous or into drugs, she resolved to keep her status a secret. Then, in 2006, ten years after she was delivered what, at the time, was essentially a death sentence, she became the first heterosexual female editor-in-chief of POZ magazine, the leading HIV/ AIDS magazine in the U.S., and appeared on the cover, much to the shock and amazement of all who knew her, and many who did not. Since then, she has become one of the nation’s leading AIDS activist. She has spoken on numerous television talk shows, from The Oprah Winfrey Show to Good Morning America, and in many high-profile publications, including Vogue and The New York Times. Like Lance Armstrong’s It’s Not About the Bike and Michael J. Fox’s Lucky Man, this memoir of disease takes readers from a place of ignorance and fear to one of understanding and inspiration, revealing the strength and tenacity of one woman’s will to not only survive, but also flourish in the face of the unthinkable.
For ten years, Regan Hofmann lived a double life. To the world, she was a woman from Princeton, who went to prep school, summered in the Hamptons, and rode Thoroughbred horses. She had her dream job, supportive family and friends, and the kind of good looks that stopped men in their tracks. From the outside, she seemed to have it all. On the inside, though, coursing through her veins and weighing heavy on her mind, was the truth. A truth considered the exclusive property of gay men, IV-drug users, and sex she was HIV-positive. Diagnosed in 1996, doctors told her she had a year to live. Regan contracted the disease from her boyfriend—a handsome, successful, “guy next door” type who she’d happily seat beside her mother at the Thanksgiving table. Petrified that people would assume she was promiscuous or into drugs, she resolved to keep her status a secret. Then, in 2006, ten years after she was delivered what, at the time, was essentially a death sentence, she became the first heterosexual female editor-in-chief of POZ magazine, the leading HIV/ AIDS magazine in the U.S., and appeared on the cover, much to the shock and amazement of all who knew her, and many who did not. Since then, she has become one of the nation’s leading AIDS activist. She has spoken on numerous television talk shows, from The Oprah Winfrey Show to Good Morning America, and in many high-profile publications, including Vogue and The New York Times. Like Lance Armstrong’s It’s Not About the Bike and Michael J. Fox’s Lucky Man, this memoir of disease takes readers from a place of ignorance and fear to one of understanding and inspiration, revealing the strength and tenacity of one woman’s will to not only survive, but also flourish in the face of the unthinkable.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
304 pages, Hardcover
First published September 12, 2009
4 people are currently reading
115 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
May 30, 2011
After I had read My Own Country, I wanted to read more about AIDS, specifically the personal experience. I already knew that HIV was passed through blood and mucuous membranes, and wasn't interested in sermonizing. I wanted to see what it was like for different people living with it (and to some extent, dying with it). So I ordered this book because I read about it being about a heterosexual woman. My interest was piqued.
The writing is not bad. It's not high art, but Hofmann has a certain flair that made her choice of words and imagery work. But her "voice" grated on my nerves some, and that could be a personality thing (maybe we wouldn't be bestest friends?), but I don't think that's entirely true. There was something defensive in her tone, something that smacked of shame. It's like when you ask someone if she is "fine" and she says it loudly, as if the volume of the voice can make it true. I also sensed an urgency. Hofmann is clearly a passionate woman with a cause, and I can do nothing but respect that.
I was more than a little disappointed with how daily trials and accomplishments were glossed over. When things were mentioned (select illnesses, taking pills, visiting doctors) they were just casually thrown out there like scraps. I could live with not reading a gritty tell-all, but the style of this memoir is more in the vein of celebrities and well-known political figures. Just because you write a book about yourself doesn't mean that the reader is in agreement as to how important you are. I also didn't appreciate some of the sermonizing. As as reader, I feel a bit trapped and misled when I'm reading along and there's an editorial embedded. Add to that a condescending air and some bad analogies, and it's enough to make a reader groan.
I did appreciate the upbeat message at the book's conclusion, and I was glad that I had read it. It just wasn't what I thought it would be.
I may go to poz.com one day, but I doubt I'd read another book from this author.
The writing is not bad. It's not high art, but Hofmann has a certain flair that made her choice of words and imagery work. But her "voice" grated on my nerves some, and that could be a personality thing (maybe we wouldn't be bestest friends?), but I don't think that's entirely true. There was something defensive in her tone, something that smacked of shame. It's like when you ask someone if she is "fine" and she says it loudly, as if the volume of the voice can make it true. I also sensed an urgency. Hofmann is clearly a passionate woman with a cause, and I can do nothing but respect that.
I was more than a little disappointed with how daily trials and accomplishments were glossed over. When things were mentioned (select illnesses, taking pills, visiting doctors) they were just casually thrown out there like scraps. I could live with not reading a gritty tell-all, but the style of this memoir is more in the vein of celebrities and well-known political figures. Just because you write a book about yourself doesn't mean that the reader is in agreement as to how important you are. I also didn't appreciate some of the sermonizing. As as reader, I feel a bit trapped and misled when I'm reading along and there's an editorial embedded. Add to that a condescending air and some bad analogies, and it's enough to make a reader groan.
I did appreciate the upbeat message at the book's conclusion, and I was glad that I had read it. It just wasn't what I thought it would be.
I may go to poz.com one day, but I doubt I'd read another book from this author.
December 31, 2010
Repetitive, did not elaborate much on life with HIV except for how it impacted relationships. I was diappointed, hoping to learn more about what a personal account of having it would be, (what treatments? what runs through your mind each day?) instead she focused on how other people reacted to her HIV and how it made her feel. It is a good read, but it was disappointing for what I was expecting.
December 29, 2010
I know Regan from the barn where I rode when I was younger.
She is a startling beautiful woman, and her book is straightforward and honest.
She is a startling beautiful woman, and her book is straightforward and honest.
February 26, 2021
Hofmann's diagnosis of HIV came at a unique time in HIV/AIDS history: when she was first diagnosed, she was given a year, perhaps two, to live; the anti-retrovirals that were available could slow but not halt the progression of disease. She was told that she could never have children, that she probably shouldn't have sex at all. But just as she'd wrapped her head around the likelihood of an early death, the scene changed: better treatment had come onto the market. Her death sentence had been commuted.
Hofmann is not the face people think of when they think HIV: she's a straight white woman, educated, with none of the 'seedy' risk factors (drug use, prostitution) people associate with HIV. But that's the point, of course: HIV doesn't discriminate, and although women are likely to be diagnosed later—because they are not gay men, so people assume that HIV is not the problem—they account for, at the time of this review, almost half of new infections (and in the US, black communities face wildly disproportionate numbers of new infections—and, of course, disparities in care that I'm quite certain extend to HIV/AIDS treatment).
Maybe it's pity. Maybe it's fear. All I know is that there are very few people who treat me exactly the same as they did before they knew I was HIV-positive. Many of them are kinder. Some of them are more attentive. Some are more curious about me as a woman. And some have gone away. Some have needed to. (285)
Much of the book is about shame, and keeping this a secret, and gradually working her way out of the HIV closet to tell people beyond her immediate family—it took a decade for Hofmann to be public about her status, though once she did, it transformed the way she was able to look at HIV. Not all that much is actually about having HIV, and I'm not sure how much of that is intentional. Hofmann talks very little about symptoms or side effects (only mentioning offhand, for example, that her medications sometimes take away her appetite), focussing instead on the difficulty of finding romantic partners in a world conditioned to recoil from the mention of HIV. (There is the occasional infuriating mention of mistreatment from medical professionals because of her HIV.)
I'd have preferred a different balance, I think. By about two-thirds of the way through the book, the content had become primarily activism work and attempts at romance, and (although the former is certainly important!) it felt as though the meat of the book should be done and it was time to wrap it up, but there was another hundred pages to go. I am interested in this: Hofmann mentions, more than once, talking to somebody a bit younger than her and being utterly shocked that they knew so little about HIV, that they'd never known anyone who had died of AIDS. She attributes that purely to age (that people younger than she had come of age in a time when HIV/AIDS was no longer a death sentence), but I am not so sure. Would Hofmann, after all, know a fraction of what she does about HIV/AIDS were it not so personal to her? She'd be living a different life, with different social and professional circles and would likely have very little connection with most or all of the people she now knows who are living with HIV. How much our experience shapes our understanding of the world, no?
Hofmann is not the face people think of when they think HIV: she's a straight white woman, educated, with none of the 'seedy' risk factors (drug use, prostitution) people associate with HIV. But that's the point, of course: HIV doesn't discriminate, and although women are likely to be diagnosed later—because they are not gay men, so people assume that HIV is not the problem—they account for, at the time of this review, almost half of new infections (and in the US, black communities face wildly disproportionate numbers of new infections—and, of course, disparities in care that I'm quite certain extend to HIV/AIDS treatment).
Maybe it's pity. Maybe it's fear. All I know is that there are very few people who treat me exactly the same as they did before they knew I was HIV-positive. Many of them are kinder. Some of them are more attentive. Some are more curious about me as a woman. And some have gone away. Some have needed to. (285)
Much of the book is about shame, and keeping this a secret, and gradually working her way out of the HIV closet to tell people beyond her immediate family—it took a decade for Hofmann to be public about her status, though once she did, it transformed the way she was able to look at HIV. Not all that much is actually about having HIV, and I'm not sure how much of that is intentional. Hofmann talks very little about symptoms or side effects (only mentioning offhand, for example, that her medications sometimes take away her appetite), focussing instead on the difficulty of finding romantic partners in a world conditioned to recoil from the mention of HIV. (There is the occasional infuriating mention of mistreatment from medical professionals because of her HIV.)
I'd have preferred a different balance, I think. By about two-thirds of the way through the book, the content had become primarily activism work and attempts at romance, and (although the former is certainly important!) it felt as though the meat of the book should be done and it was time to wrap it up, but there was another hundred pages to go. I am interested in this: Hofmann mentions, more than once, talking to somebody a bit younger than her and being utterly shocked that they knew so little about HIV, that they'd never known anyone who had died of AIDS. She attributes that purely to age (that people younger than she had come of age in a time when HIV/AIDS was no longer a death sentence), but I am not so sure. Would Hofmann, after all, know a fraction of what she does about HIV/AIDS were it not so personal to her? She'd be living a different life, with different social and professional circles and would likely have very little connection with most or all of the people she now knows who are living with HIV. How much our experience shapes our understanding of the world, no?
March 29, 2018
3.5 stars // I was familiar with Regan Hofmann’s story from her work with POZ magazine. As an employee of an AIDS service organization, I read each issue of POZ, and appreciated her unique voice in the community. When I learned she was publishing her memoir, I hoped it would find an audience and do well.
Published in 2009, Regan’s memoir recounts her experiences from 1996 through spring 2009. Using a conversational, friendly tone, her story is accessible and informal. Through her words, she lessens the fear and stigma often associated with HIV (and people living with HIV). Rather than focus on the finer details of treating a chronic, potentially fatal condition, she focuses on life itself: How do you disclose your HIV status? Who do you tell? How do you date? How do you combat ignorance? How do you accept the virus inside? How do you accept yourself?
Along the way, Regan becomes a vocal activist in the larger HIV community. Because she is not the typical face of HIV, she is able to educate and reach audiences where others may not. She includes emotional stories from work-related travel to Vietnam, Taiwan, and Africa, all of which help her to better see the bigger picture. Since Americans often lose sight of the global perspective, I appreciated their inclusion.
Published in 2009, Regan’s memoir recounts her experiences from 1996 through spring 2009. Using a conversational, friendly tone, her story is accessible and informal. Through her words, she lessens the fear and stigma often associated with HIV (and people living with HIV). Rather than focus on the finer details of treating a chronic, potentially fatal condition, she focuses on life itself: How do you disclose your HIV status? Who do you tell? How do you date? How do you combat ignorance? How do you accept the virus inside? How do you accept yourself?
Along the way, Regan becomes a vocal activist in the larger HIV community. Because she is not the typical face of HIV, she is able to educate and reach audiences where others may not. She includes emotional stories from work-related travel to Vietnam, Taiwan, and Africa, all of which help her to better see the bigger picture. Since Americans often lose sight of the global perspective, I appreciated their inclusion.
July 9, 2018
I met Regan during our junior year abroad together, though we were not close. I'm proud of the advocate she turned out to be, and glad to have read this memoir.
February 20, 2020
I like the author. She definitely is an activist. The book was written with a lot of description. There’s a mix of statistics and facts and her personal life.
December 14, 2020
Wonderful POV that challenges how we think about people dealing with chronic illness around us. I highly recommend this book!
February 28, 2022
Descriptive book about her struggle with telling others about her HIV diagnosis.
March 22, 2010
This book was one that, once started, I wished would hurry up and be done with. A memoir of living a secret live HIV positive, coming out, and taking her cause on the road, this book wasn't very well written, at times completely yawn-worthy, and just plain boring. I'm very happy for the author and her cause, her achievements and successes. But writing this book just wasn't one of them.
October 23, 2010
I absolutely loved this book. I could not put it down. It is not a book that I would normally pick up off the bookshelf (I must confess the only reason why I did was because it had a horse on it) but I'm so happy that I decided to read this. I literally could not put it down. Regan writes in a way that is so personal, that I felt as if I had known her for years. I recommend this to everyone!
June 10, 2010
Totally interesting story, how one well-off woman deals and perseveres after getting an HIV positive diagnosis, back when that meant she had one or two years to live. It dragged a bit in parts, but worth reading.
September 26, 2009
EXCELLENT. Quite an education from an incredible woman
October 19, 2009
An engaging memoir that's educational and eye-opening at the same time.
http://vivmag.com/vivsays/the-truth-a...
http://vivmag.com/vivsays/the-truth-a...
December 28, 2009
It was a good memoir, except I got tired of hearing time and again how she was worried whether she'd ever have a love life or not.
June 12, 2011
I liked this book. The beginning of the book sucked you right in. But torwards the end it dragged a bit. I wish she had told her more about daily life being HIV+ and less about her love life.
September 22, 2011
Thos book was great and really hit close to home.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews