Pacify Me: A Handbook for the Freaked-Out New Dad

by Chris Mancini

You're having a baby. That's it. Game over, man.
Life as you know it is done.

Go ahead, freak out. Comic Chris Mancini was terrified of his impending fatherhood. But soon after throwing up upon seeing the little blue line, he realized that most expectant dads sometimes feel nervous, depressed, or powerless -- like a new baby is guy-kryptonite. Chris has been there and survived it. He'll talk you off the ledge.

Naturally, you have plenty of How many diapers will I really have to change? Will I ever have sex again? When should I mention that new 50-inch LCD television I want? Is it okay to play Grand Theft Auto while I hold my kid? Aren't there robots that can do most of this stuff by now? From fearing the ovulation kit, to leaving your child with a complete stranger when you go back to work, to the best and worst parts of being a parent, to wondering if Dr. Spock really is like Mr. Spock, Pacify Me is full of honest, hilarious, and insightful advice for new dads. Like, if you screw up a little the first time you're alone with the baby, it's not as if she's going to tattle. And babies love the mall.

The truth is, the anxiety leading up to your child's birth is way worse than the anxiety of actually having a child. Soon you'll discover that the joy of experiencing life through innocent new eyes more than makes up for having to send your inner teenager to bed before midnight, unless there's something cool on Adult Swim.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Humor

226 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 12, 2009

About the author

Chris Mancini is a comic, author, filmmaker, and parent. He is also very tired. Chris has written and directed many films, shows, and people who were lost looking for the mall. The Sci Fi Channel awarded Chris the "Future of Film" award along with a grant to make more. The Sci Fi Channel also aired his award winning short film SKINS, which The Museum of Television and Radio in New York archived as an "Important Short Film." He has screened and spoken at various prestigious festivals including Slamdance, HBO'S US Comedy Arts festival, and at Comic-Con in San Diego.

His first DVD compilation Myopic Visions is available now nationwide. The DVD includes all of his short films along with his interviews with the SCI FI Channel and many extras.

His eclectic film style has been influenced by his favorite artists, including Monty Python, Tim Burton, Igmar Bergman, Terry Gilliam, and Billy Wilder.

Now also an author, his book Pacify Me: A Handbook for the Freaked Out New Dad is out now from Simon and Schuster. It tells of the harrowing tale of a guy overcoming his fear of actually procreating and offers helpful advice for freaked out new dads everywhere.

As a comic, Chris has played all over the country, from a beautiful Marriott in Hawaii to a beautiful Roadhouse in Ohio. He is also a regular on LA's alternative comedy circuit and has performed at: Melrose and Las Vegas Improv, Comedy Store, Ice House, Laugh Factory, Catch a Rising Star, and some of the better Funny Bones.

You can often find him trolling around the internet at his blog DaddyNeedsSomeAloneTime.blogspot.com or at comedyfilmnerdsdotcom.com. Chris lives in a hovering heli-carrier somewhere over Los Angeles with his wife Audrey, his daughter Isabella, his son Griffin, and their unusually white cat, Avatar.

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Reviews

[Jackg102 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the book very much; I finished it in one day after I checked it out from my local library. I thought the author had some keen insights into the whole pregnancy process. I am grateful that Chris wrote this book and found it a source of comfort from his words and his journey as I begin my own.

[Ryan Ackerman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for the scared father

100% worth the read… would recommend to any soon to be father who is anxious. Great book with tons of humor.

[Grant · Rating 2 out of 5]

After a recommendation from my friend and our doula Andrea, I thought I'd check out this book for new dads. Sorry, Andrea, but I'm not a fan. I gave up at about page 110.

I found the jokes tepid and unoriginal, the content not all that helpful, and the stereotypes hard to relate to. If you're an insecure, selfish dick who's unprepared for fatherhood, maybe this book will help you in some way. But if you're actually looking forward to being a father, skip it and check out some of Armin Brott's books The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be, Second Edition and The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year.

[Kristen Northrup · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was more sensible than I was expecting, if still not especially useful. The pregnancy-related section in the beginning is uselessly juvenile, especially when he repeatedly describes his wife as repulsive and insists all men actually feel that way about pregnant women. Then again, he does stand-up for a living so I guess it's to be expected. He does clean it up and even gets remarkably conservative when discussing actual child-rearing. It was especially nice to see what I consider a healthy balance between giving a child attention/affection and giving them boundaries, and a realism about what infants can process and control and what they truly can't. The real downside is that he whips through it all in so few pages. There's probably not enough depth to really take anything away from reading it. Good length for the stereotypical father-to-be who is reluctant to learn anything and has no attention span, but I don't think they actually exist.

[Seth Isenberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book after seeing an interview with Mancini on the Geekscape podcast. As an expectant geek dad, I glanced at one of my wife's books, and read through another book aimed at fathers. Neither one really did it for me. Pacify Me is eons past anything else I've seen. Mancini has some hilarious stories, interesting points, and good, level-headed advice. Mancini is the first to admit that he is far from the expert, but he makes the reader feel as if the reader is along for the journey with the author. All of his insights are conveyed in a voice that speaks to geeks with a healthy sense of humor. I found myself laughing out loud at lots of points, something I almost never do when reading.

If you have a well-developed sense of humor and are geeky enough to get broad Star Wars & Star Trek references, you'll love this book.

[Willie Krischke · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. Another book about becoming a Dad that assumes that men are masturbating pigs. Mancini is extremely crude and appears to be writing for that dude on "Knocked Up." I am not that dude. Maybe you are.

As for me, I'm sick of picking up books geared towards dads that can't take the subject seriously. I've had to resort to reading books for moms in order to learn anything valuable and answer the questions I've got about parenthood.

This book is not the answer.

[Rob · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a pleasantly enteratining book. Although I'm not feeling particularly freaked out I enjoyed this book very much both for the level of humor and the lessons. Mancini wasn't overly preachy (and would call himself out at times when he did so) but shared the anecdotes of having his first child coupled with his candid thoughts and reactions. I found the advice helpful and look forward to applying that wisdom in the next few months!

[Kristian · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the baby book for new dads who do not know where to start or what to expect. This book is like a huddle of new dads during a summer bbq drinking beers and sharing horro...baby stories. You will still need to grab a better field manual on how to operate your new family unit aka "baby", but this is a quick read that will give you an idea of what to expect. I suggest you still go buy the 600+ page book "What to Expect when your expecting" which is a more thorough guide to babies.

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some people will be too prudish for parts of this book, and some will say that it's insulting to some men. I really did get something out of reading it, but it wasn't as entertaining to me as the author intended it to be. There are some really solid nuggets of advice here, and I think the author should have enlisted a couple of co-authors with other experiences.

[Alex Aloise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took me waaay too long to read this, but I guess moving will do that to ya.
It started off a little shaky, too much hacky stand-up material. After a few chapters though it found its footing and actually ended up being respectably funny and helpful.

[Matt Piechocinski · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's not a lot of books out for anxiety ridden expectant fathers ... this one is the best (of all the pregnancy books I read). Self depricating, informative, and definitely slanted to alleviate guys stress.

[Bryce · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun read. Vulgar at points, but we got a good laugh from the majority of the book.

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a quick read
Some of the stuff rang very true
Overall not bad.

[Jim · Rating 2 out of 5]

"What to Expect When Your Wife Is Expecting and You're a Raging Jerk of a Man-Child"

On the bright side, it only took an hour to finish!

[Kyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book was entertaining and had a few decent pointers along the way. It's worth reading.